angry mommy to be rant

i'm sooooooo annoyed with my MIL and SIL right now. DH and i decided to name our sons RIVER and ALEXANDER and of course no one has an issue with Alexander because that's somewhat "normal" but my sister in law and mother in law hate it and have even gone as far as saying they will NOT call river by his first name and will only refer to him by his middle name. they insist that we are setting him up for instant ridicule at school and that he will get made fun of for having a unique name. now i ask you, what child doesn't get made fun of for their name? i have a normal name, kristine, and guess what i was made fun of it because "krissy" sounded like "pissy" and my last name is was the color of poop - brown. so, to me, this is a STUPID reason to tell me that you dislike my name choices. no the real reason is because THEY just don't like it.....well guess what it's not their kid and they don't get to pick. when my SIL has a son she can name it whatever she wants and i won't complain.......i mean it's not like i'm naming them Dwezel and Moon Unit like Frank Zappa did with his kids.....give me a break, River & Alexander are nice strong unique names.

 

I like the names. I think River is a cool name .. and not so unusual. There's a LOT of children this day and age with strange names (and River certainly isn't strange), but I think its become quite acceptable. I really wanted to name one of my twins Journey and didn't and now I regret it. Don't cave to pressure ! If you like those names then its YOUR decision !

 

QUOTE(haleystar @ Apr 2 2009, 03:54 PM) [snapback]1256648[/snapback]
well guess what it's not their kid and they don't get to pick.

You couldn't be more right! Sorry they are giving you are hard time about the names!!

 

ugh.. That's exactly why I refuse to tell anyone our names! :lol: I hate that people think that they have any say in the matter. My mom is absolutely dying to find out what we're going with, but I have absolutely no intention of telling her because I know that inevitably she'll question it somehow, and I will be ticked.

My grandma hated my nephew's name (Jacob.. don't know why she hated it, but she did), so she refused to call him anything other than J-baby for years.. then she'd finally call him Jakey. I always thought it was so petty and spiteful of her to do, but rest assured, Jacob didn't care and the only one who looked like a jerk was my grandma. So, even if they have a hissy fit about it, don't worry too much.

FWIW, I think River is a great name!

 

You know what?

F your inlaws. This is your family. They had their chance to name their children.

 

And that is the reason why we are not sharing our names with any family members. Cause if we wanted their opinion, we would ask for it.

I am sorry that this happened to you.

 

That is why we never told anyone what our name choices were before they were born. :hug: Sorry they are giving you a hard time.

 

I actually know a little boy named River... and at 1st thought it was very unique but after about 10 minutes a person doesnt even think about it anymore... very good very strong names.

Oh and that is why after discussing several choices with MIL (and getting horrible responses) our final picks will stay secret until birth.

 

I like the names and as long as you and DH like them that is all that matters!!!
A girl i went to school with her last name was Heart How pretty but of course all the boys called her (First name) Fart.
you are right you cant escape kids making fun of other kids names.

 

My mom acted like that about Israel. She even told me the same thing, that she would not call him by his first name. I told her that he is my child, his name is Israel and she can call him that or not see him. She has no problem with Israel now. I know it sounds harsh, but I dont put up with peoples crap opinions on things that have nothing to do with them.

 

We don't tell the names before birth either...for precisely this reason.

My sister (who just THRIVES on pissing me off) didn't like my son's name...Henry. So, for the first few days she called him Luke (his middle name). I ignored her (even though I was seething inside and wanted to rip her face off)...but soon enough, she called him by his name when she saw that it didn't bug me. Like someone else said, just swallow your tongue and realize that the only ones who look like idiots will be your MIL and SIL. In the meantime I would suggest just changing the subject whenever they bring it up...and if you have to, remind them that they had the chance to name their own children and it's your turn now.

(FWIW, people were aghast to find out that I dont' intend on dressing my girls alike...and I gently reminded them that they could do whatever they wanted when they have their own twin girls...!) Jerks.

 

thanks everyone. i wouldn't mind the insensitive comments so much if they were coming from strangers but it's different when family members make fun of their future relatives names before they are even born.

i've been inlove with the name river since i was a teenager and always said if i had a boy his name would be river alexander (has such a nice ring to it). well we initially thought we were having girls so it would have been alexandria faye (faye after DH's grandmother who passed away a day after we conceived) and stephanie kay (kay being my mother's middle name). well sure enough we saw two penises on the ultrasound and DH was DEVASTATED...he sooooo wanted a daddy's girl named alexandria so i caved and gave him river's middle name and now he's super excited about having a son named after alexander the great...lol. so it's river AND alexander despite what the nah sayers have to say about it!!

thanks for the support!!!! :thanks:

 

I love the names, River is a great name! If they won't refer to River by his first name just let them know he will not respond, if they give him cards that don't have his name, he won't receive them. If they are going to let a name haze they way they treat their grandson/nephew, they have some soul searching to do.

 

I think those are great names. River is not strange, it is strong, earthy, and beautiful. I didn't tell family our names either, I was pretty sure they wouldn't tell me outright that they didn't like them (except my MIL WOULD), but I just didn't want discussions about our choices behind our backs etc. My parents and grandparents claimed to have never heard the name 'Maya' before, but said they liked it.. they soon realized that it was actually quite common, not to mention beautiful

 

I think you should name your sons whatever you want!! I'm sorry your family is reacting this way.

QUOTE(Rollergiraffe @ Apr 2 2009, 07:09 PM) [snapback]1256659[/snapback]
My grandma hated my nephew's name (Jacob.. don't know why she hated it, but she did), so she refused to call him anything other than J-baby for years.. then she'd finally call him Jakey. I always thought it was so petty and spiteful of her to do, but rest assured, Jacob didn't care and the only one who looked like a jerk was my grandma. So, even if they have a hissy fit about it, don't worry too much.

FWIW, I think River is a great name!


I bet the same thing will happen with your ILs - by the time River is old enough to "get it" they will be over it. Either way, don't let them dictate what names you choose. Chances are you will always regret it.

 

I forgot to add that I LOVE the name River and its totally cute!

 

You should name your children what you want to. I think River and Alexander are good names and if anyone calls River by his middle name, I would correct them each and everytime.

 

They are great names!!! We had the same issues with names - PLUS EVERYONE had names for us - my side wanted me to name them after people in my family and his side wanted me to name them after people in his - we went with their own names named after no one we know! and did not tell them until the certificates were signed sealed and delivered!!!!

 

You know what, who cares ! My MIL also dislikes my daughter's name, reason ( because its my SIL's servants name) well i said to my DH i gave birth to me kids n i get to choose my kids names. BTW her name is NITYA means Forever. I don't give a damn. I never asked for their opinion so be it, i never said y did u name my DH this name.

River is a very nice name and Unique. Its better to stand out and have a unique name, I'm sure he will like his name when he all grownup. Its a great conversation starter. don't even worry abt it, both your kids have great names.

My kids names are Veeral, Nitya n Nihar. isn't it unique

 

Well the PP have said it perfect, your child your name…

I got it from my IN Laws w/ Seth… said it sounded like a lisp… well I let them bully me w/ my first (I wanted to name him Seth)… but I am older wiser and they can kiss my a$$... she even tried to tell me that she knows sooo many people who just named their babies Seth, he will be one of many in a class full of them (Um I think I know a few more new moms then she currently does)… AND this coming from a women who named her children Jeff (I know about 20+ of them… dated two) and if DH was a girl… Jennifer… I cant count how many of those I know and how many DH had dated… so she can be quiet… and I told her… well work DH on twin B’s name because Twin A is Seth and he can name twin B whatever he wants!
I like the name River.. I knew one, he didn’t get teased any more than I did w/ Elizabeth… I got LizardBreath as a kid and Elizabeth MontgomeryWards (I think that was a combo of the actress and the store) OH and my fav: Liz-a-B1tch from jealous teens… but I was raised in LA, I know a “Fire”, “Seven” (yes like the number) “Tomorrow”, and a “Kalaila” (sound like ukulele)… those are just the ones off the top of my head… if I thought about it I could think of a ton… and guess what… they weren’t made fun of any more than anyone …

 

You are absolutely right. It doesn't matter if you have a common name or not, kids will find some way to make fun of it or find a silly word that rhymes if they are mean enough. I would know - I teach 4th grade. I actually think that students are pretty accepting of unique names. I have a student this year with the name of Reyne (pronounced Rainy) and I never heard anyone making fun of it (not that it doesn't happen).

I LOVE the name River and Alexander (my 2-year old son's name is Alex). But I know what you mean, it hurts when your family members don't like the name. My own mother blatantly told me she doesn't like the name I chose for one of our twins - Kyle. She even said it sounded "gay"! I don't care what she thinks, I love the name and I will not change it for anyone. Don't cave in! I hope once they see and fall in love with River they will get over it.

 

Everyone else has said what I was thinking! I just hope you can ignore them and let it roll off your back... your kid, your choice. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I got a lot of flack about naming DD3 Elliot Michael, but now no one can imagine her as anything different. Even if they don't like his name now, one day they will wonder what they were ever thinking because he will just be River and it will be a perfect fit. Don't let them get to you.

 

Stick to your guns! It's a great name!

We let others' opinion alter our decision about DS's name and now we both regret it. If I had it to do over we would not have told anyone what we were thinking for names. (We were going to name him Ronin, which I still don't think its all that out there.)

 

I think those are great names and even if I did think they weren't it wouldn't be my place (nor is it your MIL and SIL's) to tell you otherwise!!

I would have your DH explain to his mother and his sister that your child's name is going to be River and they better get used to it and in addition under no circumstance will it be ok for them to call him by his middle name.

 

Poop on them! I agree with the pp who said "You WILL call them by their names, or not SEE them!" My Mom didn't like Owen, she said it was too trendy (it's several thousand years old for God's sake!) and *hates* Gwendolyn. She keeps trying to call her Sarah (her middle name) and I just won't have it. Thankfully she is still in the states and I'm over here!

Stick to your guns-you are totally right about this one. Your kids, your names. And anyway, I quite like the name River, so tell them everyone on here says:

:aggressive: :aggressive: :nea: :nea:

Edited cause I'm tired and apparently have forgotten how to spell in English. Blah.

 

I agree with the others, it's your child, your name and whatever you choose they have to live with it and call him by his name. Personally I don't like the name River at all, but again, names are very personal, and in the end it's your decision they need to respect.

 

When we named one of the twins Katherine and call her Kara, we got a lot of flack from people saying "That's not a nickname of Katherine." (It was in ONE book I read! :unsure MIL (who I love) asked if she could call her Kate. I said It didn't matter to me. I think I heard her call her Kate once or twice the first week and never since. I just didn't think it was worth getting worked up about. They're YOUR kids!

 

I actually really like those names ... and I mean, come on, River isn't THAT uncommon ... who hasn't heard of River Phoenix?

Anyway, your kids, your names. Screw your family ... and a few years from now they are all going to say how they couldn't possibly even imagine River being named anything else!

 

Tell them to go have their own babies! They had the chance to name their what they wanted...bump em!

 

I love the names you have picked out. I can't stand when ppl give you hard time about naming your child....it's your child. Let them be stubborn if they so choose, when River doesn't respond to them b/c he has no idea they are talking to him, that will be their loss. IN LAWS.... :angry:

 

I'm sorry your family is not more supportive of you. That is really hurtful. I sure hope they are not going to be disrespectful to your child by not calling him his given name. I would be very upset if they actually did that.

I think it is hard when you give a child a name that strays from the norm. I hate to say this but this is a bit of what your child may have to endure but like you said, many people must endure mocking of their name in some way. Kids are mean and don't discriminate. My first name used to be Mary adn I was mocked for that. How more main stream can you get than Mary??

These are your kids and their names are your choice.

 

QUOTE(becasquared @ Apr 2 2009, 07:19 PM) [snapback]1256671[/snapback]
You know what?

F your inlaws. This is your family. They had their chance to name their children.



This is the best response, and I completely agree! It's just petty to refuse to call a child by his name.

 

QUOTE(Mom to Jack and Anna @ Apr 3 2009, 12:32 PM) [snapback]1257714[/snapback]
This is the best response, and I completely agree! It's just petty to refuse to call a child by his name.



I agree with both these ladies. It's a NAME. It's a horrible way for an adult to act.

 

I am sorry that they are not supporting your choice and giving you a hard time. I say ignore them. Your kid your choice. I had the same problem with my SIL. We were going to use Kyle as a first name (it is my DHs middle name.) We had already decided not to but, she told me, "She was going to tell me I couldn't use that name because all of the Kyles she knows are creepy." I wondered when she thought she got to name my kid but, ignored her and went on my way. Good Luck and I hope they choose to stop being petty and call him the name he was given.