Another sleep-deprived momma needs help

I'm reaching out to you all for help, support, and advice. I, too, have a non-sleeper. One sleeps, the other won't. I can't let him CIO or I will have 2 non-sleepers. Our home isn't big enough to separate them.

Ronan is a fantastic sleeper! He sleeps from 8pm until about 6am, has a quick boobie snack and then sleeps until about 8am! If only William could do the same!!

William's longest stretch is 5-6 hours after about 8pm. Sometimes he'll only give me 3 hours, though. After his first wake-up, he'll wake up every 1-3 hours until about 7 or 8 when he decides it's time to get on with the day. He wants to play play play and nurse nurse nurse.

He's always been this way, ever since birth. He just doesn't seem to want to miss anything and he's always on the go. He will go as long as he can without sleep, until his body takes over and then he's completely out. He'll be screaming one second, then turn his head to the side and be asleep all of a sudden. He wakes up most of the time smiling and kicking and wanting to play. There is a very good reason we call him "Wiggles."

I try to get 3 naps out of him in the day. If I don't, he gets overtired and very grumpy and difficult to deal with. He won't even eat if he's too tired. If he doesn't get his naps during the day, forget trying to get him to sleep at 8pm. Sometimes I have to take him for a walk around the block to get him to nap.

The best thing we've done to get him to sleep was implementing a strict night routine. He gets a bottle at 5ish, solids at 6ish, a bath at 7/7:30 followed by a massage, night clothes, and a bottle. He usually goes straight to sleep within minutes of putting him in his crib. After that, though, the night is filled with wake-ups and struggles.

I've tried dream feeds, and he'll take about 3-5 ounces sometimes if I get the timing right. If I get him too early then he won't take it. If I get him too late, he'll root around for my breast and take nothing but breastfeeding.

I've normally been breastfeeding both of them at night in the bed in their room. I nurse in a side-lying position, which enables me to get some rest and they always fall asleep after nursing. After nursing, they roll back on their backs and sleep for a couple of hours next to me, then kick me when they want more boob. I say "they" because that's how I've dealt with both of them since they were about 6 weeks old, with one on each side of me (don't worry, the bed is unique and has sides to it, and they don't have pillows or blankets near them). They sleep in their cribs until the first feeding wake-up, then come to bed with me. If I'm with it enough when they're done breastfeeding then I put them back in their cribs.

Ronan has been sleeping all the way through, though, since January. William is another story.

Please don't tell me to read a book without telling me what it offers and why you think it will help. William is a unique child and I'm not sure any book really had HIM in mind when it was written. Besides, I really lack the time to do much reading and this type of reading (textbook, without a story) sends me right to sleep in my sleep-deprived state.

 

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. We too have one daughter that does not like sleeping whether it's naps or during the night.

I'm anxious to see what other folks recommend.

Hang in there. It has to get better.

 

That's what I keep reminding myself, that it WILL get better!

Last night he woke up at 12:30, 2:30, 4, 5:30, and 7:30 for the day. This is usual.

 

This is a tough one. Normally I would say CIO. I had to do this with one of mine and luckily the other slept through it. Have you tried it at least once to see if Ronan can sleep through it? There came a point when Ryan couldn't fall asleep unless Jake was screaming. Yes, weird.

My second thought was to try and get bedtime moved up to 7:30. My boys sleep better if they go to sleep earlier. It's one of the theories in HSHHC that sleep begets sleep. I say theory b/c it didn't always work for me. I was so desperate thought that I tried everything. Sadly, we still have many nights where Jake wakes up fussing for his pacifier and I run in there and put it back in. So, I'm not the best person for advice other than to just several different things till you find the right one.

:hug:

 

Our Rowan was the exact same way at that age. My answer isn't going to be great, but I will tell you what we did. We took our pack n play and put it in our bedroom. We put, Ryker, - our solid sleeper in our room and put Rowan in his room and let him CIO. Ryker slept like a champ in our room and Rowan CIO a few nights then started to sleep. We moved them back in together and all was good. Then Ryker started not sleeping and was sick, etc. We separated them again....

This whole time we had been doing everything you aren't (and I knew) we weren't supposed to do. We rocked, walked them, etc. Had a LONG bedtime routine to calm them - and they did go to bed without fussing or crying. We were doing this because - again - were always worried about waking the other baby.........so we went from about 5 months to about 10 months separating them every time someone woke up, putting them back.....running around trying not to wake the good sleeper. Lets just say it was crazy and I can't believe we actually did this!! I am telling you so you aren't back on at 10 months with the post I just wrote last week titled: How do I get twins back in the same room??? Help! We did have some real health issues with one baby which probably prolonged the separation - I was really scared for a bit for him. Other than that month, what we did was unnecessary and the result of some bad advice I took from a babysitter who told us "twins are separate people you should separate them". We (like you) don't have another bedroom for this - so into our room one baby went....

My recent post was a result of us really wanting our room back and our space!! So I asked all of the wonderful Mom's here for advice and they said to let them CIO in the same room. I was terrified - like you of messing up our good sleeper (better to have one awake then two!), but everyone seemed to agree that it could be done and they would get used to it.

We started at the first nap and just put them in their cribs (no rocking, no walking, no nothing) and they did great! They definitely fussed, talked, and sometimes cried, but we did not go back in there. It is three days later and the good sleeper sleeps through our noisy guys talking, fussing and crying now and the other one eventually puts himself to sleep. The last bedtime, they both fell asleep without any crying. Maybe it will work for you too .

Good Luck!
Sarah

PS - We also got a very good white noise sound machine and put it between the cribs. Not sure if this is helping, but things are going pretty well. I hope it continues!

 

I dont really think there is anything you can do to magically make things get better. Its kind of like you just have to ride it out at that age. I might be inclined to say the issue is that he is in your room in your bed and since he is nursing he smells you and just expects that you will nurse him back to sleep. So at the very least I would get him out of your bed and into the crib so that he is not next to you all the time. Then you could try a paci or let him fuss for a bit in the middle of the night before you decide that you want to nurse him. Or can someone give him a bottle of EBM so you dont have to get up?

ETA: spelling

 

You said don't say CIO or your will have two non-sleepers, but thats not true, they will both learn to STTN, trust me!

Ds was JUST like this :wacko: And we tried everything before resorting to CIO, and it worked wonderfully well in 3 nights.