argh! In-law vent

So my in-laws are here for two weeks to "help" while DH is away. I hate having guests anyway and I am dedicated to the schedule my girls are on - it works beautifully and they are happy and I don't want to change it. DH already gave MIL the lecture in the car that we are strict about the schedule and not to run into their room if they cry for a minute when I am trying to get them down for their naps.

I was just told by MIL that MOST children only take two naps a day, so that the mother has more time to get things done, implicitly criticizing the nap schedule they are on. (Mine still take a short catnap after their 6 am bottle, so they are technically on 3 naps a day). I am tired of her comparing her experience with her two children, her daughter's experience with her two and her niece's with her two, (none of them twins) because she thinks we are doing it all wrong. But she is here for two weeks, so I don't want to be rude. I patiently try to explain that this is what works for us. She is not pushy about changing it but raises her eyebrows when we do something OUR way. It's annoying. DH leaves today for a week. She is shocked that they are still only having breakfast (we started solids late - and plan to start lunch or dinner next week), but she just doesn't get how much time it takes for me to feed them both plus 5 bottles a day. It looks easy when she is sitting there next to me feeding one, but she has never had to do it all by herself.

Sorry, just needed to vent.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

 

:aggressive: that's for your MIL
:hug99: and that's for you!

that sounds SOOOO annoying. ugh. luckily my inlaws mostly keep their mouths shut with advice. and they live closeby, so no worries about staying with us for mroe than a few hours! phew!!! they do more stuff like asking why we don't give them koolaid (FIL "I'm sure they'd love it!"- yeah, and then not want milk or water!!!!). i am sure not having your hsuband there as a buffer will not help matters either. hopefully she will just see that it works for you and what a good job you are doing and let it go at that. feel free to remind her that 2 at one time is a LOT different than 2 at different times!!!
and you can tell her that PLENTY of babies take 3 naps. mine are down for their 3rd right now, and they are over 10 months. they NEED it, or they aren't happy or pleasant to be around. you know what is right. just keep breathing deeply and get a nice guard for your tongue so you dno't bite a hole through it.
good luck- feel free to come vent anytime you want!!!!!

 

:hug99: Sorry!! You can't MAKE a baby sleep, so if they are taking 3 naps a day they obviously need them!!!! I'm lucky that my ILs live to close to spend the night let alone 2 weeks :icon_eek: Twins are something you can only understand if you have them, MIL won't ever *get it* but after two weeks there she should at least see what you are doing works for your family. I'm sure it's tough, but try to just ignore her comments as much as you can!

 

I just tell mine - you had your chance to raise your kids YOUR way. I'd appreciate if you'd do things according to how I feel is best for them!

 

Just remember - opinions are like (...a certain nether orifice): everyone has one, and they all stink!

Hope your MIL learns to keep hers to herself. YOU are the world's greatest expert on your babies, you know what's best for them.

 

Yuck a whole 2 weeks with houseguests? Not my idea of fun either. My DH is gone for 3 months and there is no way I would want someone staying with me. My mom came for the weekend and just left today and she was on my nerves already. lol You have to do what is best for your children and you know best. You are their mother. I don't know why people think their way is always the right way.

 

OH MAN! Two weeks? Dude, I'd be crying under the covers every night...and it doesn't just have to be in-laws....2 weeks is a long time with anyone visiting.

I've just resigned myself to the fact that everyone thinks they can do it better than me. You know what really works for me. Silence. Complete and utter silence. Whenever someone gives me their words of wisdom, I don't even nod. I just sit there, wait a good 10 seconds and then change the conversation completely. It works!

Good luck and hang in there!

 

It sounds like they're on a normal schedule to me. Have you told MIL that pediatricians recommend that babies and toddlers get at least 14 hours of sleep? Our 11 month old just now went from three naps to one really long one a day and he goes to bed early.

I'm sure she means well, but like a PP said, she had her chance. If your girls are happy and seem to be adjusting well to the schedule YOU have for them, I wouldn't worry.

Hugs, I know it's tough.

 

I just posted about my in-laws. My MIL always says something to me when I nurse my boys for longer than 20 min. She always says "You know you're empty after 20 minutes, they are going to end up depending on that to sleep". Thank you I'm glad you know when my breasts are empty! OMG she didn't nurse twins! That is what I have to remember, they are trying to be helpful and feel useful. I would say thank you but this is what works for us, and I'm the one getting up with them during the night, or I'm the one who doesn't get to rest until they are asleep so if 3 naps means happy babies they're taking 3 naps!

 

I might say straight out "I'm really happy that you are willing to come and help while DH is out of town, but for this to be a good experience for all of us I would love it if you would allow me to keep going with the things that I know work for me and the twins. I know that you have been there done that, but I would like the opportunity to ASK for an opinion about something if I need help."

"Things are different now and pediatricians give different guidelines than when we were babies, so I don't want to seem rude when I opt to follow our pedi's guidelines that we've set and are working for us. My hormones are still a little wacky and I might get my feelings really hurt if we continue this way" (not even say what "this way is").

I told my MIL early on that my feelings were going to be hurt if she kept comparing my kids to hers. She was pulling out her baby books and comparing what her kids ate at the same age as mine. I had 36 week babies and she didn't. Things were VASTLY different. I love my MIL and I still had to tell her this. She backed off some and then as we went forward, she'd still give me unsolicited advice (they are over 2 now) So I could get a little bit sarcastic with her and she got the hint. But that's MY relationship with my MIL, not yours....

GOOD LUCK!! I would just stand firm on the BIG stuff. Like naps etc., but if they want to burp at a different time during a bottle than you would try to let that type of thing go. PICK your battles with the IL's TOO!

 

If she gets on your nerves too much, send her off to the beach or to do other touristy stuff. I HATE having guests. Ugh.

 

Hang in there! Everyone does try to help in their own way and some people just have advice. I always try to look at advice as a food buffet. Take what you want, what looks good, what you like, then leave the rest as quickly as possible.

 

I totally hear you. Things are like that with my mom. They will never get it. I know it is hard but just try to let her help where she can and grin and bear the rest until she leaves. You can always vent to us, that is what we are here for.

 

Thank you, thank you for all of your sympathy. They DO help (a little) and they DO mean well, but I just about strangled her this morning when she said that I really should clean the lampshades occasionally(!)
Uh...NOT really high on my list of priorities!!!!!

Cathmar - I loved your advice about complete and utter silence. That is awesome, I am so going to try that.
I also like the idea of telling her that my feelings will be hurt if she keeps offering advice. No one wants to feel like the bad guy - and I don't want to get bitchy with her. I HATE having guests, though. ugh.