any one else feel this way?

Everytime my friends or family start planning a get together, I start getting stressed. It alwasy has to be at one of their houses which is 45 min away. My husband is usually working so I have to go alone. It was fine when they slept whenever and wherever, but now the only place they want to sleep is their cribs. They only stay up for 2 hours max so by the time I get there its either time to feed them or shortly after time for them to take a nap. My friend just came into town and I really want to see her ( she has a 2 month old). However they are calling me saying Im gonna try and get everyone over to my house (45 min away). I feel like when I get there unless my moms there no really wants to hold one for you the whole time so I end up getting stressed out because ones fussing while Im holding the other. Not to mention the extra 30-45 min it takes me to get them packed up and ready to go( which Ive gotten pretty fast at).

I just feel bad, because I usually say no ( after a few bad experiences...throwing up, cranky when I get home etc). Most people will say "Oh I have two too". Thats usually two different ages, one can walk and the other needs to be held. I have two that need to be held!! It would be so much easier if they could come here or if they were closer..

Anyone else struggle with this??

 

Yup...no one really gets it. We had a big issue with some of our family b/c of this. In the end, we didn't go because it was best for our babies. Is there any way you could bring along a bouncy seat or a swing for one to be in while you hold the other? Wouldn't people at the event be more than happy to hold one? Good luck with your decision!

 

We were in the same situation! I hated going placed because of it, and for the most part, we didn't...the only places we really took them until recently were my parents or the in-laws...it was best since we could put them down for naps there. People don't understand all the work and energy it takes to haul twins places...at that age, we mostly just took walks, or went to the mall or Target...even now, I hesitate to go places where it might interfere with their naps, though I'm noticing they're able to handle it better.

Just have lots of patience, and if you feel it's not worth it, don't go...I always tell people it's much easier to come to my house.

 

I totally relate. Those things really throw off our schedule and there is heck to pay for a day or two afterward.

 

There sure is heck to pay. I laugh and say "sure I'll come", but all of you are coming home with me when their screaming for an hour before bedtime because they are so tired and they havent had a nap. I may try the bouncey thing or try and get them to come here.

I needed to vent, This place is so helpful......we are never alone!!

 

I loved the idea in pp of bringing a bouncy chair! Or maybe even a Bumbo w/ some toys. I went through a big period of time where I just invited people to my house and only went to things I REALLY wanted to go to. The good thing about taking them out often is that when they are older, they are more used to it. Even if it's just a trip to the store. It will get better as the babies get older.

 

I have felt the same way as you do... and had moms with only one tell me I need to be sure my babies adapt to me and not have me adapt to the babies. I got and can sometimes get so frustrated when people don't seem to understand or trust that I am trying to do what is best for them. One thing that made me feel better is when a friend who had a 4 year old and twin one year olds said to me she can't believe how much easier it was taking one baby out rather than taking her twins.... not even to mention trying to take out all 3. So do what you believe is best for you and for them... people may talk, but who cares- no one else is looking out for the babies like you are!

 

Same here. People just Don't understand what it's like to have twinfants. If there was one child, it'd be easier to give them the attention. I also get stressed just hearing that family is planning something.. like currently it's CAMPING. They Always invite us and most of the time we deny them. Almost Every time we've taken the girls to a family members house they start crying when someone so much as looks at them. It's horrifying at times and quite embarassing.

 

Same here, DH's family just doesn't get why we don't take them out more. In the beginning Max couldn't go out due to germs and his open-heart surgery. We tried today and went to the mall for a picture with the Easter Bunny and to walk around. The amazing amount of packing and prep people just don't get it. I guess only we, twin parents, understand.

I find it harder for us because I have 2 herniated disc's in my lower back so DH has to to almost all the lifting of the babies, stroller and putting them in and out of the stroller. Sometimes I feel so incompetant because of my medical issues.

 

i am sooooo with you! we haven't taken the twins out to a function/party since they were 2 months old, it is just toooo much work. and now that they are STTN and on a solid nap schedule i don't want to mess it up. on top of that DD is just getting over screaming at every meal due to reflux and there was no way i could even fathom how that would be if i wasn't at home in my controlled environment... i'm sure people would think i was killing her.

anyway, i'm sure it will be different when they are older so i will catch up on socializing then i guess. until then, if someone wants to come over or go to target with us, they are more than welcome

 

Oh I feel so less stressed just reading this!! To know I'm not alone thinking its just such a production to go somewhere! We went to church, breakfast, and the mall to see the Easter Bunny today and of course EVERYthing revolves around their feeding schedule! and people just look at you like your crazy when you talk about how much work it is esp if they have had ONE baby that you can tell they just don't get it!! Thanks for posting this so the next time I get stressed or feel bad for turning someone down I'll know I'm not alone

 

I was out with the twins having coffee (they like to be oustide and are great in the jogger) when a man said
"I'm a father of 1 year old twin boys, congratas on being out, it is hard, only parent of twin really understand"

that comment was nice, specially coming from a a dad

 

OH yes, this is taking me back. I remember we would do the same thing and we would just have to leave. You are right you are the one that would have to deal with two overtired babies at the end of the day. We didn't do everything we were invited to but we did some. Yeah the swing or bouncy should help. I had a pnp that I left at my mom's house for a while and that helped too!

 

Yes!! People just don't seem to get that twinfants are not portable! I usually have people come to me if they want to see me.
And I know if you're an HSHHC person (which I know you are ) then guarding that sleep quality is important! our kids aren't used to sleeping just anywhere and they do end up cranky and overtired if we don't protect their naptimes. It's tough.

 

Thanks for all the replies! Its good to know your not alone or weird! I used to take them everywhere, but once we got on a nap routine, I don't want to mess that up. Not to mention I just started back to work and they are going through an adjustment with that too. I do take them outside everyday in their jogger which they LOVE!! I take them to the grocery and short errands, but anything that is going to coincide with feeding or a nap.....forget it!! I laugh too because my sister- in- law(who is making these plans and has three kids) said "If I had twins, I wouldnt go anywhere", go figure!!

 

We always tell our friends to come to our house whether they have kids or not, just easier on our little ones and me to keep their schedule, plus then I can relax and talk while they nap.
If they don't understand they aren't good friends.
And as for family, well they'll get over it

 

Yep, I did when they were younger and I still do now. I'm a sleep protector too and mine went to bed around 7:00 pm when they were infants. Family get-togethers always seem to start at 6:00, and I'd get the weird looks when we left at 6:45 or 7:00 with the kids. Sure, they seemed fine to everyone when we left, but believe me, dealing with all the crying on the way home and then trying to get two overtired infants to sleep at the same time... not my idea of a fun time! I seriously think they all thought I was crazy for leaving so early with babies who didn't appear to be tired. Now, it's hard because I have two toddlers running everywhere and getting into everything at non-child proofed houses.

 

Yes, I totally felt this way and I refused lots of invitations. If people wanted to meet then they had to come to me. It may sound selfish but it was the only way I could cope at the time. Even now, I keep things minimal as they get tired so quickly. Dont feel bad about saying no. You are alone and its no joke trying to get out of the house for a visit especially when it´s just you! Do what´s best for you otherwise you wont relax and your babies will sense this. Your family will just have to accept this. They will have plenty of time to play with them when they are older! :hug:

 

My girls were 6 and 7 months during the holidays and by then they were on a schedule. Both of our families are within 10 minutes of each other so we were expected to show. However, I didn’t show up until after their big nap of the day. But I still needed to feed them once and give them one more short nap. Luckily they live in bigger houses were I was able to feed them in a secluded area and set up the pack in play’s for them to sleep. We only stayed a FEW hours. (At one house I had to hold my baby for her entire third nap because it was just too noisy). I never cared what they thought, even the so-called veteran mothers, my husband has FOUR older sisters and they all have kids not to mention his mother who had five!

They never had twins, they never had their babies on a schedule, they will never get it and the only one that pays is you.

 

Just an update to this.....
My friend is staying in a hotel down by the beach about 10 min. from me. So I figured, "ok, I'll cruise down there for an hour and come home". Well it was all fine until my DD started falling asleep in the jogger and then both were out. So I said..."Its time to go". When we got home they were both awake but still tired. I tried laying them down at there regular nap time, not happening!! They were up crying for an hour straight!!! I didn't get them down until almost 3 and then my DD still screamed her head off at bedtime because she was so overtired. Then I feel bad!!

I was once again reminded.........why I don't go out much!!!

 

I'm so sorry! we had a similar situation yesterday... I asked my dh if we could leave at 9am so the babies could get their morning nap... well it was his family's house... and I hinted at 9:15a then 9:30a finally at 9:45a we left... and my ds didn't take his nap... ah ... I was in a great mood then! yes, just a reminder that we like our babies to nap!