Any single mommies?

So my husband wanted to have another baby and we began talking about it back in march. I finally gave in and let him fertilize the seed, a way to put it. When I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks my dh dropped a bomb shell and told me he was unhappy and wasn't sure he had made the right decision. He told me he had been unhappy for quite sometime and thought getting me pregnant again would make things better. (We have a son that is 4) I thought about abortion but couldn't bring myself to do it. Thinking it would make things easier if I wasn't pg.

At 17 weeks pg I found out I was having twins.

The last 18.5 weeks of my pg have been very lonely. H lives and works in dallas and sees our son every 2 weeks. I had been hoping he we snap out of it and realize he did love me still, now he wants to go ahead with a divorce. I am so distraught and have been crying the past two days. I don't know how I will do it alone. I only bring home $700/week. I can't afford our house alone and he says he will help me with the bills. I don't want him too. I wish I could just cut all ties with him now. I am so mad at him for tricking me into this pg. But I know I can't do that either and our son and the babies will need their daddy.

How will I do this alone? I feel cheated of a happy life. How could he do this to me? I am so scared to tell my family.

Are there any other mommies here that are single? How will u cope? I need advice and support please. Feeling all alone and sorry for myself!

I feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life! What man would want to be with a woman with 3 kids? Did I mention I am only 22? H was my hs sweetheart and our son was a surprise. We have been together for 5.5 yrs married for 3.5. I was so happy at the thought this time around would be done the right way. Married have a house etc. Now I am so ashamed!

Please help! Thanks ladies!

 

I am a single mommy.

I was married with my first but things went downhill fast during the pregnancy and I have been on my own since just before 5 months pregnant. Its hard at first wrap your head around the fear of doing it alone but truthfully I don't find it that hard. There are certainly things I miss, and ways that it couldd be helpful to have another set of hands but you really do adjust and it all works out.

I have gone on to use donor sperm and have my daughter and am currently pregnant with twins all alone. I am scared about sleepless nights and do realize that it would be helpful to have someone else but since thats not an option I will just adapt.

Is there a councellor that you can talk to? I found it was really helpful for me when I was having trouble letting go of the dream I thought my life was and accept the reality.

Good luck with everything, I am here to talk if you want.

 

Ohh Kristy I am so sorry :hug:
I can imagine this is a very stressful time for you, but you WILL be OK ~
Maybe by telling your family you can get the support you need?
Surrounding yourself with supportive people right now is going to be very important.
There are a TON of single mommies on here & they are so inspiring - hopefully they will post in here or PM you so you can see how do-able this all is
Please hang in there & keep us posted on how things are going :grouphug:

 

How lucky you are to have two beautiful babies to take your mind of of your husband - you must turn your sadness around and be positive for the kids. It is always very difficult when you are going throguh a tough time to see the good in it but rest assured that this is part of a master plan for your life and later you will look back and see exactly why this is happening, just have hope. You may find true happiness with another person, or you may grow yourself in a way you couldnt have with your husband around, or you may end up back together with a love stronger than ever. Just know you have the strength to do this alone if need be - you have everything it takes to be a wonderful mother!
My husband can not be with us and I have been a single mother for the last 7-months until I'm not sure when, if permanantly. I am 34-weeks with boy/girl twins, lost our daughter last December and have four little ones at home too, so trust me, I know the stress of what you are going through. The thought of being a single mom of 6 is a little scarey to me too but we can do this! Stay positive and know that you are not alone!

 

I am not a single Mommy, But I wanted to give you a little support :hug:

QUOTE
I can't afford our house alone and he says he will help me with the bills. I don't want him too.


Just a reminder, he is responsible for his children, and HAS to own up to that. You can use any help you can get, even if its financial support for his kids.

 

I am crying so hard I can barely write this. Thank u all for ur replies and words of encouragment. I feel as though my world is falling apart. It hurts so bad. I still love him so much and just don't understand how he can do this to me. Leave me when I am only a couple months away from giving birth. He is already talking about how he wants to start seeing other people right away so he can be happy. Hurts me so bad cuz I couldn't make him happy!

How do I do this? How do I get over him? The kids will be a constant reminder to me of him. I have been crying all day and have been sick cuz of it. Part of me is so scared that I will resent these new babies because of how I feel about him tricking me. I am afraid I will be alone for the rest of my life. How do u find someone else? No one will want to be with me now that my body is ruined and I have 3 kids.

I feel so stupid for letting him get me pg again. I feel like my family will say that I am stupid for getting knocked up again and than him leaving me.

Part of me just wants to curl up in some dark cave somewhere. I am sorry for exposing all of u to my pain and sorrow. I feel like a big baby.

 

You should find somebody to talk to; the babies shouldnt suffer for grown up mistakes; you need to become emotionally helathy for their health and yours. I can imagine this is very hard on your older child. Again, I can not stress enough how improtant it is to get help from a counselor or therapist, it will really help you.

 

First of all, you were not stupid for getting pregnant again... how were you to know that he was going to pull this??? And you do and will need your family's support! Don't worry about what they will think, they are your family, and they love you and hopefully they will come through for you.

As for wanting to cut all ties... I know your first instinct is to be proud but I agree with hardinfamtwins... you will need help and tthe very least he can do is help out financially. I say make him pay big time!!!

I know its hard to see this now, but please don't sell yourself short... there is no reason why you can't find love again... with someone worthy of you. Frankly, only a real jerk would leave you right now. And you are only 22! Plenty of guys out there would love to find someone with three adorable children. Your husband is the one who will miss out on the best thing that ever happened to him. He's a total idiot for leaving his family. And as for the girls he's going to start "dating" -- wow they would be the biggest morons in the world to go out with a guy who would leave his pregnant with twins wife.

You are a strong fabulous woman. Take the time to mourn and cry and then pick yourself up both for your kids sake and your own sake. You can do this.

 

Been there done that! I can see the rewards now but a year or two ago I was there. I had a 1.5 year old and was 5 months pregnant when I HAD to leave my husband. I made only 700 a month and was allowed to take nothing with me but our clothes. My job did not offer maternity time for me so when i did have my son i had to quiet that job. It was very scary. i had some of the same thoughts you have. for a long time i thought giving my child to adoption would be the best thing. i dealt with guilt and shame. many sleepless nights. but every day i woke-up knowing God provides. i rented us a small place, had my son ( and kept him), and rebuilt our lives. their father does not see them or pay ANY child support. i have done this all on my own. looking back over the past couple of years my heart goes out to you. By Faith i know rent was payed, heat was on, and we were all feed. i would not take back that time or what i learned about myself or the strength i gained. there is always hope. i am now with a wonderful man who loves and raises my children with me and we are expecting twins. we survived and so will you. love those babies and take it one day at a time. your greatest reward will be what you find in yourself.

 

QUOTE(EarthMamaof7 @ Sep 27 2008, 08:26 PM) [snapback]1000841[/snapback]
You should find somebody to talk to; the babies shouldnt suffer for grown up mistakes; you need to become emotionally helathy for their health and yours. I can imagine this is very hard on your older child. Again, I can not stress enough how improtant it is to get help from a counselor or therapist, it will really help you.


I would like to seek help from a counselor but can't afford one. Are there assistance programs for this? I will contact my insurance and check if they provide one?

 

I can't imagine how difficult this is for you, but please don't lose sight of your precious babies. You need to do whatever is necessary to put them in the best situation possible, so please take care of yourself physically and emotionally. If there's anyone you can turn to for support, now is the time.

Big :hug: s to you momma.

 

:hug: Kristy :hug: I am so sorry that you are having to through all this. Please take care of yourself and those babies. :hug:

 

:hug: :hug: :hug: You will get through this and in the end i bet your happier! You will have three beautiful children who adore you! I'm sure it is extremely hard right now but you will get through it!!! I wish you a lot of luck! And keep strong!!!! :hug: :hug:

 

Korey,
I just wanted to send some hugs your way. I am not a single mother but you are not stupid for getting pregnant. You have beautiful babies inside of you and you are going to be a wonderful mother to them. Please do not cut yourself off, go immediately to your state office and make sure that he is paying child support, not sure how long you and him have been married but I would also go for alimony as well. Get help from family and friends too. You might also be able to find a counselor who will see you on a sliding scale basis (basically paying what you can afford). Good luck and I will be thinking positive thoughts for you and your children!

 

Dear Korey,
I'm not a single mummy, so I can't say I understand what you're going through. However, I think you're better off without an insensitive person like him around you. Your priority is now all your children, and of course - yourself. Time will definitely be rough, but I believe once you see your newborns, you'll know that it is all worth it. You're NEVER stupid to get yourself pregnant by him because you did it out of love and passion that came with the relationship. So darling, gather yourself up soon, and hope you'll recover soon. You're in our prayers. :grouphug:

P/S: He shud pay for the bills/house/alimony if you're both married, so don't feel 'bad' or decline his offer. Its the least he shud do hunni!

 

Kristy, I am so sorry you are going through this, especially now. :hug: Please take care of yourself. :hug:

 

Wow that was like reading my life story... I was 21 married and had two older children... my husband decided to be a cheater though and that he was not ready for a family basically, a few weeks later I found out I was preggo with my twins and he thought that it would make him love me more.. wrong it pushed him further away but to be honest it was the best thing to have happened to me! I worked my butt off and saved money up until I was placed on bedrest, and he paid child support when he felt like it, Fast forward a yr and a half later and He is locked up and still saying he should have stayed with me, I have moved on and me and my oldest daughters dad will be getitng married in 2012! Moving on is hard but possible! Keep your faith alive and dont doubt what a mother can do because we have an insticnt to make things work.

 

I feel your pain...except mine waited to tell me when the kids were 3 that he had been cheating and he didn't even come completely clean about it.
We had been together for 10 years and have been married for 5 and I'm pretty sure that he's been cheating for the whole 10 years we have known each other.

You will survive...you can do it. Take whatever you can get from him while you go through the divorce. It will give you time to get things in order.
Also, if you are in a no fault state, you may want to do some "research" as in my case, I would have to live seperate from stbx (soon to be ex) for I believe a year before the divorce can be final, except in cases of infidelity (and some other ones like domestic violence). It will let you get divorced faster, if he has been.

I'm not sure who has to give you the password to the single parents subforum. Maybe PM a moderator, if you haven't already been invited.

 

I am a single mommy now. I can understand how alone and scared you are. It is scary, but you will make it, and be a stronger person because of all of this.

He has to pay for his kids, so please try not to stress about that. You have to keep yourself healthy for those babies and you. :hug:

 

QUOTE(Korey @ Sep 27 2008, 10:38 PM) [snapback]1001045[/snapback]
I would like to seek help from a counselor but can't afford one. Are there assistance programs for this? I will contact my insurance and check if they provide one?


What state are you in? Most likely you can find something free or low cost even if it isn't through your insurance, YES but it can be hard to find.

Check with your insurance 1st. How much $ do you make (yourself?) There may be some state-run programs.

In CA where I live, even when there aren't state run programs (we have a few counties doing experimental programns that have free mental health for income groups under a certain amount) there are a few schools nearby (UC Berkely, and a few others) where pyshologists, Marriage and Family Therapists, Interns, etc. (they can do regular counseing, too). Need to get their internships done- and most of the fees are free or very low cost. The best therapist I ever had was an Intern!

Let me know where you live if your insurance doesn't cover it... I could try to do a little poking around for you...

No matter what, when you go into counseling, if they don't help you fire them and look for someone else... Sometimes it can take a while to find a counselor that 'fits' well with you- doesn't mean the counselor ois bad or you are. Just wanted to mention this as I know too many people who weren't help who either kept a therapist that wasn't helping them or got discouraged.

 

QUOTE(Korey @ Sep 27 2008, 11:52 AM) [snapback]1000409[/snapback]
So my husband wanted to have another baby and we began talking about it back in march. I finally gave in and let him fertilize the seed, a way to put it. When I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks my dh dropped a bomb shell and told me he was unhappy and wasn't sure he had made the right decision. He told me he had been unhappy for quite sometime and thought getting me pregnant again would make things better. (We have a son that is 4) I thought about abortion but couldn't bring myself to do it. Thinking it would make things easier if I wasn't pg.

At 17 weeks pg I found out I was having twins.

The last 18.5 weeks of my pg have been very lonely. H lives and works in dallas and sees our son every 2 weeks. I had been hoping he we snap out of it and realize he did love me still, now he wants to go ahead with a divorce. I am so distraught and have been crying the past two days. I don't know how I will do it alone. I only bring home $700/week. I can't afford our house alone and he says he will help me with the bills. I don't want him too. I wish I could just cut all ties with him now. I am so mad at him for tricking me into this pg. But I know I can't do that either and our son and the babies will need their daddy.

How will I do this alone? I feel cheated of a happy life. How could he do this to me? I am so scared to tell my family.

Are there any other mommies here that are single? How will u cope? I need advice and support please. Feeling all alone and sorry for myself!

I feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life! What man would want to be with a woman with 3 kids? Did I mention I am only 22? H was my hs sweetheart and our son was a surprise. We have been together for 5.5 yrs married for 3.5. I was so happy at the thought this time around would be done the right way. Married have a house etc. Now I am so ashamed!

Please help! Thanks ladies!

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am thinking of you and your kiddo's! Be strong for them!!

 

Hello my name is Amber I am also young 23 almost 24. I am a single parent of 2 girls and expecting twin boys, right now I am 29 weeks along. I was with my girls dad for 5 years and things just did not work, all I can say is that or relationship turned violent. I tried to work it out maybe it was me, but I had to leave for my girls :unsure: Well I finally got a good job in my own house and a new car, happy days right? Well a family friend of minds was helping me through this time and helping me in other ways too :blush: .

We did everything together and was so close it was like we were ment to be, everyone thought it and over time i started to like him a little more than just a friend and i thought he did too. He told me everything we were an open book, until he told me he moved a girl he knew in cause she was having a hard time and had a little girl, he said they were just friends <_< Well a month later I found out I was pregnant and you would think that he would be ok, not. When I told him he said he the girl was growing on him and they was together after i told him i was keeping it, he wanted me to have an abortion. I thought about it but a week later i found out it was twins. I just could't do it, I thought he would come around, but he didn't.

We fought about it and then stop talking, a month later i found out the girl he was with was pregnant too :angry: I was so hurt, I cried and cried how could he I was always there for him and never hurt him. I don't understand how he could choose someone he just met over someone he has known for a long time years. Plus if i would of had the abortion he still would of been any help. Sometimes i really hate him but that other part of me still loves him even more than my ex, how bad is that.

so with no help from either dad i had to quit my and move home with my mom. I hate what has happened to me I to am very lonely and suffering from depression, just to know that the twins dad is there for his other baby and not our boys and the girls dad doesn't work so no support from him. I'm not sure how i will handle it when they come get by i guess, but I'm just trying to get over being pregnant, sometimes I can't even get excited about them coming. I hope things work out for you cause I'm not sure about me yet good luck :good:

 

:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I sent you a PM. :hug:

 

Thank you ladies so much for all of your replies and support. I appreciate everything each and every one of you has said and it is helping me cope. There are so many of you who are in similar situations as mind. I had no idea there were so many heartless men out there!

My H told me last fri that he wanted a divorce and that he was going to look into it this week. He asked me if I would be hurt if he went ahead and started seeing other people, YES HELLO we are still MARRIED! He also asked me if I would be fine if he brought someone with him to help him out with the kids, prob a new gf. He told me he met some girl in Midland (where he was working up until a few weeks ago, now he is in Dallas) and that she has a two year old daughter. But he says he told her he is married....okay I am thinking there is more to that one than he is telling me. I mean come on, how long did he talk to the girl to find out she had a daughter? Ya Know? He said she is an option for him....okay so he would rather leave me, his pregnant with twins wife and 4 yr old son to be with another girl who has a 2 yr old daughter?? There is something wrond with that picture! I asked him how, did he have her number? He said no she has his? Then I got really mad and stormed off. Then he called me afterwards to tell me he was just testing me and that he never gave her his number. Testing me? Is he enjoying this?

Than he tells me he wants to wait and get a divorce until after the babies are born and not tell anyone, but that we are seperated now. Than he tells me yesterday over the phone, Don't dwell on my decision because I am not sure yet. I may change my mind after the babies are born so you can still hold out hope. WTF am I supposed to think now. I hate these mind games he is playing with me. I have no idea what to do! He keeps telling me I will be there for you always, I will always come and see the kids, I still love you but in a caring way. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

 

so i dont know either of you or all the little details, but it seems to me that maybe some HEALTHY seperation time (this does not mean see other people) and some good counseling is highly needed for both of you. he needs to grow up and get his head out of his butt and you need to see clearly through all the emotions and games. the end goal should always be the health and happiness of your kids however you decide to make it happen (with or without him). counseling would help with working it out and staying together or figuring out a healthy way of raising your children together but seperated. good luck.

 

QUOTE(Korey @ Sep 29 2008, 10:35 AM) [snapback]1002786[/snapback]
Thank you ladies so much for all of your replies and support. I appreciate everything each and every one of you has said and it is helping me cope. There are so many of you who are in similar situations as mind. I had no idea there were so many heartless men out there!

My H told me last fri that he wanted a divorce and that he was going to look into it this week. He asked me if I would be hurt if he went ahead and started seeing other people, YES HELLO we are still MARRIED! He also asked me if I would be fine if he brought someone with him to help him out with the kids, prob a new gf. He told me he met some girl in Midland (where he was working up until a few weeks ago, now he is in Dallas) and that she has a two year old daughter. But he says he told her he is married....okay I am thinking there is more to that one than he is telling me. I mean come on, how long did he talk to the girl to find out she had a daughter? Ya Know? He said she is an option for him....okay so he would rather leave me, his pregnant with twins wife and 4 yr old son to be with another girl who has a 2 yr old daughter?? There is something wrond with that picture! I asked him how, did he have her number? He said no she has his? Then I got really mad and stormed off. Then he called me afterwards to tell me he was just testing me and that he never gave her his number. Testing me? Is he enjoying this?

Than he tells me he wants to wait and get a divorce until after the babies are born and not tell anyone, but that we are seperated now. Than he tells me yesterday over the phone, Don't dwell on my decision because I am not sure yet. I may change my mind after the babies are born so you can still hold out hope. WTF am I supposed to think now. I hate these mind games he is playing with me. I have no idea what to do! He keeps telling me I will be there for you always, I will always come and see the kids, I still love you but in a caring way. BLAH BLAH BLAH.


Um, WOW, I think I agree with you. I think he set his sights on other girl/s before dropping the bomb on you. He's already talking about dating specific girls? Yeah, something doesn't smell right. I don't buy the testing you thing either. My guess is he isn't sure he wants to leave but he wanted to drop the bomb on you so he wouldn't feel immoral if he wants to persue other 'options'.

I don't know what your relationship was, and I only know one side, so I really shouldn't judge- but it is hard not to. IMO he is being very selfish, creepy, and has unrealistic expectations. He expects a 'girl' to make him happy? Sounds like everything revolves around him... does he not want to tell people yet because he really isn't sure, or because he doesn't want to seem like a jerk to everyone else?

That said, I really agree with Molly JM. And if he still isn't sure and IF you decide you want to fight to keep him after what hd did/is doing, and if he wouldn't go to counseling I'd still recomend counseling to help you.... on a side note have you ever read Dr. Laura's 'The proper care and feeding of husbands? A lot of it is simple common sense, but things I think a lot of women overlook... you may want to check it out and see what you think...

 

:BDH: damn men!

 

QUOTE(desolation_anonymous @ Sep 29 2008, 03:02 PM) [snapback]1003371[/snapback]
Um, WOW, I think I agree with you. I think he set his sights on other girl/s before dropping the bomb on you. He's already talking about dating specific girls? Yeah, something doesn't smell right. I don't buy the testing you thing either. My guess is he isn't sure he wants to leave but he wanted to drop the bomb on you so he wouldn't feel immoral if he wants to persue other 'options'.

I don't know what your relationship was, and I only know one side, so I really shouldn't judge- but it is hard not to. IMO he is being very selfish, creepy, and has unrealistic expectations. He expects a 'girl' to make him happy? Sounds like everything revolves around him... does he not want to tell people yet because he really isn't sure, or because he doesn't want to seem like a jerk to everyone else?

That said, I really agree with Molly JM. And if he still isn't sure and IF you decide you want to fight to keep him after what hd did/is doing, and if he wouldn't go to counseling I'd still recomend counseling to help you.... on a side note have you ever read Dr. Laura's 'The proper care and feeding of husbands? A lot of it is simple common sense, but things I think a lot of women overlook... you may want to check it out and see what you think...


Thanks for the book recommendation, I will def. check it out. Our relationship had always been very happy. Or so I thought. We finally were at a point where we both have good jobs and are comfortable with money. Bought our first house back in March and I was so happy. Then he wanted another baby so I agreed. I felt we were in a position to have another and it was the perfect age diff between a new baby and our son. Then WHAM at 6 weeks pg, 1 week after I found out I was pg, he told me the "news" I had no idea things were bad between us. That is why I think it is worse. I had no idea, I thought we were so happy, plus adding on this pg, which was his idea, doesn't make things easier. The last time we made love was the night our babies were concieved. After that he told me it was strictly sex and he didn't feel that way about me anymore. So I cut him off, I don't want to feel used...makes me wonder where he is getting it these days? I agree I think he has been thinking about other girls for a while. He told me he feels sometimes that he is missing out on things and that he is too old to be having 3 kids and a wife...too late! I have no pity for him. I hate how men can just bail. We are mommies and we cant just abandon our kids

He sends me mixed signals. Is so nice to me on the phone, calls me babe and says I love you. Then when he is home he just lays it on me how I get on his nerves and he can't stand being around me.

He has been a construction project manager and builds apartments for the last two years. For the last year straight he has been working out of town and only home every other weekend. I feel like this may have played a part in this. I think he has gotten used to being alone for two weeks and then has to come home for two days to the family life and he wishes he could be single?? If that makes sense. Part of me feels like he is abandoning me and our son. I have so much hate right now but still love him....I guess I am hoping he will snap out of this?? It is driving me crazy and I feel cheated. He hasn't been here for me this entire pg. He asks about the babies but has never gone to a dr appt.

Maybe I should just prepare for the worse? Thanks ladies for listening. Makes me feel so much better to be able to get this out.


QUOTE(JESS6626 @ Sep 29 2008, 03:19 PM) [snapback]1003398[/snapback]
:BDH: damn men!



I loved this! Made me laugh for the first time in a while Thanks!

 

There is light. I promise.

I was 22 and found myself in a bad marriage with a baby on the way and a toddler. When my son was six months old, I left. I had to. And like you, I was a single mom with two kids, a ruined figure (I thought - now I know there is just no turning off this fabulousness), and no hope of ever being attractive to a man who would be attractive to ME.

And now I am married to the best husband and stepdad in the world to those two wonderful children with twins on the way. It took a while. It took six years, actually, for me to learn to love myself so I could love someone else.

It will take time, but you will heal. It won't be easier - in fact it will get harder before it gets easier.

But it WILL get better.

You must tell your family and your friends. You need support and love. You need someone to help you as you heal. And you are definitely going to need help when those babies come. I faced the same shame, only double, because my family did not approve of the marriage in the first place.

What is family for, if not to catch you when you fall?

All my blessings and love to you and your boy and your babies through this difficult time.

Natalie



QUOTE(Korey @ Sep 27 2008, 07:17 PM) [snapback]1000759[/snapback]
I am crying so hard I can barely write this. Thank u all for ur replies and words of encouragment. I feel as though my world is falling apart. It hurts so bad. I still love him so much and just don't understand how he can do this to me. Leave me when I am only a couple months away from giving birth. He is already talking about how he wants to start seeing other people right away so he can be happy. Hurts me so bad cuz I couldn't make him happy!

How do I do this? How do I get over him? The kids will be a constant reminder to me of him. I have been crying all day and have been sick cuz of it. Part of me is so scared that I will resent these new babies because of how I feel about him tricking me. I am afraid I will be alone for the rest of my life. How do u find someone else? No one will want to be with me now that my body is ruined and I have 3 kids.

I feel so stupid for letting him get me pg again. I feel like my family will say that I am stupid for getting knocked up again and than him leaving me.

Part of me just wants to curl up in some dark cave somewhere. I am sorry for exposing all of u to my pain and sorrow. I feel like a big baby.

 

Okay I just read this last post about his mixed signals.

Your husband is a big fan of the mind ****, isn't he? What kind of trust would you have in him if he decided to come back and "keep" you?

This is what I would do - and mind you, I only know your side and I can only draw from my own experiences.

1. Request counseling to try to work things out.
2. If he refuses, request he pick up his clothing and find somewhere else to stay.
3. Get to work moving on and make decisions based on the assumption that you are now a single mom for the long haul.
4. Know that this is HIS problem and YOU are a loving, wonderful mother with a LOT to offer your children and this world.

(hugs)


QUOTE(Korey @ Sep 29 2008, 04:18 PM) [snapback]1003514[/snapback]
Thanks for the book recommendation, I will def. check it out. Our relationship had always been very happy. Or so I thought. We finally were at a point where we both have good jobs and are comfortable with money. Bought our first house back in March and I was so happy. Then he wanted another baby so I agreed. I felt we were in a position to have another and it was the perfect age diff between a new baby and our son. Then WHAM at 6 weeks pg, 1 week after I found out I was pg, he told me the "news" I had no idea things were bad between us. That is why I think it is worse. I had no idea, I thought we were so happy, plus adding on this pg, which was his idea, doesn't make things easier. The last time we made love was the night our babies were concieved. After that he told me it was strictly sex and he didn't feel that way about me anymore. So I cut him off, I don't want to feel used...makes me wonder where he is getting it these days? I agree I think he has been thinking about other girls for a while. He told me he feels sometimes that he is missing out on things and that he is too old to be having 3 kids and a wife...too late! I have no pity for him. I hate how men can just bail. We are mommies and we cant just abandon our kids

He sends me mixed signals. Is so nice to me on the phone, calls me babe and says I love you. Then when he is home he just lays it on me how I get on his nerves and he can't stand being around me.

He has been a construction project manager and builds apartments for the last two years. For the last year straight he has been working out of town and only home every other weekend. I feel like this may have played a part in this. I think he has gotten used to being alone for two weeks and then has to come home for two days to the family life and he wishes he could be single?? If that makes sense. Part of me feels like he is abandoning me and our son. I have so much hate right now but still love him....I guess I am hoping he will snap out of this?? It is driving me crazy and I feel cheated. He hasn't been here for me this entire pg. He asks about the babies but has never gone to a dr appt.

Maybe I should just prepare for the worse? Thanks ladies for listening. Makes me feel so much better to be able to get this out.
I loved this! Made me laugh for the first time in a while Thanks!

 

Again, this is just a one-sided opinion- of course since I don't know his side...

None of it really makes sense, but IMO I agree, the long distance thing might have had something to do with it. I think, maybe, for a while he thought he could have his cake and eat it too. Then perhaps he got lonely...??

Also, I don't understand his logic- I don't think he is being honest with himself or you about why he wanted another kid. What sort of person thinks having another child would make things better? Aren't children a lot of stress and work? If anything, I think it is necessary everyone feel the relationship is as stable and as good as possible...
I also don't buy he's been unhappy for a long time, as in the most 6 months... I just don't see him wanting to buy a house, a financial commitment, if he was so unhappy...

I don't think there are any good answers. My guess is he's jerking you around because he's not sure how he feels/what he wants, and IMO I think it is beyond insensitve and creepy he wants to start dating other people NOW, my guess is this has a lot to do with what is going on. I also don't buy that he doesn't have the phone number of the person who is one of his 'options', I think he might have said this so you don't try to call her or something?

I agree with a lot of what others have said, about probable steps to take, etc.

In my opinion, I would actively prepare for the worst, but fight for what you want. IF you still want him, fight for him- no matter what happens if it is what you want you should fight for it so you don't have regrets about this later. I'm not clear on what happened with the making love/sex thing, (what did he mean/what happened when he said he 'didn't feel that way about you anymore?) but if possible I think you should try your best to get this going again, despite feelings that are going on... you haven't shared this intimacy with him in a while, and it is important to build/connect any romantic relationship... of course, if this is possible I would protect myself even though you can't get pg. right now... just in case... and besides, if you are having contractions semen can bring on contractions...

Oh, by the way, I am not a lawyer or anything so this is not legal advice, this is just a thought./opinion... I don't know where you live are the laws in your state- but I think at least in some states 'separation' is a legal thing- you are not legally separated until the proper paperwork is filled out.... you might want to look into the laws where you live because if you don't live in a 'no fault' state if he just states you are 'seperated' but you aren't legally, well... it might be legally to his disadvantage/to your advantage if he acts legally separated (like dating, etc.) if the worst happens later... just a thought you might want to talk to a lawyer about and look into to protect yourself (just thought about because you mentioned he said you were 'seperated')

Sorry if flaunted too much of my opinion here, just some opinions... I am SO sorry you are going through this

 

I downloaded the book Oprah had for free on her site on cheating. It mentions how there are signs of infidelity before it happens. Talking about other women a lot is one major one...and my stbx did that a lot.

The question is...do you think that he already cheated, and if yes, do you think he will do it again.

Another thing to think about is it will probably be easier to move on now, then when the kids get older at least in terms of dealing with the emotional impact it will have on the kids. If they don't know any different they won't be upset (at least not until they get a lot older).

Do you have family nearby?

 

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. :hug: I almost was a single mom last summer. Luckily my husband did pull his head out and we are expecting twins in the end of April. I know that when I was going through it talking to somebody really helped. My work offers a free counseling service. I used it to get over some of my anger. I did not want my daughter to see this. Also, I have 2 parents who can barely be in the same room. I never wanted that for my daughter. Are you involved in any church that you may be able to get counseling through?
Another thing that helped me is decide at what point you are done. This is a spot only you can pick. That way you feel like you have a little control in an uncontrollable situation. I would prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Also, take the financial help you deserve from him. One thing we were going to do was direct deposit into my account from his. That way you are sure that you will get child support.
Be strong and know that you can do it. Lean on your family. Don't worry about what they think. They love you and will stand by you no matter what. I hope everything works out for you.