Angry twins =constant fighting

Oki I know I just posted but I have another issue so if any of you wanna deal with me than please do

So my 2.5 year old daughters fight with each other ALL the TIME! It's so sad for me to watch this. They hit, bite, scream, pull hair, etc. about anything and everything. This has become pretty bad now. Maybe the last 2-3 months. I try talking to them telling them they need to love each other not hit. I put them in their room when one is hitting the other. They are really good at saying sorry to each other but a minute passes by and they are back at it.

I just don't know how to fix this? What do I do? Putting them in time out (their room) works for a bit only. I haven't tried anything else.

I feel like they are older and understand so much yet it's only getting harder and harder ( I also feel like I have really angry kids, one def more than the other. Am I doing something wrong? How can I get them to behave, to respect each other, to listen, etc.

They are such smart girls. Understand everything you tell them, speak so well at 2.5, are potty trained, sing, etc. but are very angry. One minute they can play so well and the next they are on the floor screaming. just feel like lately it's getting so hard to be a sahm.

 

As I remember it 2.5 was a hard age - for the kids themselves and for mom and dad. The feelings of anger, screaming, tantrums etc. may be due to the big changes they go through at this age, their frustration with themselves as they feel they are changing but don't understand what is going on. You write they made great progress regarding active and passive language skills and they recently potty trained. Those are huge changes and they need to process them. The see-saw of feelings is one way some kids process changes. They will settle into their new abilities and independence, and for us things significantly clamed down as they moved closer to their 3rd birthday.

As for the fighting: Can you separate them from time to time? Being with one other person 24/7 is hard, they may just be getting on oneanother's nerves and need a break. We try to do little separations from time to time, like one kid runs errands with dad on Saturday mornings and the other gardens with mom, dad builds with one and I cook with the other etc. We also set up our play area to allow some separation, so if things get too intense or they fight all the time I will move one activity to one carpet and the other activity to the other carpet or to the table and tell them to stay in their own play area for a little while. They have learnt to respect this separation, they are close enough to see or hear what the other is doing but soon get involved into doing their own thing. Afterwards playing together seems to work a lot better again.

 

I too suggest some alone time. Such as one gets to go to the store while one stays with dad and switch the next time. Any time any one is constantly around some one 24/7 there is a chance for arguments

 

Alone time is great!

Also, books like "Hands are not for hitting" (it's a series- we wore out "Teeth are not for biting"). I think it got better here in part because I started talking about their emotions, characters in books' emotions and my personal emotions as they were happening. I'd say, "I'm feeling ANGRY! I need to take some deep breaths". And do it. And slowly calm down. I think it's good for kids to see adults process their own emotions. I also around that time gave them things they could hit- their pillow and a toy that falls down and pops up again.

 

I just feel like giving them alone time is not an option for us. My husband works from Monday to Saturday and he's pretty much here only Sundays. He only is around maybe an hour per day and then they go to sleep. I'm with them all the time and don't really have anyone to leave one twin with. Unless I sign them up for some activities?

I probably can work on expressing my emotions to them. Thanks!

 

Then it's time to make some friends you feel comfortable leaving a kid with. MOPS was great for me in that vein. I hear Meetup is great, too.

 

I don't know. I'm just not the type of a person to leave my kid with people. :/ at least not friends. Family yes. But everyone in my family works except for me

 

Hugs! Hang in there!

What I did was using the high value stuff that they have to share, and they have to be good to each other including sitting next to each other and hugs and kisses. If they don't meet that immediately the shared high value item will be removed ASAP. Our high sharing values item are : TV show (30min each time and only on the weekend and once in the morning and eve.) some dresses, fav stuff animals that I only have 1 of a kind.

Hope that this would work for you too. It's still tough for me to hold my ground with them too. Ours still fight here and there, but at least I have some break with the fight.

 

Even if its just 30 minutes alone time on Sundays might help. We didn't do it but once a week every now and then. You have to be the role model and not call them fussy or bad. They are good kids behaving badly.

I also agree that at this age if an item is causing the fights no one gets it. It needs to be removed to the garage or somewhere else they can't see. It can be reintroduced later but I've found that when my girls were little we had some items which caused fights every time and I just got rid of them