Are teachers not supposed to tell you the negative?

Between phone conversations, parent teacher conferences, and the daily behavior chart plus things I am hearing from my son, I feel like I am getting conflicting reports about his behavior. I feel like some of the things going on indicate his behavior is less than stellar (behavior chart, seat moving, etc), however, when we talk to the teacher, she minimizes what is going on and says that it will work out. I never, from her directly, get an indication that what is he is doing is so bad we need to make changes. However, then my son will come home and tell me the changes she has enacted for him in the classroom and I wonder what behavior he has done to warrant the changes. I am fine with the changes because I know they are helping him to behave. On the other hand, it's weird because he's been on Pink (the best behavior color) for the last two weeks and yesterday he came home and told me he has a check list to follow or he doesn't get to move his clip up.

So yes, I am writing her a note again to try and understand what he is doing that requires a check list so that I can work with him at home to change the behavior. But I am wondering, are teachers only supposed to be positive?

 

She should be telling you exact things he is doing that is getting him to have his seat moved or clipped moved. She should be straight forward. "You know, he needed to get his seat moved because..." Or "He moved his clip because he was talking repeatedly while I was teaching and I really need him to be focusing during a lesson." Or "he now has a checklist and Im hoping it helps with...." If my son came home with a checklist, I would definitely want to know what is on the checklist so that we were all on the same page. So the answer to your question about positive/negativeness. There is a balance. She seems to not comfortable talking about problems. She should be stating the issue and then following up with how it will be worked on and get fixed. "He is talking a lot (or whatever the issue is) during lessons and I really need him to work on focusing on me more during those times. I really think he can do that. We will continue to work on reminding him about this."

Let me know how she responds to you.

 

Thank you for your response. I honestly am trying to work with him at home to make his behavior better at school. I know his issues are calling out answers and sometimes he chats too much and doesn't get his work done (we are working on that also). I am still trying to write the email (work is killing me today) but I will let you know what she says.

 

On the seat moving, some teachers just move seats around a lot. I think that Timothy's teacher this year moves seats for the whole class about every week or so. Last year they moved a lot too. I think some teachers keep the kids moving so they don't get too comfortable and chatty with their neighbors.

It also could be that the checklists are more for other teachers your son sees. I know of one kid at our school who had checklists last year. It was so that when he went to library, to art, to music, to whatever he had the reminders of the same rules. He needed the reinforcement of seeing these teachers sign-off on his good behaviour. He was a very impulsive kid and that helped give him the reminders when he was out of the classroom about what he needed to do.

It sounds like more communication would be quite helpful for you, but I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing what's happening. It sounds like she's trying to find the right strategy to help your son without bugging you all the time. I imagine the teachers sometimes feel like they can't win on finding the balance between the parents who really and truly want to know what's happening and the parents who can't imagine that their precious child would do whatever.

Marissa

 

I agree the checklist is helpful because he came home excited about it because he now knows what is expected of him. I'm just confused by the good behavior notes I get and then this happening. I also agree there is a balance but she's been so good about pre-empting things. For example, when she had to send work home for him to finish, she sent us a note.

The checklist is just for in the classroom, he doesn't take it to gym, music, art or any of the other specials.

 

Jonathan's first grade teacher told us not to worry about behavior until she called. She reminded us that 1st grade is also about learning, and that many times the "bad" marks on behavior are par for the normal 1st grader. If she found that it was truly a problem, she would call. And, like Marissa said, teachers move kids all the time. Being 6, your son might feel that he is the reason, where many times he is being moved randomly or because someone else needs to move.

 

I know they move the twins classroom around monthly - keeps talking to a dull roar and helps the children make new friends...

 

I know when Jayden first started having problems at school I didn't even know about it until I had to go get him one day. I know our problems are different .. but I almost felt the same way as you do. Like the teacher didn't really want to tell me what was going on because maybe she thought it would make her look bad that she couldn't handle a 6 year old ? That's just how I felt.

 

Ok, I sent a note and she replied that his behavior has gotten better but they wanted to give him some positive reinforcement on his behavior and since verbal recognition is limited (there are 27 other kids), she thought the checklist was a way for him to see what he is doing well (or bad) and know whether or not he's doing a good job. She worked with the guidance counselor on this and that's what they came up with. She said she will phase the check list out over the next few months. Thanks for holding my hand on this. We really do try to make him understand his teacher is in charge so the inconsistencies have been confusing for us. I don't ask that he be perfect but I want him to be respectful and mindful.

 

My youngest has an IEP for speech but we may be looking at adding more to that. I know he had a rough time at preschool in the spring when he was 'almost' 3. This fall, I would ask him every day if he cried or anything and his response was always "No... Happy." Then conferences came. Turns out they were only writing happy/good/and positive stuff on the daily reports but he was frustrated and crying some as well that they did not report. I felt like someone hit me in the face with a 2x4. Now they are reporting it correctly, which is nice to see but also frustrating to me. Keep an open line of communication between you and the teacher. It is nice that she got back to you fast.