Anyone else have an aggressive twin and a "victim"?

If you have one more aggressive kid and one who ends up in the victim role 99% of the time, any tips for dealing with it?
Will's always been spunky and more aggressive but to some extent he just likes to rough-house and he's trying to be playful, while sometimes he's just trying to get what he wants and goes too far.

Alex is taller and I think stronger but doesn't seem to know how to stand up for himself at all (even though he's had plenty of practice by now ). He just cries and whines when Will grabs a toy or otherwise gets rough with him. I am CONSTANTLY refereeing and it's gotten much worse the past month or so, with Will grabbing toys away, shoving, sitting on Alex, wrestling (and often Alex is laughing at first but then starts to cry if Will doesn't let up), etc. We had a little boy over for a play date the other day and several times Will ran right up to him and shoved him, just out of the blue. Alex and Zach are both very gentle so Will runs right over them. I can't leave the boys alone together in the room long enough even to use the bathroom or Alex invariably ends up crying.

Any tips? We do give time outs (though we try to reserve it for more serious offenses like blatant hitting or shoving rather than something like mutual wrestling that goes a little too far), we try to give them both plenty of positive attention, we demonstrate "gentle" and try to be really consistent, but lately nothing seems to be helping. I feel bad for Alex and am just getting really frustrated. I find myself tensing up a lot while they are playing because I never know when Alex is going to get hurt again. (And he's a very sensitive kid so honestly, it doesn't take much!)

 

I have one too. Jonathan is very active and aggressive at times too. Right now I am busy trying to keep him from whomping Riley over the head with his cast but that will change hopefully next week when the cast may come off.

I really don't know what to say or how to help b/c I don't know either. I am doing the same as you showing how to be gentle, time outs, etc. I do use a gruffer voice when I am telling him that it hurts so he knows I am not playing around.

I am hoping to get some reading in on some toddler books this week and figure out whats going through their heads and maybe get some direction from those. I would love to find a book on raising twin toddler boys!

Something I am starting to do and I don't know if it will help or not is take each of the twins on an errand run with me. One at a time. We call it date nights with our boys. It doesn't have to involve eating out but I like to take them to the library, grocery store, health food store, etc. They get one on one time with me and you can see it on their faces when they realize they don't have to share momma! It makes for a sweet reunion between the boys when we get back home. I think its good for them to be apart once in a while.

 

My girly girl (Ava) is my aggressive one LOL!! she is a mess!!! Addison is my tomboyish girl and a tiny little spitfire who can handle herself when it comes to her 12 yr old brother but Ava gets the best of her EVERYTIME!!! Ava pulls hair, scratches and throws things and worst of all (to Addison) she says "You are not my sister anymore". The older they get, the worse it gets. Travis (aka daddy) made them "write" sentences for fighting the other day - it was so funny because they spent an hour on it! They tried to copy "I love my sister" they could not really do it but trying was so GREAT it not only had them do something to make them think but it brought them together and they laughed about it while writing!!

 

Me! :catfight:

Its gotten a little better in the last year or so, but we've worked with our 'victim' to stand up for herself AND with her aggressive sister to back off. We've actually taught Ana the word "intrusive," and when she is being TOO MUCH for Meara we say that as a warning to back off. We've also taught M to tell A when she's had enough "NO ANA! I don't want to play like that." Sometimes A is just so in the moment she doesn't stop and M gets upset, but then we've told M to come get us so we can help.

I was so worried about this for so long. I just wanted Meara to stand up for herself, but when she actually did, it got much worse before it got better. Instead of having one aggressive child and one who would run away, I had one agressive child and one seriously pi$$ed off child who was fighting back.

But now that they are able to talk to each other and work things out its a little better. The worst punishment (in their eyes) is not being able to play with each other. So if we threaten to separate them, they usually work together to work it out so they can still play. This to me, shows that they really do love each other even though they fight.

 

Yes I think we have tried to focus on the "victim" and teaching her to put her hand out and say "stop" and ask her to repeat what we say "Stop Sierra no hitting" . This seems to help to empower the victim. With boys at certain ages there are hormone increases of Testosterone which might be happening with one of the children. No other ideas for you sorry.