Apparently I'm a big joke

I used to have such great well-behaved kiddos! My DS turns 17 today and my DD is very much 13. The twins are almost 7 months, but they actually aren't part of my question/vent.

Until a few years ago, my kids were sweet and helpful and they listened to me when I asked them to do something. That doesn't happen anymore and I'm at my wits end. It's not that they're BAD kids, cuz they're not. I know I'm lucky that they aren't into any of the crazy horrible things they could be into. But its also not like they have any responsibilities in our house either. They're lazy and grumpy.

DS is never here. He's always out with his friends and completely disregards my curfews and my rule that he has to call periodically to check in. I ask them to do something, like unload and reload the dishwasher, and its like they don't even acknowledge me anymore. They'll mumble something like "okay" and then I have to ask again hours or days later, and again and again until its a big fight.

I just told my DD that if I had to ask again, she'd be grounded from the computer for a week. I then added that from now on, if I have to ask twice, she'll be grounded for a week. I hate putting it to her like that, but I feel like I'm getting walked all over. I have 2 babies, a full-time job, two teens and a home-based business to run (not to mention 2 other businesses DH and I would like to start). I'm not above admitting that I need their help once in a while. But apparently, they're above helping me. What happened to my helpful and considerate kids?!? What else can I do??

Feeling like a doormat today,
Laura

 

QUOTE(Laura in Alaska @ Aug 23 2007, 03:31 AM) [snapback]376317[/snapback]
DS is never here. He's always out with his friends and completely disregards my curfews and my rule that he has to call periodically to check in. I ask them to do something, like unload and reload the dishwasher, and its like they don't even acknowledge me anymore. They'll mumble something like "okay" and then I have to ask again hours or days later, and again and again until its a big fight.

I just told my DD that if I had to ask again, she'd be grounded from the computer for a week. I then added that from now on, if I have to ask twice, she'll be grounded for a week. I hate putting it to her like that, but I feel like I'm getting walked all over. I have 2 babies, a full-time job, two teens and a home-based business to run (not to mention 2 other businesses DH and I would like to start). I'm not above admitting that I need their help once in a while. But apparently, they're above helping me. What happened to my helpful and considerate kids?!? What else can I do??


My kids are 17 and 13. I can tell you that if they behave this way, there are consequences. If Sean disregarded his curfew, his car would be mine (except for school) and he'd be grounded. If he "forgets" to call, I call and/or text until he responds. I like to be annoying that way.

My job as a parent is to make their lives miserable if they make mine miserable. :lol:

 

I was thinking the same thing Kim. I'd take the car. Only I think I'd go a step farther and he'd have to ride the bus to school. Want the car back? Act as though you're almost an adult and not 12. Brad had to earn his dl. Each time he'd get close he'd do something stupid and I'd just tell him that 12 yr olds don't drive. You want to be treated like your 17? Act like it. Take away everything they enjoy and make them earn it back.

 

Oh the teenage years! I am in the middle of that as well. My kids are 12, 14 and 15 and they have found that they don't like the severe consequences of me asking for something twice. I have found that I take away computer priviledges in two day increments (that way I can threaten to take it away again sooner than a week).

When my oldest daughter decided that she didn't need to check in with me via phone, I took her phone away. When she wanted to go somewhere, she didn't have a phone to check in so she had to come home at the time she was to check in. That way only needed one time, now she is great at checking in.

 

How did I make it through the teenage years? I thank my mother all the time for putting up with me.

Right now with DH not home except every other weekend....it is hard...with the twins and all. I am having issues with #2....she will not answer when called, or come up from her room...she takes her time.....so....I told her the next time she wants to go somewhere and I have to take her....plan on being late!! I think I will sit down and make a coffee and sip it.....s l o w l l l l l y

The rules are set here....they are hard to stay enforced at times....I am getting much better now that the twins are letting me sleep more than 2 hours at a time....so...back to normal here. I can always tell when I let my guard down......it gets hectic around here. Plus....my hats off to single parents.....it gets tough being the only bad guy in the house.

Laura...as for me...I agree with Donita and Kim....my oldest knows that the car is Mom's and Dad's...not hers. She calls in and is home on time. I did give her an one out the other day.....she was 20 minutes late.....she has been on me about #2 coming home late one night...because her friends Dad brought her home and had to drop off other sfirst....Emily said that I would not ever let that happen with her (blah...blah....blah....the whole life is not fair thing)....so I just smiled and told her that was her late!! She got the message and smiled back!!

Donita....love the line "12 year olds don't drive." I will have to use that one!!

 

The best thing I found was setting up a system so the girls know when they are expected to do what. Dishes for example, tonight Kelsey will unload the dishwasher because she loaded it last night and Marlana will load it. They switch every other night. Whoever unloads is responsible for taking the trash out as well. Their bathroom is to be done on certain days, and one time one will do the toilet and floors and the other does the sink and tub, and the next time they switch. One day one will be responsible for picking up the floors and the other for vacuuming and the next day they switch. This way it is fair, they are not stuck doing "the yucky chore" each time, they take turns doing those. I hope this helps a little. Honestly, I feel bad making them do this every day but if I don't then I get ignored, they function better when they know they have no other choice but to do it!

 

QUOTE(mamaslilbears @ Aug 23 2007, 05:36 PM) [snapback]377475[/snapback]
The best thing I found was setting up a system so the girls know when they are expected to do what. Dishes for example, tonight Kelsey will unload the dishwasher because she loaded it last night and Marlana will load it. They switch every other night. Whoever unloads is responsible for taking the trash out as well. Their bathroom is to be done on certain days, and one time one will do the toilet and floors and the other does the sink and tub, and the next time they switch. One day one will be responsible for picking up the floors and the other for vacuuming and the next day they switch. This way it is fair, they are not stuck doing "the yucky chore" each time, they take turns doing those. I hope this helps a little. Honestly, I feel bad making them do this every day but if I don't then I get ignored, they function better when they know they have no other choice but to do it!



You should have your BOYS do chores, too!!! they look way old enough to start!!!!!!!!

 

QUOTE(Donita @ Aug 23 2007, 09:50 AM) [snapback]376722[/snapback]
Only I think I'd go a step farther and he'd have to ride the bus to school.


My parents and I had an understanding and riding the bus was it. The thought of riding the bus was so humilating that I never broke curfew.

 

Laura - I have no advice, but gee - it sounds like a house full of toddlers

QUOTE(MamaKim @ Aug 23 2007, 07:51 AM) [snapback]376403[/snapback]
My job as a parent is to make their lives miserable if they make mine miserable. :lol:

Kim - I'm going to print this out and put it on my refridgerator

 

Mine doesn't drive yet (by choice), but the game console is mine if their chores don't get done. (Computer in the case of DS2.) Mine have a lot of chores, too. Unloading the dishwasher is DS2's. They handle the trash, clean bathrooms, clean the basement (where they live, it has a living room, bathroom and their bedrooms). DS1 has to wipe down the table after dinner and scrub any really heavy pots. They do mopping and dusting of some areas as well. I figure they need to learn to do everything in order to take care of themselves as adults. I try to have each one cook once a week. DS1 will be 17 in 6 weeks and DS2 is 14.

 

I just noticed all of the recent replies to this! It's so funny because I posted this over a year ago! My DS turned 18 this August and DD turned 15 last Sunday. They're doing much better than they were a year ago. Though, not as well as I'd like sometimes. I'm really happy with the relationship I have with both of my teenagers right now.

Thanks so much everyone for the wonderful, thoughtful advice!

 

QUOTE(mac+evie @ Oct 30 2008, 09:00 AM) [snapback]1048406[/snapback]
I just noticed all of the recent replies to this! It's so funny because I posted this over a year ago! My DS turned 18 this August and DD turned 15 last Sunday. They're doing much better than they were a year ago. Though, not as well as I'd like sometimes. I'm really happy with the relationship I have with both of my teenagers right now.

Thanks so much everyone for the wonderful, thoughtful advice!

How funny to see old threads. Well at least we know things are good and the advice works for other teens perhaps.