Anxiety

Hi ladies

I have boy/girl twins and I couldnt be more over the moon as they are my 2 little miracles. However, I have days when I just don´t feel I can cope. Does anyone else feel the same?

My DD can be quite hard work and both babies are used to having someone go to them if they cry. If I leave one, as I´m with the other, it doesn´t take them long to have a meltdown. Both have quite a temper! LOL! I actually dread the times I´m alone with them as I worry I could have 2 crying babies on my hands. When does having twins start to be ´fun´ (if you know what I mean!!)? Don´t get me wrong, I love my babies it´s just that it´s hard.

I´m sure you´ve all been there but I wonder if you could share your experiences as I feel quite alone in this. I have moments when I cry and cry as I feel quite overwhelmed. We did IVF and these are my first children.

Thanks for reading.

 

You are NOT alone. I did not enjoy the first 4mnths of the twins lives, and I use to come on here and ask when it got better as I truly felt like I was trapped in he11 with no way out. I also had a bunch of anxiety about being left alone with the twins, and as result we hired a daytime nanny to help me out while DH was at work, so basically I had help all the time. I know it was expensive, but it is what worked for us.
It does get better, the babies will get better, more interactive, more fun, you will be able to get out more - I promise! Is there anyone that can come over and help on a regular basis - family, friends, coworkers, church members, anyone?

If you are really worried please talk to your dr about the possibility of PPD. But, yes please know that alot of what you are feeling is normal, having young twins is HARD work, and exhausting. I use to cry daily, I used to feel empty and lost, overwhelmed and even regretted having twins!! Things do get better though, although things are still hard, they are so much more enjoyable now.

Mine were also IVF, so I know what you mean about wanting them and then kind of wondering why you went through all that.

Hang in there! : )

 

We have all been there! It's so hard in the beginning especially when they're not all that much "fun" It will get better very soon, I promise! You are in survival mode right now so it's really difficult to enjoy anything. It's so hard taking care of 2 babies. I remember feeling a bit panicked when I was left alone with them in the beginning, but I soon found that I could do it and you can too! I've kind of learned to prioritize the cries- if one's crying because he's got a poop then he gets my attention before the one who's just bored and wants to be picked up. You also become kind of immune to the crying. I never thought I'd say that, but it's true. I know when we're around family or friends who aren't used to babies crying they get a little freaked out. They probably think we're a little insensitve, too, but we're just used to it. Anyway, I digress. You'll be fine. Very soon they're going to become more fun when they start doing more than just eating, sleeping, pooping, crying, etc. Good luck!

 

I think this sounds very normal :hug:. Your babies are only three months old. This is the hard time for sure. The days where you feel like it's hard to cope will become less and less as they get older :hug:. It changed for me after the three month mark little by little. I noticed a big shift after six months. Every month after six months seemed easier because they were more independent.

 

Thank you all for your replies, it makes me feel better. Ive been reading some stories in the handbook section and I realise that I havent had the worst experience at all.

Isis: Oh, your reply made me feel so much better as I have been through the exact same emotions. I felt so guilty as I´ve been through infertility and IVF (I was lucky it worked first time) and then wondered what the he11 we´d done.
I am lucky as I have help every afternoon and 2 mornings a week. My DH has been supportive but not in a hands-on way, so it´s been tough. He never took his paternity leave and when the twins were first born I did the night shifts alone and was with them all day too. I cried so much during that time as I only slept 4 hours in the afternoon - my parents came over for the first 2 weeks (Im from the UK but I live in Spain). I also think I can´t cope due to always having help and it gives me a break. I dislike weekends when DH is here with me as he can´t handle the crying and I have to deal with it all. I have wondered about PPD but am not sure if I have it or not. I dont think so. Thanks again for your support, it mans a lot to know Im not alone.

JennG: Im kind of used to the crying too but I hate it as it makes me tense and the babies sense that. My 2 are also used to being tended to immediately so when they ´call´ it doesnt take long for a meltdown to start. My 2 have been blessed with their father´s temper Thank you for your encouragement, it means a lot.


Sweetgirl: mine will be 4 months tomorrow. Ive heard many times that after 6 months will be much better. Personally, I cant wait! I shouldnt wish time away but I do! Thank you also for your support.

 

i feel the same way. i call my mom sometimes crying (we dont live near any family or friends) and tell her im just so tired, i cant do it anymore. she says, when you feel like you cant do it anymore, remember you ARE doing it. take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back. youre doing an awesome job. sometimes mine are fun, other times i wish i had only had 1 baby at a time.

 

You are SO not alone! I was overwhelmed, upset, guilty, scared, frustrated- you name it. Those first several months were brutal. My DD was very needy and difficult in the beginning. I had a lot of resentment that things were so difficult- and then guilt because I really only ever wanted to be a mom and then there I was wishing time away and thinking I'd made a mistake. Oh how sleep deprivation impacts a person's mental and emotional well being!!
At about six months things really got much better. Now I have so much fun and enjoy the babies each and every day. It still is hard- but I seem to have more of a handle on it. Even the crying doesn't get to me as easily as it used to. Hugs- it will get better and easier!

 

I am right there with you. I felt completely overwhelmed and was crying everyday basically the first month and a half. My ob/gyn suggested I talk to someone about PPD. Now I am taking medicine for that and it is helping tremendously, for me. I don't feel so down and defeated. So that may be something you might want to consider. I was ashamed at first to tell my husband about the meds and the PPD, but I realized that I couldn't help it. Everyday I am getting alittle more confident. I am basically home alone with them ALL day and do all the night stuff too. (husband has complicated stressful job). My mother in law gave me a great piece of advice. She told me to try to have one achievement each day. It can be small and silly, like for me the other day it was taking the babies out by myself. It can be making it through a day without crying. Anyways, I write them down in a notebook and that has helped me. My mother in law also told me to each day find two things to be positive about. So I am doing that too. These things helped me. And you can think to yourself when you are having two crying babies that you can't calm down, that I am here in West Palm Beach Florida, doing the exact same thing at the same moment so you are not alone.

 

QUOTE(Erineliza @ Sep 27 2008, 10:37 AM) [snapback]1000245[/snapback]
You are SO not alone! I was overwhelmed, upset, guilty, scared, frustrated- you name it. Those first several months were brutal. My DD was very needy and difficult in the beginning. I had a lot of resentment that things were so difficult- and then guilt because I really only ever wanted to be a mom and then there I was wishing time away and thinking I'd made a mistake. Oh how sleep deprivation impacts a person's mental and emotional well being!!
At about six months things really got much better. Now I have so much fun and enjoy the babies each and every day. It still is hard- but I seem to have more of a handle on it. Even the crying doesn't get to me as easily as it used to. Hugs- it will get better and easier!


This is what I experienced too. :good: I had such a hard time dealing with the crying and feeding them both and the crying when I couldn't get to one of them etc. I am more tolerant now, but I still hate to hear them cry. My DS melts down so easily. He was colicy and still freaks when he's a little bit hungry. I went back to work at 12w and the rush of the morning and evening with all the crying/fussing about sent me over the edge. I talked to my doc about it and he put me on something. It helped SO MUCH. I was able to tolerate all of the "problems". My DH is helpful, but the crying and sleep deprivation were hard on him and us. I exclusively pumped until they were 8 mo and that was hard/stressful too.

Things are so much better now and more predictable. I think that is what makes so much difference. They have things figured out and look forward to the pattern of their day. I enjoy them. Mine are IVF babies too. I am so thankful to be on the other side of that. I reflect on it often when they are sleeping peacefully in their cribs. What blessings after all that struggle!

It will improve, you will learn what works best for all of you and they will be able to do more and more independently. :hug:

 

I was really overwhelmed at first...I cried alot and wished that I could just wish for everything to get easier. I would get mad at my babies for crying so much and then mad at myself for getting mad at my two babies. I felt like a bad mom somedays. It's hard too when you don't have anyone else who understands what you are going through.

At 6 months it started to get easeir, and each month that goes by I have noticed that the bad/hard days come less and the fun days have increased. I enjoy the babies so much now, and I can't imagine my life without them.

 

You are right, it is hard when they both cry at the same time and you're alone with them. My girls are 11 months old now and it's still so much easier for me to put them to bed when I have a 2nd person here to help me. There's just no way you can meet the needs of 2 babies immediately, you are only 1 person. I just have to remain cool and calm through the crying - easier said than done, I know.

:hug: It does get easier, just hang in there!

 

Thank you, girls. I feel so much better reading your stories, I thought I was alone in what I felt. I´ve had a lot of help so I´ve been lucky there.

I lived with my in-laws for 7 weeks at their country house in the summer so MIL could help me. I felt so lonely (DH was back in our flat in a different city) and had no-one to talk to (no internet or phone, just a mobile). My family all live in the UK and I live in Spain. MIL would make innocent comments that used to upset me too as I was just so overwhelmed. It was tough. Now Im back at my home with DH, I feel better. MIL still visits every week for a few days (gives me a break) and I guess she´ll keep coming to stay seeing as she´s retired. The twins are her new hobby!

Im reassured that it gets easier, even though logic says it will, it´s good to hear. Well done you mums who do it alone, that´s incredible and I really admire you for it. In fact, well done to you all for surviving!