Are boys just naturally more "wild"

Let me explain...

I have an older DD. She didnt dream of doing half of the things that the boys do.

They try and climb the baby gates, they run from side to side in their cribs and laugh at each other or kick the wall <_< , and they take the ride on cars and ride them into the wall, people, furniture, etc. They climb the chairs of the table and get on the table faster than a speeding bullet. They are learning how time out works!

Then while we are at the park, the preschool boys are screaming, running, jumping, pretend flying off the steps, running around with a Spiderman sailing through the air making machine gun sounds. They are taunting the girls and trying to take stuff away from my DD while the parents just sit on the benches and talk to one another.

And then there are the girls, just playing on the slide, whining, or teasing each other.

All I do is push the boys in the swing or chase them up and down the steps and slide and wonder is it because they are boys, that they are just naturally more aggressive and wild or is it something that can be curtailed with some discipline? Or do you want to curtail it. I just dont know. And since I have 2 boys, I am wondering what is in store for me??

 

On average boys are more physical and aggressive than girls. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but on the other hand, it's not license to ignore unacceptable behavior toward other children on a playground. I expected my boys to run around like crazy and be loud. I also expected them to be polite to the other children there, and if they weren't, I corrected that behavior.

However, some boys are more introspective and some girls are more physical. This is just an average.

 

Yes. totally. There have been plenty of studies to prove it. Now, of course, like ruby said, there are always exceptions, but your boys aren't crazy, ADHD, or anything else like that. Like any kid, they still need guidelines, and discipline, but their genetics does make them play more aggressive, energetic, and generally fearlessly!

Many blessings to you and your perfectly normal dear sons!!!

 

Well I can tell you from my experience, Trevor is WAY more wild than Emilie and Caroline are. He will do things that neither of them have ever done. I honestly can't imagine having 2 boys, so major :bow2: :bow2: to you and everyone else who does.

I definitely thing girls and boys are programmed differently and boys are just naturally more wild, so to speak. I think you can try to curtail it to a point, but I do think they are just naturally inclined to act that way.

 

No, that's a myth. There is nothing "natural" about aggressive boys. To the extent that boys are more aggressive or wild it is cultural and social conditioning that encourages this behavior in males and discourages it in females.

That's what sociologists like myself believe.

 

QUOTE(sullivanre @ Jan 10 2009, 03:45 PM) [snapback]1141386[/snapback]
There is nothing "natural" about aggressive boys.

Correct me if I'm wrong, Rachel, but my guess you didn't mean "aggressive" in an out of control, be mean and hurt others kind of way. You meant more exhuberant in a "less aware of the world but more aware of how much faster and louder I can be" kind of way, right?

And, yes, having 2 girls and 3 boys, they are naturally louder, less aware of their "strength", more daring, more exuberant (love that word, hence the double usage of it)! My boys know the rules, and tend to follow them pretty well, but they are so much "more" than the girls were. They automatically know cars make brrrrmmmmm sounds without anybody teaching them, they know about guns and jumping and chasing and running without anybody teaching them. And in my experience with one vs two, the two egg each other on and make it that much louder and that much worse. And it is EXHAUSTING at times! But so fun!

 

My son is much more active/physical than my dd.

 

My daughter is more active/energetic/outgoing than her brother - by far!

 

Yes, it's quite clear to me that boys are more likely to be very active and physical, especially in a playground setting. My boys are allowed to run around and be loud outside but rudeness towards others will always be corrected immediately. If the poor behavior is not corrected, then the boys probably have no idea that it's wrong.

 

ok.. I understand seeing boys on the playground.. running and screaming... and all.. BUT My DD is just as crazy. Watching all the kids in kindergarden.. they are all running around and screaming. And so far my DS is much calmer than my DD. Yes he climbs and such more.. but DD is just crazy.

I think boys and girls are both crazy in their own ways..

 

QUOTE(sullivanre @ Jan 10 2009, 03:45 PM) [snapback]1141386[/snapback]
No, that's a myth. There is nothing "natural" about aggressive boys. To the extent that boys are more aggressive or wild it is cultural and social conditioning that encourages this behavior in males and discourages it in females.

That's what sociologists like myself believe.


I used to think it was a myth. When my sons were born I was determined I would raise them all gender neutral, no stereotypical toys, etc.

Let me tell you how well *that* worked...

By "aggressive," I meant if boys see something they want, they will pursue it. I did not mean that sort of "oh, well, boys will be boys" bad behavior that is culturally excused, perpetuating a sexist culture. And I have always corrected unacceptable behavior in both kinds of children. I also encourage my girls to be self-reliant. However, I now believe there are geniune differences in brain chemistry that result in different behavior sets observed as an average (any two individuals can be more different than alike) between boys and girls.

I have one introverted boy and one introverted girl, and one very physical boy and one physical girl and there is *still* a noticeable difference in the level of action-oriented play between the two physical ones.

 

My boys are CRAZY - even Peyton, my one year old. He is the craziest of them all. Peyton will wrestle the twins down to the ground by pulling their hair and then he'll bite them or climb ontop of them. All of this is done while screaming at the top of his lungs. They're like a zoo.....a real zoo. It's crazy here - i refer to us as the funny farm b/c that's what it's like. I've never had a girl but I know that my cousins daughter is a bit laid back...compared to my three. At my grandmas for holidays - it's crazy as there are 6 great grandchildren and 5 of them are boys. It's nonstop running and noise. Pretty much it seems like us "boy mommies" really got it cut out for us. LOL

Amanda

 

If it makes you "boy mommies" feel any better, people are always telling me, "Yeah, you have it easy now, but wait till they turn 13!"

 

I think boys tend to be more "active" - but not necessarily wild, if that makes sense. My 4-year-old is so calm, respectful, hesitant on playgrounds when there are a lot of other kids around, etc. - but he can also run around the house and play pirates like he has enough energy to play without sleeping for a week! He can also sit calmly and quietly and play with his Imaginext Jungle, his Playmobile sets, or any type of board game/card game/arts and crafts activity.

In a way, I think wild behavior tends to be "expected" of boys. People tend to (just generalizing here) buy them trucks, balls, sports equipment, etc. instead of quieter toys/activities. We really tried to raise our son with gender neutral toys - bought him a kitchen, didn't buy him cars/trucks as he showed no interest in them, bought Little People sets, etc. - and he plays well with all types of toys now. As a 3 and 4 year old he has definitely become more interested in the "BOY" things - super heroes, pirates, etc. - but he'll still cook me up a mean chocolate cake in his play kitchen!

And really, I think a lot of it is the child's personality and/or the gender/behavioral expectations placed on the child by family/friends/school environment.

 

QUOTE(gottagiggle&twins @ Jan 10 2009, 06:03 PM) [snapback]1141440[/snapback]
My daughter is more active/energetic/outgoing than her brother - by far!


Ditto, its my DD that I have to worry about climbing, running, jumping, getting into trouble.

I do think though that from a genetic standpoint boys would be more energetic, rambunctious just from the testesterone. And of course the envirnoment plays a huge role as well, it's nature AND nurture IMO.

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ Jan 10 2009, 06:42 PM) [snapback]1141473[/snapback]
I used to think it was a myth. When my sons were born I was determined I would raise them all gender neutral, no stereotypical toys, etc.

Let me tell you how well *that* worked...

I would argue that it is impossible to raise kids in a gender neutral way. Gender is such a pervasive set set of cultural norms and practices that 1) much of our own gendered behavior in families is subconscious 2) there are numerous social institutions (e.g. religion, media, the economy, schools, etc.) working against the idea of gender neutrality, so even if our families were perfectly gender neutral there are many other socializing forces that are not.

 

QUOTE(HRE @ Jan 10 2009, 05:41 PM) [snapback]1141426[/snapback]
Correct me if I'm wrong, Rachel, but my guess you didn't mean "aggressive" in an out of control, be mean and hurt others kind of way. You meant more exhuberant in a "less aware of the world but more aware of how much faster and louder I can be" kind of way, right?

And, yes, having 2 girls and 3 boys, they are naturally louder, less aware of their "strength", more daring, more exuberant (love that word, hence the double usage of it)! My boys know the rules, and tend to follow them pretty well, but they are so much "more" than the girls were. They automatically know cars make brrrrmmmmm sounds without anybody teaching them, they know about guns and jumping and chasing and running without anybody teaching them. And in my experience with one vs two, the two egg each other on and make it that much louder and that much worse. And it is EXHAUSTING at times! But so fun!

I guess I meant both of those meanings. My real beef here is with the term "natural." I think boys probably one average are more aggressive, but I think this is overwhelmingly the product of socialization/cultural ideology.

There are a few cultures (you'd have to ask an anthropologist to name them ) where men and women are equally active, wild, aggressive, powerful. If it was purely or predominantly biological, we would see these types of cultures.

 

Well, I don't know about the active and aggressive part, but I dispute the commonly held idea that boys are louder. Anyone that thinks that has never been to my house. They do feed off of each other and you can probably hear them out on the sidewalk :lol:

 

I can't tell you how many times I've heard "oh, they're just playing like boys" when my two were being too rough. So yeah, I'm sure much of it is socialization. But even as babies, my friend's daughter would sit and play with a toy while my boys were rolling across the room to explore. I find it hard to believe that there isn't something biological to it.

 

I also find it hard to believe that there isn't a wired difference that makes boys more what I call "rammy."

That said, I've met way too many boy-moms who don't correct completely unacceptable "rammy" behavior. But I am not ready to accept that nascent hormonal and other differences are in no way involved in preschool gender behavior differences.

 

My son was wwwaaayyy harder to raise at this age than my girls have been. I'm sure it has more to do with personality than gender, though. I have known boys that are just as laid back and calm as my girls--I just didn't get one like that. To this day he is a ball of energy!!

 

My twin girl is the worst of the bunch (I have an older dd and she has a twin brother). I think overall boys are very different to girls but I also feel that a lot of parents let their boys be wild "simply because they're boys" assuming they can't do anything about it, which I beg to differ.

 

QUOTE(marieber @ Jan 10 2009, 11:25 PM) [snapback]1141764[/snapback]
I also find it hard to believe that there isn't a wired difference that makes boys more what I call "rammy."

That said, I've met way too many boy-moms who don't correct completely unacceptable "rammy" behavior. But I am not ready to accept that nascent hormonal and other differences are in no way involved in preschool gender behavior differences.


Well, boys do have more testosterone from the get go. And that does affect brain chemistry. They also have more muscle mass.

I agree that a large part of the problem--perhaps what might be termed the 'cultural' part--is parents not correcting in boys what they would correct right away in girls. Just because a child is male does not mean he should be given a pass to be violent or disruptive.

However, I also do not believe that even in a truly, perfectly gender-neutral society there would be no differences. I did believe that, and then I had sons. I grew up with only sisters and XH was an only child, so neither of us entered into parenting coming from households where the boys were allowed excesses that girls were not.

I do not believe that boys are better or smarter and less able to behave in a civilized fashion or any of that. I just think there are differences, and this is often expressed in more action-oriented play in young children. Not always, but often enough for people to notice it as a trend.

And we're still mammals. Male mammals (primates particularly) have different ways of showing their aggression. Culture cannot entirely triumph over biology.

 

YES YES YES. Maybe cuz i have twin boys? But they are MUCH more active, rambunctious and into things than DD ever was. Is it cuz they are boys or twins or ??? I go with the BOYS thang

 

Thanks so much for all of your replies. I guess my thinking is that DD is pretty laid back. She has her 4 year old moments, but overall not too "fiesty." When she gets into a "spat" with the neighborhood girls, what you hear from them is "You are not my friend, You are not invited to my birthday party, etc..." Then she goes and pouts and then its over. It much more verbal and some shoulder shrugs and pouty lips.

When I watch boys her age at the playground they are all over the place, being rambunctious and somewhat combative. They are doing things that I dont think I would let my boys do. However, mine are only 2 and I wonder if in 2 more years they will be doing the same things and at that point I wont think it is so bad. ardon:

I really believe that boys are girls are inherently "different." My boys got the exact same toys as my DD (they were hers) and had the same parents with the same values and expectations, yet they are much more "exuberant" than she. Is it because there are 2 of them and one of her? Is it because they are 2nd and 3rd children, etc.? The list could go on, but for me I think it is because they are boys.

 

Testosterone! :lol:

It's part of the package. LOL I live with so much of it. :wacko:

I guess I should say that my oldest boy WAS very quite and mild mannered before 8. Now forget it, he's just like the others. LOL

 

So far, I have two very calm boys. I hope they stay calm as they get older.

 

My way of understanding of it (as with most gender differences) is to think of two overlapping bell-shaped curves (normal distribution). Boys, because of biology (mostly testosterone) and subsequent cultural factors, tend to be more rambunctuous, energetic, aggressive, risk taking etc. Their mean 'energy' is higher than that of girls. But that doesn't mean that all boys are more 'energetic' than all girls - just that on average they are.

There's some study, which I can't find right now to quote exactly, where boys were raised with exactly the same toys as girls. The outcome? They tended to play in different ways even with the same toys - eg girls played pretend social games with their doll, whilst boys' dolls got thrown round the room, exploded etc.

As a psychologist with a background in evolutionary biology, I can't think of anything which is 100% nature or 100% nuture. They both have a strong influence - it's impossible to 'remove' one (eg by raising a child in a gender neutral way - subconsiously we (and those around us) react differently to boys and girls eg visitors to newborns in hospital are more likely to use such terms as: handsome, strong, energetic to describe a boy baby and pretty, beautiful, fine, sweet to describe a girl baby).

As a parent, I agree totally with Minette, from what I can see in friends with older children, those with boys may run around a bit more for the first few years but oof it seems as if teenage boys are 'easier' than girls.
lisa

 

Just seeing my friends with boys, I definitely think boys (when they are younger) are more active and physical then girls. Then there is my son. Right now, he just hangs back and does his own thing, he is active but not nearly as active as his sister. Over time, he might change, I don't know.

 

I don't know the correct way to describe it, but yes, Jack is more "that" than Lily (although Lily is plenty crazy herself!).