Anybody else having a tough time with hubby?

I was just curious to hear if anyone else is going through this...

I have a great hubby who is very supportive, sweet, and involved. But he's got a stressful job... I've just started working again... and we've got a young toddler (20 mos) as well as the twins.

Over the last 8 weeks, I've been sooooooooo stressed. I don't get out much, and we don't have a lot of outside help... Well, except the nanny who comes so I can work a few hours during the day, 3 days per week. But it's not really the same as "help" if that makes sense, because I'm not taking a break during that time. Working and still bf'ing.

ANYWAY!!!!

Point is, I've been finding my hubby takes the brunt of my stress. I'm endlessly patient with the kids all day, but melt down on him...

Seriously. I'm crazy. Even as I'm ranting at him, I know I'm being crazy. So I'm ranting AND apologizing, but this just makes me sound even crazier. He's stressed too, and of course, having a crazy wife doesn't help.

Right now, we're both sitting at our respective computers, enjoying an hour of peace together. The marriage isn't falling apart, and we have a night away planned for 2 weeks from now. (MIL coming into town to babysit. Love her.)

But WOW -- the twins have been a LOT harder on our relationship than I was expecting.

Anyone else experiencing this? Anyone else have a hubby taking the brunt of their stress?

Pls. tell me I will regain my sanity!!!!!

 

There are times that i envey families were the dad is around. my SO left a week after we had the babies and will be gone 6 mo. I wish he were here to help, be a shoulder to cry on, or even just share in those "o'wow" moments. However, I also wonder if it isn't better that he's not here. It is a high stress situation and the chances of us fighting and being "at" eachother are very high. Maybe it's better that he's not here for this part? I don't know, there are diffenetly two sides to this one huh?

 

definitely BTDT! DH & i aren't big fighters usually - i mean, we have our disagreements, but they're usually pretty civil. for the first couple months after the girls were born we would have knock-down, yelling, potty mouth fights - and about the stupidest things too. it wasn't happening daily or anything like that, but the fact that it was happening at all was very, very strange for us. it got measurably better for us when the girls started sleeping in their own room, in their cribs & started sleeping longer stretches at night. now we're pretty much back to normal & can only look back & laugh at ourselves (thankfully! we're lucky we never did or said anything that caused enduring hurt).

having one baby is tough on a marriage - it's a huge adjustment. so having two would throw any relationship into a twist. i think what you're going through is perfectly normal. if you guys can continue to cut each other some slack & keep the lines of communication open, you'll come out the other side stronger.

 

Oh I'm there with you!
My DF has a very stressful job as a electrician tech in the oilfield and works 12 hour days and I stay home with the babies and my son when he comes home.
We've had some pretty crazy fights and both of us have been known to have our flip outs. We went to a marraige seminar on Friday which has really made in imporvement in how we react with each other. A big thing we are working on is intamacy.
But those first few weeks was really hard. I did/do all the nights by myself too so we were both worn down and agro.
My MIL also comes and helps me get some time alone and time with DF. I love her!

 

It's perfectly normal to be experiencing what you are going through with your DH. My DH did and still does take the brunt of my stress. The thing I always advise is to keep talking, having twins is stressful for the both of you. I am glad that the two of you have some time scheduled away alone. That is so important. Let your DH know how much you love him and appreciate him, I think that is what has helped my DH when I would be acting "crazy". My DH has been awesome with the kids since they were born and I think that has helped the transition for us too. Hang in there!

 

You will regain your sanity! I think I melted down when the girls were first born - I was scared to be alone with them! I would cry for DH not to leave me alone with them! But DH had just started a new, very stressful job and he was the one who would take that out on me. I think we really adjusted to our new roles when the girls were 8 or 9 months old. Things are a lot better now but it took a long time!

 

BTDT too! It is hard. We used to argue alot in the middle of the night while we were up holding reflux babies upright. And we would argue over the dumbest things. It was completely due to sleep deprivation. It got much better for us once I started getting more sleep since I seemed to be the instigator in most of it. Hang in there. :hug:

 

My wife and I have experienced this, and I think this is one of those things that just happens. As long as everyone keeps in mind that you are eachothers 'pressure valvue' so to speak... It is better to be able to vent a little at/to eachother rather than have any frustration directed at the babies!

 

I found we fought alot the first 2 months or so, then it was good and then it was difficult again I think around 6 months. In the beginning we both were at each other and I think it was just the change of the situation and also the stress of trying to each try what we thought was right. Later they got on a good schedule, slept through the night and at 4 months of age we loved our situation. I think after that I needed him less to help me and I found sometimes that he would "chill out" after work in front of the T.V. and I wanted him more involved with the babies. I then found it was best if I just left the house and let him have some alone time with the girls say for 3 hours. This helped him to create a bond and get his own routine with them.

Yeah so a roller coaster ride. Now I'm pg again and I often chew him out....

 

Yep, hand me an oar, we can paddle this stressful canoe right to the Bahamas!
DH and I have done everything short of come to blows! We just agree that we don't/can't take anything personally between 7pm and 7am.

 

DH just started a new job [and we moved out of town] a little over a month ago. He tells me sometimes he'd rather stay home with the girls instead of wanting to gouge his eye balls out during the ENDLESS meetings they have for him.

Yesterday [the last part of the day] I was losing my patience. I didn't quite understand it, but for some reason I felt furious to the point of almost tears [like something bit me with a PMSx10 bug - Completely random]. When he got in I vented to him for about 5 mins [cause I can't do it to the babies, lol], and then I said thanks for letting me vent and that was that.

Somedays he's REALLY stressed out with the girls and I try to be understanding as he is during my really stressed out times. You might find this STRANGE, but DH and I have yet to have our first arguement, ever; and his friends swore up and down that these babies [esspecially during the begining] were going to cause a LOT of it.

I often feel bad for 'US' in that we don't get much alone time with each other. Before bed every night we try to get some reading in after the girls have gone to bed [haha, yeah like an old couple] but that's about it. Every chance we get [which is few and far between] we try to cuddle and be all lovey dovey.. sometimes we're silly about it cause we know it will only last 30 seconds. But in the end, we just try to make the best of it. What else can ya do?

 

I definitely feel your pain! **hugs** (see my post in this forum 'Am I losing my husband?')

Our twins are almost 13 wks old and are truly a joy. That said, it has been so hard.....mostly on our marriage! I too didn't expect it to weigh on it as it has.

Add the sleep deprivation (mainly mine), lack of intimacy, money, etc. I just went back to work full-time (40+ hrs/wk) last Thursday and DH commutes almost 4 hrs/day roundtrip three days a week and doesn't get home till 7pm. Needless to say, there isn't much time for things in between. Babies babies babies when we're home.

Right now, I find that with getting little sleep since the babies aren't sleeping through the night and I have to get up for work at 5am, my patience is thin. Plus, DH isn't as patient with the babies as I wish he as (he has four daughters from a previous marriage as well).

Hang in there! I just keep telling myself that we're in the thick of it right now and it will get better someday!