any sahm who do not have any help?

hi, everyone!

our boys came home 10 and 7 weeks ago, and since then we have been staying at my parents' house. these are our first children, and we knew we'd lots of help, so it just worked out best to have us staying here. we are close to both of my sils (one lives up the block!), my mil, and lots of other helpful friends and family, so there's usually someone around to help out or hold one of the boys.... however, it's time to go home and face the music!

this weekend we are moving back to our own place. i will be alone during the day, for the most part (save for my mom or someone coming by every now and then). i am nervous! how do you do it? do you go out much? how do you get household chores done, etc?

if it turns out to be simply impossible, we will hire someone (or someone's), but i would like to make it on my own if i can... any tips would be great appreciated!

thanks,
jl, mom to joey and hank (over 4 months, but 6 weeks adjusted)

ps: one last thing! i am pumping (and nursing a tiny bit). my hardest times now are when i am pumping and both boys need me. if you have suggestions for that specifically, i'd love to hear!

 

How do I do it alone? Lexapro.


Just kidding. (Well, it does help!) DH was home the first 6 weeks, but then he went back to work. We don't have any friends (available to help) or family around, so I just had to do it. There were some really rough days and nights, but we got through it one day at a time.
As for household chores, DH is awesome about helping (and doing most of it) when he's off or comes home. I try to stay on top of laundry and the kitchen and usually tackle those projects when the kids are sleeping. Now that they are on more of a schedule, it's so much easier. I've also just learned that if it gets done great! If not, well maybe tomorrow. I don't have a spotless house and that's just okay.

Using the adjusted age from your two, at that time we were just doing what worked. They slept 90% of the time in their swings. Sometimes in the co-sleeper, but not for long. Once the sleeping got better EVERYTHING got better for us. And that was between 12-15 weeks.

I always made it a point to go out so that they would be used to it and I wouldn't be a hermit. These days we are bound more by their nap schedule and the fact that they don't sleep as well in their carriers, but we still get out if only for a few minutes. Once you do a few times you get used to it and it doesn't seem so hard. If you go to a store with carts, park by the cart thing. I just put their carriers in the cart- one on top and one in the buggy. I would try with a friend first, but don't let them help you unless you really need it. Use them more for the comfort factor at first.

I also pumped at first, and I'll be honest in that I ended up quiting because it was really hard. I would be in mid-pump and then suddenly they are both crying. If DH wasn't around, I had to stop and tend to the babies. I would hop over to the Breastfeeding forum for more help on the pumping though. I'm sure some of those ladies would have tons of advice and help for you.

Sorry to be so long! (It's late and I'm tired so I hope it makes sense!)

 

It's funny, because I stay home, and have help on occasion (that is mostly when I need to take my older DD to school or something), but for the most part during the day I'm by myself and to answer your question of "how do I do it", well, I don't know?? :lol: The biggest thing for me is that I try to stay relaxed and calm. If I stress out then it can just get overwhelming, so no matter what, even if they are both crying, I just take a deep breath and try not to let it get to me.

We did hire a lady to come and clean the house every other week. That also takes a major load off my mind. I don't think I could do it...my house would be a major pig sty if I didn't have this one "luxury". So if you can afford it in your budget I highly recommend it!!

I do try to get out. It isn't easy, but just requires being organized. I usually have everything ready to go and after they eat we are on our way. Again, I try to stay relaxed about taking them out. If they get crazy or fussy I know that I can just always pack them up and go home. Once you do it a couple times with success you'll build up your confidence and be able to get around easy with your little ones

I have been exclusively breastfeeding/pumping and I actually don't know how to answer your question about pumping. This has probably been my biggest concern/worry all along too. It is difficult to find time, but I think for me I just pumped whenever I could in order to build up a supply. I've done crazy things with my pump on (i.e. pumping while bouncing babies (with my feet) while they are in their bouncers,etc.) However, like the pp suggested, the girls on the breastfeeding forum will offer some great help.

Good luck...you'll do great on your own!!!

 

congratulations on exclusively pumping so long - that is awesome!
I know its probably wrong but I just had to leave then on the floor or in chairs or jumperoo to amuse themselves to pump - not much else you can do.
I am a SAHM who works at home also 30hrs a week with no help. The only way we survive is by not worrying about having a perfectly clean house and doing cleaning/washing on weekends when not working and have spare hours when babies sleep.
I think the more you have to do on your own the better you are at it and you will be fine with practice - you adjust. As the others have said - get out - and push yourself to go alone and it will become second nature.
Ive had my mum visit for 2 weeks and was so spoilt I had to readjust when she left!
goodluck

 

I stayed home and had not an ounce of help after 5 weeks. Sometimes looking back I don't know how I did it. I did the minimum amount of housekeeping to keep the house looking nice. As for everything else, my dh was a big help to me when he was home. Everything just sort of falls into place. It gets easier once they are on a sleeping and eating schedule.

 

I am home during the day with them by myself and in the evenings my husband helps as much as possible but since he runs his own business has a lot of paperwork, so he can't help as much as he would like. Do I get out...not yet. I am so nervous about taking them out by myself. I have trouble even when going out with my husband and the babies cry in public. I have to leave the store right away. Can't stand the thought of people thinking I am a bad mom b/c my two babies are crying, so on my own, can't do it yet.

I get pretty stressed during the day at times, but trying to just learn to treasure the happy moments. THere are times I am holding both screaming crying babies and I am crying right along with them.

Not sure if there are any secrets, tips or whatever. I am just taking one moment at a time, I think that is all we can really do.

Dianna

 

I had a little help for the first week and then I was on my own. As for how, I'm really not sure, somehow you adjust and find out what works(and what doesn't!) for you! Best of luck, you will do great! :hug99:

 

I am home during the week all by my lonesome- with the girls and my 2.5 year old. Some days are easier than others. I just have to do it. I get done what I can. I have different
"stations" the play mat, swings, jumperoos, bouncies, etc and switch them around. Thankfully they are pretty happy babies. The chores is another thing- right now it looks like my house threw up everywhere- clothes toys, etc. I have been out most of the past two days- was looking forward to going no where today- but dear DH (really) decided to forget to bring my new can of formula in out of his truck, so now I am out and have no choice but to go out...
You will get into a routine and be able to do it. I get out with all three kids from time to time- yesterday went to a mommy and me class and loved it. I have no help- so my biggest word of advice to give to you is to utilize the help as much as you can! But seriously- just take it one day at a time and you will get it! I am sure you can do it without hired help- but if you have to and can aford to- go for it!

 

I'm with Gina Leigh-- ZOLOFT over here.. And I quit drinking 5 yrs ago so that doesn't help...

But seriously-- after 14 weeks ADJUSTED things became MUCH more manageable. Until then.. it's minute by minute.. SURVIVAL MODE. I never wanted to a lot of help because I figured it would just make it harder when reality hit and i was solo!! (The inevitable.)

So.. breastfeeding went out the window at 3 weeks..

Make sure you and DH are doing shifts. You each need a CONSECUTIVE block of sleep to deal with this situation.

Accept the fact that they are going to cry and cry and cry some more.. no matter what you do. They are very little right now and do not "get it" yet. If you have to let them scream in their crib to maintain your sanity, by all means; DO IT. (been there too many times.) I used to have to go down into the basement and wall myself off so I didn't hear them to stay SANE.

Don't stress yourself out any more than you have to. Do NOT think about "schedules" until they are AT LEAST 4 mos old ADJUSTED. This will lighten your load and lessen the pressure on YOU!!

And NO, I never left the house. It was impossible for me.

White noise. If it's nap time-- Vacuum cleaner works every time.

Just get through it. Pretty soon you will enjoy yourself and it will be just another day at the "office".

I thought I was going to die in those first few weeks... I really, truly did.

If I survived, you will too.

If they're crying too much- wear earplugs. I'm not kidding.

Good luck and YOU CAN DO IT! Oh and make sure DH does HALF of the work ALWAYS. And I'd put the kids in the swing and they'd watch me vacuum, swiffer etc.. They seemed to LOVE it when I cleaned.. I never had a cleaner house than when they were newborns! (that's the truth!)

 

Eh, you just do.

Seriously! You don't have time to think about how its going to get done, you just do it! I get most of the housecleaning done during the midday nap (longest nap of the day for us) or I put the boys in their bouncy and swing while I cook dinner or do the dishes. We play music on my ipod and I sing and the boys love the music, so its a fun time for all of us. I find myself saving the dishes for when they are awake so we can have our afternoon dance party!

You'll be just fine. I firmly believe that God wouldn't have given any of us twins if we didn't have the skills to handle them.

 

Make sure to have your DH help as much he can. Some days the only thing I can do is light housecleaning. Somedays absolutely nothing gets done.
Be flexible. One day they might nap great, the next not so much.
Tell your DH what you need him to do. I go to school part time and will be taking summer classes as well. So I tell my DH, I need this x amount of time to do homework, bills, etc.
Good luck!

 

I remember the first 6 months or so was pretty much nursing, napping and cleaning *if* I could get around to it.

DH helped A LOT though (I can't stress that enough, he was AMAZING) and when we were both tired, he never complained how messy things were because he knew I would tell him to clean it himself :lol:

 

I think you just go into "survival mode" and do what needs to be done and leave the rest if you get a spare minute here and there. It will get much better once they get into a 2 nap or 3 nap a day routine and then you can find time to do a few odds and ends here and there. It does get much better. You can do it!!! :hug99:

 

I did it by myself but Dh helped a lot! I pumped too and as soon as I got the hang of nursing, things got sooooo much easier. I didn't have to worry about making bottles or washing bottles or pumping constantly. I think that was one of my biggest saving graces. Other than that I stressed out all the time, but I made it through it! If you have the means to hire someone just have them come a couple days a week for a few hours so you can nap or do house work. I would highly reccomend just napping when they nap no matter how much house work there is. This period of time is so short that there is just no sense in making yourself crazy over your house being messy(although I do understand that having things picked up and organized helps your overall well being) pick one sleep period where you will pick the house up and just rest the other times they are sleeping. I know they are only 6 weeks adjusted but pretty soon you will be able to get more of a schedule (I followed the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child) and things will all around become more organized. You can do it sister!!!! After a while you're still tire but it is totally manageable. :hug99:

 

I am a single SAHM and I get asked this question but I really dont have an answer, its one of those 'you just do' answers.
You make the best of your time and what you dont get to will still be there tomorrow!! Make sure to do things for yourself like eat and take a few minutes to do something you enjoy when they are napping, even if it is something as small as showering or reading the paper!
It gets easier once you adapt and it becomes all you know especially with first time parents.

Good luck!! You'll be fine!

 

My husband stayed home the first week, but since then I have been going solo. I don't venture out much since mine are still so young and I also have a toddler.

I hired someone to clean every Friday, and she is awesome. It is $45 a week and very much worth it to me. She does bathrooms, floors, etc. Day to day I focus on dishes, laundry, and simple things like wiping counters! Everything else can wait.

I try to get a shower first chance I can, b/c I feel much better when I have at least gotten that far.

I also remind myself that if they have to cry for a few minutes, it is okay.

You will be great! :icon_biggrin:

 

I have been home by myself with my boys and there 2 year old brother with no help except the first two weeks my husband was home in the evening (he took his vacation before when I was in the hospital and after when they were in the hospital) but then after that he decided to start a part time business so he was gone all day almost Mon-Fri 6am-9pm then he worked the weekends too he had to work alot to get the self employment going now he does not work as much but still a lot.
But the silly thing is I liked it when it was just me and the boys cause stuff just would get done and the boys had more of scuedule when it is just us. It seems the more people here the more of the mess I would have to clean up yicks. The evenings my older two would be home they helped some. Unfortunately two sets of Grandparents live out of state so no help there and my mom who lives in the next town is just to busy with her own life.
I always made sure I did one big load of laundry a day. I cleaned throughout the day. I vacuumed everyday the main living area (the babies loved that white noise). I breastfeed/pumped and formula feed for the first 4 months. When they slept I spent quality time with my 2 year old so he did not feel left out. I did all the night feedings. I spent a lot of time on the floor and still do playing with them. I get out when weather allows it and when I grocery shop or other store errands I take someone with me one of my older two usually. I go on walks when my husband gets home which is nice cause I usually go with my daughter. When the kids are sleeping I finish picking up and then I usually spend time with my husband, sometimes we will stay up late and watch a movie together and spend us time together. Crock pots are great for making meals. I have some hard days but I always survive it is usually the same time of the month and my moods are out of wack anyways dang AF. But otherwise it really is the best time of my life and if everything does not get done it is not the end of the world.

 

I stayed home with my girls for nine months. My husband took seven weeks off after they were born, and my mom visited for three after that, but from ten weeks to nine months, it was just me. Our families live on opposite sides of the country from us, so we had no help at all. I don't know how I did it... I guess I just did. At first I would sleep in the evenings after my husband got home from work; that would give me at least five hours of uninterrupted sleep from 7pm - midnight. Then I'd nap at night while the girls were sleeping between feedings. Once they started sleeping longer at night things got better.

During the first nap of the morning I took a shower. If one of the girls refused to nap, I took her into the bathroom with me and sat her on the floor in a bouncy chair. I also made sure to get out of the house every day. I started this when they were two months old. I'd take them on a long walk, a trip to the grocery store, or to Target if I was feeling adventerous. The trips out were for me, not them, really, but they saved my sanity. I pumped exclusively for six months. That was probably the hardest thing I did. As soon as the girls fell asleep for naps or the night, I would pump before doing anything else. As for housework, well, we let it slide. As long as the house wasn't gross, I didn't worry. I figured that dust never killed anyone.

It's hard as a SAHM to twins, but worth it. You will find inner strength that you knew you never had. Good luck!

 

You can do it! :hug99: :hug99:

I had help the first few weeks, as you did. It gets easier as your own body recovers.

My DH helped a lot. We're in a position where his job isn't too stressful, so he helps in the evening, with chores, and with night shifts until they were STTN.

I really don't do anything more than surface cleaning during the week. Some days I don't do much besides babies. But it's good to carve out some down-time for yourself if you can--drink a cup of coffee while checking e-mail. Sometimes I even put them in their bouncy seats with me in the office.

We'll be your cheerleaders, too! :clapping:

 

I'm going to go with the "you just do it" answer Some days are good, some days aren't, and you just have to roll with it. Plus, it helps to keep in mind that they will not always be infants-someday you will have 2 hands free to do something that you want to do

 

I wasn't able to read all of the posts, but honestly, I let the housework slack. Once the boys start crawling, I'll be more adamant about cleaning the floor, but our clean laundry never leaves the baskets and our laundry room has become our closet. It's easier to get our outfits our of there then put is all away. I'm getting better about doing more while the boys nap, but usually I'm so exhausted that I take time to eat and watch tv to recoup for when they wake up.

As far as your pumping, that was my deciding factor is stopping bfing. Jake started biting and wouldn't latch so I was pumping for him and bfing Ryan. I started putting the boys in their car seats and rocking them with my feet while I was pumping. That worked most of the time.

You learn to do what works for you and what you think is important to get done. Every week, you'll feel more confident and get into more of a routine. Hopefully you have a DH that will chip in on the chores. I'm lucky if I can get mine to put down the toilet seat for me. :lol:

 

I had help the first week. that was it. My MIL stayed with us for a week just to help out with my older son, as I was still recovering from a C/S. After that I was on my own. DH leaves at 4:45am to go to work and doesn't get home until 5:30-6 pm. So it's just me and the kids all day!

I'm not going to lie to you.. it's not easy. and I don't honestly know how I did it. You just do, you make it work, because you have it. If the dishes, laundry, housework doesnt' get done.. It's okay! The Babes are more important. And if the Kids are crying when your trying to do something (pump) as long as they are not in danger, it's not going to hurt them to cry for awhile!

I found that Wyatt loved the bouncy seat (still does) and Emerson Loved her Swing (still does) so if I needed to do something then I just made sure they were buckled it and their mobiles were on. Then went and did my thing!

Good luck! and remember we are all here for you if you need some help!

 

I meant to write something about pumping.

My DD was usually okay when I pumped, but it seemed like my DS always needed attention RIGHT THEN (so frustrating when both hands are occupied) when he was younger.

I ended up laying him beside my leg. He would snuggle up to it and be perfectly content. I think it helped me relax, too (which helps with the let down).

I don't pump anymore, but it does get easier when they learn to play and entertain themselves a little bit.

 

I have been alone with them since about 4 weeks. I'll tell you, I was only able to keep up with the breastfeeding for 3 weeks. I tried pumping after that, but after I was on my own for 2 days I finally got a chance to sit and pump and less than 1 oz total came out, so I thought well, that's the end of that! So I'm no help there.
The life-savers for me were the Podee bottles. My girls took to them instantly and I was able to feed them at the same time without killing my back and without one crying while trying to burp the other. Love them!
Also I do have my MIL available to come over for a couple of hours here and there, which really helps with being able to run errands and keep my sanity by getting out by myself occasionally.
Keeping them on a schedule is key for us too. They nap at the same time so I am able to get some things done around the house while they sleep. Not as much as is needed but good enough. DH helps a ton too. My house is very dusty but the garbage is taken out and the dishes are clean.
When they are awake I rotate them between activities. Twenty minutes in the exersaucer, 20 min in the Jumperoo (we have one of each), so time in the bouncer with a toy or two, some time on the floor to practice rolling etc.
To help keep myself from getting too bored I try to get out of the house with them a few times a week. I got a small double stroller at a yard sale and the girls love going for walks. They never fuss when we are strolling around the neighborhood and I get a little exercise. I also take them to Target or Walmart pretty much every week for a little bargain shopping. It is a bit of a hassle at first but it gets easier and it is totally worth the trouble.

Good luck!

Jen

 

oh my goodness, thanks so much for your replies and suggestions! i really appreciate it!

you're making me feel like i can do this!

thanks again (though i'm not done reading them all yet!)
~~jl

 

I agree with the others, you just figure it out. I've been home alone with my twins basically since birth plus I had a 2 1/2 year old. I came from the hospital on a Wednesday and DH went back to work on Monday. For me, I preferred getting into somewhat of a schedule as soon as possible so I wanted him out of the house. My parents do live down the street from us so they were able to take all the kids for a few hours if I needed it. I've been really lucky at having good babies which makes a huge difference. Getting into a good nap schedule really helped my sanity since it gave me some down time during the day. They were great night sleepers also so I wasn't dragging during the day. I'm kind of anal about housecleaning though so I probably spend more time picking up than I should. I would just move the babies around from room to room while I worked. Only thing I wasn't very good at was bf. It just made me really stressed so I stopped after a month.

Anyway, I know it's all do-able. It just takes time as you figure it out what works best for you and your family!

 

You've been given great advice so far! Just know that it will get easier and that you can do this. I, also, look back and wonder how I did it w/o help except that first week. My only advice on pumping is either:
1) wait till they are asleep and pump extra long so you can go further in between sessions or
2) just grab a beer and be okay with them fussing for a little bit...turn up the TV and ignore (it's great practice for CIO later in their lives)

I had to practice both of those tactics!

Good luck!

 

you can do it!!!
i was TERRIFIED to be alone with them at first. they were just so little and i couldn't carry them both by myself (how would i pick them both up? ). but at 8 weeks i insisited i do it all alone, and it's really not so bad! you clean when you can (and that also gets easier to do as they get older and can kind of entertain themselves)

AS FOR PUMPING.... i'm a pumper. and before they were actually napping in their cribs, i'd put them in the bouncers with the musical tops (or give them soem toys), and i'd sit in between them and pump. that way you can interact with them while pumping. it was awkward, but i did that for like 3 months! sometimes i'd even pump one boob at a time so that i'd have a free hand to tend to babies if i had to. now i pump while they nap, and if they get up, i put them in the excersaucers and finish pumping.

 

Two words... routine and flexibility. Try to get a good routine going so you know what to expect and can do some planning. BUT be flexible because babies are constantly changing. Some days you can't get them to sleep, other days they are sleeping and you need to be somewhere.

For example, I play with my son during the girls morning nap and he helps me get everything I can get ready for dinner in advance (measuring stuff out, etc). And I have been able to get them all sleeping at the same time in the afternoon, so I use this time to do some things and then relax. We have a good bedtime routine in place now as well. But if the girls decide to wake sooner and I can't get everything done, I try not to freak. It will get done another day.

Do I always have a great attitude, no! But having somewhat of plan keeps me sane, and staying flexible keeps me from killing my kids!

Oh, and try to get out. It may feel like your heart is going beat out of your chest sometimes or that your blood pressure is through the roof, but it does help your overall health!

 

I have been on my own since day 2. Dh had to go back to work 2 days after they were born. Im not going to lie.. Its been hard at times, but you can do it! Swings and bouncers are you BFF! If you need help and get to frazzled.. Ask someone to come over for a few hours so you can rest or just have one baby to take care of. Having a schedule is a big help also. At that age (6 weeks) i didnt have much of a schedule, just did things on demand.
I wish you luck and just remember YOU CAN DO IT!

 

It's hard not having any help!! I guess you just have to accept that not everything is going to get done and that you can only do so much. At least that is how I feel. I just try to do little things here and there like when they are napping I will put a load of laundry in or empty the dishwaser. I really try to pick up behind myself....of course it's not always easy. I also try to make sure everything is straingt and in order before I go to bed so I will at least wake up to an orderly house. I usually try to clean on the weekends when DH can watch the boys. I feel like I never get everything done that I need to and it really irritates me but that is soemthing I'm learning to try to not let bother me. As far as getting dinners ready I have a lot of good Crock pot recipes that I rotate through. So in the morning I just throw everything in and it's done by the time we eat, it's good, healthy and easy to clean up.
I also try to get out at least a couple times a week or else I will go insane DH does help out a lot when he is home but he has been traveling a lot, I have family that helps out occassionaly so that is nice. This by far is the MOST difficult thing I've ever done and there have been several times where I didn't think that I could do this but I try to take it one day at a time. I guess that's all we really can do. It's nice to come on here and 'talk' to others who are in the same situation and know what we are going through.

 

This thread is great

I am staying at home until Sept. (I'm a teacher). I am DEATHLY afraid of taking boh girls out by myself. But I need to do it. Good to hear others were scared too and that you survived!

 

AAAAACK! I still have no idea how I am doing it some days!

I was PETRIFIED when DH went back to week 3 weeks after they were born (I mean realllllllly terrified....I vaguely recall following him to the door crying 'dont leave, dont leave'!!) but strangely enough once he did leave was when I realized that I could take care of them on my own! YAHOOO!
It was a very proud & life changing moment when I got through the first week

I still have to try to challenge myself & do things that I am convinced I can't do, otherwise I would stay in the comfort of our family room for the next year!

I think the most important thing for us is routine ~ it keeps us all sane and alive!
Also, rotating through the bouncy chairs, swings, jumparoos and floor keeps things interesting for the babies in between eating & napping.

You can do it & when you do the pride you will feel will be amazing!

 

I am 21. A first time mother and my twins' father died of a drug overdose a month before they were born.

I do it because I have to. You would be quite suprised at how much you really are capable of.

I have extreme fear with my children because as a recovering addict (over 2 years clean) I know the odds are against my little ones.
You can do it. We are all strong in our each individual ways.
Never get down on yourself (easier said than done) but you will really be suprised what you can do when you have to.

 

All the advice has been great. One thought I had is --are you able to breastfeed more? That would save a lot of time??

The other thing is have basic expectations of the day...it is impossible to do what you used to do before babies and it's okay. Mine are #4 and 5 and I always try to remember this stage won't last forever and someday I'll miss these days. Just do the best you can and enjoy those babies!!!!

Lisa