Another Mother Vent

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by serranoboys, Dec 14, 2007.

  1. serranoboys

    serranoboys Well-Known Member

    So I spent last night and today w/mother because DH was out of town. Things went pretty well yesterday, but today she noticed Caleb batting at his ear. He did it once yesterday and twice today. He was also cranky BUT that was because he wanted to be home! We had been at my mom's since 11 the day before, we went to my grandmother's, we went to lunch, and we ended up being in the car(which they hate with a passion) for hours. Rather than listen to me when I said he was pulling his ear b/c he's teething like a mad man and he wants to be home, she forced me to call the pediatrician at 4:30 in the afternoon on a friday and ask if I can bring him in. Now, you may still be on my mom's side at this point but here's the clincher...they have their 6 month appointment at 8:00AM on MONDAY!!!! Are you kidding me? Every time he would scream (at every stop light) she would go on and on saying "awww poor baby....you're in pain aren't you?...awww I know your ears are bothering you. We're gonna get you better" UGH! I know my child. I know when he's crying for pain, for boredom, for hunger, and for I-just-wann-go-home! It was so frustrating because if I didn't take him in I would have had to listen to her imply what a horrible mother I was. And heaven forbid he actually did have an ear infection and I was 48 late taking him to the doctor. I'd never hear the end of it. I felt like such an idiot. The nurse and doctor kept asking what his symptoms were and I just sat there like booboo the fool saying "mmduuh...he pulled his ear a couple of times :blink:". And she kept chiming in "and he's UNUSUALLY cranky". She sees my baby once a week. She doesn't have a clue what his usual level of crankiness is! I'm sorry to go on and on but she really frustrates me sometimes. I even apologized for making him go through the trouble of squeezing me in and she yelled at me right there in front of him saying SHE'S not sorry...she's just trying to look out for her grandchild. I guess since I'm incapable. I know that I'm nowhere near the perfect mother, but all things considered, I think I'm doing a pretty damned good job. I wish that she could let me know that every now and then. Thanks for letting me rant. I feel better.
     
  2. MichelleL

    MichelleL Well-Known Member

    Mom's can be frustrating. :hug99: I think some moms find it hard to step back and let us be mom sometimes.

    So what was the outcome of the doctor's appointment?
     
  3. Heathermomof5

    Heathermomof5 Well-Known Member

    UHG!!! my mil does this to me ALL the time!!!!!!!! UHG!!!!!
     
  4. serranoboys

    serranoboys Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(MichelleL @ Dec 15 2007, 03:12 AM) [snapback]534885[/snapback]
    So what was the outcome of the doctor's appointment?


    Oops. So mad I guess I forgot to say that he does NOT have an ear infection. The teething has caused him to have a little fluid on his ear but the pedi says there is a 90% chance it will go away well before it turns into an infection. Of course she kept repeating "well see...he might get one later!". Pft. I'm sure it wouldn't surface before monday:)
     
  5. MissyEby

    MissyEby Well-Known Member

    Reason 101 my mom will NOT be going to the peds office with me! She makes me completely nuts!


    I am sorry she puts you through that....one line that works for me....."I am so sorry mom that you feel that you didn't do a good job raising me!" it shuts her up every time!

    Hugs to you,

    Missy
     
  6. mrsfussypants

    mrsfussypants Well-Known Member

    oh man that would drive me nuts! You get today's gold star for patience and tolerance!

    Reyna
     
  7. heartofdixiemama

    heartofdixiemama Well-Known Member

    My ENTIRE family and my MIL do this to me as well...it makes me want to run away and never visit them all again! ha!
    What's so funny about is that they'll say on one hand, "I could never manage twins and a 4 yr old, I don't know how you do it!" ... and a whole breath later they're acting like I'm not doing a good enough job all of a sudden...
    At first I felt very attacked at what they would say, but when I thought about it: I knew I was doing what was best for my boys. So now, I just feel very annoyed that they feel like their opinions ought to count more than mine where my own children are concerned.
    I feel your pain entirely..I could have written this rant!
    If I were you, I would soak in, with great satisfaction, that you were completely on the mark about your boys...and even have a pediatrician to back you up...SCORE ONE for the underestimated mommies, ZERO for the meddling grammas! You go girl!
     
  8. Jordari

    Jordari Well-Known Member

    OK, take a breath, let it out. THen take another one; breathe out ONE count longer than you breathe in. Do that one more time.

    You are, of course RIGHT. (love the "1 for underestimated mommies, ZERO for grandma!" comment. AND 'sorry you think you didn't do a good job" just cracked me up!!

    And I think there is a bit of difficulty in our moms letting go a bit - because the truth is, now that you're a mommy, you're not only her baby; you've entered the club and she has to see you slightly differently. AND - moms can just be meddling, sometimes. I've gotten to the point where i say, point blank to mine "I'm not looking for advice, suggestions, or input, i'm just sharing". It generally shuts her up.

    And - ditto on keeping her away from the pedi! YOUR babies, your apptment.

    Part of it is the natural separation that happens when we become fully adults. If i recall correctly, you're in your mid-late 20's, right? (or am i completely hallucinating? it is, after all, 4:38 am). I do NOT mean to sound condescending at all, so i hope it doesn't sound that way but - in a way, you're still separating from your mom. I know that I didn't feel fully like an adult til after I was thirty (but then, i didn't have kids). And i also know that as an 'antique mommy', some things are easier, because I've figured out (afer MANY years of trying and dealing with it) some stuff with my mom.

    And I still yearn to hear her say i'm doing a good job, which she almost never does, then she'll surprise me by saying how amazed she is at what I am accomplishing. (so no matter how old we are, we still want our mommies to be proud of us!)

    I also know that the older my babies get, the more confident i am in my knowledge of them/choices. Do i make some bad ones? of course. But - I also know that i know them better than ANYbody - including my mother and MIL, who, put together, raised seven children and have a billion years experience. but not with MY babies.

    So - take a few deep breaths, and next time you are w/her, try to remember to breathe, and remember, YOU get to define the boundaries. I repeat myself but - a wise friend once said to me "we don't ask permission to create boundaries"
     
  9. twinboys07

    twinboys07 Well-Known Member

    :hug99:

    I could have written this very same post (I could envision it happening with my mom-- many similar things have!).

    I love my mom, but for some reasons, I am glad she lives 2,000+ miles away.... ;)
     
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