Anxiety and depression

This is so hard to put out there but I need advice, encouragement, something. I am dealing with terrible anxiety over being a twin mom. They are just past 2 months and each day I am alone with them I have to battle terrible anxiety. I feel overwhelmed with them - I struggle over who to pick up, how to juggle them, how to handle it when they are both crying. I don't know what to do with them now that they are staying awake a bit more during the day. A fellow friend of mine who is a twin mom described the first 9 months as 'pure hell'. The commiseration helps but I am just at wit's end. I'm exhausted from the schedule and anxiety. I am supposed to be returning to work on 7/7 and still can't find childcare arrangements for them. Every decent day care is a year plus wait for twins and we can't find a caregiver we trust to come in home and care for them. I might have to quit my job to care for them.

should I get on medication? any advice? Help!

 

First, I just want to say that much (if not all) of what you are saying is very much how I felt during those first few months. They are purely survival - it is HARD, very HARD to care for twinfants by yourself. It is lonely. It is overwhelming. It is frustrating. I remember feeling the panicky feeling coming on every night around 11:00 when my DH would go to bed so that he could care for our older DS during the night (if needed) and get up at 5:00 and get ready for work. I was nursing and I spent the majority of those nights sitting on the couch with the babies attached to me. I would watch the clock, waiting for morning. My DH helped, but still, during the night they mostly just wanted to nurse.

Second, if you feel like you are in need of medication - don't wait, schedule an appt. with your OB or family practice doctor and talk to them about how you are feeling.

As far as what to do with them.....do you get out of the house much? I found that the more I left the house, even if it was just to go to Target and push them around in the stroller - I felt better. Walks around the neighborhood, trips to the mall, etc. I also found it very helpful and comforting to pack up all the kids and go stay at my parents' house for 1 week at a time. I think I did that once a month for the first 6-7 months. It was nice to have others around during the day to help (they are both retired).

Have you tried swings yet? Or bouncy seats?

I with I had some magic solution for you. It will get easier to cope as they get older. Your sleep will increase, their sleep will increase, they will entertain themselves better, etc. But it is hard. And you are at a REALLY hard age. Do you have family/friends nearby that could come help and/or give you a break so you could get out of the house and get a coffee or watch a movie? Anything to get yourself a break from the hourly demands. :hug:

 

It might be helpful to talk to your doctor about the anxiety you are feeling. I can tell you it is normal to feel so anxious after having twins...I think the first ten weeks or so I was anxious all the time, worried about every little thing. One of the things you can tell yourself is that you are doing the best you can, sometimes when mine were crying at the same time, I would pick one up first and the next crying round I would pick the other one up first. Believe me, you may not think this right now, but you are doing great job Momma and right now feeling so anxious and not sleeping a lot on top of it can really mess with your emotions. The older they get, the more confident you will get and it will get a little easier with each month.
:hug: :youcandoit:

 

I know exactly what you are feeling! About 3 weeks ago I was ready to give up! And it is WEIRD, noone understands how hard it is unless they have twins themselves...not even my family!

I met a nice woman at church who loves babies, and told me to call her whenever I wanted to...so I did! She came over for a full day, and it was SO nice to have someone to talk to, and hold babies....Do you have any neighbors, or nice older people who would like to come over?

I have figured out the best time to take the babies out....that has helped! I have everything ready, feed them, and then run out the door!!!! We have gone to Target, the mall, Hobby Lobby....places like that where it is easy to get the stroller around...I even went to the Library on my own once!

Some things I keep telling myself when I think I can't do it are:

1. You can do this - you did it yesterday!!!
2. It will get easier (it already is easier from when they first came home!)
3. take a deep breath

I have seen my doctor for depression/anxiety, and he said it was very important to exercise at least 15 minutes every day. So perhaps your husband could take care of the babes, so you could walk outside for just 15 minutes? by yourself? That has also helped me. For now, I am not on medication....we are just monitoring it.

I hope that helps! Hang in there!

 

i just want to correct something, although everyone is different. it's not the first 9 months that are hell. it does get better with every passing month and for us (and other twin moms i spoke to) it really turned around dramatically at 6 months. but it's not like it's going to be bad up until that point.

i battle anxiety myself so i understand what you're going through. please speak with your doctor. with all of the raging hormones coursing through your body, it's no wonder moms of multiples may be more likely to end up with PPD. there's no shame in asking for help.

 

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It is normal to feel anxious about caring for twins but sometimes it's more than that. I had overwhelming anxiety about being alone with the twins, I just felt like I was going to explode. I wanted to run away and often had thoughts of getting in my car and never coming back. Those types of feelings and thoughts are not normal and when I went to the ERI was diagnosed with PPD. I was put on medication and after about a month those feelings were gone. I could cope with being alone and felt like my self again.

Please go and see your doctor as soon as you can. Don't wait. I ended up going to the ER and was admitted to the hospital for treatment. There is no reason to be embarrased or ashamed, you are not alone. :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

Hi there. I was in exactly the same position as you. It was a really difficult time. I suffered for WAY too long before I sought help. The depression and anxiety was awful, and they were absolutely compounded by lack of sleep. You should visit your family doctor and explain your feelings. Be honest and specific (i.e. I should have told my doctor that I cried every time I had to be alone with the babies and couldn't sleep when they sleep because I was so anxious about what it was going to be like when they woke up. I should I have been frank about my dark thoughts. It took me months before I could really open up!). Medication really helped me to put things in perspective. And I found out that all of my feeling were compounded by a completely hyperactive thyroid (not uncommon after pregnancy, BTW). I lined up as much help as I could (hired a student to come a couple of times a week for a few hours to help with feedings and entertain the kids while I showered and did things around the house, set up a regular schedule with my mom so I always knew I'd have back up Wednesday afternoons, etc.). I also had to be very honest with my partner about how I was feeling. He tends to have too much confidence in me and thinks I can handle anything - I can't! I also hooked up with TPOMBA which is the Toronto Parents of Multiple Births Association - is there something like that where you live? I made connections with other twin moms and many were very positive and realistic, which was great for me. I reduced my expectations of myself as well - I can't be a perfect mom. I can be a pretty great mom who tries her best, but not perfect. Perfect moms are boring anyway!

Please PM me if you want to chat to someone who has been in your shoes.

As for childcare, have you considered a nanny?

 

I found the first three months I was in survival mode. I did whatever I could to get by. By month three, things started getting easier and I'm not sure if it was easier or I just got used to it. They started smiling at that point too so it made me forget all the stress. I think your friend was wrong about 9 months of hell. I had the most fun with the boys from 6-10 months. There was new food to try, they actually played with their toys and they were learning so much. They weren't sleeping through the night, but it was still enjoyable.

Since you are asking on here about depression/anxiety, I think you should talk to your doctor. You may have post partum or it may just be nervious mommy syndrome (I made that up). You won't know till you see a doctor. There is a Mental Health forum on TS and if you would like the password, just PM a moderator.

Lots of hugs and make the call tomorrow morning. :hug:

 

Thank you all so much for the stories, encouragement, and BTDT advice. I think it is at least worth a call to my doc to discuss... it's almost like taking the step to get meds is admitting i'm weak and can't do this. I'm a very independent person and thrive on achievement and the idea of doing things myself without help.

Also, I've been on anti-anxiety/depression medication before so when I started getting the 'rumblings' of anxiety, it panicked me even more! That was such a horrible and dark time and I don't want to be there again. Someone mentioned thyroid issues, too. I might need to get that checked out. My body has gone through a dramatic change. I lost all 56 pounds of my pg weight (LOTS of fluid, edema, etc those last months) in 6 days post-partum. People comment on how great I look but my body and body chemistry are a bit of a wreck still. I've always loved food but now, I hardly eat and when I do, I feel a bit sick afterwards. So I snack rather than have a 'real' meal. I had to give up breastfeeding because my milk supply dropped to almost nothing from lack of sleep, proper nutrition and hydration.

I really appreciate your listening and caring comments. I am trying to get out more with them although they really hate the strolls around the neighborhood right now. Maybe that will improve. And i'm making a point to at least step outside onto the porch or walk in the yard (I was a BIG gardener pre-babies) so that I don't find myself at the end of a day realizing i've not even gone out.

Hugs to ALL of you - you are amazing

 

The longer I am on these boards the more posts I read from new mommy's going thought the same thing. I certainly went though it (and was diagnosed ppd) The anxiety was one of the hardest things to cope with. I feel much better now that I started meds. You shouldn't wait to see your doc. I wish I had gone right away. I also agree with a pp who said it's not really the first 9 months that are hell. For me 4 months got better and it 6 months I couldn't imagine having just one. I love being home with them now, and in the beginning I would have given them away!

 

Just passing through with some :hug: for you! I'm sorry your feeling like this, i can relate to how your feeling completely. I have just been diagnosed PND and have just started meds for it so i'm hoping to feel better soon. I'm glad you are tackling this early on, i know you may feel like asking for help is weak i kind of feel like that too but at the end of the day our babies need a healthy Momma. We don't have to suffer like this, help is out there. I really hope you feel better soon and if you ever need to chat please feel free to msge me i understand how your feeling. Please take care :hug:

 

The dramatic weight loss, diminished milk supply, anxiety - sounds like it could be a hyperactive thyroid to me. I had my boys in March 2007 - I was 188 lbs when they were born (my usual weight is 150 - I'm 6 feet tall). By that summer I was 120 lbs., and most of that weight was lost immediately following the birth of my boys (within weeks). I was FINALLY diagnosed with Grave's Disease that fall, also post-partum depression (for me, the two were interconnected). When you call your doc, please mention the weight loss.

 

QUOTE(IcelandGA @ Jun 14 2009, 11:28 AM) [snapback]1353781[/snapback]
Thank you all so much for the stories, encouragement, and BTDT advice. I think it is at least worth a call to my doc to discuss... it's almost like taking the step to get meds is admitting i'm weak and can't do this. I'm a very independent person and thrive on achievement and the idea of doing things myself without help.


Just because you need some help taking care of 2 babies does not mean that you are weak. Everyone needs helps once in awhile. I was right where you are except I didnt make the call to my Dr. for almost 18 months. Yep, I let it go on (it did get less severe) for 1.5 years. Now I am happily medicated and a much better mom to my kids. Make the call. :hug:

QUOTE(TandC @ Jun 14 2009, 11:44 AM) [snapback]1353785[/snapback]
and in the beginning I would have given them away!


Well said!! Me too :blush: :hug:

 

Am calling tomorrow, thank you all. And I hope my 'weak' comment was not taken wrong or offended anyone. That's my hang up and one i've got to deal with. I know the positive results of meds from my previous bout with depression and anxiety. You are so right - i've got to be a good momma and owe it to them to do all I can to make that happen!

hugs, hugs, hugs - thank you!

 

QUOTE(IcelandGA @ Jun 14 2009, 07:38 PM) [snapback]1354147[/snapback]
Am calling tomorrow, thank you all. And I hope my 'weak' comment was not taken wrong or offended anyone. That's my hang up and one i've got to deal with. I know the positive results of meds from my previous bout with depression and anxiety. You are so right - i've got to be a good momma and owe it to them to do all I can to make that happen!

hugs, hugs, hugs - thank you!

:clapping: Good for you! I felt the same way about feeling 'weak' and I think it was more that I was disappointed that I couldn't do it all. I too had previous depression experience and knew the warning signs. It hit me again when the boys were 18 months and I was able to catch it early enough to prevent the downward spiral. You are doing a great thing and you are really proving how great a mom you are!

 

So glad you are going to call your doctor. My OB actually had me see a psychiatrist when I was still in the hospital after delivering my twins a month ago because she knew I had a history of anxiety and just had twins of her own a few months ago, so she knew what I was going to be going through and thought it would help me to be on medication right away. I fought it at first, like you said, didn't want to be "weak", but both my OB and the psychiatrist explained that in order to be the best mom I could be I had to take care of myself first, even if that included being on meds. So far, I can tell that they are REALLY helping me- of course I have had a few moments of anxiety, but I can deal with it and it passes quickly and then I feel like I can do this twin mom thing. Being on medication does not mean you have a weakness at all, it means that you recognize what you need to be the best mom possible and are willing to do it for yourself and your children. I applaud you for that. It seems to me that you know all these things already but I just wanted to further affirm you and say that I am glad you are going to talk with your doctor. I know you are a good mom just because you are choosing to do that! Good luck!

 

I can totally relate to what you are going through. Those first few months were not fun at all for me. I have suffered from anxiety in the past and after I had them, it came back big time. I think the physical changes your body goes through, plus having zero sleep and 2 human beings relying on you 24/7 is so hard. I suffered for a while before I finally got some meds and therapy. Therapy was great, because I got an hour a week to go and vent and cry and have someone tell me I was normal and I was a good mom. I was convinced I was the worst mom ever. I didn't enjoy motherhood at all during those first few months. My anxiety was so bad. I was terrified to be alone with them and I did have help if I needed it. It didn't matter. I didn't want to appear weak either. I kept having people tell me that I wasn't giving myself enough credit and they were right. I look back now and have no idea how I got through that time. I remember watching the clock til my dh got home. I would have a major meltdown and then would feel better for a little while until I realized I was going to be on my own again in the morning. I could never nap. I would just lay there and stress about everything. I was barely eating and I also lost a lot of weight after they were born. Unfortunately, I've gained it all back, but I'd rather gain the weight back then feel the way I did back then. I also have a thyroid issue. Mine had been underactive and then it became overactive. I'm finally on the right dose of meds for that and it is normal again. You should definitely give your doctor a call and get on meds asap. I recently went off of mine and have noticed the anxiety creaping back. I think I'm going to go back on the meds. It does make you a better mom. I also think all new moms should go talk to a therapist if at all possible. It really helped me a lot. My therapist was a mom herself and could totally relate to what I was going through. She helped me realize that I was a great mom and what I was feeling was totally normal. TS is a great resource. You'll find so many other twin mommies that are going through or have been through exactly what you are. Hope you are feeling better soon.

I would contact a nanny agency if you can't find the right daycare right now. If you have to quit your job and stay home, it's not the end of the world, unless you can't afford to. I am at home with my girls and I love it. I would say around 4 months everything started getting better. Once they were sitting up and started playing by themselves, life got so much better for me. Now, I love every second of it. I wish I could stay at this age forever. I remember sitting out on the deck after dinner and loving it. That was usually the only time I would get out of the house all day. Just breathing the fresh air helps so much. Good luck!!!

 

You know, I was just talking to my OBGYN about this. I have also been suffering with some anxiety post babies (they are 4 months old). He ordered me to grab my ipod and run, do the elliptical or some other exercise for 1 hour every day. I practically begged for meds and the ones he wanted to give me are not compatible with breastfeeding, so I am going to suffer through without meds for now. I feel exactly how you are feeling. I do feel better reading that I am not alone in my suffering.

 

QUOTE(IcelandGA @ Jun 15 2009, 12:38 AM) [snapback]1354147[/snapback]
Am calling tomorrow, thank you all. And I hope my 'weak' comment was not taken wrong or offended anyone. That's my hang up and one i've got to deal with. I know the positive results of meds from my previous bout with depression and anxiety. You are so right - i've got to be a good momma and owe it to them to do all I can to make that happen!

hugs, hugs, hugs - thank you!



As some lovely ladies on here pointed out to me just last week, you owe it to yourself too! You deserve to be happy and enjoy your babies. I am glad you are making the call. Let us know how you get along and lots of luck. :hug:

 

QUOTE(mummy2ambernruby @ Jun 15 2009, 04:52 AM) [snapback]1354489[/snapback]
! You deserve to be happy and enjoy your babies.


This is a good point too. Your kids will only be young ONCE and you need to derive as much enjoyment as possible from the experience - for your sake and theirs.

 

I am another who had/has PPD. I would have happily given them away.
There are a LOT of us who have gone through it. Lots of us very strong, capable women. Its hard, try not to be too hard on yourself.
Glad u are getting help.

 

To the original poster: I am really glad you are going to call your doctor! Take the pressure off yourself and let him/her decide if you do indeed have PPD, and the course of treatment. I would also 2nd whoever said to get your thyroid levels checked. PP thyroid problems are so common. :hug:


QUOTE(zanybebe @ Jun 14 2009, 11:51 PM) [snapback]1354439[/snapback]
You know, I was just talking to my OBGYN about this. I have also been suffering with some anxiety post babies (they are 4 months old). He ordered me to grab my ipod and run, do the elliptical or some other exercise for 1 hour every day. I practically begged for meds and the ones he wanted to give me are not compatible with breastfeeding, so I am going to suffer through without meds for now. I feel exactly how you are feeling. I do feel better reading that I am not alone in my suffering.


But there ARE medications that are! You don't need to suffer! I think the running is great, but if you are still suffering it's most likely a chemical imbalance and needs to be medicated. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. :hug: