Anyone have one twin that needs to be held...

My little girl has to be held EVERY SINGLE waking moment! I don't know how much more I can take of this. My poor DS! And my poor 3 y/o who is adjusting well...even tho I didn't get the chance to feed her lunch today (bad mommy) but she didn't complain. It has gotten so bad that my mom and I got in a fight on Christmas because my kitchen wasn't cleaned to her expectations. I thought she understood how hard it is for us but out of nowhere at dinner I asked if something was wrong and she said "I didn't expect to have to clean your kitchen while I was here". Wha wha wha whaaaat? I thought she was doing it to help us. (I was only up till 3 am wrapping presents only to get up at 5 am to feed and asleep again for 3 more hours.) Anyway, my point of this is my DD won't let me put her down. I try all day. If I put her down she sleeps for maybe 15 minutes. And during that 15 minutes I will hold my poor DS if he's awake. This is all I do all day is hold her. Does anyone else have or had a twin that just needs to be held all day? How do you cope?

 

OMG! I totally know what you are feeling, BUT it changes from twin to twin at the drop of a dime.. like today, I feel like I have held Ryan all day and Zach barely at all... then at a moments notice, it will be Zach being held non stop.. must be a twin thing. :huh:

 

Get a Bjorn or a sling asap! It makes everything SO much easier. Your little high-maintenance baby gets lots of cuddle time with you, and you have your hands free to get stuff done or hold the other baby.

(And btw, your mom is NUTS for expecting you to clean your kitchen! What planet is she on???)

 

What happens if you don't hold her? Does she cry? I'm thinking that you should let her cry some...only because you have twins and that's just life. I know that she won't suffer from crying for a bit here and there and she may even get more comfortable just being. I feel guilty at the end of some days when one has needed me more than the other (squeaky wheel) but I can't imagine if it was everyday all day. I know it's hard to hear them but you may just have to let her fuss. I agree with PP about the Bjorn or sling of some sort. I also put my girls in their small bouncy right on the table or counter in the room I'm in, for some reason being higher up seems to help them...I guess it's because they can see me better.

About your mom....merry flippin' Christmas! That wasn't nice of her.

 

QUOTE(girls! @ Dec 26 2007, 10:05 PM) [snapback]547000[/snapback]
I'm thinking that you should let her cry some...only because you have twins and that's just life. I also put my girls in their small bouncy right on the table or counter in the room I'm in, for some reason being higher up seems to help them...I guess it's because they can see me better.



Our DS is not happy unless he is being held too. I figured out that it is a sleep issue for him - hates to fall asleep. I know they say not to do cry it out until later but we figured out that it is always less than 10 minutes of cry/fuss and then he falls asleep. If we give in and hold him he is too interested in looking at things and doesn't sleep which then makes him want to be held more. Since we started using HSHHC there really isn't a lot of "awake" time that isn't spent feeding and/or soothing to sleep. It's made more work but there is a lot less crying and less screaming if not being held.

Let us know if you learn a trick!

 

My DS is like that he has to be held every second of the day. He wont even go to anyone else either. I feel bad too when I hold him all the time and never get to hold DD that much.

 

Like past post says get a baby bjorn, I love it. It leaves my hands free and they always fall right asleep.

 

My DD is like that mainly when she is tired. We decided that enough was enough and that I was not going to hold her from 7p-11p anymore. So last night we did their last bottle, and laid both of them down awake. They (mainly she) fussed for an hour, we went in every 10 minutes and patted them and shushed until they were calm and then left. Tonight, we did the same thing and after 20 minutes and 2 shushings they fell asleep (and have been for 2.5 hours). While I think full blown CIO may be too soon, try a modified version. i felt so guility for it, but i was getting so frustrated that i was starting to resent her instead of enjoy her. when she woke up this morning she was all smiles and didn't seem any worse for the wear.

 

At 6 weeks I had to let my DD with terrible colic cry to sleep everytime.She hated to to held to be put to sleep. After 10 min or so she would go to sleep.But when she wasn't asleep all she wanted to do was be held. I know the feeling. Most of us go through it.It is hard. Now she is a much happier baby and it is great. It started getting better at 3 mo so hopefully soon she will start to get better. Get a sling. I know a lady who sells them online at slingsbysarah.com They are great and helped with my DD alot and now I even do it if we aren't taking the stroller out or if I need to get soemthing done and she need to be held. Don't be afraid to put her down and let her cry some. If she cries even when I hold her I will put her to bed and if she doesn't stop in 10 min I will get her and she is so much happier and appreciates being held. Good luck. It will get better

 

I'm one of the older generation, and I hated to hear one of the twins cry. I wanted to do everything in my power to keep them quiet and content, yet one of the boys had severe reflux. He's nearly 10 months old and I still wear most of his food on my shirt and pants during the day. I understood that he felt bad and wanted to be held and comforted, but there was another little one that required attention as well - off the track here - but I used to keep a clean house - my beds were always made, the dishes done and the laundry washed and put away - I don't have a third child in the mix and I get the boys around dawn each morning and have them until around 5:00 - well this grandmother has dishes in the sink, my bed isn't always made, and the laundry can pile up because we have plenty of other clothes to wear - so from this mother/grandmother who is probably older than your mother - tell your mom to chill or you have no problem if she wants to come and clean then feel free. I try to keep most things presentable but if it isn't - it just isn't - because the babies are what is most important ---- but now back on track -- I held and cuddled M as much as possible, but as much as I disliked laying him down and allowing him to cry - sometimes I just had to do it to take care of G. It broke my heart but I learned how to do it. Fortunately G was content and I could feed, hold and cuddle him for a bit and he was content to lay and play and then I could go back to M, but my point is, I had to train myself to do it. I tried swings, bouncers, etc. M just wanted to be held and like I said - I understood because he felt bad. Once he was put on medication and felt better, the crying got to be less frequent, but after months of this I was on this site and I'm not at all sure what it's called - I can't remember, but a mother had some sort of wrap - not a sling and not a baby bjorn, but it was long and somehow you wrapped it around you and it held the baby tight, directly against your body. She indicated it was so comfortable that she hiked with it, etc. Several people then chimed in that they had one and that it was a Godsend. One lady even replied that she could wrap it a certain way and she carried both twins against her chest and that it didn't feel like any weight at all and it was not uncomfortable. Perhaps that is the solution and if someone recognizes what I am describing, if you could post the name of it again, my daughter is unexpectedly pregnant. The twins will only be 17 months old when the new baby(s) arrive and I'd like to try one of these out myself. The birth will be in the summer and I know the boys will want to be playing outside so I think it will be perfect for me.

In short my advice - is do what you have to do. If you have to put the needy baby down long enough to prepare lunch for your older or comfort the other twin, then don't feel guilty. You only have two hands and if your mother doesn't like your kitchen, tell her to feel free to clean it or to send Merry Maids your way on her dime. You'll gladly accept the considerate gift.

 

I had a twin who was like this. I think it was because of us though, in the very beginning he was held A LOT, so he took on to that as habit... and he would cry and scream to be held constantly. It didn't get better until he was about 6 months old.

 

I recommend the Ergo carrier -- I've found that one to be more comfortable than the Bjorn. The baby "sits" on it, instead of hanging from the crotch....you can only wear the baby facing in, snuggling against you -- but they love that, especially at this age! It can also be used as a hip or back carrier, but I haven't used it that way yet.

I feel for you -- you certainly don't need your mom to be giving you grief about your kitchen! Sheesh.

Have you tried swaddling, white noise, swings, pacifier, anything and everything to get your DD to sleep for longer than 15 minutes?

 

QUOTE(****mws**** @ Dec 27 2007, 07:55 AM) [snapback]547257[/snapback]
my kids are older .. but i had a general rule.. no holding them while standing!

that includes bedtime no stand rocking

also i never let anyone hold em while they were standing...


I couldn't agree more. My sis "walks" her babies all the time. Her DD who is 4 was "walked" to sleep for every nap and bedtime. It was very exhausting for all of us, now she has her 2nd and she does the same thing. I decided after watching her that we would have a no "walking" rule. For the most part we've stuck to it. If the girls need to be held - we hold them on our terms. Of course we comfort them and give them movement etc. but walking them can go on for hours and we didn't want to start that. Sometimes if one of them is fussing for a minute or two before a nap my sis will say "I don't mind walking her" I say "absolutely not" and within minutes she falls asleep (at nap time, bedtime's another story). Anyway, this is a long way of saying - I agree.

ETA: My sister is a super great mom. It's merely a difference in preference on the walking thing... didn't want it to sound like I don't think she's a good mom. She's fabulous.

 

Thanks everyone for your replies. I should have added that I do have a sling. The baby Bjorn and the hammock sling style. They worked in the beginning up until she was about 9 weeks old. It's funny. She now doesn't want to be turned inward. She wants to look out facing away but only if she is at an angle. You have to hold her with her butt up against you and her chest in your palms, looking down not straight up. That seems to be the only position she wants to be in. And it is so tiring to our arms to hold her this way. She is a refluxer and is on medicine. I have been told she is probably colicky (3 different doctors). But she is like this from the moment she wakes up until she goes to bed. So it's not classic colic. I wish I knew how to help her. She is never happy. I would be okay if she was fussy once in awhile but it never stops.

QUOTE(Becca34 @ Dec 27 2007, 09:53 AM) [snapback]547375[/snapback]
Have you tried swaddling, white noise, swings, pacifier, anything and everything to get your DD to sleep for longer than 15 minutes?


Swaddling has helped her sleep. We use a CD that plays a fan. She also takes a pacifier. But during waking moments is when she screams and cries. So I guess all I can hope for is that she'll grow out of this soon. It's just amazing at how fussy she is. I've never seen a baby this unhappy before.

 

Picky picky picky! She is very particular, isn't she!

Have you thought about a Moby Wrap? You might be able to get her in just the right position that way.

How often does she eat? Could she be hungry?

:hug99: Good luck getting through this!