Anyone dealing with seperation anxiety with your 3 year old

Sorry this is so long....

My boys turned 3 in January and actually the seperation anxiety has been going on for a lot longer. I know it sounds strange, but I can pinpoint the day it started for my one son. It was late August 2010 and we were waiting for his speech therapist. The same therapist he/they had been seeing every week since they were 16 months old. She walked in the door and he freaked. From that day on, I could not leave the room during any session with her and also his developmental therapist.

When they started their Kid's Day Out program a few weeks later he would pitch a fit when I left. We stopped going in January because they started preschool. He suprised the heck out of me on his last day there when I told them goodbye and he said "bye mommy".

I thought at the time it must them being 2 1/2 but this has been going on now for 6 months. :drown:

It is now causing an issue with his preschool. They both go and the school has it's policy when you drop them off, the teacher's aide comes to the car and walks them in. It is "suppose" to prevent meltdowns of the parents leaving the classroom. Well, for him it does not. He's fine as we are waiting in line, but as soon as he see's the aide, he starts with "no....no....no" and starts to cry. They have to carry him in screaming and crying. A few weeks ago I had their parent/teacher conference and she had great things to say about him. Yes, he has had a hard time adjusting, but once he gets into the classroom he's fine.

Problem is the aide's are getting VERY annoyed with his behavior. On Thursday the one aide said "oh, come on, knock it off". At the time it did not bother me because I know how frustrating it is, especially since he "recovers" so quickly.

Then on Friday when I dropped them off, a bunch of aide's were standing in a group and when I pulled up the same women said "yep, I won. We all took a bet to see if he would be crying". :woah:

That REALLY pissed me off. Trust me, it's annoying for me too. I not only deal with it for school, but also at home. If I dare close a door and he's on the other side, he freaks out.

I just don't know what to do. I took the safety gate down 2 months ago so he/them can come upstairs and be with me any time he/they want. There are many days when his brother is downstairs doing his thing and we are upstairs. I spend A LOT of time with him.

They go to school Tuesday-Friday and I am dreading the drop off tomorrow. When I picked them up on Friday, the women who made the comment handed him over to me and walked away. They usually get him in his carseat while I strap in his brother.

Any advice?

 

It is totally unacceptable and unprofessional of the aides to act like that. I would be talking to the teacher and the aides at the school. Have a meeting to discuss this problem. I would wonder if the aides are like that to you outside of the school I would be wondering what they are like when you are gone. I would be really pissed off if someone said that about my kids.
My girls will be starting preschool in Sept and I am not sure how it is going to go. I don't even leave them in Sunday School by themselves yet.

 

I was in such shock on Friday when she said that and then how unprofessional she acted when I picked them up. Trust me, I "get" how frustrating it is for them. I have been dealing with this for 6 months now.

There are days when they open the car door and he happily goes in, but lately he's been having a hard time.

And I know he's not the only child that has ever acted this way. Since they were in EI and still qualified for speech, they started preschool on their 3rd birthday. I really wanted to wait until fall but they stressed how important it was for them to continue speech and be in a school setting. Their classrooms are not split up by age so there are 3,4 & 5 year olds in each room.

Being new to this school, I really did not know how to handle it. I'll see what happens tomorrow and take it from there.

 

Wow I am so sorry that those aides were so RUDE! I would no matter what talk to the teacher or who ever is in charge.
You keep saying that you know how frustrating it is (and I'm sure it is!) but they do this for a couple minutes a couple times a week and it's THEIR job to comfort the children and help them be happy going into school. I would have been pissed too!

I hope things tomorrow go better but I would still say something :hug:

As for the seperation anxiety, I have one that is very shy and one that is very outgoing, it does make it hard!

 

OMG, I can't believe the aide said that, that is so insensitive. My girls have had bad stranger anxiety since birth basically and they go to day care 2 days a week and DD2 cries hysterically when I leave, it breaks my heart.

It's hard for me to go anywhere with my kids because they are always clinging to my leg, refusing to play with other kids, and often crying if someone looks at them wrong. But despite how annoying it is, it's called stranger anxiety, because it is a TRUE ANXIETY, and all the adults in his life should be sympathetic and comforting about it.

Have you read the book BABY HEARTS, I recommend it. It won't give you any practical strategies to deal with the behavior but it does help you understand it from a child's perspective and helped me be more patient.

I would try to talk about it as much as possible with your son. Do role playing at home. We made a game where the girls pretend to go to work and I cry for them when they leave. It helps them realize their emotions and deal with them a little better I think. Also, try to come up with something at drop of that can be comforting to him. Maybe he waves at you after the door has closed or put's his hand on the window or something that you can talk about doing to help him calm his anxiety. We tell my dtr that I want to see her wave at me from the window when I leave and how excited I am that today she's going to wave and not cry, etc... it has yet to work but they just started at this school a few weeks ago and each drop off is getting a little better.

good luck!

 

I agree that the aide (s) are being very unprofessional, my heart just breaks reading your post. He is three, for pete's sake! Have a little compassion. They said he calms right down once he gets into school right?
I also agree with role playing as well. My kids started a 2 day a week preschool program in January and on school days before we leave I prompt them with how their morning is going to go. Mommy is going to drop you off at school and kiss you bye, you'll see Mr. Ed and Miss Denise and you'll learn letters, cut, paint, color and sing songs, have a snack and then Mommy will come and pick you up and take you home. I also have books at home about going to preschool (DW Goes to Preschool) and point out that Sid the Science Kid goes to school like they do and so does Abby on Sesame Street.
I don't know if that will help your little guy but I am sorry that you are having to deal with separation anxiety and unhelpful comments from aides on top of it.

 

Thanks everyone.

I do feel I am partly to blame. In the past when it was therapy day, I would tell him about an hour before "so and so is coming today" and he would freak out. So I stopped doing that. If he sees his backpack prior to school he will starting yelling and crying "no...no". So I started keeping it hidden until it was time to go to the car.

Starting tomorrow morning I am going to tell them both when they wake up that they have school today and really play up how much fun they will have.

I hope over time he will be excited to go instead of crying.

When I pick them up, he's all happy so I know he's not crying for an extended period of time.

 

My 13 year old cried like that when I dropped him for preschool when he was 3. He would scream & cry and hold on to my leg. The teacher would have to physically peel him off of me every day for months. Once I was gone, he settled down & was fine for the rest of the time. Luckily, his teacher was very understanding & loving with him. He eventually outgrew it, but it was torture for me to leave him there every time. The way those aides are acting & talking is completely unacceptable. I would talk to someone about it, their job is to deal with 3 year olds & the way he is acting is perfectly normal and the way they are acting probably isn't helping him any. They need an attitude adjustment!