Another potty question

So my kids are around 31 months. We have tried potty training a few times and they just didn't seem to get it. I tried pull-ups, which they just used like diapers and naked, which didn't do much good unless they could pee outside all the time.

So we have started talking up the potty again the last few days because DS1 has started asking to be changed when he is wet, which I thought was a really good sign. This morning, they BOTH asked to go to potty and both pee-peed pretty quickly. So I put them in underwear for the sitter before I left for work.

Almost at the end of the day now, DS1 has done pretty good. I think he has had maybe 3 accidents total, all pee pee, and several times he has said he needs to go to potty, sits down, and goes very quickly. He also pooed on the potty.

DS2 pretty much went in his undies all day except for this morning.

The problem is, when DS1 goes and we cheer, give an M-n-M, etc., then DS2 gets upset, and wants to sit on the big potty (with small seat) until he goes. This ended up with several big meltdowns because he wanted to sit on the potty for 30 minutes or MORE, including during meal times, etc., plus he would say he had to go, sit forever, then say he didn't and get up, and a few minutes later, he would do it all over again.

And of course DS1 wanted to be in the bathroom, too, and it was causing fights over sitting on the big potty with the potty seat. We have two big potties, but they are very separated in our house, so unless someone else is here, they can't both use a big potty at the same time, and they get very upset when asked to use the little potty instead. If DS2 just wanted to sit on the little potty forever, it would be okay, but he wants to sit on the big potty, which requires help, and be up and down a gazillion times, and then gets upset when he doesn't get what he wants or doesn't pee. I'm also certain they would BOTH pitch a fit if I insisted on only using the small potty for now. Maybe I messed up by introducing the potty seat already, but I was hoping it would make them want to go more. :unknw:

Any suggestions on handling this?? I wouldn't mind training them separately, and I hate to hold DS1 back when he seems ready, but all the meltdowns from DS2 are exhausting and it's hard to manage that plus helping DS1 with the potty things without losing my mind. :wacko:

Thanks, and sorry that this is so long!!

 

I attempted to train my two at the same time. When I thought DS was ready (he was peeing in the potty and stuff), DD wasn't. She would get upset when he would get stickers and M&M's and I would tell her, he went pee in the potty, when you do that, you'll get the same. Every time she had a meltdown, once she calmed down, I would tell her the same thing over and over again. Eventually she got the hint and stopped. She wasn't going to train until she was ready. So DS, stopped & lost interest in training and that's when DD started. She trained quickly, DS could have cared less about the rewards she got. She was completely trained (day and night) before we did the 3 day program with DS, who at that point was keeping his diapers dry all day and only peeing and pooping during naps and bedtime. I thought if he had the willpower to hold it like that, he could be trained. He wasn't completely trained in 3 days but doing the 3 day program took him from a kid who did not want to use the potty anymore, to a kid who was using the potty and desperately trying to avoid accidents.
Long story short, I did have to train mine at separate times, they both weren't ready at the same time.

As for the big potty, little potty thing...I would tell the one who has to go while the other is on the big potty, that the little potties are for when you can't get to the big potty. My kids have been trained for 2 years almost and I still keep little potties in their rooms because our one bathroom is all the way on the top floor with the bedrooms and our other bathroom is all the way downstairs in the family room. So they are around just in case of emergency. Mine are 4 months shy of 5 (gulp) and they are better about holding it and can go all the way downstairs if need be. But I still have the little potties just in case.

 

I didn't really have this problem with my twins (A&B trained together, and N&L didn't mind much when the other got a treat) but we did have basically the same thing with Eleanor and Ethan. Being 11 months older she was obviously ready to train before he was and he did get upset when she was given a reward for using the potty. I basically did the same as Nancy; explained calmly that Eleanor was getting the treat for using the potty and when he was big enough to use the potty he'd get a treat too, then ignored any tantrums.
Maybe you could set a timer if he wants to try straight away after his brother gets a treat. Then he is limited to only a few minutes of sitting before he has to move on.

 

I also trained mine separately because one was ready before the other. We did not use rewards (stickers, M&Ms etc) so that helped, but mine were actually pretty good about cheering the other one on (clapping or sheering for successes) and comforting them over accidents (my favourite "Don't worry, we have a washing maschine."). So, the non-training one sort of helped to train the other one and switched later on when the other was training. Can you involve DS2 in his brother's training in some positive way, to make him feel he is getting good attention too, for "helping" instead of for going potty?

I agree about using a timer or counting slowly for sitting on the potty. For us, once the novelty of using the potty wore off, we do not need that anymore - except sometimes at bedtime.

Like Nancy, we also still have the little potties as back-up, one upstairs and one downstairs.

 

Thanks, ladies. Things have settled a bit....we still have some fights, but I just told them flat-out that we were going back to the little potties until they got good at using them, then we would learn about the big potty. DS1 is doing very well. DS2 is about 50-50, so I guess that's not too bad, and he has decided it's fun if I let HIM hand his brother the m-and-m's. And so far he doesn't try to eat them himself or anything - I never would have expected that because they constantly take things from each other (food, toys, everything!) :unknw:

The issue now is they do very well with me at home, but the sitter isn't having such good luck. She said she asks them if they want to go to potty, and I told her to just MAKE them sit on the potty - that is what I have been doing, and they went all afternoon until bedtime with no accidents (4 hours), and each went on the potty twice. She's not as strict on making them do things as I am in general, but hopefully it will all work out.

We're still keeping at it!! DS2 actually started crying last night when I put his overnite diaper on and said he didn't want a diaper, so I think that's a good sign (but I think it will be awhile until we are ready for night training).