Anyone embarassed to discipline kids in public?

Hi Folks,

I feel like everyone is staring at me whenever I try to discipline my 2 very high-spirited 3 year olds. Yesterday in the grocery store I had to more then once threaten to take them home because they kept fighting and I felt like the whole store was staring- not in a good way. This happens a lot. In the library, at the park- My girls aren't horrible but they need a lot of reminding and I feel so "on the spot" when it happens. I don't scream at them but I do talk sternly. I am not out of control and I don't spank. So why do I feel like I am drawing so much attention to myself when I need to discipline them?

It sometimes makes me not want to go out with them.....Anyone else feel this way?

 

I remember training them to stay by me in the grocery store. So it was either stay in the cart or hold onto the cart. They were pushing the limits of letting go of the cart so they both went in the cart and screamed the entire shopping trip. I got lots of looks and several comments, "I think they need a nap" They were 2 and it was 9AM in the morning, they did not need a nap. However, fast forward to several trips later. I now get lots of comments when we are out and they are both holding my hand and/or holding a cart while shopping about how well behaved they are.

You are doing the right thing by disciplining while out and consistency does pay off. Every once in awhile they push limits again and it's back to disciplining. It stinks but if you want them to behave while you are out with them it is the only way to do it.

 

I really don't care who watches! I am going to discipline my kids and they are going to look regardless of if you are the stern discipline type mom or the passive your kids are knocking people over in the store mom. This old nosy lady walked up and tapped me after I disciplined Kenney and he was crying in the cart that I shouldn't be so mean to him. I took him out of my cart without saying a word, placed him and the diaper bag in her cart and told her she could raise him if I was doing such a bad job. I stared her down and Kenney got a kick out of it. When she turned red as a beet, I put my baby back in my cart told her to mind her business, and finished my shopping.

Yeah I know. I tend to be kind of impulsive.

 

Personally I am more offended by parents who don't discipline poorly behaved kids than those who are discipling them. I will always discipline my kids when they act up, in public or not. That's the only way to be consistent with them. That doesn't mean I like it or I'm not embarrassed sometimes but that's life. A little discipline now will prevent huge embarrasement later when they are totally out of control when they figure out you won't do anything about it in public.

 

Nope. Iknow I am trying to teach my girls correct public behavior and if someone doesn't like me telling them not to hide in the clothes racks then on them!

 

YESSSSS! As a matter of fact that is EXACTLY how my last trip to the mall with them went. They were hungry and we were waiting in line for food when it got really ugly. But the whole experience was embarassing and stressful.

 

i am embarrassed when I have discipline and they are crying and don't like it. but i know it's going to pay off. most ppl who make comments or stare like that I think don't have children at all or at least none in that stage of development.

 

quote:
Originally posted by twoplustwo:
Personally I am more offended by parents who don't discipline poorly behaved kids than those who are discipling them. I will always discipline my kids when they act up, in public or not. That's the only way to be consistent with them. That doesn't mean I like it or I'm not embarrassed sometimes but that's life. A little discipline now will prevent huge embarrasement later when they are totally out of control when they figure out you won't do anything about it in public.


EXACTLY! Everything Alison said!

I just went through this today in WalMart. It was a WM in a nice, well-off community so, of course, everyone was just staring at me like I was a vagrant that brought her poorly behaved twins in their nice, quiet store. Casey was a complete nightmare in there today. I had to repeatedly tell her to stop doing stuff. I had picked up a ball for her and I told her twice to sit down and behave or she was losing the ball. On the third time, I took the ball. She went berserk! Too bad. I was getting so many stares and more than once got "the look". You know the one - the "she doesn't have any control over those children" look.

I normally would have walked right out of the store and taken them home but I had left my car at the auto center for an oil change. It was awful. I was embarrassed but I figure the only way to avoid future episodes like that is to stick to the discipline.

 

Yeah!!!! Im not the only one who disciplines in public! I have given the look back when people are giving me that "look".

 

Man...my kids must not get out enough...they usually behave pretty well when they do get out...they are just fascinated by the change in scenery...

I'm sure I have had a few occasions... I tend to limit it to a stern warning...but I have known moms to make good on their threats to go home or turn the car around...the key to these threats is that you must follow through or the kids won't ever believe you. I do spank my kids at home... but never in public...lest I have someone thinking I'm abusive and hauling me off to jail for swatting a behind... plus I think spankings need to be private.... discipline isn't about humilating a child..it's about correcting them... I don't know... I think you can have some very general rules about all outings that can make them go smoother... things like no touching anything..period...staying in the cart or holding on at all times... throwing fits can't always be avoided...but using common sense and not taking them out at naptime or mealtime helps... and there are just some things kids have a hard time tolerating...hours of clothes shopping is one of those things...it isn't enjoyable for mommy when the kids are there..and it's not enjoyable for the kids for long...so I try not to do it with them much...

 

I too dread taking mine out in public, my husband and I are at odds about discipling them so quite often they are very well, lets call it naughty lol... and I am so embarrassed either by the fact that we are discipling them or that they are so out of control!

 

I hear you!! I do get embarassed too and thats why at this time I choose to wait till DH gets home to go. I know I can't do it forever but it's SO MUCH EASIER!! I agree with pp keep consistant. I also think getting their mind off of being mad helps like "oh my gosh look at that!!" in the store and it might take their mind off screaming. At least at my 2's age sometimes it works.

 

I did this about two weeks ago at Zellers, I had both the kids with me and I was buying lace tie shoes for Sierra. Ryan who cannot tie yet was adamant that he too was getting shoes. I told Ryan to give me a few minutes to finish up with Sierra, and then I would look at shoes for him, but not lace ones. OMG he kicked me in the stomach, threw a pair of shoes at my head. That was it, I didnt care who was looking, I put Sierra's shoes in the cart and she walked beside me, and Ryan was wailing and failing about and I stopped and told him that he behaviour was totally uncalled for, and as a result of his fit, kicking mommy in the tummy and throwing shoes at my head he was NOT getting anything. Well I realzied I could be at Zellers forever waiting for him to settle down so I put on a brave face and got in the checkout line, and Ryan is still screaming and failing "mommy I want new shoes, damnit mommy I want shoes" he is beet red, and the lady infront of me turned around and looked at me like WTH, I calmly replied "I'm sorry my son isnt getting his own way, and apparently he is not liking it" she didnt say a word.

I paid for Sierra's shoes and we left.

 

Thanks folks. I am glad to hear I am not the only one AND I am glad to hear others don't care!

I guess I have always thought that disciplining a child was sort of a private thing-even though you are in public. You are having a conversation with your child and people are listening in and staring- It's just plain rude. Not only to me- but my child. Whenever I see someone disciplining their child I usually look the other way to give that family the space they need. Therefore, I am put off by those that stare, make faces or make comments.

I guess I just need to get over it...or start staring back at people!


Thanks again for your input.

Lisa

 

I tend to get a little embarrassed as well, but that doesn't stop me. When my son was smaller, we went out to "practice being good". It sounds hokey, but it really made a difference in how he acted on outings. If he wasn't on his best behavior and started getting out of hand, we went home. It didn't take him long to learn that.

Now, with the girls, I'm not sure that's going to work as well. Discipline really hasn't come into play with the girls yet, I tell them no and redirect, but that's about it.

I figure that we've got to have bad days out so that we can learn the right way to act. The practice is good for us. I learn from those days out as well, timing is everything! When timing can't be helped, ya have to know how to deal!

 

quote:
This old nosy lady walked up and tapped me after I disciplined Kenney and he was crying in the cart that I shouldn't be so mean to him. I took him out of my cart without saying a word, placed him and the diaper bag in her cart and told her she could raise him if I was doing such a bad job. I stared her down and Kenney got a kick out of it. When she turned red as a beet, I put my baby back in my cart told her to mind her business, and finished my shopping.


You are my hero!

 

ya I agree, it's more of an embarrassment when you don't discipline then if you do. A few months ago, we were in Walmart and Zayne wanted to be held and refused to sit in the wagon. She was having a hyperventilating fit. My husband took her out of the store and I stayed in with McAuley and the items to purchase.
We follow the Bible's guidelines for discipline, but don't think it is appropriate to do so in a public place, but rather in a peaceful, controlled environment. So when leaving purchases is not an option, the van is second best! I know many parents who have left full wagons of groceries to take their child home to be disciplined. I am sure I'll have to do that someday, too!! But my kids should never think that just because they are not home, they can get away with not obeying! The rules apply everywhere!
And no one has the right to tell me that I am not being nice to my kids. It's easy to say when they are not yours and you are not responsible for their training and development. As for ME and MY HOUSE, we will serve the LORD!!

 

quote:
Originally posted by that1gyrl:
I really don't care who watches! I am going to discipline my kids and they are going to look regardless of if you are the stern discipline type mom or the passive your kids are knocking people over in the store mom. This old nosy lady walked up and tapped me after I disciplined Kenney and he was crying in the cart that I shouldn't be so mean to him. I took him out of my cart without saying a word, placed him and the diaper bag in her cart and told her she could raise him if I was doing such a bad job. I stared her down and Kenney got a kick out of it. When she turned red as a beet, I put my baby back in my cart told her to mind her business, and finished my shopping.

Yeah I know. I tend to be kind of impulsive.


OMG You crack me up. I would have loved to see that busy body face when you put the child in her cart. FUNNY

Nope I dont get embaressed. I would rather be seen discplining my children then me being seen not discplining them and them being brats in the store. You are doing a great job teaching your children to be good in the store and if not there will be consequences. Dont be embaressed about doing the right thing.

Cherie
Ramzie 6/8/00
Malena & Sofia 6/27/03

 

Honestly - I don't feel embarrased. Many people come up and tell me that they have twins and that their twins fight as well. We do leave the store if they cannot behave. And, we have done "time out" at the grocery store.

One time a lady said something to me - I was SO mad I told her I dodn't want my kids to grow up to be a jerk like her and discipling them would help make sure they grew up right. Her jaw hit the floor.

Consistency is KEY!

 

Lily is really at the age where she is pushing limits. She doesnt want to sit in the cart but if she wont hold someone's hand or she decides she wants to lay on the floor in the middle of the store then it's time for her to go in the cart. She hates it but I dont care. People look at me like I am horrible and I just smile at them, all the while she will be screaming.

I agree with everyone else. If you are going to have a child that is well behaved in the store then you have to teach them that. If that means a swat on the butt or a time out or whatever then thats what you have to do. My mother doesnt like it when I discipline the kids but I do it anyway. I will NOT have a bunch of little uncontrollable monsters for kids. We do time outs and swats on the butt. Both of those work for us and the kids are learning. Thats all I care about and everyone else can screw off!