Anyone else still CIO to sleep?

I used to rock them to sleep with bottle,quiet time,night routine,etc.. Mia wakes up the minute I put her down!! We agreed to CIO, because once they GO to sleep they STAY asleep. However, my nosey mom argues with me and puts in her 2 cents every chance she gets. She swears it is cruel and unusual punishment.She thinks I should rock them for 3 hours apiece if tht is what it takes. I tell her that in the AM they are always smiling, and the crying usually lasts no more than 15-20 minutes. Am I being a bad mother? They are almost 14 mos already. Please tell me I am not the only one with this issue.

KimM
Mommy to James and Mia
3/5/06

 

You are not a bad mother and there is nothing wrong with CIO! We had to do it around 11 months because Emilie and Trevor were waking up and wanting to stay up. We still do it if we need it, but for the most part now they go to sleep. They do still fuss at times and take time to wind down before bedtime and naps though.

 

Definatly not a bad mom at all!!! I did the CIO since they were so dependent on us to get them to bed at a certain age. (Around 10 monthsish)They went throuhg stages...now they sleep all night, but when they do wake dont depend on us to coddle them....I will go up there if they are out of control, and they obviously still need hugs sometimes....but they are good about it. I think CIO is a process, and it comes and goes. Dont ever let anyone tell you CIO is bad...a lot of moms dont agree, but then again, they arent raising your kids...

Good luck to you!!!!

 

Mine are almost 3 & every now & then one has to throw a fit a bedtime. We just make sure they stay in bed, but basically let them CIO. I , in no way think it's cruel. In fact, I think it's a skill that makes EVERYONE's life better. I know there are some babies/kids it just doesn't work for but, at our house, it was a necessity.
Also, in my experience, if you rock them to sleep & then CIO (alternating) they never really "get" it...... I have a girlfriend struggling with this right now, so I know how hard it is.

 

I had to do it with one of mine last month. He got into the habit of crying and I would bring him downstairs with me and the nhe would run around for awhile before going to bed. It kept getting worse and worse till I was having to lay down in my bed with him to get him to sleep. Finally I just closed the door to their room leaving it a little open so the hall light would shine in for the other and by the time I was downstairs he was quiet. Since then I have had no problems with him sleeping.

 

QUOTE(KimM @ Apr 22 2007, 11:11 PM) [snapback]230202[/snapback]
I used to rock them to sleep with bottle,quiet time,night routine,etc.. Mia wakes up the minute I put her down!! We agreed to CIO, because once they GO to sleep they STAY asleep. However, my nosey mom argues with me and puts in her 2 cents every chance she gets. She swears it is cruel and unusual punishment.She thinks I should rock them for 3 hours apiece if tht is what it takes. I tell her that in the AM they are always smiling, and the crying usually lasts no more than 15-20 minutes. Am I being a bad mother? They are almost 14 mos already. Please tell me I am not the only one with this issue.

KimM
Mommy to James and Mia
3/5/06


You are not a bad mother and your reasons to CIO are my exact reasons. I would rock and get them to sleep and the second I went to put them down they would start crying and the rocking would commence again. So I started to CIO, we are a much happier family all around for it. They started sleeping way better and so did we. I was able to get more stuff done because I wasn't spending 2 hours trying to get them to sleep at night. The crying usually lasts about the same, but most of the time, it lasts until I walk out the door and then they are able to go to sleep on their own. I also think of it as, they are not being rocked to sleep then put down and woke in a place they didn't fall asleep in. DOes that make sense? Like think about if you fell asleep on your couch and all of a sudden you woke up in your bed but you don't remember being in bed? So I think that might help it, plus I don't think a little bit of self-soothing hurts them.
I know some people don't use it and that's fine, but for me it was the best. I can tell you I have 3 friends that have really bad sleepers (their kids are older than mine or around the same age and don't sleep through) and all 3 of those friends refused to CIO.
Don't let her make you feel bad. It's not cruel or unusual. Those are your children and I think you have their best interest at heart.

 

Mine still cry (or at least fuss) every night at bedtime. I don't think it's cruel and unusual. I know it doesn't work for some people, but it works great for us. They talk or fuss for 20-30 minutes and then are out for 11 hours and wake up happy and smiling and glad to see us. My BIL/SIL are so jealous because they STILL sit with their kids (ages 4 and 6) every night until they go to sleep, and it takes an hour or more. Your mom should butt out and let you make the decision!

 

My boys are over age 2 and we still have to enforce CIO occasionally. We trained the boys to sleep on their own at 5 months and it's been a godsend for everyone since. Most of the time the boys will fall asleep as soon as we put them down at 7pm and don't hear a thing until after 6:30am. Few occasionally, one or both cry for few minutes when they are put down but we just leave them in their cribs. The crying lasts no more than 10 minutes despite the fact that I don't want to hear them crying. There are few times that one would cry around 10pm, I would just go in and check nothing is wrong and leave. At least I know I am helping them to learn how to sleep on their own and ultimately it benefits them.

 

I started at about 11 months when I was at the end of my rope fighting the boys to go to sleep everynight and for both of their naps. It was exhausting and I was getting so frustrated. CIO worked wonders and now when I put them in their cribs they curl up and go to sleep. And if they wake in the night they can put themselves back to sleep. I think all three of us are happier and more well rested. It's easy for your mom to say that, she's not the one that has to spend hours on end trying to get them to go to sleep only to have them wake right up the minute you try to lay them down. You just need to do what's best for you and your family.

 

I love the baby whisperer. Her book for toddlers is really good. I use her pick up/put down technique. You stay in their room with them. If they stand up and cry, you pick them up until they quit crying and then you immediately lay them down. I started this when they were about a year old. Some nights they lay down and fall right asleep other nights I have to pick up and put down 5 or 6 times. It usually takes 5 to 10 minutes to have them fall asleep. The first night it took a half hour and the next night about 5 minutes. It is amazing how quickly they learn to fall asleep on their own without a lot of screaming/crying.

 

I find it difficult to disagree with those of you who favor the CIO method but to be fair I think all points of view should be shared here. I can definitely relate to the frustration of having babies that don’t sleep well and I don’t think you are a bad mother for wanting your kids to sleep on their own (as well as getting some sleep yourself) but it is good to make an educated decision about these thing and there is evidence that there are potential long-term issues that result from the CIO method.

There's an American study (published in Harvard University’s medical newsletter (www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html) showing that CIO "changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma." There's a British study (observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,6903,1345420,00.html) showing that lengthy periods of crying can cause brain damage. The blunt truth is that uncomforted distress may cause damage to the child's developing brain,' said Sunderland, the director of Education and Training at the Centre for Child Mental Health in London.

The researchers published in the Harvard article examined childrearing practices here and in other cultures and say the widespread American practice not responding quickly to their babies cries may lead to incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders when these children reach adulthood. The early stress resulting from separation causes changes in infant brains that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons and Miller. "Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."
The Harvard researchers' work is unique because it takes a cross-disciplinary approach, examining brain function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural differences, according to Charles R. Figley, director of the Traumatology Institute at Florida State University and editor of The Journal of Traumatology.




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we let them CIO as long as they are not sick and all the needs have been met (diaper, bottle orajel if teething etc...) Shylee always cries for about 10 minutes every night when we put her down liam, you have a 50/50 shot, I don't think your a bad mom at all!!!!!!!! If I go in the time clock strats over for shylee, it is a viciouse cycle so i just let her cry it out unless of course she really needs something.

 

QUOTE(Bep @ Apr 24 2007, 01:35 AM) [snapback]231619[/snapback]
I find it difficult to disagree with those of you who favor the CIO method but to be fair I think all points of view should be shared here. I can definitely relate to the frustration of having babies that don’t sleep well and I don’t think you are a bad mother for wanting your kids to sleep on their own (as well as getting some sleep yourself) but it is good to make an educated decision about these thing and there is evidence that there are potential long-term issues that result from the CIO method.

There's an American study (published in Harvard University’s medical newsletter (www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html) showing that CIO "changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma." There's a British study (observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,6903,1345420,00.html) showing that lengthy periods of crying can cause brain damage. The blunt truth is that uncomforted distress may cause damage to the child's developing brain,' said Sunderland, the director of Education and Training at the Centre for Child Mental Health in London.

The researchers published in the Harvard article examined childrearing practices here and in other cultures and say the widespread American practice not responding quickly to their babies cries may lead to incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders when these children reach adulthood. The early stress resulting from separation causes changes in infant brains that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons and Miller. "Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."
The Harvard researchers' work is unique because it takes a cross-disciplinary approach, examining brain function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural differences, according to Charles R. Figley, director of the Traumatology Institute at Florida State University and editor of The Journal of Traumatology.
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This information was definitely a factor in our family's decision not to do CIO with our twins. Combined with my personal beliefs that babies are not capable of "manipulative" behavior and should not be left alone to cry when they cannot possibly understand why they are not getting any response, it formed a compelling argument. I know that's not the popular party line here on twinstuff.com.

I would say if your twins are crying as much as 20 minutes every single night, after being "sleep trained" maybe the "training" didn't work. Maybe they're not tired enough to go to sleep. Maybe your bedtime routine isn't working for them. Maybe they just need their mommy. I can understand when people do CIO and after the first few gut-wrenching nights, the babies settle into a 1-2 minute crying thing and then go to sleep. But if you've already made them CIO and can't get them to cry for less than 15-20 minutes, I don't think that's working for anyone. I would think if you really thought it was OK, you'd tell your mother to buzz off and wouldn't be questioning yourself.