Are these feelings normal?

So, I am starting to wonder if these are normal feelings? First of all, let me start by saying that I hae a wonderful husband who supports us and lets me be me and so forth. But in the past month or so, I am just feeling alone.

I am the only one that cooks dinner, cleans up, makes bottles, bathes the boys, makes sure they get their exercise and take care of them; on top of all the household stuff. I find that when one starts to get bored of something, he may whimper a bit and if I move him to something else he is totally okay. DH, does not move one bit, he will sit there doing whatever he is doing.

Last evening, Jonathan has having a hard time. We were at a BBQ and he got over tired and was screaming. DH put him down and walked away. When I asked him how Jonathan was doing he said, "I dont know he is crying and wont stop so I put him down and walked away." I know that he just needs to be held and he will stop, but just needs some nurturing.

I have tried to talk to him, but it is getting to the point that I am so frustrated with him. We used to be such good team players and now I am feeling like I am the team captain with no players. I just do not know what to do about this.

Its getting to the point that I deeply miss the husband that I loved. I really wished that I knew what kind of man he was going to turn out to be.

Anyways, I am wondering if I truely am alone here. Does it get better? What should I do? I am considering screaming and ringing his neck and I just do not want to do that.....

Thanks for listening,
Jenn

 

I'm sorry. That stinks. He is probably just not a big baby fan. I am sure as the babies get older (more independent, less whiney) you will see that he is the man you love. Try to hang in there. I just think some men don't know how to calm a fussy baby so they give up (my hubby included)

 

Maybe he isn't a baby type guy. Like the pp said, some guys just aren't baby guys. Maybe you could tell him you appreciate certain things he does, but you need help with other things. I guess what I mean is talk to him and explain how you feel like you told us. You said he is wonderful, but you need his help. Good luck.

 

The best thing you can do is talk to him and let him know how you are feeling. I have found that men are not mind readers even though we want them to be so just make sure you keep sharing your feelings and validate his and I am sure you will find some sucess with this.

 

You are NOT alone. My DH does not have much patience and gives up soothing the babies quickly. I tried to look at it as what I brought to the team was patience and he brought the fun. I know it did get easier for him as they were walking and learned more sign language so he could communicate better with them (around 16/17 months).

I think a conversation with him once the babies are asleep and you are in a calm mood would be helpful. My DH had no idea that I even wanted his help. I wanted to be supermom and never asked for any. How was he supposed to know I needed him to restart the swing?

 

He also might not know how to soothe the baby. Maybe just give him small advice (not instructions but something along the lines of "he likes when I (fill in the blank).

 

It seems that I have to "talk" to him every week. It does not get any better. It just seems that he is so selfish and I am running around the house constantly while he sits in front of the tv....

Frustrating!

Jenn

 

It sounds like he isn't even trying.
If you've had to "talk" to him almost every week it's time to get a serious conversation started.

Try to get him to explain why he does things or doesn't. If he refuses to open up, attempt to ask for help with the kid, or bother with the kid you might need to find some counciling for both of you.

You really need to find out what's on his mind or what he's thinking.

 

I know how you feel. I'm in charge of everything house or child related around here & if I don't specifically ask my husband to do something, it doesn't get done (unless I do it myself). I have found that is the key. Men don't always see things the way we do. He doesn't really notice that I need help unless I say to him "could you please do...." then he will usually do it. I get frustrated always having to ask, I think he should be able to see that things need doing, but I've had to accept that he just doesn't think the same way I do.

And it has gotten easier, somewhat, as the kids get older. He is definitely more into the older kids than when they were babies. Loves to do things with them & is definitely the "fun" parent, but I'm okay with that. Anyway, just keep talking to him & letting him know what you need. And hang in there, it will likely get better after you get out of the baby stage. :hug:

 

So sorry your going through this! Excuse me but your husband needs to realise how much this affecting you, please let him know and make sure he understands how serious you are. His behaviour is totally selfish, saying that my DF thinks he knows it all but is only here half the month and when he is around he does help out but without my lead stuff just wouldn't get done. Maybe write up a rota so he can't back out of what he needs to be done, your not a single Mum remember! Big hugs to you Jenn, i hope things get better!!

 

the first year is the hardest from what everyone says, and I agree - you find out that you and your DH are different and have different parenting views - - if you are the stay at home parent then perhaps he is thinking you are in charge of it all since this is your "only" job? find out if this is how he is thinking.... if this is the case then perhaps he needs the opportunity to be at home all day with the children and house work to get a good perspective to show him infact that you do need a break or help when he gets home from his job - 50/50 is how we do it when i get home from work i take over with the girls and my DH starts dinner or laundry or dishes... he needs a break from the girls but that does not mean he gets to sit and watch TV and he gets it - as the gals said in the other responses talk talk talk - communicate over and over - he will eventually get it good luck and hope this helps a little bit

 

My DH is the same way. I need to tell him, specifically, what he needs to do.. and he'll do it then but he won't take initiative.

Maybe trying this will teach him (for lack of a better term) what needs to be done when the baby/babies are crying... maybe he just doesn't know what to do and putting them down and walking away is the best that he can think of

I'm sorry, girlie! *hug*