Anyone's Inlaws NOT seen your babies?? (Vent) WWYD?

My husbands family is not as close to each other as my family is..It started when Hubby and I owned a business with his brother and sister in law..The wife was greedy and wanted money when he got out BUT she didn't want any of the debt that we all had accumilated together.... Later on When their mother passed away That same brother cut all ties from hubby and the rest of the family.


Hubby hadn't seen his brother in about a year and he went to see him and told his brother that I was preganant and it was Twins...Hubby said he just shook his head. Hubby visited with his brother for about 20 or 30 minutes and left. BTW if hubby wanted to see him, prior to all that happened hubby ALWAYS had to go see him he never came to our house much at all....For the entire pregnacy they never called to ask how we were doing, when we were due, what we were having or anything . The wife (my so called sister in law) never called to give well wishes either. I have never liked her but I have always been nice to her. She is so FAKE its sickning

So we debated and debated about calling them to tell them about the C-section. I told hubby it was his brother what ever he wanted to do....but as far as I was concerned he didn't have to call them for my benefit. But I wouldn't hit him if he came to the hospital either

Now our babies are 9 1/2 months old and he has never seen them...It really makes me mad that they don't care enough about our children to come see them. Also our 6yr old remembers his Uncle and ask's about him alot. He Loved them and Loved going and riding their Horses and they seemed to Love him too (at the time ) Hubby saw sister in law out and she asked about them and he showed her their picture. She said They were going to come see them they had been giving us time, They were probably 5 or 6 months old when she said that how much time do we need .

Maybe we did wrong by not calling them for delivery but enough is enough you can't keep family~family, if they don't want to be family Usually at Christmas they will drop off a gift for our son and stay approx. 3 minutes. This year they didn't even come at Christmas.

Sorry for the vent...I just wanted your opinions and see if anyone else had a crazy in law story like mine.

 

My husbands family is not as close to each other as my family is..It started when Hubby and I owned a business with his brother and sister in law..The wife was greedy and wanted money when he got out BUT she didn't want any of the debt that we all had accumilated together.... Later on When their mother passed away That same brother cut all ties from hubby and the rest of the family.


Hubby hadn't seen his brother in about a year and he went to see him and told his brother that I was preganant and it was Twins...Hubby said he just shook his head. Hubby visited with his brother for about 20 or 30 minutes and left. BTW if hubby wanted to see him, prior to all that happened hubby ALWAYS had to go see him he never came to our house much at all....For the entire pregnacy they never called to ask how we were doing, when we were due, what we were having or anything . The wife (my so called sister in law) never called to give well wishes either. I have never liked her but I have always been nice to her. She is so FAKE its sickning

So we debated and debated about calling them to tell them about the C-section. I told hubby it was his brother what ever he wanted to do....but as far as I was concerned he didn't have to call them for my benefit. But I wouldn't hit him if he came to the hospital either

Now our babies are 9 1/2 months old and he has never seen them...It really makes me mad that they don't care enough about our children to come see them. Also our 6yr old remembers his Uncle and ask's about him alot. He Loved them and Loved going and riding their Horses and they seemed to Love him too (at the time ) Hubby saw sister in law out and she asked about them and he showed her their picture. She said They were going to come see them they had been giving us time, They were probably 5 or 6 months old when she said that how much time do we need .

Maybe we did wrong by not calling them for delivery but enough is enough you can't keep family~family, if they don't want to be family Usually at Christmas they will drop off a gift for our son and stay approx. 3 minutes. This year they didn't even come at Christmas.

Sorry for the vent...I just wanted your opinions and see if anyone else had a crazy in law story like mine.

 

I haven't ever had problems with any famiy members acting like that, but I wanted to give you a hug. That sounds stressful and disappointing!

 

ILs suck! My MIL and I had it out, big time. She didnt see the babies for several months, never even tried and even before that she only saw them a few times and we lived like 15 minutes away from them. They didnt come to see the babies until the night before the kids and I left to spend time with my normal family 2500 miles away. I think she was hoping wed come back and be all nice, but as of right now, dh is moving out here next week, which she doesnt know. BIL and SILs are all like that too. they pretend they want to see the babies, but never do, or say they are going to send gifts and never do. BIL really pissed me off when my daughter died last year, well he lived 5 hours away and said he was too busy to come to her funeral Needless to say I cant stand him.

Sometimes its easier just to ignore them, its their loss, your kids are better off without uncaring people who make promises they have no intention of keeping.

Anyways, just wanted to let you know that Im right there with you

 

I can totally relate. We barely see Dh's dad and brother(they are pot heads)His parents have been divorced for24 years. Well I have met Dh's mother twice at our wedding and about 3 years ago. Evvery so often she says she wants to see us and she has got her **** together when she has not, so she comes and then pulls a disappearing act.Then tyears later she will call. But we put our foot down and until she really proves herself to DH and then me she is not in our life other than by email. We see her parents at least once a yeear(they live 4 hrs away)and talk to them all the time. His mom is completely messed in the head., and is an alcoholic pot head. We dont have any part of that in our life.she has met our boys once and never seen our girls. I told her just because her son and I made children does not automatically make her a grandmother she has to earn that right. She did alot of emotionally ****ty things to DH and his little brother. His brother got the worst of it and never wants to hear or see her again. So I can understand what it is like for you. Esp. hard with how close my parents are to our kids. Tracey

 

My own father hasn't seen my twins yet. So, I kind of know how you feel. I just figure if someone wants to be a part of my kids' lives or my life for that matter then they will have to make the effort. I'm not going to try when it seems as though someone doesn't care.

 

Neither one of my in-laws have seen the twins. My FIL lives in AK, but only works every other week, and he has yet to see the babies. My MIL lives in Michigan, and she always says 'I miss you all so much, love you all so much, but I just can't make it out there because I can't get time off'. Whatever. She drove to FL with her live-in boyfriend of many many years when he was too ill to go, so they had to turn around, but she is too busy with her work (she is a medical transcriptionist who can pretty much work her own hours) to come and see her own grandkids. She is always asking for pictures, bugging me for pictures actually, as if I dont have anything to do but make pictures for her. Sometimes, I am very resentful and do not want to send any pictures, because I think she does not deserve them. Neither one has ANY IDEA how much work it is to have twins at home with a three year old all by yourself. Neither one has any idea how much sleep I have lost nursing two babies at night all by myself.
Whatever. I don't care anymore whatsoever. It hurts too much to really think about it, and I don't have time to sulk anymore, so I figure that if they really wanted to come out and share in our joy, they would. I told my husband that if I trusted his parents a little more, then I would leave each of them by themselves with the three girls all by themselves...and then they might be a little more understanding. Neither one has even spoken to me since the twins were born....not that we really spoke much to begin with, but IF they call, they talk to DH, not to me.
THank goodness for my own parents! THey are within a half hour, and they are so helpful to us. I really try not to wear them out with my kids, but my mom is always helpful if i have to run errands for a couple of hours, or she will come over so i can get some extra things accomplished. When my girls have kids, if I am far away, and can not help them myself, i will certainly figure out how to send them meals or a nanny or a housecleaner or something! In my opinion, families are supposed to help each other whenever possible- yes i know they are my kids, but help is supposed to pass on through the generations! Oh, and actually NO ONE on my dh's side has seen the babies. I used to feel guilty, and get us to them, but now I dont feel guilty anymore. If they dont want to fly to see their family, then they could send us a ticket (money is not a problem), but that has never been offered either, so I guess other things are just more important!

 

With my older daughter, my inlaws didn't come from oversees for 7 1/2 months. Our feeling were hurt, & nobody understood why they wouldn't want to see their first born grandchild. When, we were expecting the girls, we asked them to come & be in the US when they were born (they are retired, & while older, we thought they could help with our older daughter). Anyways, they came a few months before delivery. My mother inlaw was offended by something I said to her (while both I & the babies were still in the hospital). She stopped speaking to me. Long story short: It was the worst misstake ever to have them come when the babies were born. I truly believe our relationship is forever changed. I couldn't believe that she couldn't put her feelings aside during the most stressful time in our families life, & for that, I'm having a difficult time forgiving. I wish it would have been 7 1/2 months after as with anjali, & maybe we'd all still like each other as before. A different situation, but I can sort of relate.

 

My MIL lives 3 hours away and has never seen our twins. She is retired and able to drive, in her 60's & in good health, so I just don't get it! My DH has offered to drive to pick her up and take her back and she still doesn't come. She doeasn't even have a good excuse-my guess is it's her a**hole boyfriend of 20 some years who controls her emotionally. That's the only possible explanation. She says she loves us and sends card for B-days and Xmas but that's it. I just can't imagine not seeing my kids and grandkids-I mean that's what growing old is all about. Doing the things in life that are special to you before you get too old to enjoy it anymore-right? Seeing my kids and hopefully grandkids grow up is something I look forward to! She was a "sufficient caregiver" to my DH growing up. but he says she wasn't very affectionate or anything. Do you know she didn't even send a card or come when I had my shower or when the twins were born and they are 10 months old now! It just doesn't make sense-oh and our 3 kids are her only grandkids WTH????

 

My in-laws are very involved in our lives...sometimes too much. They were so excited when the first set of twins arrived. However, for the second set, we found out 2 days ahead of time that they were going to arrive via c-section, but my in-laws opted to go to Atlantic City overnight (I must add, they do not pay for these trips. They go every month and their trip/hotel/flight is comped). Not only did they keep plans to go on their trip, but never called us the entire day to see how the babies were.

Aidan was on a ventilator and both were in NICU. When they did get back, they came to the hospital, but I was very upset...so was DH. I still have not had it out with them about this. They never said a word to me about it, just acted like it was no big deal. All they were concerned about was being at my house when we brought the babies home, so they could see how Matt and Mia would react.

The bottom line is, they are PO'd that I got pregnant again with twins. We do not ask them to babysit, but they offered to watch all 4 kids for 2 mornings while DH is at school. We were going to put Matt and Mia (their favorites) in daycare while he was at school, but they refused to let us do that. They are very controlling.

I imagine that you are very upset with your in-laws. My BIL used to live with us, now he moved next door to us and he has not seen my kids for more than 5 min. in the last year.... even at Christmas.... strange family dynamics in my neck of the woods. Most of the time, I just roll with it. I figure you can't change people, they have to want to be involved.

Crystal

 

In-laws have never seen the babies, have seen my 3 y/o once and my 6 y/o 3 times. All because we went to visit them. They live in another state, but we just can't afford to always go and see them. They have never come to visit us. They have all kinds of excuses, too. I think that my MIL feels that she's raised her kids, she's done. It's time for her to go on cruises and weekend casino getaways. They're always traveling, just not to see us. I feel that I'm a parent for the rest of my life. My job is not done because the kids are 18 or have moved away.

My own mother and father have only seen my oldest DD once for a few hours and have never met my 3 y/o or the twins.

It's my decision to not speak to my own family anymore, and it's much better this way. Seriously, they are all drug/alcohol addicts (not recovered) or have suffered more than one nervous breakdown (and IMO, still nuts).

 

Neither my brother, or my BIL have ever seen my kids. The BIL lives 15 minutes away! My brother (in FL) will not acknowledge my kids' existance because he hates my DH, and they are half him!

Whatever, they're loss! MIL sees them maybe once or twice a year and she doesn't work and also lives 15 minutes away.

 

I have a sister that is like that. You have to practicaly beg her to see her. I fought this for years, but I have now decided that she knows where I live, she can find me if she wants to. She knew I was having twins, she even knew when they were born, and here at 5 months, she hss still not even called me. Oh well, her loss.

 

I guess I'm on the Bad Inlaw side of the fence.

I didn't and don't feel compelled to see any of my nieces and nephews particularly. Sometimes I send them presents and sometimes I forget and don't.

I am not offended and honestly would never have thought of it that my husbands two brothers have not seen Wesley.

It's not that we don't all like one another or anything. We do. We're all just busy with our own stuff and that's cool.

 

Family is complex.

My mom and sister still haven't met our girls. Partially my fault, partially theirs.

Try to focus on the positive. Try to avoid the negative and don't let them bring you down. Enjoy your babies. This time is painfully short.

 

My husband's brother and his family have never seen our babies. He has a brother that lives in Texas and he has seen them twice now, but the brother that lives maybe 45 minutes from us have never seen them.

The kicker is that they were in the same town as our hospital/NICU is when my girls were still there. They were in town for a dance recital. But they never stopped in to visit the babies or us while there.

I don't know why, they are just different.

 

I have to say I'm shocked at the responses...I thought I was the only one with unconcerned In-Laws I was really afraid I would have no responses to my crazy story.

Its really sad that there are so many that are missing out on such precious gifts from God. They really don't know what they are missing out on. I've told hubby before we ought to load up and take the whole family to their house (which is only 15 minutes away) Just pop in and stay just long enough for them to start to win their hearts and Leave just as quick as we got there . But I don't feel like its our place to go see them THEY didn't have a baby (or babies) WE DID.

What really makes me sick is...My hubby's parents have passed away, One brother (and his wife) both drink like a fish and cusses like a sailor, and the other brother is the one that has cut off all ties. We only go to the brothers house that drinks/cusses once maybe twice a year just because its not a place you WANT to take your kids
So other than my family my kids have NO ONE on hubby's side they can be close to or even know for that matter.

For our baby shower there were about 110 people invited to the shower there was 1 name that was from hubby's side of the family and that was the sister in law that drinks and cusses and she didn't even show up . And I know its because my family does not practice that kind of behavior (and it makes her uncomfortable to be around them) also it was at a Church and she don't do Church'es
It was rather embarrassing when people asked where's your hubby's family??

 

i think you would be surprised at the people you see who look like they have it "all together" who have some serious stories behind the pretty picture. you're definitely not alone,..... and for those of you who honest to goodness have a healthy relationship with all of your relatives,. well God bless you. I mean that.

 

I'm in the same boat, Joe's parent's don't like me and I don't like them. So they take it out on my kids, which I've come to the conclusion that the girl's have more than enough people that love them and come see them - Who needs those two. Come to find out a couple of weeks ago that Joe's Mom gave up a son when she was younger and his Dad gave up two daughters and then when he got married for the first time he had two more daughters and gave them up till they were 14 years old. So believe me these aren't the kind of people I need in my daughter's life. Plus it's not going to hurt me in a couple of year's when they have no clue who there grandparent's are. So I've finally learned to deal with it and you know what if you can look yourself in the mirror every morning and be happy with what you're doing - Shame on You!!!

 

quote:
Originally posted by boogerkw:
I'm in the same boat, Joe's parent's don't like me and I don't like them. So they take it out on my kids, which I've come to the conclusion that the girl's have more than enough people that love them and come see them - Who needs those two. Come to find out a couple of weeks ago that Joe's Mom gave up a son when she was younger and his Dad gave up two daughters and then when he got married for the first time he had two more daughters and gave them up till they were 14 years old. So believe me these aren't the kind of people I need in my daughter's life. Plus it's not going to hurt me in a couple of year's when they have no clue who there grandparent's are. So I've finally learned to deal with it and you know what if you can look yourself in the mirror every morning and be happy with what you're doing - Shame on You!!!


I feel the same way well said

 

Well, I don't know how to complain nicely... my IL's are really nive and loving people, but they live in brazil, so it is very difficult to see my kids.. my BIL is really well off in brazil, so for that reason I get fustrated that they have not yet came to visit. They have only been here for the wedding and once more for my daughters2 nd birthday, she will be 4 in august.


Olivia