Anyone else with older infants

My boys are almost 9 months. I guess I just assumed that things would be smoother by this point....
My boys have YET to sleep through the night. They don't nap regularly or at the same time. I have repeatedly tried to get them on a good schedule, but, something always gets in the way of that schedule. Lately we've had so many illnesses (someone in our house has been sick since the 4th of July, no kidding), and that makes predictable sleeping difficult.

Do any of the rest of you find your lives still totally chaotic, even as your twins are getting older?

Here's a short glimpse into my life. I'd like to say it's just because they aren't feeling well, but truthfully, our nights are often this disrupted! Last night, DH started bathtime around 7:30. First AJ, while I watched Ben and Lourie. Then, I nursed AJ, while DH bathed Ben, and DD played alone in her room. I put AJ down to sleep, then nursed Ben while DH played with DD, cleaned her room, and got her bath started. I had Ben in bed by about 8:15, then put DD's clothes away and organized her closet, while DH read her a bedtime story. I read her a story, then lights out. I was downstairs by about 9. I did laundry, straightened up a bit, checked e-mail, and started dishes. Around 10, Ben woke up screaming. I let him scream for a bit, but then went and got him. Nursed him, and he was wide awake. I finally had to walk him to sleep at about 11 (as DH was going to bed). Between then and 1:30, AJ woke and nursed, went back to sleep, then Ben woke again. Then AJ was up again. DH got up and walked Ben to sleep at 1:30, and I fell asleep in our bed nursing AJ. Both boys awoke at 4. They were very congested and unable to fall back asleep, even in our bed.
So, around 5:30, i took a pillow and blanket into the nursery, put the boys in their bouncey seats so they could be elevated, turned on the vaporizer, and laid on the floor. They took turns crying; I think everyone (including me) finally was asleep by 6:30. My DH decided to go in late and drop DD at preschool at 9, so that the boys and I could sleep. They were up and crying at 9:10. I got them changed and dressed and fed, and we played in the nursery until 10. Then, I had to jump in the shower, because we had to leave for preschool pickup by 11. I put the boys in their bounceys, and in the bathroom. I no sooner got shampoo on my hair when Ben started howling. Inconsolable. I kept stepping out of the shower to give him new toys, talk to him, etc. Finally I finished my shower (with him screaming the whole time), forgoing such selfish essentials as shaving my legs, plucking my eyebrows, and doing my psoriasis treatment. The bathroom floor is dripping wet. I try to get myself ready and dressed. I move the boys to the floor, where Ben still screams. I am able to get underwear on, and try nursing him, but he's too agitated. I get clothes and a headband on at 10:50 (Ben has been screaming for about 45 minutes), and start taking the boys downstairs. By the time everyone is in the car, I grab a granola bar and a warm bottle of water, and we are pulling out of the driveway, it is 11:10. I am dying for a cup of coffee!! I make it just in time for preschool pickup.

Things often lighten up in the afternoons, but mornings, evenings, and nights are so tough!! I feel like I have made some grievous parenting error somewhere along the line. After all, many 9 month olds STTN, so it must be my fault! I don't really mind at all if they still got up one or 2 times to nurse during the night... it's when they wake, nurse, and refuse to go back to sleep that DH and I have a problem with!

I haven't slept more than 3 hours in a stretch in about a year (since I didn't sleep well in late pregnancy, either). Many days, even though I am often up before 8, I don't get to eat or drink until 1 or 2 pm. My DH, who is a very equal parenting partner, has not worked 2 weeks straight since the spring. There's always some reason that he has to take a day/afternoon off, or leave early, or go in late...

Sorry so long and rambley and vent-y. I just have been feeling lately like I must be making poor parenting choices, because my boys are so challenging and exhausting, even at 9 months!

 

:hug: My girls didn't STTN until 8 months and I also didn't sleep well while pg. I think you need a break. Is there a way you can pump and then go to sleep so you can get more than 3 hours of sleep? I wish I had better advice for you. I hope the other mommas have some. Just :hug:

 

I hear you!!!!
My DH just called to tell me he'll be home after 8pm tonight (He had a meeting about 3 hours away from where we live and he has to stop at another job on the way..) and I almost had a meltdown!!!

Our twins are just about the same age and I feel like they are "easier" now than they were at 3 months, but things are still very tough, especially with a toddler as well. Unfortunately, I don't really have any answers for you. However, I wanted to let you know that there are some days when I feel like I must have done something "wrong" because my boys are not good sleepers. In the end, though, I don't think we've made any truly horrible parenting choices. (At least I hope I have not!!! ;-)

My boys still wake to nurse and I feel like their teething has really influenced some crazy sleeping/napping patterns, also. Are your boys teething???
The congestion will drive you crazy - propping, humidifier, etc. are the best ways to help it, so hopefully the colds will be getting better asap.

Just wanted to say I hope it does get better, soon. Even after a really great day, I am still exhausted (even w/ my Mom coming over to help for a good 4-5 hours), so I think that's just part of the whole package.

Oh - One thing that I found really helps lately - I program the coffeemaker before going to bed (when I can remember). That way I'm not going nuts if I haven't had a chance to make my coffee. Sometimes, that can be worse, though, if I can smell the freshly brewed coffee and can't get a moment to make myself the actual cup! ;-P

Your boys are so adorable and your daughter is precious, too.

Try to get a break (I know, as if that's possible) and maybe a little sleep in there, too!!!

 

Aw Jessica I am so sorry!
All three of my kiddos are the exact same age as yours and it is soooooo hard. Everyday I feel like I am just trying to get through the day.
Mine just started sleeping through the night and that is because I quit going in and I turned the monitor off-I had to get some sleep...they are still alive and now that I have the monitor back on they hardly make a peep through the night.
I just wanted to tell you that you are not a bad parent-you are a great mom (the fact that you are still nursing your babies is enough proof for me!) you obviously love them and do a great job caring for them, some babies are just not good sleepers! Plus, we have a 4yo-so you are sharing your motherly love all over the place!
Hang in there and give yourself a break-you are doing the best you can!
Thinking of you and hope easier times are near!

 

My first three were awful, awful sleepers. (The twins are way better, even though they have lately started having "crib parties" in the wee hours of the morning!) I attribute it to breastfeeding. I am bottle feeding the twins and they sleep soooo much better.

*I am in no way shape or form starting a debate over which is better, nor do I want to even "go there"! Just mentioning that based on personal experience I feel that BF babies wake much more often...

 

My three kids are also the same age as your three - and honestly, I just think it is tough! Even the "easy" days are exhausting, you know? And one bad night of no sleep can make the next day feel almost impossible. Throw a 4-yr-old who talks non-stop (I think most 4 year olds do), asks me to play all day (and then I feel guilty for saying that I can't b/c I have this, this, and this to do) in with 9-month-old twins who are absolutely adorable but who don't always sleep well at night, are going through some major separation anxiety and want Mama all day long and then combine them with all the day to day things that need to get done (yet rarely do) - and I think it makes for overwhelmed moms. At least I know that I am frequently overwhelmed.

I think adding a 2nd child to a family is a big (no, HUGE) adjustment for the mom and dad and sibling. In your experience (and mine) - we added the 2nd and 3rd child to the family. If adding a 2nd child is HUGE - adding a 2nd and 3rd at the same time is ENORMOUS! Three kids take a lot of time and energy. There's just no way around that - especially when two of them are the same age! In fact, I've actually had people with 4 or more kids tell me that after you have three kids - it just gets easier. That three kids is the most challenging. I don't know why. Maybe b/c it is the first time you are out-numbered - we only have 2 hands, there are only 2 parents, etc.

In all of my rambling, I'm just trying to say you are not alone. I think part of it is the lack of sleep. One of my babies (Finley) just went through a 5-day stretch of waking up every 40 minutes. I was a mess. Crying. Exhausted. Overwhelmed. And I feel like a horrible mom, but I put him back in his Bouncy Seat (which sits in his crib) at night (he stopped sleeping in it over 1 month ago) - and he's back to decent sleeping. Ahh well, I needed the sleep desperately. I was falling apart.

I guess the only advice I have is if there is something that works and helps them sleep better ( I read you said you put them in their bouncies around 4a.m.) - maybe do whatever works for awhile. Worry about bad habits later. I have never heard of a 5-year-old sleeping in a swing/bouncy/parents' arms/etc. You need sleep - for your health, your sanity, your children, your marriage, yourself!!

Anyway, I've rambled enough. Hang in there. :hug: Things will improve. And in the meantime, do whatever you need to do to get some sleep! Sleep deprivation does horrible things to my mental well-being. I'm sure it affects others that way, too.

 

I just wanted to throw in that I found that age VERY TIRING and tough. I am still tired but during the day, now that both my twins are crawling my life is much easier. They entertain each other and themselves a bit better. And there is much less crying now. They dont STTN but its much better than 9 months because they both had Sep anxiety and it almost sent me insane.
I hope things turn a corner for you soon. We know what its like .

 

QUOTE(mama23boys @ Oct 6 2008, 09:13 PM) [snapback]1014741[/snapback]
My three kids are also the same age as your three - and honestly, I just think it is tough! Even the "easy" days are exhausting, you know? And one bad night of no sleep can make the next day feel almost impossible. Throw a 4-yr-old who talks non-stop (I think most 4 year olds do), asks me to play all day (and then I feel guilty for saying that I can't b/c I have this, this, and this to do) in with 9-month-old twins who are absolutely adorable but who don't always sleep well at night, are going through some major separation anxiety and want Mama all day long and then combine them with all the day to day things that need to get done (yet rarely do) - and I think it makes for overwhelmed moms. At least I know that I am frequently overwhelmed.


Sounds just like my house, LOL! I was watching my DD crawl around at 6pm hoovering all the breakfast mess that had dropped to the floor into her sweet little mouth...and I was just grateful that SOMEONE besides me was cleaning up a mess for once! It's a sad day when dinner is breakfast leftovers from the floor.

All I can do is shake my head. I honestly thought I'd be so much more on top of it than I am! I decided today that I'm giving my little ones until 9 months, then they're getting cut off from breastfeeding between the hours of 11pm and 7 am...I just can't do it anymore! Maybe some cry it out is in order? I used to be anti-CIO...but these are desperate times.

Keep your chin up! At least your kids aren't consuming the vast majority of their calories as floor food!

 

Its so hard - I feel for you. My 9 months do STTN but not lately! Although they do have colds and coughs but Max seems to be waking for no other reason than wanting a hug (separation anxiety?) Elliot does STTN but wakes at 5.30 am which I can just handle but this morning was 4am! We have a 2 year old and I'm always stressed they will wake her and so run to the boys when I hear the first peep. You are doing nothing wrong and sound as though you are going through a very rough patch! Which will pass but that doesn't help you.

Elliot was breastfed till 7 half months - I was going to go on with him but he was waking up constantly crying and wanting to be fed if only for a few mins. I had had enough. I put him on the bottle. I had been trying for a couple of weeks to change over but then just did it. After a couple of days he STTN. Was totally different at nights. Think he just wasn't getting enough milk from me probably due to exhaustion etc. I also increased his solids intake and I think that helped too.

Keep going - and let them cry for a bit while you shave your legs - you will feel soooo much better after! Hugs.

 

You poor thing! Big hugs to you, its tough for sure!
I am bfing too, and I just decided that I had enough of night wakings, I am not opposed to CIO, but thought for sure my babies would sttn before I needed to do that. But nope, they did not sttn on their own (DS would sometimes, but dd always woke at least once if not twic eto eat). And IMHO we have done everything "right", followed the adults are no fun at night rule, kept everything dark, nurse and go right back to bed, no playing or interacting with them, and not going to them immediately when they fussed (always let them fuss for 10-15min before we went to get them) - and still they didn't sttn.
We went through a bad cold recently too and they were up a little more frequently to eat, so after that was done I said that was it and did CIO for a few nights.
They are sttn now! And I as a result am sttn again too. I shut our bedroom door, their bedroom doors and turned on our bathroom fan and went to sleep for 4 nights - I did wake up and check on them a few times (but not when they were crying, only when they were quiet). So, honestly I never even heard a peep from them - now maybe this was because they didn't cry, or maybe it was because I couldn't hear them. Whatever the case they are now sttn and are happy children - I feel confident I have not damaged them and they and I are now getting the sleep we need. This is what worked for us - I hope you find something that works for you (oh yeah, and mine are teething right now as well).

 

Yes. Mine are a year old now and I've come to the conclusion that it "getting easier" is a myth. It never does. It just gets "different". There are absolute issues with every age. I've given up the pipe dream that I'm going to wake up and it's going to suddenly be smooth sailing.. it isn't.

Nine months was REALLY hard for me. But, to be honest; it's all been pretty hard for me... such is life, I guess.

Good luck.