Any advise on whether to hold one twin back a grade?

Hello! I'm new to this site and I need some help. I'm trying to make a very big desicion on whether or not to hold one of my twin daughters back in Kindergarten for a second year while her sister moves on to 1st grade. Abby does have a rare neurological disorder that causes her fine motor skill problems. She has a very hard time writing and getting dressed, but otherwise she is a normal 6 year old. Her problems should improve with time, but she will never be completely normal. Her twin sister is fine. The school has recommend holding Abby back a year to repeat Kindergarten, but are leaving the decision up to us. She does go to a wonderful school and she will still be getting help in 1st grade. Holding her sister back too is not an option, she is ready to move on. Her ped recommends NOT holding her back and just adapting things to her needs, like a touch-screen computer. I am VERY torn! I really do think Abby would benefit from another year of Kindergarten, but I don't want her to be separated from her sister. They are very close, but they aren't identical twins. I also don't want Abby to be labeled as the "dumb one" from here on out. If Abby were not a twin, I would have no problems holding her back. But since she is, I don't know what to do! Please help! Any advise would be great.

Sara - confused from Indiana

 

What a hard decision!
:hug:

My BIL and SIL are twins and BIL was held back in second grade. He didn't escape lables, but I personally think some people would lable any child held back that way, twin or not. It changed the dynamic in the family as he wasn't really like a twin anymore, but the baby brother. I think a lot of people forgot those two were the same age once he was behind in school.
But I think this sentence tells me a lot about how you feel. QUOTE
If Abby were not a twin, I would have no problems holding her back.
I think the labelling will have more to do with how your family and the school handles it rather than her being a twin.
Does the school have a child psychologist you might be able to talke through this decision with?

 

My first question is, is K full or 1/2 day. If it is 1/2 day, then I would put her into first. You may have to revisit this decision after 1st, but as a teacher, I would rather retain a child in first than in K, and I have done this in practice. For a bit of my background, I spent the first 3 years of my teaching career as a special education teacher working with orthopedically impaired children, so I do understand your dilema. We found that with these kids, there was more benefit to them going on to 1st, and repeating 1st if necessary than repeating K.

The reason is that in 1st, there is much more content for them to do, so they will get more repeating there, if they need to than they would in K. FWIW, I would give you this same advise if she weren't a twin, because I have seen the results. There are also many adaptations they can do to help her with her writing.

 

My dad and his twin sister were in different grades because of my dad's health problems. I think it created a very strained family dynamic. His sister was jealous because she saw my dad getting all this extra help even though he was a grade behind. Even now, things can get dicey between them because of either perceived or real differences in treatment when they were growing up.

I would see what specific activities and tools and support the school would offer in 1st. Then make a choice.

Marissa

 

Thanks for your help! To whoever asked, Abby does go to full-time Kindergarten. They only offer full-time K to those students who need the extra help. Right now I'm thinking of sending her on to 1st grade and see how another year goes. The family dynamic thing does have me worried, but our girls (and younger kids) know we love them equally. Thanks again!

 

that's a hard one. I don't know for sure what I'd do but I think I would tend to try it one more year if I were on the fence. Good luck with your decision.

Oh, and welcome to TS!! It's a great place! :welcome:

 

QUOTE
Thanks for your help! To whoever asked, Abby does go to full-time Kindergarten. They only offer full-time K to those students who need the extra help.


Our school district does the same. Good luck!

 

I would move her ahead to 1st and reevaluate. I see a lot of kids that aren't quite up to grade level in various areas that get extra help just for that specific issue.

 

I would move ahead to 1st and talk about Special Education/504 plans--they should and could easily adapt for poor fine motor control in many ways. Make sure to have an OT look at ideas. The earlier she learns some adaptations, the better! They can also offer things such as spoken dictation (to a person or computer), special pencils/grips/ extra time, resource support, adaptive seating/desk..and on and on.

There is no reason if she is a 6 year old in every other way and is academically and socialy ready that she should not move forward with assistance and support. Make sure that the school help make adaptations-- As a special education teacher, I very rarely would consider retention for something that can be assisted in the classroom and could be considered a lifelong disability.

Good Luck, it is so hard to make choices like that!

KC