any advice to help me stop worrying?

Before getting pregnant, I was never much of a worrier. Now, it seems like I'm not going to stop worrying about something going horribly wrong until I'm actually holding two healthy babies in my arms. Last night after going for a long walk and this morning after showering I had some spotting, which is the first bleeding I've had during this pregnancy (I'm 20 weeks, mono/di). I've already called and talked to the doctor and they've assured me that it's nothing to worry about and it's probably just from my cervix starting to protrude some and rubbing against the vaginal walls and bleeding a little (and for peace of mind we're going in this afternoon to have them check the heartbeats). She said probably I shouldn't take any more long walks for the next couple days until it heals, but in general it's fine to keep doing the same activities I've been doing.

So, I mean, I know that I shouldn't be worried about this, and they gave me instructions about what to look for and when to start worrying and call back. But now I feel like I shouldn't get up and walk around, because what if I start bleeding again and it gets worse and something happens to the babies? Kind of like how before every ultrasound we go in for I get really nervous about them finding something wrong. I'm afraid to take my dog for a walk again because I don't want to risk any problems, but on the other hand, I don't want my dog to feel like I'm neglecting him (after all, he's been my "baby" for the past five years), and the doctor had told me before that walking was good exercise and I should do it. On the other hand, I'm also afraid of being put on bed rest!

I would love to hear any advice about how to calm down and stop worrying so much.

 

:hug: Honestly, there is probably nothing anyone can say to make you stop worrying, its just so hard not to. I will say that its feels so much better to let go and just be happy and excited and really enjoy being pregnant as much as you can. Spotting after a long walk sounds pretty normal especially at 20 weeks, you'll have to take it easy just as your OB said but after you go hear those sweet little heartbeats just try and relax and and trust that things are going to be great! :good:

 

Welcome! Worry can definitely increase during pregnancy, especially when you hear words like "high risk" and start feeling symptoms that you've never experienced before. Some worry is normal; excessive worry that keeps you up at night or affects your life is not. In both cases, I think it's important to talk to your health care provider about your fears and make sure that they are watching out for you and not inducing any more concern than there needs to be. I specifically asked my doctor not to talk about "what ifs" unless I had a question for them just so I didn't have something new to worry about.

My top tips to stop worrying:

1) Stay away from google. People don't post positive stories nearly as often as they rant about negative stories. If you're going to look up symptoms, only go to trusted sources of information and don't read through comments sections where every worst case scenario is covered.

2) When you read statistics, don't focus on the 3% chance of whatever happening; focus on the 97% chance that everything will go just fine. Chances are overwhelmingly in your favour that everything will be just fine.

3)Prepare for the things you can control: your birth by understanding all of your medical rights and options, so when the time comes you know what to ask for (epidurals, c-sections, natural births, IVs or no IVs etc). Hire a doula to help you navigate this if you feel like you are being overwhelmed by doctors. Prepare the nursery, decide about sleeping arrangements, read up on baby products... all that stuff!

4)Come to TS and pepper us with every single silly question that comes to mind. Seriously, ladies here have been through everything under the sun, and will be able to ease your mind.

5) Spend lots of time with friends and family and talk about your fears with people you feel comfortable with. Spending time alone in your own head just tends to make things worse.

6) If you have the book What to Expect, throw it in the garbage. Burn the garbage.

:youcandoit:

 

She's probably right about the protruding, but getting checked out will help put your mind at ease. If its something more serious she might put more restrictions on you.

I worried for multiple reasons, a lot dealt with health issues i had, until they were in my arms and they told me they needed no NICU time ... Its typical for any pregnancy, Singleton or multiple.

My doctor was phenomenal and had a phenomenal staff, if I ever had any problems or questions I could call them at the office or my docs cell phone and he'd either reassure me everything was okay, have me come in or have me go to L&D and he'd meet me there.

I only spotted once and that was after a FFN test (fetal fibronectin ....tests for premature labor), he immediately brought me in did an exam and ultrasound, everything was perfect ... They'd told me to expect spotting but bc I was so worried about it he brought me in to calm my fears.

They did always tell me anytime they did a cervical length check, any type of vaginal exam, or even had sex that I should expect spotting, it's normal. As long as it wasn't a lot and clotty it was fine.

Being active is important in your pregnancy but you might need to shorten your walks a little bit or this could have just been a fluke thing. Your pup will understand, getting out and walking at all with him, playing with him and his favorite toy etc, will help.

This is certainly for down the road but I have cats and they have been my babies for years. I was worried how they'd react to the twins, the ladies here recommended when the twins were born swaddling them in our own blankets and bringing those home before thw babies so the cats could smell them and get used to the smell ... It worked I guess bc they were great when the twins came home and they're great with them now ... They guard the babies at night and if they start fussing, although we hear them on the monitor, the cats will jump in the bed and start meowing and wake us up and then follow us into the nursery! Lol.

 

Jen I absolutely love your posts and COMPLETELY agree with everything you wrote!

 

Definitely share your fears with a friend or family member. I have told my husband some of my fears and bad dreams and he is really good about reminding me of the good reports we've gotten from the doctor's office and that he feels very positive about things.

 

Jen's response is spot on! :hug:

For myself, I had to consciously choose NOT to worry. I had a lot of mental pep talks and over time it helped.

 

Jen gave you great advice.

Like you I was never much of a worrier before my pregnancy but I would like to add that for me the worrying did not stop after I had the babies, in some ways it even became worse. A wise person once said that once you have kids your heart is walking around outside your body. But I try to trust that things will turn out well in the end, which takes conscious effort - more some days and less others.

Have a happy and healthy pregnancy!

 

Thanks so much everyone! Your advice really helps a lot. I just got back from the ob's office -- the nurse checked out the babies on the ultrasound and they are big and healthy and have perfect heartbeats. They were flipping all over the place and punching each other, which was kind of funny to watch and made me feel a lot better. She said they were some of the healthiest-looking twins she's ever seen. (The cynical part of me says she was just saying that to make me feel better, but hey, it worked!)

I have definitely been telling my husband all of my fears and he's been really great (even if I get his t-shirts soaked with tears :lol: ). It's funny because normally he is the worrier of the two of us, but he's been cheering me up through this whole pregnancy and being really optimistic.

 

I have been on a similar worry trajectory and I have started listening to pregnancy-specific guided meditations. there are a good amount of free ones if you google (appropriate google use in this instance They are really helping me, focusing on trusting your body and letting go of what is outside your control.

 

Thats exactly how my DH was through my pregnancy! Im so glad everything is okay! I always loved watching them together in the womb, baby A, my girl was ALWAYS kicking baby B, my boy ... It was hilarious!

 

So glad your babies are doing well. Thank you for initiating this post. The responses are helping me a lot too -- and I bet a lot of other worriers!

 

You have gotten alot of great advice! Welcome to TS!

 

Jen said it all!

Just come talk to us. Anytime and about anything. Any worry you have is probably something one of us has experienced. It helps combat questions about your sanity to be able to relate to other crazy ladies.

Welcome to Twinstuff!