Another rant...

some of you might remember my story, but i am a single mom by choice- got inseminated with donor sperm because of my horrible past marriages... lol. anyway, when i was about 18 weeks pregnant with twins, i caved and decided that i needed to move in with my parents because i'd need their help. i never planned on having 2, i just figured i could deal with 1 pretty good on my own. but anyway, i was blessed with 2, and i moved in with my parents who are both in their mid 50's and still work fulltime, my mom works at home- she's a medical transcriptionist, and my step-father (since i was 12) works outside the home. now to the problem...

i'm in school online to get my masters, i'm working fulltime nights as a labor and delivery nurse, and i'm a single mom of almost 19 month old twins, and my parents are getting pretty grumpy with my girls! i cant help but take it personally. it angers me and hurts my feelings at the same time. it's mainly my step-father... he gets pissed every night after we put the girls to bed that there are toys all over the place. nobody asks him to clean them up, but he just can't grasp why things can't get put back in their designated spots. tonight the girls were in the high chairs and were about done eating and they started throwing peas on the floor. so he gets an attitude and says 'dont throw peas all over the floor!', then my mom gets up and takes the food away from them and starts cleaning up the floor.

i've told him that they are babies and they do this stuff. it takes some time to learn not to. i just feel trapped financially because there's no way i could afford to move out, but i DESPERATELY want to, especially recently. and their behavior is only going to get worse for the next few years here. i don't graduate until 2012, but i'm also working on paying off my debts. can somebody offer me some advice or just some feedback? i just feel so stuck, and we had a 'sit-down' serious talk the other night and obviously nothing has changed since then. he says he's just 'achey' and 'tired'. today he stayed home from work because of icy roads and it has been painful!

 

It's unfortunate that you have to live with your parents. It's good that you are trying to pay off debts though. Do your parents ever get time to themselves without having your daughters around? Maybe they just need a break to have time without toddlers running around. I'm not saying that your girls are badly behaved. My mom always says that she loves her granddaughters, but she also loves seeing them go home at the end of the night.

 

:grouphug: That is rough. I kind of get it because my Mom watches the boys while I work and I feel like a burden...even though she does not mke me feel that way. Your situation is different because it seems like they are making you feel that way. I have no solution. You could talk to someone about assistance until you finish school. It's not ideal, but may be better emotionally.

 

its tough... here are a couple of thoughts.

(just trying to get to the basics...) having children was your decision, not theirs... so you are very blessed that they are generous enough to let you three live with them. i'm sure that in their 50s they didn't expect to have toddlers running around. I agree with pp that both our sets of grandparents are certainly glad to see the babies go home... my mil is usually 'whooped' by the time the afternoon comes to an end when she's watch them... My dh also had asked her if she wanted to just stop by some days for an hour or so to help me out, but she said her days were pretty full... (she's retired)... and well, she's right, she has her own life.

as for the children. you mentioned the peas on the floor... i was having issues of food being thrown on the floor more often a couple of months ago, probably closer to the 18 mo mark... and they have improved recently. mostly when ours throw things (even today), its when they are done with food. you can try to redirect or teach them to "hand it back to mommy"... or something sometimes ours actually try to hand us food... obviously they didn't like it! hey, that's better than the floor.

as for the toys and clutter... I would say that since you are in their home, I would try to tidy up and have bins that the kids can help you put the toys away in. mine haven't gotten the part about putting stuf away, but I still have hope... anyway, they should probably see the place tidied so that they know it should be tidy vs. cluttered. that would make it nicer for your parents. I know for me, I keep trying to figure out how to organize the toys better... I need to purge items, that might help you too.

3. I do applaud you for working and going back for your masters! and having the girls! you are certainly a hard working momma, and will reap the benefits! Good luck! just keep their feelings in your mind and keep the lines of communication open.

 

i also forgot to mention that i've 'threatened' to move out a few times when we've had big blowups, and my mother starts bawling and cries that she could never live without those babies. the girls are in daycare mon-fri 8-5 but we kept them home today due to the icy roads as well. so their actions tell me one thing, and words another.

 

I lived with my parents when my son was born and it was tough on everyone. I know you have already had a heart to heart, but maybe one more wouldn't hurt and if you haven't already, ask them what you can do to make it easier for them because you feel a little tension in the house. :hug:

 

I wish I had some sage advice to offer you, but I don't. I think it is tough to blend two households into one. I agree with Rachel and that another heart to heart is in order. I am sorry that you are going through this with everything else on your plate right now :hug: