Are You Doing Time Outs Yet?

One DD is doing some obviously defiant behavior, like throwing food and her fork, and I'm thinking she's ready for a time out. They had stopped throwing food/cups/forks for a long while now, but one DD has started it back up and even says "No" while looking at me as she's doing it! Her bedroom is upstairs, so I need to have a spot downstairs. I could use the laundry room, or a pack-n-play in the hall way. The 1-2-3 Magic book says to start at 2 years old.

Is anyone doing timeouts yet? Where are you doing them? Overall they're well behaved, and we limit the behaviors we say "No" to, but I can see them starting to be aware of what they're doing when they're breaking a known rule.

 

I started 1-2-3 Magic and Timeouts around 18 months. I just have my girls sit against the wall in the hallway. It worked great, and we were all happier in the long run because of it. I was always hesitant to use a PNP or put them in their room because I don't want them to associate their Time Outs with their Sleep and cause more problems.

 

i bought a cheap little area rug & do time outs on there (i also started 1-2-3 Magic around 18 months). i usually have to sit near by & put the offender back on the mat once or twice during their minute but otherwise it's pretty smooth. i don't say anything to them except "sit" while they're in time out. i don't have to do time outs very often as the girls are usually really well behaved. it could also be because we don't really have a lot of offences we deem time out worthy in our house though. mostly things like hitting, biting, etc.

 

So do you think I should just ignore the food/cup/fork throwing and not give them back once they're thrown, instead of a time out? What do you do for these lesser offenses?

Also, just last night we had to leave a restaurant early because this DD continually stood up in the high chair. We go out to eat regularly and they're great, so last night was out of the ordinary. I think she's starting to really test the boundaries and I'm not sure what to do.

 

I wouldn't ignore it. I found that after a couple weeks of 1-2-3 magic, I rarely ever even get to 2. Once I start counting, they know I mean business and they stop whatever it is that they are doing.

I don't see Time Outs as a Punishment, but more of a redirection for certain behaviors that are not acceptable. The beauty of it all is that I don't have to raise my voice, and I am still able to teach my girls right from wrong. It has worked great here!

 

for those type of things (food/cup/fork throwing) i would take away the offending item & say "we don't throw food/fork/cup - all done!" rather than do a time out. i think for those kinds of things i tend to prefer using a "natural consequences" approach. as for the restaurant, i'm not sure what i would do - depending on the situation i would maybe try a time out in the car, or if it was really obnoxious behaviour i would probably just ask for our food to go & leave the restaurant. i can't say for sure though because we don't usually go out very much.

i think Kyrstyn's approach is really good too. i'm finding that like everything with parenting, discipline is a trial and error process & about finding what works best for your family.

 

This is pretty much what we do; when they throw something we take it away. A few days ago Jack was throwing his wooden blocks; I told him if you throw again, I will take them away. He threw them, and the blocks went into time out! I also do a 3 chances thing when they're slapping me. I say "if you hit me I will put you down." If they hit again, I say "that's one", etc. and if they get to 3 I put them down. I want them to fully understand what they're doing and why I'm putting them down.

I really don't feel like my boys are ready for time outs though. Maybe they're kind of slow (KIDDING!! ), but I think they need to mature a little bit before they can understand it. My guys also do the "no no" thing when they're doing something they shouldn't, but I say "NO" firmly and redirect. I'll probably revisit the time out idea when they're closer to 2.

 

we started 1-2-3 magic a couple of months ago. at first I started putting them in the pnp and the play area separately because typically they get into trouble together! but now they can both climb out of there and I really feel the need to find a more solitary and boring location, like sitting against the wall or something.

I agree that they mostly "get" the counting... "that's 1, that's 2, that's 3 - timeout." I am so pleased when they get redirected after reaching 2!! that is so exciting.

I also find that I feel I need to limit more things as they get more mobile and taller. now they are still grabbing everything they can off of counters and tables... and I really want to work on them asking before they pull things down. I'm sure that's a "good luck with that" comment!

anyway, go for it! I also try to limit the times we actually say "no"... they've started to just say 'no' whenever they know they aren't supposed to do something... which tells me they are old enough to comprehend it and adhere to not doing it.

 

I read 1-2-3 magic but I started a bit early at 20 months and began the time-outs before counting (I guess I figured they wouldn't get the counting yet). I found a spot in the hallway and they got it! I couldn't believe they just sat there. Though one of my DD's gets it more than the other, she tends to be more mature in other area's too.
Just last night for the first time I did take one of my DD's out of her high-chair for tossing her food. I just said "no" and the second time she did it I said "no, time out" and put her in the spot and just quickly said "time out we don't throw food". After a minute I put her back in her high chair and she was good the rest of the meal. In my opinion I'm a little strict, so each family has to decide what offences are worth what. My sister and mother probably would roll their eyes for that one, but I'm the only one that can take my kids to a restaurant without a lot of work!

 

Thanks so much for the suggestions. I think we're ready to start time-outs in the hallway. I'm still not quite sure what to do if she acts up again this Friday night when we go out for Mexican. I might bring her booster chair from home so I can strap her in good.

 

I read this post with great interest. My DD's are 16 months old, & I just don't feel that they are ready for a time out yet...but I know it is coming. If I get really stern and say "No" they dissolve into crazy giggles and start repeating the activity! It drives me crazy! :headbang: I think they just enjoy the response from me, so what I am doing is just removing the item - like Valerie said, a toy time out! That really seems to work. Throwing food and utensils is a big one here. I usually take the utensil away once it is thrown, & tell the girls that if it is thrown away it goes "bye-bye". If they really start throwing food the meal is over. I figure a few hunger pains might help teach them not to do it again! :laughing: The food throwing thing really does drive me nuts, though. Not only the waste, but the mess! And we live in an older home in the south, so I will be over-run with ants & other nasties in th summer if they don't get out of this habit quickly! :wacko:

 

We don't do time outs and honestly we've never had to. We use direct consequences - remove the fork, or the tray if they still throw food at 2. We count too and usually they stop what they are doing after one warning anyway.

My problem with time-outs is that in some circumstances, it won't help. Like if she's throwing food because she's bored in her chair, she'll probably be actually happy to get out of it... so it kinda defeats the purpose. I honestly can't imagine keeping my two in time outs anyway (they usually get in trouble together).

 

I agree with you. Our kiddos are a month apart and I think they have NO clue what they are doing. My two bite and pull hair. I just have to seperate them and tell them to love and show them what that means. Time outs will be a waste of time for us and a heartache for them. My two now are biting less and hugging and kissing more. just a matter of time ...i hope :aggressive: