Are they NATURAL?!

I get asked this question regularly and it boggles my mind that perfect strangers are compelled to just ask it. I know twins are fascinating and draw attention and the questions come from curiosity, but I HATE this question. I am VERY private about how my babies were conceived--many of my friends don't even know we went through IVF--so I often lie and say "yes" because I don't want to deal with a barrage of questions. I don't feel good about lying but I also don't think people have the right to inquire about something so private in the first place!

How do you handle this question? What do you say in response? If I could come up with something better and NOT lie, I'd feel better about it...

 

When people ask me this I always say (in a nice way)"As opposed to what? Unnatural?"...that usually makes them stop and think a bit. It is no one else's business how your twins were conceived, and you should not feel compelled to tell people.

 

I haven't been asked this yet but I've seen the question here before. I would/will say, "Yes they are 100% natural. No artificial colors or flavoring added. Just pure natural babies. Aren't they beautiful?"

 

If you feel bad about answering "Yes" because it is a lie, then think about it like this... ALL babies are natural. The conception was what was "unnatural" if you want to call it that. So, there... it's not a lie!

 

I usually just say "yes" even though we did do ivf - i guess I don't consider ivf unnatural! I don't like lying either, but in my mind I can rationalize that my babies were natural (we just needed a little help), to me it doesn't matter how they were conceived all babies are natural.

 

I agree, it's not a lie - human beings are all natural. I'd probably just say 'I didn't know there were unnatural babies! Are they robots?' or something...

 

People mostly don't realize mine are twins any more, but I always think, "One is, but we ordered the other from a company that specializes in creating twins... Can you tell which one is synthetic?" Of course, you'd need way more of a poker face than I have to pull that one off.

 

Smile and say 'thats really none of your business'

 

QUOTE(mom2idgirls @ Sep 19 2008, 10:58 PM) [snapback]988676[/snapback]
If you feel bad about answering "Yes" because it is a lie, then think about it like this... ALL babies are natural. The conception was what was "unnatural" if you want to call it that. So, there... it's not a lie!


I agree, I think "yes" is all that you need to say. It's a rude question, what is the alternative, explaining to some stranger about the IVF? I don't think so! `

 

QUOTE(Kyrstyn @ Sep 19 2008, 11:44 PM) [snapback]988656[/snapback]
When people ask me this I always say (in a nice way)"As opposed to what? Unnatural?"...that usually makes them stop and think a bit. It is no one else's business how your twins were conceived, and you should not feel compelled to tell people.


Ditto. I usually follow-up with a "Why do you ask?" One woman said it was because she just started her first IVF cycle. We ended up talking for a half hour in the middle of Walmart because she was using the same clinic that I did. But if people are just being nosey its none of their da*m business.

 

I love the unnatural comments :rotflmboI didnt mean the rude in the street ones I meant the ts responses)

 

How about "No, but they are very lifelike aren't they?"

If it was someone asking because maybe they were going through IF, I could probably excuse it I think for the most part people are just really nosy. I get asked that a lot and it's probably because I am an "older" mom. I was 39 when I had the twins. My MIL actually had someone questioning her, that we were lying about it, when we first found out we were having twins. They were saying things like "come on, they are a little older, they must've had help"

 

When I read that people got asked the question, I thought, nawww, it'll never happen to me. I know the "do twins run in your family question" is sort of a polite, evasive way to ask that question, but still!!

But it happened. And I was mortified. Couldn't come up with a snappy response. Gave a quick evasive answer and walked off. It was some woman on the beach, a stranger. I wish I would have come up with some smart response like, "And now tell me how you conceived your children."

 

First off, I agree with the others that regardless of how the babies were concieved they are obviously natural... It's not like they are machines or something! Second, I feel that it is nobody's buisness.... Ours were not IVF, but we get lots of questions that are ultimately asking if they were concieved through fertility...
"Are they natural" - Do they look unnatural?
"Do twins run in your family?" - Nope, I guess they have to start somewhere though huh!
"Were you planning on twins?" - How exactly would you plan on twins?
"Are they fertility?" - Well, I don't see how that is any of your buissness, but NO we had sex on the full moon under the oak tree in the fron yard... Then I stood on my head for 10 minutes while my husband danced around me and sang!

I think that these questions are so rude. Regradless of how your twins were concieved it is no one else's buisness but your own. I mean seriously, would you walk up to a comlete stranger and ask when the last time they has sex was? Or if they were having trouble concieving? Or any number of other things... There are times also where I just ignore the question and walk away... The way I figure is that if they don't get the fact that concetion issues are not something you ask a complete stranger then they are not ever going to get it!

 

Like pps said, "Why do you ask?" is always a good response to nosy questions. I love some of the funny answers here too!

 

My twins were adopted, we stopped treatmens short of IVF, just felt it wasn't the right choice for us. I got a lot of nosey questions because it's obvious that my girls were adopted. I agree that the questions can be bothersome, especially when you are in a hurry and it is inevitable that someone is going to stop you and ask something about the babies, because they draw attention and people are curious. I have always tried to answer the questions politely and the main reasoning for this is because the children are listening. I never wanted them to feel like I was ashamed of the way they joined our family or that being asked questions about them or their adoption bothered me or made me angry. I answer the questions politely for the sake of my children, not necessarily for the strangers, who in all fairness have been mostly kind and encouraging. If the person uses an incorrect or rude term (like Natural), I gently correct them and try to answer the question without giving too much information (but some people are engaging and you end up talking way more than you plan sometimes).

Anyway, as I said, my experience is slightly different because I never got as far as IVF, but for my own curiosity, why does the question bother you, if you don't mind my asking? I realize that the babies' conception isn't really anyone's business, but will your children eventually learn they were IVF babies? Or is this something you don't plan to discuss with them? I don't quite get it, could you enlighten me a bit, if you don't mind? Thanks.

 

I say, "Were your kids natural?" or "Well they aren't fake!"

It's your business, you can always lie too, if they keep persisting

 

It's just because 'natural' isn't the appropriate term. I wouldn't be too happy if people asked me if I was natural for sure. They could at least ask if the babies were conceived naturally, not that it would be their business either, but at least it wouldn't be rude.

People haven't asked me yet. My issue usually is when to tell and not to tell that they're adopted though, I feel like I'm hiding something if I'm not saying, but I don't want everyone to know their story either.

 

QUOTE(Flutterbymama @ Sep 19 2008, 11:48 PM) [snapback]988660[/snapback]
I haven't been asked this yet but I've seen the question here before. I would/will say, "Yes they are 100% natural. No artificial colors or flavoring added. Just pure natural babies. Aren't they beautiful?"


I :wub: this answer.

 

QUOTE(Sarah© @ Sep 20 2008, 02:40 PM) [snapback]989010[/snapback]
I :wub: this answer.


I love this answer too! :lol: When I get asked this question I always reply with a poker face: "They are not aliens!"

 

QUOTE(joannabug @ Sep 20 2008, 07:59 AM) [snapback]988894[/snapback]
I know the "do twins run in your family question" is sort of a polite, evasive way to ask that question,

I never realized that… I am asked THAT all the time… but I give way to long of an answer… I say “yes, my grandmother was a fraternal twin, but id aren’t hereditary (I know that is being debated as well) just science"… so maybe that’s why I haven’t gotten many “natural” questions… I did when pregnant… but I can see why… my older DS is 10 years older than the twins… like we waited then didn’t conceive on our own… then tried multiple routes… I can see why their minds would go there… I got “how long were you trying… what worked”… and found people disappointed in my “we weren’t trying, I was on b.c. answer”… maybe like pp said… they are looking for answers in their own fertility quest…

NOW I get if they have the same Dad (because of the age gap). This REALLY pisses off DH… and the sad thing is if you took all 3 baby pics, they could be triplets they look sooo much like their older bro as a baby..

OK OK I’m rambling now… sorry

 

I usually just smile and say yes (because, really, none of their business), but one day- one very frustrating-twin day, I smiled and said, "Nope. They're made from play-doh." And kept on walking.
Rude? Probably. But I was having one of those days.

 

QUOTE(gina_leigh @ Sep 20 2008, 10:49 AM) [snapback]989071[/snapback]
I usually just smile and say yes (because, really, none of their business), but one day- one very frustrating-twin day, I smiled and said, "Nope. They're made from play-doh." And kept on walking.
Rude? Probably. But I was having one of those days.



Play-Doh!!! I WILL be using this one!!! :rotflmbo:

 

QUOTE(gina_leigh @ Sep 20 2008, 10:49 AM) [snapback]989071[/snapback]
I usually just smile and say yes (because, really, none of their business), but one day- one very frustrating-twin day, I smiled and said, "Nope. They're made from play-doh." And kept on walking.
Rude? Probably. But I was having one of those days.


That made me LOL. I LOVE that answer. I will definitely have to remember that one for when I'm feeling particularly snarky.

Christy

 

Play-doh... Love it! I am so using that soon!

 

Wow... this makes me feel so much better. I've been getting all kinds of weird comments and I'm only 22 weeks along with my twins!

My husband and I didn't have any "conception assistance", but since we lost our first child in January of this year, a lot of people seem to think that means we did and just ask "so are they IVF or IUI?". To which I have (on a really bad day) responded "actually, they are DS... doggie style". Shut the woman in Sam's up really fast!

So it's okay to be a little snarky or get upset about this question? Because I've tried to be a good sport about it and I'm really tired of it already!

Thanks
Dominique

 

QUOTE(Dominique @ Sep 20 2008, 01:36 PM) [snapback]989167[/snapback]
Wow... this makes me feel so much better. I've been getting all kinds of weird comments and I'm only 22 weeks along with my twins!

My husband and I didn't have any "conception assistance", but since we lost our first child in January of this year, a lot of people seem to think that means we did and just ask "so are they IVF or IUI?". To which I have (on a really bad day) responded "actually, they are DS... doggie style". Shut the woman in Sam's up really fast!

So it's okay to be a little snarky or get upset about this question? Because I've tried to be a good sport about it and I'm really tired of it already!

Thanks
Dominique



:rotflmbo: :laughing:

 

QUOTE(somebunniesmom @ Sep 20 2008, 09:31 AM) [snapback]988931[/snapback]
Anyway, as I said, my experience is slightly different because I never got as far as IVF, but for my own curiosity, why does the question bother you, if you don't mind my asking? I realize that the babies' conception isn't really anyone's business, but will your children eventually learn they were IVF babies? Or is this something you don't plan to discuss with them? I don't quite get it, could you enlighten me a bit, if you don't mind? Thanks.


I say they run on C batteries

As for why the question bothers me, it just a personal subject. That process certainly wasn't the highlight of my life and although many friends and family know, I certainly don't need to discuss it with the checkout girl. It's still an emotional area for me.

Also, I have heard more than one person have less sympathy for a family who had twins/triplets using fertility treatments. In one case a family was struggling financially to send the twins to pre-school and someone made a comment like "they knew what they were getting into when they went down that road" and it really ticked me off.

 

QUOTE(somebunniesmom @ Sep 20 2008, 08:31 AM) [snapback]988931[/snapback]
My twins were adopted, we stopped treatmens short of IVF, just felt it wasn't the right choice for us. I got a lot of nosey questions because it's obvious that my girls were adopted. I agree that the questions can be bothersome, especially when you are in a hurry and it is inevitable that someone is going to stop you and ask something about the babies, because they draw attention and people are curious. I have always tried to answer the questions politely and the main reasoning for this is because the children are listening. I never wanted them to feel like I was ashamed of the way they joined our family or that being asked questions about them or their adoption bothered me or made me angry. I answer the questions politely for the sake of my children, not necessarily for the strangers, who in all fairness have been mostly kind and encouraging. If the person uses an incorrect or rude term (like Natural), I gently correct them and try to answer the question without giving too much information (but some people are engaging and you end up talking way more than you plan sometimes).

Anyway, as I said, my experience is slightly different because I never got as far as IVF, but for my own curiosity, why does the question bother you, if you don't mind my asking? I realize that the babies' conception isn't really anyone's business, but will your children eventually learn they were IVF babies? Or is this something you don't plan to discuss with them? I don't quite get it, could you enlighten me a bit, if you don't mind? Thanks.


The question doesn't bother me in the way you think. I'm in NO way ashamed of IVF and infertility. As the previous person posted, it was a painful journey and I don't feel like getting into it every time someone asks. I have a good girlfriend who also went through IVF and is open with everyone about it! I think that's great for her and when I asked her how she could speak so freely about it she replied that it helped her deal with the pain of infertility for her--by talking about it. That's great for her and I admire and respect that. For me, I don't want the world to know what we did. It's none of their business. Yes, I will absolutely tell my babies how they were conceived when they are old enough to understand. I already started making a book for them about it describing the IVF process so they can see how very much they were wanted by us. I love discussing the topic with people who are going through it though, and I think the "Why do you ask?" response is a great one. I think I would open up if someone replied that they were having fertility issues. But just today, I was out with DH and babies and someone said, "I'm going to be nosy and ask if they are natural?" and I smiled and simply said, "Yes." I love the play-doh and c-batteries responses too!!!