Any single/divorces moms of twins+

I am really stuck between a rock & a hard place at the moment & really not sure what to do!!! I currently have a 24 month old son & 11 week old twin girls. I could really use a good talk & some advice from other moms that were/are in simular situations.

 

QUOTE(Kymy @ Aug 13 2007, 01:59 PM) [snapback]366902[/snapback]
I am really stuck between a rock & a hard place at the moment & really not sure what to do!!! I currently have a 24 month old son & 11 week old twin girls. I could really use a good talk & some advice from other moms that were/are in simular situations.


I'm not single now, but I was a single mom for a long time with my older son. I split with Corbin's father when he was 8 months old and didn't meet my DH until Corbin was 8 years old. I'm here if you want to talk. :love0028:

 

We do have a forum for single parents if you are interested in joining. Just PM the mods for the password since it is a protected forum. You can find it here in the special interest forums. HTH

 

I am a single mother of 5 sons. I'd be happy to help if I can.

 

I'm also a single mom of twins. You're not alone - let us know how we can help.

Best,
Mia

 

There are actually quite a few of us

 

Well I am not single yet, but have told my husband that I think it may be that time. Our marriage is falling apart & I have NO support from him. Seriously... the neighbors feed the twins more then he does!!! We have had issues for a long time, but I think the twins have been a true test to our marriage & I honestly think we just can't do this. We got to this at one point when Zander was about 10 months old... I wasn't as scared then... I knew I could take care of myself & my son. It's different now... I have 3 kids 2 & under, I can't afford to but them in daycare to work, and have NO support or help from anyone except from the single neighbor that doesn't have but an hour or two a day to help out. Even my parents that for another 2 weeks live 5 houses away won't help & I barely ever even ask! (I come from a f*d up family)

I know its not good for my kids to be raised in a house with parents who can't get along, & I am currently on meds for depression (I had this before I got prego... but just started the meds) & I am extremely unhappy. I have talked to him OVER & OVER & OVER again about it, but he doesn't see the problem. I honestly doubt we can save what we have because he doesn't want to try.

My biggest concern is how the **** am I gonna do it finanically??? I can emotionally handle the kids.... but how am I gonna take care of them? I can get work... but daycare here is rediculous!!! We would have to sell the house... & to rent one around here is at least $1200 a month. That plus the car insurance, power & plain phoneline is at least $1400. When I was working full time before I was making about $2000 a month... but daycare is between $1500 on the cheap end for all 3 to $2100 a month!!!! My husband makes decent money, but SPENDS horribly. Even if I did get a decent amount of child support it wouldn't be for months... what would I do now? I have no place to go & $0.

I was wondering just what to do?

Can I access the singles forum about this even though I'm not single yet? If so who would I contact?

 

Most states offer daycare assistantance thru DHS. Its better to struggle than for the kids to suffer. Also most states offer pay scale housing(we are in it and it isn't the best apartment but it isn't bad either). Food stamps and wic are things too look at too. You can get temporary orders thru the court and he can be ordered to pay child support and alimony before the divorce. Make sure your lawyer has good references.

 

:hug99: I am not single, but I came close to it a couple of times. Thankfully, we were able to work it out and I can honestly say that I'm happy with our relationship.

What finally really helped (after several counselors and about 6 years of unhappy marriage) was the book "Relationship Rescue" by Dr. Phil. If it wasn't for this, I do believe we'd be divorced.

Good luck to you and your family no matter what happens. I hope you find happiness. Life is just too darn short.

 

I saw something on tv that I considered when it was time for me to go back to work - a service that matches single mothers to live together and share the load together. A single mother with a home has another single mother move in for reduced or no rent in exchange for daycare duties. A mom in a similar situation who would be receiving some child care $$ from the father, but not enough to live on, would be a perfect match.

I'm really sorry about your situation. To be honest, as I raise my girls alone, I think about how difficult it would be to also keep a marriage going.

You have all my best wishes.

- Mia

 

Everything will work out for the best - I would check out the state assistance for child care. I'm a single mom of 16 1/2 month old twin girls and if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to pm me. It's not worth it to you and the kids to stay in the marriage when you guys aren't happy. Good luck and I hope to hear from you soon.

 

I wanted to offer hugs :hug99: & let you know you are not alone. My "d"h and I are going through some very tough times right now too. We are actually seeing a couselor on Thursday for the first time & are hoping it will help. I've thought of leaving SO many times, but the thought of being alone with 3 kids scares the crap out of me.

The first year with a new baby (& twins more so) is SO rough on a marriage. Think it's just the time or was it bad even before your son was born? Would your husband consider couseling?

Good luck!!!

 

QUOTE(Col76 @ Aug 14 2007, 01:06 PM) [snapback]367823[/snapback]
I wanted to offer hugs :hug99: & let you know you are not alone. My "d"h and I are going through some very tough times right now too. We are actually seeing a couselor on Thursday for the first time & are hoping it will help. I've thought of leaving SO many times, but the thought of being alone with 3 kids scares the crap out of me.

The first year with a new baby (& twins more so) is SO rough on a marriage. Think it's just the time or was it bad even before your son was born? Would your husband consider couseling?

Good luck!!!



90% of the problems were there BEFORE our first son... it was hard & I THOUGH things got a little better but as I look back now they didn't. I simply refuse to argue & take a nap... so there is no more yelling, but there is no comunication. I thought things were getting better when we decided to try again... but lets just say that the hardest part of the twins pregnancy was dealing with my hubby!!! I try to talk... but he just doesn't listen, he doesn't have the patience! Thats why I would resort to yelling in the past, I was tired of fighting about the same thing over & over & over again!!!

Things actually started changing a couple months before our wedding while we were still in marriage counsling. We have tried counsiling, but again he doesn't have the pateince to actually make it worth while. I have used the D word about 3 times in the past... that scared him for a few months & then he went right back to his old self. But this time I think I am actually serious about it, I just can't deal with this much more. I agree I much rather my kids come from a happy broken home then live in such an angy & irritated environment.

As for the assistance... I know that its available, but the problem with the housing which would be the biggest thing, is that I live on an island... the are where we live (I wouldn't want to move them away from him, he LOVES them, & for the most part is a great dad, I just can't deal with our marriage) there is only one state funded/subsudized housing & it has a 2 year waiting list. The closest apartments otherwise are 35+ miles... which is WAY to far away from my only support. My parents actually lived there when I was a teen, they weren't great but they are a roof over your head!