another discipline topic...

here we are at 15 months old and discipline has become a major issue. i've tried doing the timeouts where i just hold the guilty one in my lap and hold her arms down for 1 minute. but last night, she was throwing such a fit, arching her back, throwing her head back, screaming at the top of her lungs, for at least 5 minutes. she wants her grandma's attention and grandma was working (she does medical transcription at home). i tried multiple times to try to distract her and pull her away and it didn't help a bit. what the heck?!! i've heard one theory to leave the room when they're having a tantrum. problem is, my mom couldn't leave the room because she was working. so i figured maybe i'd put her in another room. but none of our other rooms are suitable for her to be left in alone. we have a very small house and have me, my girls, my parents, 3 cats, and a dog, in a small 3 bedroom home. next concern was... maybe a timeout chair or timeout corner... but how do you enforce her staying in it?? and also, do timeouts really work at this age? i hate to say it, but she is sooooo hardheaded, and i know this is only going to get worse. it's a wonder she doesn't have multiple concussions from throwing her head back onto the floor. i dont have a clue what i'm doing... help!!!!!!

 

I just set our pack & play up to test out using it for time outs... though my dd keeps going over to it to be let in... so not sure its going to be a good time out place! one book suggested a "toy free area"... so I figured the pnp was it for us. it also mentioned you could put them in their crib. said that they wouldn't associate the "bad" of a time out with good bed time... b/c at bedtime you give them lots of hugs & kisses etc. anyway, I'll be interested to see others responses that have worked for them.

 

that is one idea i had... to put her in her pnp in their bedroom, it's the only safe place where she can be left alone. but my mother said that she'd associate bedtime with punishment because they sleep in their pnp's. i have no clue!

 

We thought 15 months was too young for time outs to be honest. They don't really understand it and get even more confused and anxious IMO. Redirection worked best for us... and tantrums were mostly ignored (if there was no threat of them hurting themselves).

And, sometimes a change of environment works well... Maybe taking them both out of the room for a bit (for a snack?) when grandma is working would help?

Good luck.. it's not an easy stage, so I feel for you. Just stay consistent with whatever you choose to do, is the best advice I can give... No matter how hopeless it seems.

 

I agree, I give TO's for specific behaviors (hitting, biting). At 15 months consistency and redirection worked best for us. But being consistent is what works best for us.

 

I have THIS and I only use 4 of the panels to make a square. I call it their time out cage. :ibiggrin: It comes apart very easily and I can move it to different rooms if I have to. You can find them on craigslist. I got lucky and got mine at a garage sale for $10.

I found it best when they are having a tantrum to put them in another room and walk away. I will put them in their cage (just waiting for my neighbor to report me when she hears me telling them it's time to get in there) for 2 minutes. Usually within that time they have calmed down and then I will redirect them from what they were doing that caused the tantrum.



It's been hard for me since they were about 15 months. At almost 21 months I'm starting to see a big difference in them understanding (and listening) to what I am saying.

Another thing that has really helped is having them do things for you. When I say "let's get our shoes on", they know the shoes are in the closet and will get them out. When we get home, I will take their shoes off and they will walk to the closet and put them away. I have found even little things like having them close the door makes them feel more independent.

Jake had a meltdown in Target the other day because I gave him a piece of his snack. "He" wanted to take his own piece and after I let him, he was all smiles.

Good Luck

 

We started time-outs around 16 months and we had a rug in front of the main door. we make them sit on the rug and we do it for 1 minute.
At first we had to enforce it by standing right there to make sure they didnt leave the rug. Now we can tell them to go to time out and they walk right over to the rug and sit down.
Afterwards we always give them a hug and explain why they went to timeout and what kind of behavior we would like.
It seems to be working although I dont give time-outs very often. It has to be a pretty big offensive.

 

When one of mine is throwing a big walleyed fit for something, I carry her (while she's throwing her ft" to the timeout area, and tell her she's in timeout for throwing a fit, and leave her there and ignore it. Now it only takes her usually less than a minute to decide that its not getting her anywhere And I hve started to be able to catch her at the beginning of a fit and ask her if she needs a timeout, and about 50-60% of the time it will prevent the tantrum. So, its working right now for that!

 

That age is tough and they still don't always seem to understand but I think that depends on the child. My two are only now starting to really understand me, but I know other's in my mother's group and their child seems more advanced in their understanding. Only you will know that. When they got older we did the time -out in the corner this was for hitting, biting, pushing, taking toys (which happens often but somedays she seems to do it too often). At first I just stood behind her and made sure she stayed, then up hug to mom, hug to sister and a sorry for "hitting/ biting" now I can just say "go to the corner" and she goes herself. Yeah she has a bit of a smerk on her face when she does it but I remember smiling when I got into trouble too. I find she goes and seems to re-set her actions after that.

I find many mom's dont' want their kids to be "one of those kids" but I think discipline is a life long journey that isnt' going to just only work it out in the first three years. We have many years to go and we need to pace ourselves. I try to keep a clear image in my mind of what I dont' want, and the consequences. Plus praising good behaviour is just as important almost more important.

Often you might seem that you dont' see the results you'd expect -- I did a month or more of "no biting" down at her level, blah blah blah but I kept up what I was doing for consistency added time-outs when she was a few months older and I felt she was ready for it.. and yeah I think there is improvement. Often they just move onto to something else. But her first set of two words together was "no bite" so I guess I might be getting through.


Heather

 

At this age, I can't seem to figure out time-outs. I just redirect. If they are throwing a tantrum, I try to ignore it and leave the room if possible. Maybe, you could try bringing them in the other room away from your mom as a punishment. Every time they throw a fit, make them leave the room and see if they realize they have to behave in order to be in the room with her while she works. I don't know. I struggle with this every day myself. I don't have an extra pack n' play to use and I'm afraid they'll never want to sleep in it when they are at Grammy's house. I've tried holding them on my lap and that just makes them more angry. I think once they are a little older, time-outs will be more effective. I really think every child is different and not every punishment works for every child. I wish I had better advice.

 

I can't leave the room either......but I have found it not necessary if instead I turn my back towards the one tantrumming, let them tantrum on the floor and pay lots of attention to the other one instead, works every time! I also, at this age, only let them tantrum for about 3-5 min, if it goes past that, I help them calm down as it will escalate then and they do not remember what started it at that point......

 

Mine are a bit older but I don't want to do time outs either... Really don't like the idea of holding a kid down in a corner or something when they clearly don't have any idea of what they did wrong yet. But yeah, I'm stuck, I have no idea how to teach them not to play with my keyboard for example.