Another separation thread: Pre-School and up

I know there have been lots of threads like this but I would like some outside perspective on our situation:

Our LOs will be moving from daycare to Kindergarten in the summer. Kindergarten here is roughly equivalent to pre-school to K in the US, playbased with daycare and pre-school elements in the first 2 years and more academic for the last year before they move to grade 1 in school. Their daycare is for under 3s only, so we need to move them although we would much rather not. They will be going 3 full days and 2 half days.

The Kindergarten they will be going to is small with only 2 classes and we were told that we have to make the choice whether to keep them together or to separate them now for the next three years. The pre-school principal has a strong preference for separating twins.

I have talked to their current teachers about this. They are now in one room. Their teachers say both of them are fairly independent of one another in the class, rarely play together or copy the other one's activities, go away from the classroom for activities separately. But they do take care of one another, e.g. asking where the other one is, making sure that the other one gets a turn in group activities, coming to comfort if one is upset or has hurt him- or herself etc. DD has found some friends in the girls her age in the daycare group, DS has not made friends and often plays alone or hovers on the outskirts of a play situation but is generally friendly and popular with the other kids.

I am really torn about this issue. DD is socially confident and will probably do well in either setting. DS is shy both with other kids and with the teachers, not assertive verbally but very softly spoken, does not handle teasing well and is generally a much happier and more outgoing child at home than in the bustle of daycare. This is true even in their current room where he is among the oldest of 12 kids (ages 6 months to 3 years) and I really worry about him when he will be among the youngest of 25-28 kids (ages 3-6/7). Having his sister present as a safety anchor even if they do not do much together would probably help him a lot. At the moment I thinking pushing him to more independence socially might result in more withdrawal. Keeping them together would of course also help with the logistics for us parents, but that is a minor aspect.

What would you do? Any aspects I did not think of?

 

I'm splitting them up next year. There wasn't even a doubt that it was for the best. From what the teacher said, my kids are exactly the same as yours, and she says she encourages twins to be separated just so they both have an opportunity to make their own friends, express themselves etc.

I do find it odd that they would put 3yo kids with 6/7yo though!

 

I do too but that is the way German Kindergarten works, no use fighting the system. The oldest kids (usually 5-6) have some time apart for more academic activities but if parents are red-shirting them they stay in the general group longer.

 

Mine are the same age as yours and right now, I could not see splitting them up and starting a new program. Mine are independent of each other but like to know the other is there, just in case. I am sure I am going to have to face splitting them at some point but for me, I am going to push it off for as long as possible. If you had one fully dependent or in the shadow of the other, I would say it was a good opportunity to help that situation. However, that is not your case.

 

The thing is, if you have a 3yo and a 5yo, they're still used to being together a lot. But they're split up at school... and the 3yo does just fine. I just don't see any reason to leave them together just because they are twins, if it's not a necessity. They already share a lot, I think it's so important for them to have an outlet to be themselves without their brother/sister.

 

Your twins' interactions with each other in day care reminds me of mine when they were in their young 3 year old preschool. They played independently but would look around to see where the other one was every now and then. The following year my boy relied on my girl, who did not want to be relied on. I did not mind that they were together in preschool but did seperate them when they were five and in kindergarten. They never batted an eye. Good luck with your decision. IF I were have another set of twins I probably would have done the same thing.. together 3-4 year old preschool and seperate in 5 year old kindergarten.

 

My twins go to a preschool for 3-4 year olds but there is one room/class time for 3 year olds and another for the 4's. For now, my two are in the same class because I don't have a choice. But when they go to kindergarten, if there is two kindergarten classes I do plan on separating them. My two can be very reliant on each other, especially DS on DD, so I think separating them at that age (5) would be a good idea.

 

My girls didn't go to preschool before starting pre k at 4 this year. Neither are shy, but one is much more outgoing and likes to take care of her sister. For this reason we let the school decide, and of course they separated them. I worried that my more reserved girl would have a problem with it, but if anything miss mommy girl didn't want to be apart. But in the end, after being together practically 24/7 for 4 1/2 years, they were totally fine. Shyer girl has blossomed and made a best friend the first week (a little girl who is just like her), and little miss mommy now has 17 new friends to take care of, and another 18 in the other class. We call her the mayor of pre k because she has made it her mission to know everyone. Good luck with your decision.

 

Thank you for all your replies and thoughts. DH and I have some soul-searching to do over the next week or so before we meet with the director of their new Kindergarten.

 

I just had a teacher conference today with the kids' teachers at their Montessori preschool. this method has 3 to 6 yr olds (Kindergarten) together. Evidently at the beginning of the year the teachers were telling the principal that they wanted to separate my twins... but now after being there since August they said that the twins run in their own circles and do their own work/lessons and don't bother each other. They have "grown up" SO much in the last six months it's crazy!!

One thing I would say is that you said that they are independant now, and being with a group of older kids may help to steer them in the right direction even more... they will have role models instead of being the oldest in their group. I'm excited for the twins to be at the same school next year, and would love for them to go to Kindergarten at this same school but we have to wait and see the budget on that one!

anyway, I think it's nice for them to be able to see each other during the day yet have their own space. The room ours is in is a larger one, up to 30 kids, but has 3 full teachers so there is still the 1:10 ratio. I think that having them in this room gives ours the best of both worlds, enough students so that they can be in separate group times when they split the room into groups of 10 or so, but they are still together and can see each other.

I reread and saw that the new environment sounds similar to what our kids are in now, and I think with the right teachers they can really nurture both children into being independant and confident in their own ways.

Of course it totally depends on the kids, but if you want them together, and the school is willing, it may work out for the best!