Another "they're so little" comment

My conversation with a cashier...

Cashier: OH, are they twins? They're so cute. What, about 18 months?
Me: 2 and a half
Cashier: Really?! But they're so SMALL!
Me:

I know she must have heard them talking because they never stop so how in the heck she could think they were 18 months is beyond me. Just the other day, the hairdresser asked how close to 3 they are because she couldn't believe how much easier they were to understand than her 2-year old.

Anyway, it took every ounce of inner strength I had to not point out the fact that she is about 4'10" and they are much more likely to be of average height and weight than she is... not to mention that their annunciation is better.

 

I hear ya. I just got that comment at Sprouts last week.

Lady: "Oh, twins! They're about 11, 12 months, right?"

Me: "Actually, they just turned 16 months."

Lady: "Oh...they're so small. You're small, does your husband have a small build as well?"

So, I politely told her no, DH is 6'1 and 240 lbs and these boys are going to be big and strong like their daddy!

 

I had the same thing happen when we were going to see santa. The lady behind me asked if they were 18 months...I said no, they are 2....and of course I was thinking....can't you hear how well they talk?

 

SO IRRITATING!

:aggressive:

 

My girls are genuinely small (that small build mentioned by a PP), about the 5th percentile. I get this all the time. They are 5.5, but most people guess 3. Yes, they are short, but they are not proportioned like a 3 yr old. They also don't move like a 3 yr old would move. The way they run and climb clearly says "not 3." Not to mention the talking!

 

we get that all the time too. I guess I don't really understand why it bothers people so much though..

 

I get both, people who think one is much younger because of size and people who think one is much older because of size. I am not bothered at all by the small comments just the big ones because usually people assume my child is older and therefore should be acting older or they would think we were on the wrong playground because of the age of the one we were playing on and the size of my child when in fact we were exactly where we should have been.

 

Mine is the opposite......they say they're 2 ? I said, Nope.....only 19 mos! I have to admit my twins are on tall side and has grown out of their baby face. A friend of mine has a son who just recently turn 1 yr old he is no where near his percentile as he look like he's only 9 mos. He got his Mama's side family (smaller frame/shorter side) but she was open about it. So, I can understand where you are all coming from with having to question them correctly.

D, w/Rianna and Justin (19 mos)

 

Playing devil's advocate here... the people you mention may not have regular contact with young children. If their own kids are teens or fully grown (or they don't have kids) and they don't have grandkids yet, they probably don't remember speech milestones, what young children's movements look like, etc. A guess of 18 months when the kid is actually 2 is not so far off the mark. Six months or a year is big when you're living it and you see growth and change on a daily basis, but in the grand scheme of things, it's a tight distinction to make for a person with limited exposure to children. Cut them some slack. They're just making conversation (albeit insensitively) and showing an interest in your children.

If these are other moms of young children saying these remarks, just chalk it up to mom wars. Some people need to put down other people's children in order to feel better about their own. It's sad really. Don't let their immaturity bother you.

 

QUOTE(kajulie @ May 16 2008, 08:29 AM) [snapback]776488[/snapback]
we get that all the time too. I guess I don't really understand why it bothers people so much though..


For me, it makes me feel inadequate as a mom...when someone can't figure out that my girls are 2 and not 18 months.
Or that there is something wrong with my kids if people can't figure it out.

 

When people comment on how small my boys are I tll them that they're travel size for my convenience. (They're sneaking up on 2 and James is the size of an 18 month old and Sean is the size of a 14 month old!)

 

QUOTE(Her Royal Jennyness @ May 16 2008, 09:48 PM) [snapback]777944[/snapback]
When people comment on how small my boys are I tll them that they're travel size for my convenience. (They're sneaking up on 2 and James is the size of an 18 month old and Sean is the size of a 14 month old!)



I love it!!!!!


I know I am not really in this age group but this just caught my attention as I just dealt with this in the grocery store tonight. This couple was walking by with a baby in their cart and we had the twinnies in the SBS. Well the guy is like....look at the babies remember when you were that small (talking to his daughter) she didn't look very "old" to me. So I asked how old she was and they said 9 months, I said OH, mine are 7 1/2 months old. The girl gasped and said, OMG they are so tiny!

I just laughed. I know that they are not as big as a singleton by any means but they are developmentally on the level of a 9-10 month old. That little "secret" is what makes me chuckle!

Damiane'

 

I think it may be easy to overreact to strangers' comments regarding to this....i know that i get this all the time - but the opposite. everyone thinks my girls are older b/c they are bigger....also one of my girls has not grown as much hair as the other and is larger than her sister...so, i also get: " oh, how nice, a boy and a girl!" even though they are both dressed in pink!! But I have learned to let it go b/c there will always be something...

In fact, before i had children i would have had no idea how old a child is...so maybe people are just trying to be nice and make conversation...

 

In my case, mine are old enough to understand that people think they are 2.5 yrs younger than they actually are. That's a huge gap, from 5.5 to the 3 people assume they are. I do worry that O will pop out with something that will sound really smart alecky about it one of these days.

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ May 17 2008, 11:39 AM) [snapback]778300[/snapback]
In my case, mine are old enough to understand that people think they are 2.5 yrs younger than they actually are. That's a huge gap, from 5.5 to the 3 people assume they are. I do worry that O will pop out with something that will sound really smart alecky about it one of these days.


I wouldn't worry about it too much! If you just laugh it off and let your girls know that YOU think they are the perfect size they will not suffer from these comments. My daughter was always tiny for her age (it was a big day if she made it onto the growth charts) and we got comments all the time about her size. I always replied "My mama told me that good things come in small packages and she was right!" As my daughter got older and more verbal people began to assume that she was "so smart for her age" due to her understanding and vocabulary skills. Even today (she will turn 26 yrs. next month she is 4"11") when we go out to eat as a family most host staff will ask if she wants a children's menu. She learned to take it instride very early and now even enjoys it!

 

I had a Wal Mart cashier ask me when DD was turning a year old! (ummm she's 2 - she just greeted you with Hi! How you doing?) do most 1 year olds talk that way?

 

I guess what gets me is that they hear and understand the comments. I don't want them to think they're too small because they hear it from random people all of the time. And it's really all in the way it's said -- they aren't making pleasant conversation, they're issuing a critique.

 

QUOTE(debid @ May 17 2008, 10:50 AM) [snapback]778590[/snapback]
I guess what gets me is that they hear and understand the comments. I don't want them to think they're too small because they hear it from random people all of the time. And it's really all in the way it's said -- they aren't making pleasant conversation, they're issuing a critique.


Yes, exactly. Of course I tell them people come in all different sizes, and that I was short and it's fine to be short, etc, but I can remember how it wears on a person to constantly be reminded of their lack in stature.

 

We get that SOOO often that I'm always tempted to just say they younger so I don't have to get the comments or looks. Joe's behind developmentally due to his vision too so it's hard to explain they're 3 when he's barely talking. I worry as well that he'll be able to understand what they're saying and that's my only concern really. I don't want him to start feeling "different" or small or something.

Funny thing is that now when I take the boys out (all 3 of them) that I get asked if they're triplets because Jon is less than 2 lbs behind Joe who is only 2 lbs behind Jake! That always makes me laugh

I don't think people mean it in a nasty way when they're commenting it to me though. I honestly think most of them think they're "small" in a cute sort of way so I try to not let it get to me. I know if DH is with me too the people look shocked as he's 6'4" and 300lbs

 

We get this on the opposite end... Our boys have always been really tall for their age ( they turn 3 in just a few weeks... Reese is 40" tall and Owen 39.5" tall) and people constantly say how "huge" or "big" or even "mammoth" they are.... The hardest part really is more on the playground. Older kids treat our boys as if they are their age and will push past them or talk to them like they are 4 or 5 and other parents actually expect our boys to wait for the smaller kids to go first or to not go on certain toys....even though their kids are actually older!! I always have to explain that they are "turning 3 in June" and people are always absolutely shocked. I even had a football coach ask which school district we were in! LOL So I can commiserate on a certain level!

 

QUOTE(Her Royal Jennyness @ May 17 2008, 01:48 AM) [snapback]777944[/snapback]
When people comment on how small my boys are I tll them that they're travel size for my convenience. (They're sneaking up on 2 and James is the size of an 18 month old and Sean is the size of a 14 month old!)

:rotflmbo: OMG, we say this too! Mine are reeeeeaaally small. 3 1/2yos who look 18-24mos. We're trying to take advantage of "lap child free" on airlines as much as we can. Actually, we just got busted on a flight to Miami when someone said "oh, look BABY twins!". But then a doctor's wife/grandma nearby chimed in, "oh yes. What lovely THREE year olds they are." She heard their detailed descriptions (in Spanish to DH and English to me) of emergency exit locations and oxygen masks. (They fly a lot.) Then a flight attendant figured it out when one DS said "dis' plane has propellers inside de' engines". Then the one with a slight lisp told her "Thisss plane eh not brown like de UPSSSS cargo plane. Disss is' is a people plane." She winked and said, "wow, your babies must be geniuses." :blush:

We like to nicely work the "baby genius" angle with strangers' dumb comments. Recently a dad visiting our local park saw our boys playing soccer (they're really good) and said, "OMG! Look at those toddlers scoring goals like CRAZY! Can I get my video camera and YouTube them?" I confess. I strung him a long a bit and said their father is on the Brazilian national team and we had already sold the video rights to Nike. Boy was he bummed when I told him their real age. :icon_biggrin: But he got the joke and was really nice about it.

So long as the boys hear people laughing with us and not at them, I'm hoping they'll develop a consustructive sense of humor.

Seriously though. I used to get really freaked out by comments about me being "too small" during pregnancy and then the babies being "so tiny". But now I feel SO fortunate to have had full term, healthy babies. Honest, they never had so much as a cold until about 13mos. Our pedi once proclaimed them "spectacularly" healthy and "like clockwork" on development. So I try not to get defensive about the size issue and just really appreciate how lucky we are.

Oh yeah, DH and I could pass for tallish Hobbits, so we weren't exactly expecting future NBA stars.

 

I get the opposite. LOL My twins are 4, almost 5 and Connor is wearing a size 6 in boys and is 46.5" tall. Maddie is 47" tall and wears a 7 in girls. I always get asked if they are 7..I just reply with no, they are 4- it blows people's minds! LOL Of course I'm 5'11 and their father is 6'2 so it's not like I would expect to have tiny babies. Even when they were born at 35 weeks they were both over 5 lbs.

 

I have gotten used to it over the years. All mine are tiny and everywhere I go people comment on it (helloo..I am only 5'2, why are people so shocked my kids are tiny too?). My 8yr old is so tiny people always ask if she is 5 or 6. It doesn't bother her anymore at all. I tell her it doesn't matter (plus she is a gymnast and it helps her right now!). All my kids were born early but I don't know if that makes a difference as I think they are just tiny. Their dad is 6'1 but apparently the tall gene skipped our generation! I tell Josie (my oldest) that it pays off someday as people always think I am in my early 20's (I am 34)....so I don't mind now!!!

 

My girls are really small- it actually worries me a little bit, so I am used to people commented about their size. People constantly ask us if they were preemies. They are just the opposite on my son. He was/is a chunk!!

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ May 17 2008, 07:39 AM) [snapback]778300[/snapback]
In my case, mine are old enough to understand that people think they are 2.5 yrs younger than they actually are. That's a huge gap, from 5.5 to the 3 people assume they are. I do worry that O will pop out with something that will sound really smart alecky about it one of these days.


This was me as a kid. I'm still small (build and height). My mom told me that I did start making comments back to those people who would say something to her when we were out and about together. My mom loves to tell this story about me in the grocery store about 3 years old reading the cereal boxes and people were looking at my mom like "OMG that infant is READING!" My mom laughed it off and even now as a 'small' adult I laugh it off too. Being small is just part of who I am.

 

I'm a little bit opposite in size...my guys are really quite large for their age (in the 99 percentile) - and to top it off their heads are off the charts (at 15 mos. their heads measured 2.5 yrs) ...

I often get a

"wow, their heads are really big!! they must be really smart" and then they see they don't talk or walk!!

Lovely!

People just don't realize that they probably weren't the first person to say anything to me that day...and so after waving off the 10th twin/size comment of the day it gets a bit dreary!!