Anyone else at odds with DH?

Ok, it's not bad enough that we'd consider divorce or anything, let me preface with that. BUT...

He is driving me absolutely CRAZY!!!!

I breastfeed both babies exclusively and do all the night-time stuff as much as possible so he gets several hours of uninterrupted sleep whereas I get only 30 min to 1 hour chunks if I'm lucky. So all he has to do is change some diapers and play with them some.

Yet he acts like it's such a bother...I know he works during the day, but he's a computer guy and loves computers and watches movies all day (he'd been keeping that tidbit secret til he slipped up and told me...) I get MAYBE a 45 minute time span for myself once or twice a day and he expects to come home and get on his computer and play World of Warcraft.

I hardly ever bring it up unless I am in dire need of a shower or if he complains about something trivial...aka not sweeping, socks on the floor, etc. I know he works full-time and I stay at home. But I just wish he'd realize that just because I stay at home doesn't mean I lay about having fun all day. It's nearly constant baby care! I need a break too!

Please tell me I'm not the only one going through this. We have an argument every few days or so and it's getting old.

 

I can totally relate to you! My DH plays WoW also and most days it seems that he gets on the min he gets home, and only gets off to help me feed the boys then back to the computer. Mine are formula fed, but I can imagine the time it takes BFing them. I actually asked him to take a few months break from the game about a month after they were born because I just couldn't take it. We have the boys going to bed a little earlier now, so he can get on after that. It still bothers me on the weekends though, b/c he still only helps feed them, then straight back to the computer. I keep trying to explain to him that you can't just feed them then leave them til they fuss or til their next feeding, you need to play with THEM! I just started a new job last week after being off work since the beginning of Feb, and I told him that he has got to help out more, b/c I'm working just as much as he is now. He still isn't getting up any earlier in the morning to help, but he's having dental problems so I'm attributing it to that for now. Once that is cleared up, I'm not going to cut him any slack. While I'm training and have the same schedule as him, we have worked out right now, that on the weekends he will let me sleep in for the early morn. feeding one day and then he can sleep through the following day. Is there something you can work out for the weekends maybe? I know BFing prob'ly doesn't give much room for a break, but can you supplement with formula for maybe one feeding a day? Would that help? Maybe even a couple nights a week? He does need to understand that it's not just feeding them and changing their diapers. That they need the interaction w/him as much as they have with you.

Didn't mean to write as much as you did, but want you to know you're not alone in the respect of having a gamer husband. I really can relate. Hope things get better for you.

 

We are married to similar guys. My DH is great with the kids, he really likes to *play* with them, but when it comes to taking care of them...he is always busy! Drives me nuts too. I know that my DH really doesn't realize how much work it is to care for all 3 kids and the house. I think my dh has only been alone to care for all 3 (awake) one or two times.

 

Hmm... I still hardly ever get a break. My DH has been home since 5 PM and he is still outside fooling around doing whatever, while I am in here with two fussy children... I told him hours ago to please come in and help, I needed a shower, but he must've let that go in one ear and out the other.

I hope your DH makes a breakthrough and you get some 'you' time soon! I am still hoping mine will wake up and realize that I need breaks too!

 

Gosh, sounds exactly like my dh.. even down to me breastfeeding my two! :hug99: Have you spoken to him? I hope it gets better!

 

I am in the same boat! it gets so old!! my dh does nothing at work and complains every night that he has to get up so early - boo hoo!!!! he does nothing at work- oh except sleep all day and sometimes they grill out! and he does nothing here not even the grill out part! then he gets on to the kids for leaving their cups in the living room - my response is :
pick them up you lazy thing!! (but not that nicely :icon_eek: )

 

You are not alone but i have to say i would not put up with the gaming stuff. Don't mean to be hardline or anything, but - sheesh!

Hmm, maybe his computer can have an 'accident'??

I also BF both (well, i actually pump for one who doesnt latch, so after I nurse one and bottle feed one i then have to pump); and i had to nearly have a breakdown in order to get him to understand. The BFing part complicates things; i REALLY did not want them to have ANY formula, but i had a huge supply of frozen milk from when they were in the NICU. In the early days he would do an early morning feed of EBM, but after i blew through the frozen supply,we stopped that.

just the other day i told him taht i couldn't sustain and we had to do SOMEthing for me to get more than 2 hours consecutive sleep; sat night i went into the basement w/out the monitor and he took the night shift - of course taht night they slept for five plus hours! but i got some sleep and the girls got ONE bottle of half formula half ebm and everyone survived.

They have NO CLUE how exhausting it is, and if you're bfing the energy requirements are even higher. I'd make sure you are getting plenty of calories and liquids.

Hang in there!

 

QUOTE(Laurenbelle @ Jul 30 2007, 11:11 PM) [snapback]350314[/snapback]
I can totally relate to you! My DH plays WoW also and most days it seems that he gets on the min he gets home, as they have with you.


You're kidding!!! My DH just bought WoW last week - what do they do, pull the twin dads aside in the childbirth prep class and tell them to buy it??? I can't really complain, DH helps A LOT, but there is quite a bit of sneaking back to play computer and check email as soon as he gets home from work and on the weekends. I also do everything at night because he works (yeah, like we don't...we just aren't getting paid for our nanny services!)

Maybe you could get him to take over one chore that you REALLY hate to do, that's only fair. Like vacuuming the whole house every weekend, picking up after the dog/cat/walking the pet/ cleaning the bathrooms...doing the grocery shopping on the weekend by himself. You get the picture. I managed to bargain for a cleaning lady and he does a lot of the cooking. And I get to decide every weekend who is going to do the shopping - if I need a break, I go, if I don't feel like dealing with it, he goes.

Good luck. My mother said that they don't really get it if they haven't spent a whole week doing what you do every. single. day. Which is, of course, impossible because they can't breastfeed!

Good luck, sister!

 

Whew, you poor ladies should go on strike! I don't know how you put up with it! Having baby twins is an around-the-clock job. DH needs to pitch in when he comes come...the work doesn't 'end' at 6 PM. The way I see it is until my DH makes enough money to hire me a nanny, he is as involved as me in caring for the babies when he's home. SAHM's are the primary caretakers, but that doesn't mean sole responsibility with no breaks 24x7! This isn't the 1950's!

I definitely don't have the world's best marriage but I am fortunate that this has never been an issue. DH has a stressful/good job but when he's home, he helps. We rotate giving each other breaks at night and on weekends by taking the kids out/keeping them occupied so the other has time off.

It may sound immature but if your DHs don't listen to your pleas for help, maybe go on strike re. cooking or doing anything for them.

 

Melina, you need to go out for an entire day and let your husband see how hard your job is. Will your babies take a bottle? Taking care of twins is the hardest job I've ever had - harder than taking care of 30 kindergarten kids all day, harder than running two busy corporate websites, and WAY harder than my husband's job (which he is fully aware of). You're amazing - in fact you're a little TOO amazing and I think your husband needs to know that.

 

My DH is kinda like that. He has gotten a lot better this year since the twins are now 1. I refer to him at my oldest son. LOL But seriously, put your foot down. He needs to help out too, they are his children and this is his house also.

:hug99:

 

Mine was alot like that until a month or so ago & he & I (excuse the term) had a Come to Jesus Meeting. Needless to say he does help out more around here. He & I both work and I pull longer hours than he does, so he never has used that as an excuse, but he thinks my weekends are supposed to be spent inside cleaning the house and doing laundry w/ the kids and his weekends are fishing or playing ball or whatever he wants to do. I did notice a big difference too when the girls became more mobile. I think he thinks he can relate to them a little more. He actually gave them a bath for the first time on Sunday, ALL BY HIMSELF!!

GL, Hang in there, I know you need a break!

P.S. I don't know what this WOW game is, but please no one tell my dh :laughing:

 

We have had many many talks. It always goes that he admits to being selfish, says he;ll do better, which he does for a day then it's back to regular DH and the cycle starts over. That is what is getting so frustrating about it. But like Sunday for instance- we'd just had a fight on Saturday night. We'd plan to clean out our computer room, and had arranged for my parents to come by and help with the babies. Well, you'd think I was a busy mom or something, b/c I forgot my cousin's wedding shower was Sunday, so I had to go get her a gift. He blew up. He refused to work on the room without me, and did I mention it is basically just rubbermaid containers of video games and computer parts, that he has to go through, it's nothing I know a thing about. He complained that I should have done it earlier that week and also paid more attention and remembered the shower. Yeah like I have this magic wand that can create time from no where. It's so frsutrating. Yes, it sucked that it cut into our time to get that room cleaned out but so what- nothing I could do about it then. She had to get a present- she's like a sister to me. Well we did end up getting that room completely cleaned out, no snags or anything. He never apologized or anything, but I let it go. In his family, you never apologize, I've gotten used to it, but in his defense, he has gotten better since we got together, but he still only apologizes maybe 10% of the time. Anyway, on Sunday, I take the babies to the shower, despite my feelings that it was rude (she insisted I bring them) in hopes that if he got an hour or so break, maybe he'd be happier. When I got home, he helped me set up to feed the babies and such and seemed in a decent mood and we talked about me needing a break and him not being so selfish. It was a lovely talk and he admitted to being selfish, yadda yadda. Well, I thought maybe he'd gotten a clue and was going to be better. Matilda went to sleep and I had to feed Oscar, so DH went and "finished up" on his game. I was ike, ok, finishing up will be maybe 15-20 minutes (I game too, so I know how long it takes) but 30 minutes come and go, Oscar's no longer feeding, he just wants to play and walk/look around, and Matilda is starting to stir a bit. I go remind DH I need a shower..."OK, just about done..." Another 10 minutes pass, still not "finished up." Another 10 minutes, and Matilda has woke up and I've been playing with them on their play gym. She starts getting fussy, so finally I wrench him away from the game. He apologizes but acts like I'm overreacting when I get upset.

I am going to go crazy! UGH!

Oh, and only Oscar will take a bottle. Matilda jsut gags on in. We've tried every nipple out there and nothing works. So it's me or nothing.

 

Oh my.........you are telling my story exactly!! We are formula feeding, but he still rarely helps unless he is awake, but then I still have to make the bottles and hand him everything cause he cannot get up off of his butt!!! He WOULD be playing World of Warcraft, but his PC has died (thank God!!) So now he uses my laptop and surfs the internet all day long while he is at home. I do have to admit that it has gotten a little better as the boys have gotten older. A lot of times, we would argue because we were so tired. If I try to address him helping me, I get the "Oh yeah I forget, I don't do anything around here." response. That just makes me madder!!!

I have found a trick though!! Take a night, give him WHATEVER he wants. Make him a good dinner, give him a backrub, let him play WOW. Then when he is in a great mood, talk to him about helping out. I see that this works for me. He will help out for about 2 weeks then I have to do it again. But it really works for me!

 

I don't have twins yet, but I have a 4 year old, and here are some of the things I did, when my DH would sit on the computer all day. Take your exersaucers, or swings, or whatever to the computer room. Put the babies in there, and tell DH you are going to go take a shower. I would then stay in the shower until ALL the hot water was gone. Don't forget to lock the doors! Just try and relax in there, wash your hair 5 times if you have to. Sometimes I'd get out of the shower and sit on the bathroom floor and paint my toenails to have some more me time. LOL.

Another thing I did, was I asked him to take one night a week to do what I do. That meant figuring out what to eat, fixing dinner, cleaning up after dinner, and whatever the nightly chores were for that evening. It wasn't a lot, but I sure looked forward to those Tuesday evenings, when I would have a little break. Mind you, we usually always had pizza, or something like that, but I wasn't the one cooking it.

Also, once they turn one, they can start playing some toddler computer games. Maybe your hubby could spend some time with them doing that?

Hang in there. Once my son turned 2, it was like the whole world changed. All of a sudden DH took an interest in him. It's almost like they don't know what to do with the infants. Once they can play ball or something the men seem to enjoy them more.

Hope this helps,