Anyone else's DH travel a lot for work?

I think I am just looking to vent, DH has just told me that basically he is going to be gone 1/2 of January. We purposely accepted this job half way around the world so that he wouldn't have to travel as much as he did in Canada, and really, so far the travel amount has been the same as it was in Canada, only now, I have no family around for extra support.
I am still breastfeeding, so was thinking that I would start to wean in a few weeks, and now he will not be around to help with that transition - figures! He is also travelling during the twins first birthday. I am so upset about that too. I mean, its one day out of the year that I would like him to be around! he told me to go ahead and have their party without him. Like, what a stupid thing to say!!! It would be a little hard to hold a birthday party without his help. Once I told him that he said he really wanted to be around for the party but thought I needed to have it on their actual birthday.

I am sooo angry right now, they sprung this trip on him today, and of course he never has a say in it, if they tell him to travel he has to travel. I am so mad, jealous and am nearly in tears. I haven't had a break from the twins in nearly a year - I have spent everyday with them, and everynight. Yet total he has been away from them for approximately 3 to 4 months due to work, moving across the world etc, so he has no idea what it is like to never get to sleep in, never get to be "off-call".

I have been debating taking a week to myself (going on a trip with my sister) once I wean from breastfeeding, but so far I have felt guilty about wanting/needing a week away, so haven't planned anything....but dh obviously has no problem leaving the twins for weeks at a time, so why should I!! Argh!

Anyone else deal with absent DH's due to work? Just looking to find out I am not alone. I should add that when DH is around he is very helpful and an active parent, its just that he is not always around...

 

:hug: Isis!! I cannot even imagine how hard it has been for you! I am sorry that he is going to miss your LO's 1st birthday. I would definitely be upset as well.

My DH doesn't travel, but he is a firefighter and is gone for 48+ hours at a time a couple times a week, and it is stressful to do it alone. I totally understand your resentment, frustration and jealousy, I have found myself feeling that way many times.

I hope you are able to take a week for yourself!! DH and I went to Hawaii sans kids when they were 6 months old, and it really is amazing what a little rest and relaxation can do for you!! :hug:

 

My DH travels 3-4 days a week every week. He has been home for about 6 month now, but is starting back up with traveling again next week. It sucks. DH works for GM, so we don't feel like telling his boss no traveling would be a good idea, so we deal with it. DH hates being away from home and the kids.

It has to be so much tougher for you being away from family. I hope that he can get his schedule worked out so he is home more.

 

My DH can travel here and there. I want to say he was gone at least a month total during the first year - maybe even a little longer. I have had time away from them - a day or two here and there. That does help. I would highly suggest going on that trip for a week. You really deserve it!!!

 

My DH travels too and it is SO hard on me! He doesn't understand it. I initially had help when the boys were newborns (a neighbor lady from our church and I've paid a teenager to help baby-sit me), and now I'm doing it without help. Vent away! That's what we're here for!

 

When our twins were 4 months old he accepted a new job. We packed up and moved to a different state in a city I knew little about and 3 days after we moved he left for training for 9 weeks. I was in a strange city with 4 kids to take care of by myself. He was able to come on some weekends and we went there once, but it was tough basically having no help for 9 weeks. Luckily things get better for you soon. I know how rough it is.

 

AAHHHHH! How awful! I am so sorry to hear and can completely understand your frustration. My DH does not travel like that and I think I would be VERY upset if I was in your situation. My DH has his own company, though, so he's basically on call 7 days a week, so I often feel like he's "not really here' even when he is in town. I can only imagine how tough it is for you! Maybe you can just wait a week or two when he is back to have the party. For me, I would rather have DH there to celebrate as a whole family than have the party on the "exact" date. Hope you're feeling better and something works out for you!!!

Going away with your sister is an EXCELLENT idea!!! Do it!!!! Our long weekend to NYC at the beginning of DEC was really a HUGE relief for me mentally. It was such a great chance to rest and regain my strength. ;-) The first year with twins is very exhausting. I've been so impressed at how much you have handled with your DH being away, moving, and adjusting to your new living situation all while the babies were tiny infants. You deserve a break, too!

 

My DH is a Marine and is currently living in North Carolina while I'm living with our three kids in California with my parents. He just moved there a couple weeks ago, but will be deploying overseas soon and will be gone probably until August or September. My parents still both work, so while they can help me on weekends and in the evenings (Not so much overnight since they have to work the next day and I would feel I am inconveniencing them even more than I already am if I expected them to help me in the middle of the night!), I don't get much help on a daily basis and I NEVER feel like I'm off-call. I can totally relate to that feeling.

 

Isis... vent away.... it is so hard isn't it - my partner lives interstate now (4000km's away) and only returns every 3 months - he practically missed half the girls lives last year.... and my 2 boys also suffer a bit... i accept that he is doing it to get us ahead... but when you NEVER EVER get a break - not even 5 minutes to try and get a shower in... well it all just creeps up on you - and it feels like a never ending situation... just all blurs from one day to another...

I would definately be taking a week out with you sister... YOU DESERVE IT.....of course you will feel guilty (mother guilt never leaves us)... but it will be so wonderful for your soul.... rest, relax and recoup....Go for it I say.

 

yes.. vent away!!
My dh is currently gone right now and when we talk he'll say "oh, we just got back from (so and so restraunt) and I think I'm just going to go relax in the hotel room"... I always feel a bit jealous and wish I could call and say that to him! LOL
He is gone quite frequently (usually for just a week or so at a time) but told me yesterday he is slotted to be gone from the end of July until November! mama didn't like that one - LOL

I 110% agree that you should get away for a week with your sister! It will rejuvenate you and get you back into being excited about parenting! do it! It'll be such a wonderful memory you'll always have (and of course you'll miss the kids and dh....) but you'll be a better mother/wife afterwards

 

mines hardly home either, and he isnt even deployed yet! that happens sometime this fall. i get annoyed alot when he is home and feel like a single parent most of the time. it sucks but i guess we cant change it so i just wallow in my self pity and eat alot of chocolate lol

 

My husband flies out every Monday morning and returns home every Thursday night. He does help a lot when he's at home on the weekends, but it's just me by myself through the week. Mine are 2.5 months old and he's only been home for a few weeks of that time (two weeks when they were born, and the week of Thanksgiving and Christmas). You are not alone and it is hard sometimes, but when I get frustrated I just look at my two beautiful babies and think about how lucky I am!