Anyone else's families having a hard time??

with the "bed rest"?!?!?!?!?

I seriously think that all these people think I must think it's so much fun to just sit here on the couch and not be helping out!?!!!?!?

And I think my hubby is the worst! He's having a hard time dealing with taking care of all the house stuff, plus all three kids and all the other crap that goes along with "life" -

I am totally going insane!!! Anyone else!!!?

 

with the "bed rest"?!?!?!?!?

I seriously think that all these people think I must think it's so much fun to just sit here on the couch and not be helping out!?!!!?!?

And I think my hubby is the worst! He's having a hard time dealing with taking care of all the house stuff, plus all three kids and all the other crap that goes along with "life" -

I am totally going insane!!! Anyone else!!!?

 

My husband, understood it from the start - for people who aren't here - it's been harder to grasp. My parents came to visit right after my bedrest started.

They went to a dr appointment and it was good, because both kids showed growth. So they asked the dr. if they could take me out to dinner. (I should explain that my bedrest is modified - it's been due to high bp not pre-term labor - so my dr. was very non-specific about what to do). So the dr said "that would be nice" than my mother started asking about eating out one meal a day while they were here - I wanted to punch her - esp. since I wanted to go to Target or BabiesRUs not eat out!


Since last week, when my dr. scheduled me for tommorrow (12/28) I've actually been enjoying my bedrest. For one thing, I'm not taking it quite so seriously and when I do rest I enjoy it more becuase it's the home stretch.

We are fortunate not to have any other kids - so it's just us - which makes it easier.

Hang in there!
Miriam

 

I think that's the biggest challenge...the "other kids" part...as we have three others, 7, almost 6 and 2...and it's my hubby that doesn't seem to understand. He is getting very tired of doing "everything" himself and me just "sitting here on the couch" and not helping out.

 

I am not on bedrest, but can feel for you! Just because I am not on bedrest, people think I can still do everything I used to do. My husband who thinks my job is "easy" is having a hard time trying to help out just a little bit. SOOO frustrating.....I don't know how he is going to manage with the kids and housework while I get a much needed vacation in the hospital.
I try not to worry what others think too much, and you shouldn't either, and really pregnancy doesn't last forever, tg, otherwise our homes would really be in shambles.

Take it easy, and enjoy your rest....once the babies are born you will have lots to do and catch up on.

Ps. Maybe husband thinks he needs a reward for doing all the chores, lol.....

 

I am not on bedrest, but do try to take things pretty easy. So most of the time dishes and laundry pile up and the house is strewn with toys from my 2 year old. It's very hard to make myself rest, but I know it helps the babies (I have one placenta) and I know it's temporary. I'm sorry your DH is having such a hard time. Do your two oldest help out with chores some...putting away silverware? picking up? Just remember it won't last forever. No words of advice on how to help your DH...sorry. My DH doesn't complain too much, but I know it's hard on him. Sending hugs!

 

I know that DH had a hard time, but we didn't have kids to take care of on top of it all. I think if that were the case, I would be typing a TOTALLY different post.

I can say though, he was awesome, and did his best. The house was not always clean, and my laundry was folded with so many wrinkles, it looked like it had never been washed. But at least it was clean, and he made me breakfast, lunch and dinner around the clock. And sure, it was peanut butter and jelly, sometimes 3x a day, but I still managed to gain plenty of weight!!!

Hang in there (so cliche to say, I know). It is hard on everyone.

 

Just wanted to post a word of encouragement for your DH. I've never been on bedrest, but over the past month I've been the caretaker for someone who was recovering from major surgery. Someone who wasn't allowed to lift more than a few pounds. Someone who would get winded walking to the kitchen and back. Not the same as bedrest, but certainly an adult who was temporarily unable to pull his weight at home.

To be flat out honest with you, there were times when it was really difficult. He'd be home all day while I was working & yet I'd be the one that had to do EVERYTHING. Make dinner, do dishes, get the mail, take out the trash, do laundry. I felt like I had two jobs. I feel for him to have that PLUS the worries of a multiple pregnancy PLUS the older kids.

I guess what I'm saying is that if there is a way to lessen his "to do" list, then do so. If you are particular about how the house is kept up, don't be. If you can afford someone to come and help clean, do so. Have the kids help by cleaning up after themselves. Give him a night "off" to go out with friends. Keep in mind that as difficult as this may be for you, its also difficult on him...just in different ways.

 

Yes! We had such a hard time with bedrest.

First, with me, it was so hard just not to do anything. I had been so used just going out, especially on Fridays. That day, we usually go out with friends and go out to eat. I hated just sitting there, and not doing anything (although it was nice to sleep whenever I wanted)

Second, it was hard on my 4 year old. She had to go to daycare. I'm a SAHM and she had never been to daycare. She had such a hard time. Plus, I couldn't do the things that we usually did.

Third, it was hard on my DH. He had to have all the burden-child care, house work, taking care of me.

Plus, I felt like no one cared. Only a few people called me to see how I was doing or offer to help. My mom and a few people were the only ones who would come see me.

 

I´m not on bedrest, but there´s just too much party

After celebrating christmas eve with our small family at home (that was great), and than visiting my parents, my husbands parents and my grandparents (and they DON´T live together, of course, so it´s three visits), tomorrow is my daughters birthday, and the day after my husband´s making a bachelor´s eve for his best friend, and then come New Years eve, and then there´s the wedding of my husband´s best friend, and it goes on and on and on...

Seems I just don´t have the time to go in labour at all. But today, fortunately my daughters were so tired that we spent most of the day in bed. Shall our flat rot

 

My family did ok but like many of the others, I had no children to care for. Is there any money in the budget to do a one time cleaning person? My mom did that for me and it was soo much easier to maintain once you knew it had a great once over. Do you have any friends who you could ask to help with the older children? Just trying to brain storm some ideas that would lessen the load on DH. I know if roles were reversed for me I probably would have found it extremely challenging to carry on all the needs in life while my spouse laid on the couch (even though it was obviously much needed and for a great cause).

A side note, I am not sure exactly how strict your bedrest is but I hope you are laying on the couch and not sitting !

 

i know a little about this kind of thing since my first husband hated house work with a passion. when i had to rest my ex almost refused to do dishes, but he would try to cook. so what we did to compensate was to get paper plates and plastic silverware. he didn't gripe too much about the garbage since it got him out of the house for fresh air. as far as having other children they can help too. make it a game. who ever gets their chore done first gets a sucker or other choice prize. ddaddy will like the extra help too! also there is a website that i talk about with some of my friends from church. Flylady.com . this lady will help dad with the stuff that he doesn't like and she tells you to use a timer. which will get the kids interested as well. your 2 year old can hold the time or something if he/she can't compete in your household olympics just yet. this can be something that you can pitch and join in and you won't feel so helpless. i hope that this helps some.
lots of love!!!
meshell

 

YES!! especially my dh - I hate to say this but if there was something that needed to be done that I was afraid to do -I
had to say my back hurts so bad right now - because I did not want to
have problems and dh does NOT see the need to keep up with the housework!

 

Let me tell you that your problems didn't begin with bedrest...it began with just being pregnant. I am 30 weeks almost and I have been almost as active as normal up to this point. I still do all the housework and care for my child (but did put him in preschool 2 days a week because I didn't have the energy to do as much fun stuff with him at home). As much as I do, I get huffs of disappointment now that I told DH I can't do his laundry anymore (bending to pick it off the floor makes me vomit in my mouth and have a hard time breathing). He seems ok wtih me saying he is going to have to grocery shop now and he also volunteered to grill once a week so we can have good food (because I am resorting to more processed quick fix things than I ever have). Also, my ILs were peeved that we broke our promise (made before getting pg) to visit for Thanksgiving and insisted that at 25 weeks pg with twins I wasn't so big I really couldn't make the 8 hour (one way) drive to their house (which is in a rural area with a hospital I wouldn't want to deliver a full term singleton pg at much less worry about going into premature labor there). People are not very understanding and that is something I have just learned. Even if you were able to do as much as I am, it wouldn't be enough!

 

I totally understand what you are going through. I'm on modified best rest and taking Nifedipine (spell ?) for contractions. I was in the hospital twice and felt it was such an inconvenience for my DH. I have the same issues w/ my DH. He does not get the best rest thing and seems to forget I should be off my feet. We hired a PT nanny and a house cleaner 3 wks ago and that is still not enough for him. My DH complains all the time about all the stuff he does. We have a 2 1/2 yr old DD and I still take care of her after the nanny leaves because I get tired of hearing my DH complain. He is getting a little better about helping out. I know he does a lot around the house plus work but geeze he needs to remember that this is only short term and think of the consequences if the twins were born too early. Hang in there!! BTW, I just realized we are due 1 day apart!

Michelle
EDD 3/17/07

 

Thanks so much for posting this. I am not on bedrest; just a first-time pregnant lady who feels like I'm lugging around 2 bowling balls everywhere I go (plus now another one where my lungs used to be), so it helps to hear how other people adapt to and communicate their changing needs and expectations. Good luck with everything. PS, your kids look absolutely adorable in the picture.