Are my boys in the minority...

I am just curious if my boys are in the minority. Not so much as twins but as 4 year old boys in general.

They are so innocent. They don’t care to get dirty, thy are not physical, thy are not wild (can be but not in the sense of a typical wild boy full of energy) they don’t like cars (but do like their Thomas train set…they have for years), they don’t play rough, show little interest in sports (they play catch and basketball in the driveway when I suggest it to them but dont often initiate it, they freak when they see a fly or mosquito. Its not that I want them to do any of the above…I just hope they don’t get made fun of if they don’t fit in. They play trains, geotracks, build, read, craft stuff, they love the park, and simply just run around together being silly.

Last year at 3 year old preschool they stood out to me as being different from the other boys (most…not all). A few things though can play into this…they have no older siblings to learn things from, they have a late birthday and also, they have each other and are happy as can be to be with just each other throughout the day so there is no need for them to interact with the others. (I am separating them this year for 4yr old preschool).

I guess I just have feelings lately that they don’t fit in like typical boys and kids wont want to play with them. As of now this is not an issue (I dont think they notice)...they do play with other kids at the park and play dates. Its just that I notice though that things they say or talk about are just different from other boys. I put on the batman cartoon the other day because I wanted to introduce them to that because I know other boys will talk about spiderman and batman. They wanted me to turn it off right away.

I wonder if they would be different if they were not twins (well I know they would). But I wonder if their interests are simple because they dont need much besides their brother to make them happy.

I just want them to be ok with other kids. They are so sweet! They are not shy (one may be a little but not much)...its more about their interests.

They just turned 4 (july bday).

 

I think they will make lots of friends in school. Every child is different. My son just turned 4 a few days ago so he will also be a young one when he starts school (we are sending him to preschool for the first time in Sept). He is scared of bugs, doesn't like to be dirty (he does love his sand box but if it's dirt or food or something he has to have it washed off or he has a break down). He is a rough tough boy but I think that is because my dh has always wrestled with him and his sisters and he picks things up from his older sisters (his one sister is a very physical girl and rough). My son isn't into sports either he likes playing with his trains and cars but he also loves to play dress up with his sisters (they love to put him in dresses). I do worry about him being to physical with other kids so I am a little nervous with him starting school. I will say though that my one daughter that is more physical (she is more of a tom boy who loves bugs and running around) was very close to a boy at school who was shy, not physical at all, and sounds a lot like your boys. At young ages most kids just play with everyone and as they get older they will make their own friends and get closer to certain kids as they have the same interests.

 

I've worried about this with Anthony too.

Out of all of this, the only difference between your boys and Anthony is that he loves cars. Other then that... they are very much the same. Angie is more into sports then him :lol: and isn't scared of bugs like he is. ardon:

I, too, think it's not having older siblings to show him these things, or do things like wrestle with. I'm okay with it because I've noticed that the more they separate from each other at school and make new friends, they learn these things. <_<

:hug:

 

for Ian it depends on the day...some days he'd just rather sit in the corner and play with the laptop or his leapster, and he loves Dora and Kai-Lan as much as his sister does...some days he'll beat the sh!t out of his sister (she just laughs at him!) and some days he's very cuddly and content...

dirt doesn't bother him (unless its food - like if an ice cream cone drips on his fingers etc) and I will say he is MUCH more of a crybaby than Abby is!

 

Mine are all about this stuff too. But they also play cars. They dont have any interest in sports although, I think I am going to try the Y soccer this Fall with them. Could be a disaster?? ardon:

But, mine can be rough at times. They do have an older sister and she is no princess in the rough housing factor. So, I am sure they learned it from her. However, they seem to keep the pushing to each other. They have never had a conflict with another child at the park or at a friends house. It's only with each other or their sister.

Nicole, it sounds like they are sweet little boys. :wub:

 

I worry about this sometimes too. Your description of your boys reminded me a bit of Andrew. DH and I are both clueless about sports, so that's not part of the kids' lives (though I think it would be good for them to have more exposure). And Andrew is not really "typical boy" - he's also not crazy about getting dirty, is not super physical (related to earlier gross motor delays? some delays due to not being so interested in physical stuff, lack of interest in physical stuff reinforcing delays...), often retreats to us for hugs and cuddles when he's overwhelmed, withdraws far more often than other kids, not so much into cars, etc... I know Ivy contributes to this too. He often follows her lead in playing, so they both wind up putting their stuffed animals to bed, "cooking" in their play kitchen, etc.

I think his most "typical male" aspects are his fascination with how stuff works (taking things apart and putting them together) and being off in his own world, not all that social sometimes, more interested in going off and doing his own thing than in having (the 3.5 yo version of) a heart to heart with you (unlike DD). No advice, but your boys are definitely not alone in falling outside the gender stereotypes!

 

I think everyone worries about what their kids do/don't do that they think is unusual and whether they'll fit in with the other kids. My experience so far has been that kids don't need to have much in common to be able to play together. They also influence each other pretty heavily so your kids will blend more and more with exposure to other boys.

If you'd like to haul them down here, T&T are experts at getting filthy and being fearless and they will team up and convince other kids to join their activities. I could seriously start a "butch them up" bootcamp. Interestingly, my DH thought they were doomed to be the scaredy kids because they thought Nemo was too scary to watch at 3. Now, they like dragons and monsters. I was worried they would be too wild to fit in at kindergarten and I'm getting nothing but glowing reports of their good behavior! Never underestimate the power of influence.

 

There are some boys in my DDs' preschool class who are "typical boys" and others who are not. They all have friends and they all play with other kids. There's one boy in particular who is a great favorite with the girls because he's gentle, quiet, and like to color and play board games. Just because they are not typical boys doesn't mean they won't have friends.

Also, if they want to learn about Spiderman and Batman, they will learn plenty from other kids. They may come home asking to watch superhero movies after hearing after hearing other kids talk about it (my kids can name all the characters from Toy Story even though they've never seen any of the movies) -- and if not, they're just not interested, which is fine!

Also also, there is a huge amount of development between age 4 and 5 in terms of playing with other kids. Amy & Sarah are nearly the oldest in their class, and the youngest ones (who are up to a full year younger) almost seem like their younger siblings sometimes. But the gap is narrowing, the older they get.

Also, what Debi said.

 

After working with kindergartners I have come to the conclusion that boys and girls come in all different packages. Yes, they tend to gravitate towards those with similar interests, but that is usually a good thing.

My Ben is like your boys. He is sweet, not super active and physical, he plays sports because we make him but he really does not like it. He is intrigued with how things work. He does like bugs and creepy crawlies, because again, he is intrigued with how things work and bugs have lots of little parts. He is content to play Legos for hours on end. He doesn't play with cars, but he will build a car and play with that. He is very reserved. We went on a trip a while back with a family that had all girls. The whole time we were there, the dad said that he had never met a boy like Ben; that his friends' sons were rowdy. It made him want to try for a fourth! I took that as a compliment.

 

Trevor sounds like your boys. He will play cars, Thomas trains and geo trax. He does not play rough and does not like to get dirty and he is very sensitive. I guess I attribute it to him having 2 sisters. He definitely stood out in his preschool last year and was the only boy (out of 6 boys) that did not get in trouble at all in school. The other 5 boys were very rough and Trevor is not like that. He definitely is not the "typical boy".

 

At 4, except for the car part, you came pretty close to describing Timothy. Especially the Thomas part and being content just to run around and play with his twin. We've honestly, never, ever had a hitting, hurting or biting problem. At 6 now, it's changed a little, but he's still quieter than most of his classmates. He lives to go bowling anytime and shooting and fishing with daddy. He'll sit and focus on boardgames for hours and enjoys reading the kids atlas I got him as much as anything. Timothy doesn't like Batman or the super hero cartoons. He still likes the ones that are considered younger.

But he does okay. He doesn't have a close friend at school, but there isn't anyone he doesn't play with. He okay playing Star Wars with the boys, just running around at recess. And he'll sit and swing with the girls.

Marissa

 

And it does not help that I am currently reading Nineteen minutes by Jodi Piccoult!

Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate your responses on this. I just love them so darn much and dont want them to ever be sad about other kids not accepting them.

 

I sure they will fit in just fine. I would love to give you some of my boys testostrone though Their favorite things to do are jumping off stuff, wrestling and playing action figures and they are only 2

 

This is one of my fears :cry: I get teary eyed just thinking about this scenario. ardon:

 

They will probably make delightful husbands.

 

Reading that book made me second-guess so many things with my kids! It's just horrible...

I have to say, I don't think these feelings go away as they get older. My oldest DS is going into 3rd grade. He had a lot of trouble last year socially and it was heartbreaking. He is a very advanced reader, shy (although getting better every year), and somewhat quiet until he is comfortable. He was happy when he had down time in class to read while the other boys would be huddled together working or getting into trouble. He is very into sports, though, and would play with everyone/anyone at recess...joining in whatever game was going on. But he did not have a close buddy this year, and did not seem to care about outside playdates with any of his classmates. Thankfully, he is very close to his cousins and had a neighborhood friend. He's in a new class this year and I am anxious just like I was when he started pre-K! Does it ever get easier?!

Sounds like you have very sweet boys and I'm sure they'll be well-liked... very well-liked by other parents especially, which will mean always being included in parties and playdates!