At the end of my rope

Sitting here listening to tessa cry as if she is being tortured - when all she needs is sleep and all she wants is to play w/me......

I am philosophically against CIO but getting closer - although i really don't think i have it in me to listen to them cry up to an hour as HSHHC says...how do you DO that???

Has anyone done HSHHC at five months? My girls are six and a half months but only five adjusted; we have an early bedtime which seems to work; they sleep (in increments) for about 12 hours - although i am SO ready to drop just ONE night feeding!!); but - the nap thing is a nightmare.

When they do nap they do it consecutively so i have NO time to get anything done (pee, say, or breathe, or make a doctor's apptment); they get overtired and if i just put them down they scream. I can't transition them both simultaneously - how do you do it???

I REFUSE to be a slave to the stroller or car for naps, but - i am really at my wits' end here. Any help would be appreciated. I should just go take a shower but i can't bear to leave her here crying, even though it's clear that all she wants is to play. Poor baby is so tired......

 

I wish I had advise for you... all I have is hugs.

 

I have had to let DD cry herself "into" her naps. She HATES napping and starts screaming at the bottom of the stairs as she knows we are about to head up. I have tried putting her down at all different sleep windows but, to no avail, she cries regardless. She is 4 mos. and 1 week old. My ped said letting her cry at this point is absolutely fine.
She really just hates to sleep and no matter how much I kill myself trying to catch her "majic window" she will always have to cry before she will fall asleep. This started after she outgrew her miracle blanket and spit her paci out more than she kept it in. Since she decided that she was done with these "tools" that helped her fall asleep we have been letting her cry for naps. It generally takes about 5-15minutes, depending on the day. It was really hard for the first week but I am getting more used to it now. There is nothing wrong with her, she needs sleep and there is nothing else that I can do for her. No amount of rocking, holding, etc. calms my DD down when she knows that she is inevitably going to have to go to sleep. My feeling is that I can love her, feed her, change her, play with her, put her in an environment that promotes sleep at the time at which she is tired, attempt to soothe her, etc...but, ultimately, the rest is up to her and she really does need to learn how to teach herself how to sleep. Luckily, we have not really had to go longer than 15min. She does scream though. I sort of have been Ferberizing where I will go in after 7min. and then after 10min. and pat her for a moment. Generally she just needs a flip over back onto her belly. Our ped; however, said not to even offer her the flip back over but I know she only sleeps well on her belly so I am totally willing to help in that area.

I hope that helps, I know everyone has a different opinion on this topic and you have to do what works for you. Personally, I like having a plan of attack and now I do not have as much anxiety about putting her down for naps as I used to. I guess if I cannot help them there are sometimes when I just need to help myself!

Amy

 

Hey - I"m in the same boat down here. We are doing HSHHC, just started last week. Our girls' are just over 4 1/2 months adjusted. I"m about to give up on the naps, though, for the time being. Nights are going well, but nap time they scream bloody murder like someone is poking them with hot pokers.

I just gave up at noon - got them out of the cribs, soothed them, tandem nursed, they fell asleep, and I moved them into the swings. I know HSHHC says "no naps in swings", but isn't some sleep better than none?

I don't know what to do either, so I guess I"m not much help, but just let you know you're not alone!

Erica.

 

When my girls were that age I let them nap in their bouncy seats or swings. (They slept fine in their beds at night). I know that seems like a bad habit, but they went to sleep much easier & slept much longer. I felt like them getting good sleep was more important than where that sleep happened. I transitioned them over to naps in their crib when they were older, & it was a surprisingly easy transition at that point - one day of crying through nap time & ever after they slept beautifully in their cribs.

 

I did CIO around 5 mo. Luckily, DD "got it" really quickly, and now she is incredibly easy to put down. She only cries if something's actually wrong (hungry etc). DS was a bear, and still is. He really fights sleep. Usually now he'll fuss for a couple minutes before conking out, but there are still occasionally times when all his needs are met, he's tired, but will fuss/cry for half an hour before falling asleep.

I hate listening to the crying, but I am convinced that I'm doing the right thing. He's old enough to self-soothe, and the cries are just protest cries - "Hey, I'm bored, I'd much rather come out and play!" I try to think of it as just a precursor to "But I want COOKIES, not spinach!"

You don't have to let them cry for an hour, btw. I don't think I could stomach that either. With DS, we transitioned into it gradually. For a while, he'd get multiple pickups; then he'd get just one, and that was it; then he'd get one only if he'd been crying really hard for a really long time (longer than 20 min, say); then no pickups at all; then just repositioning if he got in funny positions; then no repositioning (we have a hilarious picture of him asleep sucking the crib bar with his arms sticking out). We still occasionally give up on naps altogether, if his crying is really, really persistent. I don't think we've ever let him cry for an hour. And he wakes up grinning, so he doesn't hate us.

Anyway... CIO sucks, but the alternative (kids who can't fall asleep on their own) sucks even more. You can do it! And before long you will be able to snuggle those wonderful babies, put them down, walk away - and have them fall asleep. At the same time.

 

So, here's how we're doing it--but of course you ultimately have to do what works for you, and tweak things as you see fit. I'll start with nights. After our last feeding, we do a quick bath, jammies, pacifiers and right into bed. Both of mine have a special stuffed animal that I hand to them in their crib (they are not going to choke on them and I feel totally comfortable with them) they seriously latch on to their lovey and close their eyes and fall right asleep. The first few nights they maybe whimpered or cried for 5-10 minutes. I decided to cut out the 2am feeding so after their 11pm nursing session I don't go in there again until they wake up at 4. They still wake up almost everynight at 2am, but I don't feed them. For the first week or so I would go in and give them the paci or just hand them their lovey...but that was it. Now I don't even do that. They just go right back to sleep. So I feel like our nights are really good now. I can handle getting up once to feed them, and I probably won't attempt to cut out that feeding for several more months. Now naps were a whole different ball game. My dd would HOWL for an hour straight. I did that for 2 days and decided I could not handle it. I was so agitated and flustered and our whole day seemed so awful. So instead I stuck to the 90 minutes waking guideline and would put her down at the first drowsy sign. She would fall asleep no problem, but would wake up 10-20 minutes later. I would go in and get her and just resume with our day. In 90 minutes I did it again. So we had 6 or 7 naps a day for a little while. But within a week the naps were much longer and we had cut down to 4 naps. Now we're at 3 naps, and she sleeps for at least an hour per nap. For those 2 weeks the babies were a little bit off schedule--sometimes napping consecutively, or with a tiny overlap---so I didn't get anything done either. But now they are perfectly in sync, and I've got some nice windows of time to do crazy things like shower and make lunch. My ds, bless his heart, never struggled with the sleeping. He's easy peasy. So, in summary.... just try the 90 minute waking rule and keep putting her down and give yourself a few weeks to see some major results. I hope that was a little helpful. Here's to happy napping in your future!

Reyna

 

We did CIO for naps, and like you I was opposed to letting the girls cry for an hour, so I chose to only let them go 20 minutes tops. There were a few naps that never happened but I felt like I was doing the right thing and that's what mattered to me. I was lucky in that the girls took to CIO really easily and when they occasionally cry when they go down I will go in after 5-10 minutes and give them a pat and a paci, but that doesn't happen very often. If you chose to CIO you set the rules, I wouldn't worry about what a book says, just do what you feel comfortable with.

 

We started CIO for naps at 6 months (real age, they are 35 weekers). Because we had been so consistent with bedtimes previously, they went down at night very easily anyways, so that was not a problem. DD is really easy too it was DS who was a nightmare when it came to naps. I did let him cry up to an hour once or twice and he did cry for shorter times, several more times. The key is to be extremely consistent with times. I really never left the house for two whole weeks, except for after both nap times. It took me a good two weeks before he started going to sleep without excessive crying, and he slept longer too! Before he'd only sleep 20-30 minutes, and then wake up crying, and still tired.

CIO has been a lifesaver for us. Nobody enjoys hearing their babies scream, but for me I know it was what was best for Owen. Now they both go down for naps with little to no fussing, and sleep 45-1.5 hours each time. They nap in separate rooms. Now they usually wake up happy and alert, it's so great!

I hope you find what works for you. I do think naps are exponentially harder for twin moms, if you ever want a bit of time alone, which every mom deserves a break each day! I know I would not be so obsessive with nap times with only one baby, but with two I think it's the only way.

Jennifer