I love both of my babies very much, but sometimes I wonder whether I am being impartial. My little boy is very timid and I find that I spend much of the day caring for him while leaving his sister to play. My daughter is very independent. Sometimes I find I am protecting my son from her rough play and toy stealing. Do any of you feel the same way? How do you deal with it? I am trying to be impartial but sometimes I wonder if I do have a favourite...
I think about this sometimes too. One of my girls takes after me and one takes after DH so I think sometimes I do feel closer to the one who takes after me. I don't love one more than the other, I just feel like I understand one of them better.
The way I look at it, I favor one over the other at different times and it all evens out. I love playing with Jake, but he tends to be very clingy when we are not playing (ie, I'm trying to get something done). Ryan is such a sweetheart and showers me with random hugs and kisses, but he is the bully and gets "yelled" at more. When they were babies, Jake just needed more of my attention and I felt like I was favoring him more. Ryan made up for it when he got mobile and got more of my attention b/c he was always into something. I think it really evens out.
I did feel that way for awhile. Luke was always a bit more needy, so I spent more time with him & I always worried I was being impartial. But now, things have evened out & I spend roughly the same amount of time with each. Lila is still way more independent than Luke though.
Juliette has always been more charming while Maddie is my sweet clingy girl. While they were younger I felt I did favour Jules but now as they are getting older they both have traits that I love. Oh the guilt of thinking you favour one over the other!
Like Megan said, it really all evens out in the end! ONe is more needy at times... then it is the other one's turn.
I really worried about this for a while. Maya was always smaller, has a health issue that will require surgery, was more needy and sensitive, easily overstimulated, and was a fussy eater. Rebecca was bigger, ate well, and generally was pretty laid back. And also (I am ashamed to even say it out loud) Rebecca was a very pretty newborn, chubby with cute dimples, and Maya was skinny scrawny, cross-eyed, and an ugly duckling all together. DH used to say "Oh, look how pretty Rebecca is" and it used to drive me crazy!!! I would always accuse him of loving Rebecca more for being more laid back and cuter. I would shower Maya with all my attention because I felt she needed me more. My grandpa (who has got to be the LEAST sensitive human being on earth) said to me "Wow, Maya is your favorite, she's got you all to herself", and that made me feel like crap. I was constantly worried about Maya being the underdog and overcompensated for it big time, and at the same time worried whether I gave Rebecca enough attention. Not to mention my toddler!!!!!!!!!!! I always felt like I neglected him. But they got bigger, developed their personalities a bit more, I have gotten to know each one better and fall in love with their unique personality traits. Maya has gotten bigger and became a very pretty baby with gorgeous sparkling blue eyes (see the link in my siggy, she is the one in the middle), and Rebecca is still very cute but too FAT! HAHAHAHA. And Maya is actually easier now, more independent, and Rebecca has kind of been a PITA lately, lol. So now at 8 months I feel much better about this. Today one needs you more and the next day it might all turn around.
I don't think anyone can ever really understand this until they become a parent, because if you tried to explain it to someone who doesn't have children they would think you really were favoring or even loving one baby more than the other. The way I see it is, I love my babies equally and with all of my heart. But I relate to them in two totally different ways. My relationship with each of them is different and in a way I'm glad because it means they are individuals and I have worked to form a bond with each of them based on who they are. And I agree with pp's - it all evens out as far as time spent with your babies, different days and different needs always play a part.
Yes, it will even out in the end. Derek was my needier baby and Tyler is usually my needier toddler. However, these days it just depends on which side of the bed they wake up on
Well I prefer to carry liam around more, because he's at least 2 lbs lighter than rylee!! :laughing: But otherwise no I don't favor one or the other, they may require different attention and have different needs at different times, but that's part of any/all kids not just multiples
I think I usually just prefer the one that's not crying, which rotates all the time, between my DS1, and each of my twins. :lol: But really, I think they are not old enough yet to really know which one I'll get along better with. I know that my dad and I got along better and my sis and mom got along better growing up because I was like my mom and sis was like my dad, so the whole "opposites attract" held true. So far, I haven't been able to see who my LOs take after, personality-wise, so I don't know how our pairings will work out.
Well, one of my babies got to come home a week before the other one, we had not had a baby in the house for 8 years so I did ALOT of snuggling, bonding, loving, you name it with the baby. Then when the other one came home I almost felt like I was "babysitting" another baby. It's hard to explain, but I am sure there are some of you out there that have felt the same way...BUT now that the girls have been at home for almost 3 months it's a whole different feeling with them...Carly, little miss spoiled, rock me to sleep will get her attention then I'll turn to Madison, little miss attitude, love on me only when I want you to, so it all equals out. THEN I have to throw Chase in the mix and show him love also...Believe me, I've had a ton of people say to me "I don't know how you do it!" With all that said, no I don't have a favorite...I've just learned how to love each of them the same and make sure that neither of them feel left out...
Of course I have a favorite! It’s whichever one is crawling over to me and either climbing onto my lap or reaching up to be held!
I don't think it is favouring, but I do think there are times that I spend too much time with one of my kids vs the others. For example, working all week I see my toddler more than the twins, because she stays up an extra hour. Babies, each day is different and it just depends on what their mood is.
My DD is in a Mommy phase right now. She tracks me down and demands to be held and snuggled. It's very sweet. My DS was so needy for the first 6 months. He had colic and I had to soothe him a lot. Fortunately my DD was mellow as a newborn, which helped save my sanity. My DS has really calmed down and is now a sweet little boy. He's very into his Daddy right now. He follow him everywhere and cries when he leaves the room. Awww. Anyway, right now I think I spend more time holding my DD because she is so persistent. It's a bit nicer to carry her around because she weighs 5 less pounds than her brother. He's quite a handful. I usually try to get him to play with me on the floor, as opposed to carry him around. I'm guessing the dynamics will change over time, but I enjoy both of them for different reasons. I'm not impartial about clothes. I think the girls clothes are so much cuter. I have to force myself to shop evenly because I'm not drawn to the boys stuff as much. I LOVE the girls stuff.
I worry about this because while I love them all Josie is just so EASY and Libbey is just so NEEDY that I get frustrated with Lib Its actually getting better and I am appreciating them for their own traits (and Lib is happier on her own for a bit). Literally I had to hold Libbey for her first 3-4 months! Its actually pretty lucky Josie is so mellow.
