anyone do this completely alone?

DH is a fire fighter and works 24 hours every third day and then works part time from 8am to 7pmish at a retail store. he has been working his part time job 3 days a week since the babies came home but will go back to the fire department on the 15th leaving me with both kids for nearly 48 hours at a time...i'm really freaking out about this and wondering how i am going to handle caring for these two infants alone. i mean i've got help but i won't have it forever, you know? family can only do so much for so long before they realize they have their own lives to attend too.

has anyone done this by themselves and still function?

any tips/advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

:hug: Kristine. My DH is a firefighter, and isn't on the traditional Kelly schedule, and works a 48 hour shift twice a week. As you know, there is also a lot of overtime involved in being a FF, so often times he was gone way more than that. I am not gonna lie, it is hard, but you can do it! Like I mentioned in the other thread, those miracle blankets and Happiest Baby on the block DVD is what got me through. I also could not have done without my boppy newborn loungers. My girls lived in those things for the first few months.

I know a lot of people on here stress the importance of a strict schedule, but for me it was so much better on me and the babies just to follow their lead and go with the flow. Then I wasn't stressed about being late for a nap/feeding etc... Amazingly enough, by the time they were actually old enough to be on a structured schedule, they had actually put themselves on the same schedule.

You are only one person and you can only do so much. Those first few months my house was a disaster. I had absolutely no time or energy to clean, but my babies were well taken care of and that's what mattered most.

Do you have any friends or family near by that can come and help you when your DH is gone? Even though it is hard, you will gain such a sense of accomplishment in doing it by yourself. :hug: The older they get, the easier it will become!

 

Firefighter wife here too! It is hard to do it on your own, especially those first few nights when you are by yourself, but you can do it! I agree with everything Kyrstyn said, my first priority was the babies & the kids, everything else had to take a backseat in those first few "survival months." Housework got done when it got done and I tried not to stress about it. Go with the flow & make things as easy on yourself as you can. And if you can ask your mom or MIL for help, do it! Even if they can come over long enough that you can have a shower or a long bath in peace, that can sometimes make all the difference in the world.

 

My DH works 12-14 hour days so when we get up he is gone and many times I have bedtime routine done before he gets home. I am not going to lie, my mom left after 2 weeks in the beginning and it was the hardest part (my family is 1000 miles away.) For me, it was hard to handle the crying and it made me cry with them - of course, sleep deprivation contributed to that. BUT, you can and will do it.

Posting on this board helped me greatly. I think I posted at 5 weeks and again at 8 weeks for support and plenty came back, which kept me plugging away. I now exclusively BF so my DH never wakes for night feedings except when I call him to change a diaper or burp, but even at 5 mos there are new challenges and one night without sleep leaves me thinking..."how will I ever make it through this first year??" I stopped feeling bad about bothering people - I ASK ASK ASK. People have not offered as much anymore but I still from time to time put out calls for help. :shok:

You can do it momma - survival mode will inevitably kick in and then one day you will wake up and think..."I am an amazing woman!!!!" Hugs to you! :hug:

 

You have gotten some great advice....there are many women on this board who have done it alone - it's not easy - but you can do it!!

just take things 1 minute at a time.


I agree with Krysytn about the schedule - i tried and tried to have a schedule, because i wanted predictability, but somehow it all worked out.

If you can get help, get help...even it's just someone else to hold a baby, it will ease your mind. I know you posted in another thread about people overstepping their bounds in being helpful, but try not to stress about that stuff. the first 3 months are survival mode and in my opinion, you can't really form bad habits until the kids are older.

 

My DH deployed for the middle east when the boys were 2 months old. They had only been home for a month. I did it alone for an entire month before making a two day trip to my parents house for a few weeks...by myself. DH ended up being gone for 80 days. About 50 of them I was completely alone. I made sure I made outings to keep from going stir crazy. Simple trips to Walmart and Target kept me busy and focusing on the positive. 4 months later DH deployed for another 2 months. We are now currently 2 months into his 3rd deployment since the boys were born 23 months ago. This one is a 4 monther and he will be missing their 2nd birthday as well as mine today. It truly IS possible and I am a much stronger woman for it! :hug:

 

My DH is in the navy and left for 3 months right after the girls turned 1 mo, and he will be home for a month and then leaving again for 2. We are in Japan so I don't have any family here and only a few friends. My best advice is sometimes you just have to let them cry. There have been a few times I put them in their crib and jump in the shower, just a while to collect my thoughts, maybe have a good cry, and then pull myself back together. Usually by the time I am out they have calmed down and are much more relaxed. Also, try to find something that you enjoy to do on your free time (when they are asleep). I read, it helps me to keep my sanity lol. Good luck!!

 

Ok. I am alone with kids since their 4th week and have toddler as well who I need to drop to day care in the morning and and pick up in the evening.
so Let me say it is hard but doable. and my DH asked me if I want to have a nanny. and I said no I want to try to do it myself. and after 1 week I just said no nanny until I need to return to work.
the hardest part for me that I need to pack all 3 kids in the morning and arrange my feeding schedule in the evenin gto pick DS up. especially in the rain weather.
otherwise it is fine. just feed them at the same time it will save your time.

 

I've been alone with the babies since they were 3 weeks old and DH went back to work. He's gone for 12 hours a day 4 days a week, and I won't lie - its hard. But like Kyrstyn said, follow their cues and let them lead the way. They'll be happier, you'll be less stressed, and eventually they WILL put themselves on their own schedule. Give yourself more credit. You'll be awesome. (This coming from someone who swears they can't do this themselves.. lol!)

 

I am not the wife of a firefighter, God Bless you and your husband. But, I did do most of it on my own and you will find your groove. I had my husband's help during the day when he came home from work, but only for the few hours before bedtime, I nursed both babies and did throughout the night, so basically he was here, but didn't help over the night. And was not fortunate enough to have family come to help out either. You just need make a list of things you want to accomplish and if you have time to complete a task, that is great, but if not, the babies are not gonna mind a bit. It is scary to think and sometimes you feel you need to have everything perfect, house, dinner, etc. That is just a fantasy. First and foremost are you and your babies, remember to feed them and yourself and sleep and you are on the right track. I have to admit, my boys are about to turn 20 months and they run me ragged right now, I wish I could go back to the newborn stage, I feel that time was so much easier to deal with. All the best again to you and your family, treasure this precious stage with your babies, it goes way to fast.

 

I have been doing this alone since I was 4 months pregnant. My fiance left when I was 14 weeks pregnant and at the time he knew that we were having twins too. My mom was in the OR when I had the boys and stayed with me for the first 2-3 days when I got home from the hospital and I have been on my own ever since. My ex came to the hospital to see them 2 times when they were in the NICU for a total of 40 minutes. I went back to work full time when they were 8 weeks old. I dropped th boys off at a friends house every morning and she watched them there until I was done with work, I'd come home feed and bath them and PRAY that they would sleep for a few hours so that I could get some rest!!! I would get up and do it all over the next day! Now they go to daycare and play with the other children.... It was very hard and I spent many days crying....along with the boys lol....and there were days when I didn't know if I could do it anymore and I just wanted to give up! Looking back now, I am so proud that I made it this far, my lovies are 17 months old and are the loves of my life. It makes it so much more rewarding to know I have gotten this far all on my own. I have only been away from them a hand full of times over night and I feel so lost when they stayed at my moms over night. I understad that if your use to the help, how it must feel when you have to do it all alone! It's scarey when you think about being alone and caring for 2 helpless little people but I promise that as they get older it gets better....well it never gets easier lol but its a diffrent kind of better! lol Instead of worrying about burping them you have to worry about making sure they aren't playing in the toilet or getting into your makeup! lol Good luck and just remember were here for you when you need to vent!!