At what point do you start to worry

I know we aren't to that point quite yet. But, my mom and I were talking about it the other day and I said that everyone just says not to worry about it - all kids pt at different times (I'll admit I was near tears as I was talking because I am so frustrated by this whole thing). She asked me at what point we are suppose to worry. When does it become a developmental delay? Because, one of the things that could get DS in preschool free is that he isn't potty trained and he is 3.5.

So, when do you start to worry? I would like to talk to the pedi about it, but don't want to spend $25 to have him tell me "He'll do it when he's ready" and our next regular check up isn't until September.

 

Jessy still refuses to poop in the potty. We just keep offering

 

I understand your frustration. My 2 don't want anything to do with it. Last week they asked to wear big girl panties and we did, they both peed in the potty for the first time and that was it. They started asking for diapers again <_< I would honestly just wait and give it more time. Just keep offering it to them.

 

I think 4 is the last cut off from what I understand from the child psychologists that I work with. I would talk to my pedi if you are still concerned. Some behavior mod therapy might work for him. :hug: :hug:

 

Well, Stacy, I don't have any answers for you, but can let you know I'm in the same boat. My son is 3 years 4 months and flat out refuses to use the potty. We don't make an issue of it, but have the same worries, questions, and frustrations I'm sure you have.

I have scheduled an appointment to talk about that and a few other things with his pedi. It's not until mid-June though, but if I learn anything helpful I will post. Like you, I have a feeling my pedi will just tell me to continue to relax and it'll happen. Hopefully that's what he says about the other things I'll be bringing up! ^_^

:hug: While I'm not glad you are going through similar frustrations, I am glad to know we're not the only ones!

 

I know that one of the other girls on here (Korie99) her son didn't train until 3 yrs 9 mos - and she had to do a potty bootcamp with him...I foresee this road with my DS - I tried to put training pants on him today (the thicker cloth ones) and he told me he wanted a diaper....

 

I wish I had some helpful advice, I think I am going to be in the same position as you, my son outright refuses to be pt'ed. <_< I just did a milestone search today for three year olds and it said that it is normal for boys to not be Potty trained until closer to 4. ardon:

 

My friend's twin boys didn't completely train until close to four. They are otherwise developmentally fine, they just had better things to do. I'm not sure what got them over the hump, but they eventually did it. I know it's hard, but try not to worry! Does he go potty at all? I finally got through to Ainsley with a reward chart.

 

Neither one of mine are trained---much to my dismay.

One has developmental delays & mild CP--so neurologist said nto to worry, it will come, but late.

The other has severe constipation issues--plus she sees her sister doesnt do , so why shoudl she!?!

ARGH!

KC

 

I had one son refuse to train up until about 3 days before he trained completely day and night and very easily this time. This was just after his 3rd birthday. It will change and can change quickly.

Cindy

 

My boys are 3 years 11 months and one refuses to potty train. Won't even wear pull-ups. So we told him when he turns 4, we will not buy anymore diapers. He will either wear underwear or pull-ups. He wants to wear underwear!!!! I do have to say that one day (all on his own) I came in the room to find him naked and trying to pee on the potty. He didn't have to go at the time, but he tried for 45 minutes and it was progress. Then he said he didn't want to try again until he is 4 .

He is in OT for a few minimal sensory issues, but we have figured out that his behavioral issues are related to his need to control things and his age. The OT doesn't think it's a developmental thing at all. His twin is still in pull-ups, but does well going to the potty (both kinds) by himself now and keeping the pull-ups dry. Sometimes he wants to wear his big boy underwear too.

I'm not stressing until August when him not being potty trained will keep him out of preschool.

Mendy

 

My DS isn't interested in potty training at all. In fact, when I attempt to put him in underpants or suggest using the potty he completely panics and screams and kicks. He truly seems frightened by it. DD has been trained for months now, but not night trained yet.

I am not going to push DS just yet, because of the honest fear he has. However, I want him in preschool in the fall (he will be 4 at the end of September) and he will have to be trained by then. I will pick a week in the summer I think and work simply on potty training him.

 

QUOTE(Sarah© @ May 17 2009, 09:39 PM) [snapback]1317477[/snapback]
I think 4 is the last cut off from what I understand from the child psychologists that I work with. I would talk to my pedi if you are still concerned. Some behavior mod therapy might work for him. :hug: :hug:


Thank you! This is the info I have been searching for and unable to find. Obviously, at some point you have to start worrying, but I have been unable to find out when. They are 3 years 7 months right now. I guess I can hold out until they 4 year check up to talk to the pedi.

QUOTE(Snittens @ May 17 2009, 11:25 PM) [snapback]1317601[/snapback]
My friend's twin boys didn't completely train until close to four. They are otherwise developmentally fine, they just had better things to do. I'm not sure what got them over the hump, but they eventually did it. I know it's hard, but try not to worry! Does he go potty at all? I finally got through to Ainsley with a reward chart.


No, he refuses to go potty. I have gotten him to sit on the potty a handful of times, but he has never gone. He sat on the potty for almost an hour the other day (the last time I took away the diapers) and he never went. But, even getting him to try is almost impossible. Most of the time he throws a fit.

I have tried rewards. We PTed Anna the week after they turned 3 (tried to train them both, but Anna was the only it worked with) by having the "Diaper Fairy" come and take their diapers away and leave a treasure chest for each of them. They got an M&M every time they sat on the potty for 3 minutes and a prize from the treasure chest each time they went on the potty. Anna's treasure chest was empty by the end of the week and she has gone on the potty ever since. But, we still have Ian's sitting in our closet (we get it out every once in a while to tempt him) completely full.

I've taken the diapers away every few months and put him in underwear. He just pees in them. I really have tried everything I have every heard/read about several times. Nothing has worked.

He is not developmentally delayed in any other way - if anything he is advanced in many areas. I don't know why we are having trouble in this one area. I just get so frustrated hearing, "Just wait" all the time when he is showing no progress and he is getting so old. I had to start buying the largest diapers they make and I almost panicked wondering what I would do if he outgrew those!

 

I am sure you have already gotten some great words of wisdom -- did not read them all -- but our Ped said bring'em in at 3.5 if no PT progress and they can run some tests to ensure there are no physical problems.

 

Yep, Amy's right, Alex trained pretty late. He was actually 3 yrs 7 months when we finally just took the diapers away. He was terrified of having an accident, so he would NOT go in his underwear. Which sounds great, except that he just held it for hours and begged and pleaded for a diaper! We spent alot of time outside and he spent ALOT of time crying for a diaper. I would even go so far as to say he was actually ADDICTED to his diapers. After 4 days of this ( I truly thought I'd lose my mind!) it just clicked. He finally realized that peeing on the potty was not the most horrific thing that could happen to him. He was day AND night trained immediately and hasn't had a single accident since. I feel awful when I tell this story b/c I know it sounds terrible, but we really had no choice with preschool starting in September. And I promise he's not scarred for life.

 

Stacy, some kids need a push. It might be time to push! I haven't read when it's developmentally a delay, but for me - I had to have them trained to get into preschool and so I did. They weren't showing any signs of readiness, but they were 3 and that was good enough for me!

Call and talk to a nurse. Don't go in. They don't need to SEE them to see anything! Just call and talk! :hug:

 

Try not to worry, although I know its hard. . .My DS didn't PT until about 3 months before his 4th birthday. . .Up until then, he COMPLETELY REFUSED to PT!!! I tried EVERYTHING. . .and I really do mean EVERYTHING!!

I kept encouraging him to go on the potty, and then one day out of the blue he decided he wanted big boy underwear and he started going on the potty all by himself! He is Mr. Independant and doesn't even want too much of my help. . .He wants to be left alone. . .

Hopefully the light bulb will switch on one day. . . Good LUCK!!

 

QUOTE(korie99 @ May 18 2009, 06:45 PM) [snapback]1318354[/snapback]
Yep, Amy's right, Alex trained pretty late. He was actually 3 yrs 7 months when we finally just took the diapers away. He was terrified of having an accident, so he would NOT go in his underwear. Which sounds great, except that he just held it for hours and begged and pleaded for a diaper! We spent alot of time outside and he spent ALOT of time crying for a diaper. I would even go so far as to say he was actually ADDICTED to his diapers. After 4 days of this ( I truly thought I'd lose my mind!) it just clicked. He finally realized that peeing on the potty was not the most horrific thing that could happen to him. He was day AND night trained immediately and hasn't had a single accident since. I feel awful when I tell this story b/c I know it sounds terrible, but we really had no choice with preschool starting in September. And I promise he's not scarred for life.


Ah, so encouraging! You are describing my non-trained DD exactly and I have a 4 day bootcamp weekend planned for her this weekend. I hope it works.

 

I did the same as Korie99 with Kayci. She was almost three and half. We did potty boot camp over Thanksgiving weekend since we had nowhere to go and nothing to do. The first 36 hrs were a disaster! I spent most of that time sopping up puddles and doing laundry. We made a big deal (in a pos not neg way!) when she started peeing in the middle of the floor that peepee goes in the potty so lets run over there. That lasted all through Thanksgiving day. Then Friday morning she just "got it". We still dealt with many more accidents from her than any of my others but by the time Monday rolled around she was pretty reliable to get to the potty if she needed to go. And now just over 6mos later she very rarely has an accident (she'll go weeks with out and then just not quite get there in time once or twice). Unless there's a true developmental or physical problem, some kids just need a push. I just told her she was too old for diapers and it was panties from then on, wet ones or not! But it's kind of like CIO, you have to stick with it or it will backfire. Good luck!

 

QUOTE(ktfan @ May 19 2009, 09:24 AM) [snapback]1319429[/snapback]
I did the same as Korie99 with Kayci. She was almost three and half. We did potty boot camp over Thanksgiving weekend since we had nowhere to go and nothing to do. The first 36 hrs were a disaster! I spent most of that time sopping up puddles and doing laundry. We made a big deal (in a pos not neg way!) when she started peeing in the middle of the floor that peepee goes in the potty so lets run over there. That lasted all through Thanksgiving day. Then Friday morning she just "got it". We still dealt with many more accidents from her than any of my others but by the time Monday rolled around she was pretty reliable to get to the potty if she needed to go. And now just over 6mos later she very rarely has an accident (she'll go weeks with out and then just not quite get there in time once or twice). Unless there's a true developmental or physical problem, some kids just need a push. I just told her she was too old for diapers and it was panties from then on, wet ones or not! But it's kind of like CIO, you have to stick with it or it will backfire. Good luck!

The problem is, I've been there, done that. We've tried just taking the diapers away several times. After about a week with him never going on the potty and me having to clean up every single time, I just give up. If he had showed some progress, like going on the potty just once, I would have stuck with it. But, he NEVER went on the potty.

I called the nurse yesterday just to find out if I would be wasting my money to bring him in and be told, "just wait, it'll come." She was so nice! She went over every idea I have ever heard and laughed and commiserated with me every time I said, "yep, tried that!" She asked lots of questions and said that it didn't sound like a physical or developemental problem, but rather an issue of control.

She then got out a book that talked about when potty training becomes a control thing for the child. The book recommend going about two weeks without ever mentioning the potty. Then, you have a talk with the child and tell them that they are in control of their peepee and poopy. Tell them the peepee and poopy want to go in the potty and it is up to them to make it go in there. Tell them it is their responsibility to make sure the peepee and poopy go where they want to go. Give them a choice between using the big potty and a potty chair.

Then, you put them in underwear and never say anything about again. If they have an accident, they have to clean it up (you may need to help a little, but should try to avoid it) because this is now completely their responsibility. The idea is that, since this is a control issue, by giving them the control and never reminding them or saying anything about, their attempt at control switches from refusing to go on the potty to being responsible for going.

The whole idea is a little overwhelming to me. That is a lot of responsibility and pressure on my baby boy! But, I do believe that this is about control for him, so I am willing to give it a try. We aren't saying anything about the potty for two whole weeks, then take the diapers away (again). But, this time I won't constantly remind him or tell him to sit on the potty. It will be up to him.

I kind of feel like I am forcing him to potty train himself, but by this age he understand what needs to be done. He also knows when he needs to go. So, I just need to make it his responsibility and let him do what he is perfectly capable of doing. Anna does it all the time. She knows when she has to go, lets me know, and goes into the potty herself. She rarely needs any help. So, I know Ian can do it, too. Keep us in your prayers! This is scary!

 

QUOTE
She then got out a book that talked about when potty training becomes a control thing for the child. The book recommend going about two weeks without ever mentioning the potty. Then, you have a talk with the child and tell them that they are in control of their peepee and poopy. Tell them the peepee and poopy want to go in the potty and it is up to them to make it go in there. Tell them it is their responsibility to make sure the peepee and poopy go where they want to go. Give them a choice between using the big potty and a potty chair.

Then, you put them in underwear and never say anything about again. If they have an accident, they have to clean it up (you may need to help a little, but should try to avoid it) because this is now completely their responsibility. The idea is that, since this is a control issue, by giving them the control and never reminding them or saying anything about, their attempt at control switches from refusing to go on the potty to being responsible for going.


Stacy, I read a similar book. It said that they are old enough to help clean it up and they should be held responsible.

I have to tell you that you will have to remind him. It's inevitable. Mine have been trained for a year and I still have to ask them sometimes (when they get really wiggly) if they have to go. They always do!!!

I had them "look at my nose" (that's how I know they are listening) then I told them ONLY THEY KNOW when they have to potty. I can't do it for them and I don't know (a little white lie) when they have to go. I EXPECT YOU (were the words) to put your potty in the toilet or on the potty seat every time. That's where it goes and I know you can do it! I believe in you! (That type thing....)

Set up a rewards system. It can be very helpful!

 

QUOTE(dfaut @ May 19 2009, 10:01 AM) [snapback]1319497[/snapback]
Stacy, I read a similar book. It said that they are old enough to help clean it up and they should be held responsible.

I have to tell you that you will have to remind him. It's inevitable. Mine have been trained for a year and I still have to ask them sometimes (when they get really wiggly) if they have to go. They always do!!!

I had them "look at my nose" (that's how I know they are listening) then I told them ONLY THEY KNOW when they have to potty. I can't do it for them and I don't know (a little white lie) when they have to go. I EXPECT YOU (were the words) to put your potty in the toilet or on the potty seat every time. That's where it goes and I know you can do it! I believe in you! (That type thing....)

Set up a rewards system. It can be very helpful!

Actually I never have to remind Anna and she never has accidents. So, it is possible. We'll see how it works for Ian.

Rewards were part of it, too. I just forgot to mention. But, you only give them a star on their chart if they are accident-free all day and give them a small reward each day and a big reward when they haven't had a accident for week.

 

Stacy, the control issue was a big deal for one of mine (Ben). He was fine for peeing on the potty, but he would NOT poop in the potty. He can be very passive-aggressive and hates to be forced to do anything. We finally just started taking his undies off around the time we knew he'd need to go. He could get on and off the potty as many times as he wanted and decided when HE needed to go. We even made a game of how he'd have to run up and down the hallway until he felt like he needed to go. Once he realized it was HIS job to know when he needed to go and we weren't going to force him, it changed everything for him. It was his idea, and he was so proud to be in charge of that.

Good luck, I know this is beyond difficult.

 

Stacy,

Thank you for posting your conversation with the nurse. I want to share what you learned with my husband and give it a try with our son. It sounds very reasonable and doable. It's all about control with my son as well. The two week with no mention of the potty works perfectly for us as I'll be done teaching and starting my summer break.

I'm actually a bit excited about this! It really sounds like it will work because it gives the power to the child. And for my son, that's what it's all about!

I can't wait until the power struggles are over bigger things than using the potty! (100% sarcasm!)