Any words of wisdom for a funeral?

My DH's grandmother died this week and her funeral is tomorrow. The girls are coming (2 years, 8 months old) because there is no other option - the funeral is out of town, etc, etc.

They know DH's grandmother (they call her Great-Buca), we've been to the nursing home where she was many times, they would always sit with her and kiss her goodbye, we even went last week when she was dying and they gave her a kiss goodbye.

So, any words of wisdom when they ask what is going on?? I don't want to say she is "sleeping" because I don't want them to get scared of going to sleep; I don't think they understand "dead"; "gone to heaven" is just as hard to understand. My gut says just to basically be quiet about the situation, tell them they can kiss great-buca goodbye, and leave it at that. (course, where we live, the burial isn't going to be until May due to the snow/water tables -- so we'll have to go through this again - but I don't think it'll be an open casket then). Not to mention bring tons of toys/books/etc since we will be at the funeral home for something like 4 1/2 hours.

Any thoughts or has anyone dealt with this sort of thing?

 

I am sorry for your loss. :hug:


When my Grandmother passed away last year, the twins were 2y10m, they really did not understand what was going on. We always take all of our kids to the viewing and funeral (even open casket ones) because we feel that is really important party of the process for kids,not to mention my Grandfather really needed/enjoyed all the kids being there. They lightened it up a bit. At that age, they didn't understand any of it. They said goodbye to her as well and saw her a few days before she passed. We just told them that she would no longer live here with us that she is now in heaven with God (or whatever you believe) and we would see her again one day. But even with that they really didn't understand what we were saying.

 

We went to my Dh's grandmothers funeral 2 months ago. We took the kids and they didn't understand what was going on. Although, it was a memorial service and not an open casket. Maybe that is why??...I'm not sure. :unknw: If and when they do start asking questions, I will probably reply as the pp said...she/he went to heaven.

:hug: So sorry for your loss.

 

:hug: I am very sorry for your loss :cry:
We are going through this now with my father just passing away. The kids ask where Pop-Pop is and I don't feel they really understand any of our answers. We tell them he is an angel in heaven watching over them and taking care of them, just like their other Pop-Pop and Mom-Mom (both of DH's parents have passed away too).

 

My pa was buried yesterday and we choose for neither one of the girls to go. Jessy couldn't go because of her recent heart surgery(very large crowd at the funeral and half the town kissed me) and for Jazz not to go because of the situation. Jazz was with them when he died. I was at the hospital with Jess and Jazz was with meme and pa. He ,we think, had a heart attack or an blood clot and died instantly. She knows he went to heaven and wasn't coming home. We will take both girls to the cemetary once the head stone is set and the weather better.

 

We attended two funerals within two weeks of each other when my girls were almost three...my FIL (who adored my girls) and my husband's grandmother. We told them the truth (that they had died) and if they asked, we told them why, and also that they were in Heaven (that's what we believe), and honestly, they never really talked about it much. They would ask, "is Pa in Heaven?" on occasion and we would say yes, and then they would go about playing. They honestly did not hang around the casket, they were more interested in playing and hanging out with the rest of my family. It was actually nice to have them there. Everyone was so devastated that the girls seem to lighten the room up because of their giggles and laughter, it really helped to see life in the midst of death.

Also, I let my girls play. I had to follow them around quite a bit to make sure they didn't raise cain, but I let them walk around, play, and laugh, we were at the funeral home for three days, several hours each day, and I had to let them have some fun. Thank goodness I lived close by so that I could take them home to nap, and then bring them back.

 

Thanks for all your input.

The girls did great - we brought lots of food, books, crayons, etc. You're right - they didn't even care about the casket. They pointed out Great-Buca once or twice, especially during the service, but it didn't seem to bother them. And no huge issues.

It's just nice to be able to get support from Mom's who have done it!

 

Thanks for the update. Glad it went well. I was going to chime in and say that my kids were 3.5 and didn't grasp the concept. It was someone they had met only twice (my grandma).

 

good to read that all went well.

I know off 2 families where all the grandkids colourd the open casket,older ones wrote a poem or story, with grandma in it. And some kids gave grandma a kiss and some talked to her about what they colourd. I was very beautifull goodbye from the grandkids.