Anyone jealous of those with singletons?

I am first time parent with 7week old twins. Since mine were born i get jealous of friends or people i see in public (on the rare occasion i do get out!) with just a singleton. A friend with a singleton only a week older than mine posts on facebook how she takes her DD to the pool to hang out, got a babysitter and went out with her dh to a movie one saturday night. I also saw a couple with a singleton shopping and was jealous thinking it will be a long time before im comfortable with two shopping. Others get these feelings?

 

Some babies are just hard, even if they come one at a time. Yes, it can be easier, but my kids have their own playmate. I do not have to be the second student or teacher, they have each other. They do entertain each other, that is not something I have to do all the time. It is all in the way you look at it. That said, my twins were very difficult as infants. Naps were anywhere from 30-45 minutes in length and they were up at least 4-5 times EACH at night. It gets easier. Things change. Congratulations on your twins!!!

 

I had three children before having twins. I have often thought that it would be much harder to have twins first. Not only are you learning every aspect of parenting, but you have to deal with everything times two. Those first few months with twins were hard! I didn't feel the way you do, because of my situation. But I can understand it a little. On the flip side, there are so many great things about having twins. And once you get to the point where you're getting some decent sleep (about 4 months, for me), and you have the routine down pretty well, I think you'll feel less that way. I always thought it would be fun to have twins, but then I was just so freaking tired those first few months. But once mine got older, I could really see the fun benefits of having twins again. Like Jackie said, they have a built-in playmate. They are so much fun together, and I'm so happy I got to have twins.

As for shopping alone with them, do you have a good double stroller? it doesn't have to be expensive, just one that's fairly easily pushed with 1 hand. Then you can hold a fussy baby and still steer. It does take a bit more planning than with one baby, but with a well-stocked diaper bag and paying attention to nap times, it's totally doable. Many times I went grocery shopping, pushing a stroller and pulling the grocery cart through the store. Occasionally we had a melt-down and had to leave (one of my twins is legally blind and very sensitive to light, but I didn't know the extent of her condition when she was tiny... only that she HATED certain stores with bright lights). But we lived through it, and so did the people in the store, LOL. Oh, and whether or not you're breastfeeding, it's helpful to know which stores have a nice mother's lounge. There's a Sears near me that has a lovely one. I think most Babies R Us' do, too. More and more malls seem to, also. Being able to stop somewhere comfortable to feed babies made a big difference in a successful outing.

Goodluck! It gets easier!!!

 

I definitely felt that way with my twins! I remember my friend calling to tell me about her daughter being fussy or teething or whatever, and I just had no sympathy! I kinda feel bad about that now, though.

But once they are old enough to interact, twins are sooo much easier! They have each other to play with, they don't hang on you every waking moment. Once they get close to a year old, my friends were saying I had it easier because the twins would play together.

 

Ohhh yeah! My nephew is only 3 weeks older than my boys and my sister was constantly calling me to go here, there, everywhere with her! It wasn't until they were 6-7 months old that I did and I regret not doing it sooner....the sooner you get more comfortable doing it, the easier it gets!
That being said...none of my close friends have more than 1 child (2 are pregnant though!) so even though my kids are older than some they just don't understand why I won't (alone) bring my kids to playdates at malls and things when I don't have the extra hands...or energy, to chase them!

HUGS! It does get easier, but for me anyways, that little "irk" never has passed

 

Truthfully, the only time I'm jealous is when I see a cool single stroller that I wish they made as a double.

I'm not an envious person by nature, but I definitely am not jealous of singleton moms. I feel so lucky to have twins. I love the way they interact. I love their incredible closeness. When they were small, I loved that Paul and I each had a baby to hold. I love how having twins has strengthened our marriage since we've become such a team in taking care of our girls. I love learning my girls' similarities and differences and how they compliment one another. I really think twins are so special and that I won the baby lottery with them.

 

This is so true! Like I said before, I had 3 kids before having twins. So Fred was used to parenting. But with Sydney and Sabrina, he really stepped it up in the Dad dept. He was a great dad before, but I pretty much did most of the baby stuff. I was the one staying home, and I was breastfeeding so it kind of made sense. But with two babies, it was so much easier for him to really step in and help. He's always felt a little left out with a newborn around, but that didn't happen with twins the same way. I think that was good for both of us!

 

I was until last week when the twins looked at each other and for the first time starting cooing, smiling and laughing while keeping eye contact with one another. It was such a great feeling. Anyone can go to a park, go shopping etc with a baby but only some of us will ever get to experience the strong connection our twins share. All this hard work the last 4 months became a blur when I saw this. Now each and every day they are cooing and smiling at each other more and more. I love it.

Take it as a gift. I understand that's easier said then done but you're only 7 weeks into it and it really does get better.

 

Oh heck yeah! Especially at the stage you're at now. To be honest, I still sometimes feel, well, not jealous exactly, but wistful that my girls arrived in a pair rather than one at a time. I think especially now that I've had a singleton & have seen how different that experience is. That being said, everything everyone else has said about twins is also true - the bond & the relationship my girls share is really neat to see (especially as they get older). It's definitely easier that they can entertain each other while I'm caring for their brother. The adjustment to a new baby in the house was pretty smooth in part, I feel, to the fact that they've always had to share my time & attention - that was nothing new to them & so it wasn't a huge shock. Hang in there! You're really in the thick of it right now. Also, if you need a break from the grind, take it. Don't wait for someone to offer to help out, or to give you the ok to go. Just decide that you're going for a walk, let your partner know, and head out for 30 minutes. Or to the nearest coffee shop to flip through a magazine & drink something yummy. Or heck, buy some ear plugs & go soak in your bath by yourself for 30 minutes! Having some time to yourself doesn't have to be a big thing or take a lot of effort - just some creativity & making it work for you. You'll be surprised at how much of a difference it makes. :hug:

 

At the age yours kids are now, YES! It definitely would have been easier to go places, get sleep at night, etc. I think that first year or so was more survival mode than it would have been with one, but partially because my kids had severe reflux, milk and soy intolerance, and didn't STTN until almost 10 months old.

Now, I'm mostly glad they are twins because they play and have so much fun together and I don't always have to entertain them. Every once in awhile, I still think it would be easier with only one, like when we go to a family event and DH and I barely get to eat because of trying to keep our kids taken care of. Or when they are fighting over a toy or something they both want (which is our current phase). I'm hoping in a couple of years, that will settle down, too.

 

YES I did and still do get these feelings, sometimes I feel cheated then feel guilty of feeling this way because this is my second marriage and at 42, with an almost teenager I really only wanted one and was a little upset at first to be pregnant with twins - of course that doesn't take away my enormous love and affection for them!... but as everyone says, I felt this the most when they were tiny and as they get bigger, it becomes easier in different ways and you work out how to manage two babies and outings (although I still don't go out too much with them on my own - have never taken them shopping by myself, BUT I do take them for walk regularly and lap up the attention they bring !)

 

I am not jealous of mothers of singletons, but yes in many ways it is so much easier with one baby. It is true the more you do things on your own with your babies, the easier it gets. I was never very adventurous with mine when they were that small, but I often took them for walks. The fresh air helped me and often they would fall asleep. There are still certain things that I do not do alone with them as I feel I need another adult.

When things just get too much for you try and have time out, even if it is just 30 minutes. I would often rush out as soon as DH stepped into the house.
:youcandoit:

 

I just came back in and saw that you said seven WEEK twins. I'm sorry, I read months! I still maintain that we're lucky to have twins, but I know that at seven weeks it seemed like our world was a fog of feed/change/sleep/repeat. It's going to get easier soon!

 

It goes without saying that I absolutely love my family and wouldn't change a thing about it, but I DEFINITELY still feel a little jealous of people with only one baby or child, like it is an experience I was jipped out of. I will never know what it is like to have only one child... the one-on-one time, the ability to pick up and go at almost any time with just one, the freedom... how "easy" it must be! Life with newborn twins is so hectic and it's so easy to forget to slow down and enjoy the miracle!! Of course if I would have had a singleton first, I wouldn't have appreciated it in the moment, either!! So you are not alone in your feelings! Congratulations on your twins!!

 

I think this is a really good point. My sister had her first 3 months after my girls were born & she would call me in tears about this or that, about how hard it was, how she wasn't getting any sleep, etc. I constantly had to bite my tongue and remind myself that it was hard for her & a huge change from her life before. Just because I had it harder didn't make her experience invalid.

 

I agree with this 100% I was reading through the replies, the ones were we were saying how one was so much easier and I thought, ya know if I had had a one first I know I would have thought it was so, so hard. So I try to sympathize with my friends who have newborns, because no matter how many there are, it IS hard. I am glad, however, that I've been able to experience the wonder of twins and the wonder of just one. Who is screaming his head off right now instead of napping! :lol Poor little man.

 

I agree with weegus, I DEFINITELY didn't take advantage of having only one while I could. Granted, she was only 9 months old when I got pregnant with #2&3, so there wasn't much time to get over the whole life-is-so-much-more-complicated-when-u-have-a-kid thing before my pregnancy went downhill and I had nooooo energy at all to do anything. But looking back, I wish I had appreciated how much easier it is to get only one kid out of the house!

And yeah 7 weeks is HARD!! At that point it was taking me about 2 hours to get out of the house with everybody, and all I was doing was nursing, burping, changing, repeat. Now if I'm rushing we can do it in about 45 minutes lol. It gets better soon you will get there!!

 

I loved the baby stage (ok, not 6 weeks with a fussy baby). However, when they could crawl and I spent about a year 2 feet away from them because they'd beat the crap out of eachother whenever I turned around... not so much. Twin toddlers have given me a run for my money.

 

I have 6 kids. My first 3 were singletons. When I had my first singleton I THOUGHT he was hard, I think that even though they had a singleton first time moms may feel overwhelmed at times because they don't know any different. THEN I added my second OMGosh I had it rough and knew what it was like to have twins since they were fairly close in age (LMBO!!!) THEN I added one more sweet boy I was old mother Hubbard. Then I had a set of twins and realized that my first 3 were not hard and that I had NO idea what having a set of twins was like. My twins we're not easy babies, they were born as sleep haters, one of them took a bottle maybe twice, my DH went back to work when they were 5 days old and I was omy own. When my twins were 7 weeks old I was envious of those new singleton moms I swear I would have let the mail man in to hold a baby if I could have gotten up quick enough to get. His attention LOL!!! I did love the attention we got at the grocery store etc....but I hardly ever got to get out and when I did, breast feeding twins in public was so tricky that I spent most of my time either in the van or feeling very rushed because they always wanted to nurse. Now that they are older I would not trade it for the world. I am actually sad for people who don't have a set. I kind of feel like the member of an elite club. There is nothing like watching kids that were born together grow up. The bond these two have is like nothing I have ever seen before. All of the hard times we had when they were infants, all of the not so easy times now that they are 5 are totally worth it. I would not trade it for the world.

 

I just have to say that I can not imagine how hard it must be to have had twins as your first children (or for anyone who had twins first). I often comment to people that I am so glad twins were my 2nd & 3rd and not my 1st. I had my son first, then 8 years later had the girls and I am so thankful that I knew what to expect by having my son first.

With that said, however, my son was 100 times harder than my girls. Since day 1, I was able to take my girls to more places by myself than I would have ever attempted with my son. He was so hard to control and never listened, and my girls have always been very compliant with everything. Of course we later found out he had ADHD, so that explained much of the difficulty, but I absolutely hated going anywhere by myself with him because he has always been a difficult child.

I have also felt like I belonged to this special club by having twins. I was so in love with the idea of having two, and getting to experience something that very few people in this world would get to experience. I've met so many people that say they wished they had twins...granted they have no clue how hard it is....but I am so amazed that I was the one blessed with this wonderful blessing of TWO babies at once. But, then again, I already knew what it was like to have one.

I know you have heard this a bunch, but it will get easier. I wasn't able to take my girls anywhere for the first two months because they were preemies, so that was a very hard time. However, once I got the okay to take them out, I did not let the fact that I had two babies stop me from doing anything. I changed when I went to stores (early morning with fewer people versus afternoon, etc.),and how long i was gone (just stopped when they began to fuss and finished up later or on another day) but I took them everywhere I went. It's definitely an adjustment, but you just can't let the fact that there are two stop you from doing things you want to do.

 

Me too!