Angry 1 yr old... I'm scared

I understand children this age can get frustrated easily because they can't communicate with us well, but even given that, I feel that one of our twins has a temper and has been showing a lot of anger lately. He'll vehemently throw things down and whine and scream until he gets the toy/book he wants. He gestures as if he wants to hit something. One day, he kept banging his hand on the coffee table and it really seemed like it would hurt but he kept doing it. He's only one years old! What am I in for?? I am scared what he will be like in the terrible twos or even as a teenager.

Did this happen to any of your kids when they were young? Did they outgrow it? What strategies would you suggest I use in dealing with this? Please

 

That doesn't sound like a pathological problem to me...just a very strong willed little boy. My little cousin was similar as a toddler - I remember well because I'm thirteen years older - she threw dreadful tantrums all the time and got so angry - she would throw things and try to hit her parents. They responded very calmly - often ignored her when she was really over the top. By five years of age (it was a bit of a long haul ) she was just the most gorgeous little person, very sweet and calm. I think what really helped was reaching an age where she could understand my aunt and uncle's explanations. Good luck with your little man. Maybe you'll find, as I have, that two years old is actually easier than one!

Cheers

Tania

 

Don't worry yourself just yet!
My boys have gone through occasional stages like this, and I distinctly remember a similar stage around a year. They would be playing and then just suddenly get so mad about the toy or whatever and just melt down. When they go through these phases, I can do cartwheels and they just won't tell me what's wrong and I certainly can't figure out what to do. They would also occasionally throw themselves to the floor and kick and scream. I'm sure I haven't seen the end of it, either!

One thing that I know has helped is signing- even a few key signs regarding eating, drinking, owies, etc, even if you make them up, can help release their frustration. Once they can communicate it makes a HUGE difference.

Also make sure your behavior is calm. Don't try to talk him out of his anger, acknowledge it and move on. Redirecting with a new toy or activity or environment can help too!

Good luck, it's so frustrating but you're doing the best you can!

 

Bea went through the tantrum for unknown reasons phase around 13 months. She would just throw herself on the floor and kick and scream and I had no idea why. She still has tantrums, but at least I know what the reason behind it is. It's usually because she isn't getting her way or not getting what she wants fast enough.
What I do to deal with tantrums is I try to distract or calm her down three times. If that doesn't work, I make sure she is safe, put her in the PNP if necessary, and let her work it out. Sometimes me trying to calm her down makes it worse, it's best to ignore it.

 

You described my Walker! He is EXTREMELY strong willed, has been that way since the very second he was born. We have tried everything. Basically, redirecting when he was younger, now we ignore. He goes in phases. He gets better for awhile and then bad again. I agree with pp about remaining calm. That definitely makes a big difference.

He is very intelectually advanced so we really talk to him like an adult and he understands a lot of what we say. We talk to him about being patient, about how it is okay to get mad sometime, about using words to tell us what is wrong, etc. Keep in mind that the talking doesn't work when he is in the throws of a tantrum.

One thing that we have finally figured out with him is that a lot of it is sleep related. He has never been a good sleeper. He does finally sleep through the night but he has a terrible time getting to sleep and in the morning if he hears his sister, who is an early riser, he wakes up and therefore doesn't get as much sleep as he needs. If he sleeps longer, the tantrums are fewer. The other thing that helps is alone time with each of us. Sometimes the tantrums are about attention.

Hang in there. There have been days when I was sure there was something seriously wrong with him, but there isn't. It is a learning process and we are still trying to learn the best way to deal with him. One size does not fit all with children. That is hard to practice when you have twins, but what works for one child in terms of discipline and attention doesn't always work for another. Be patient with him but also be patient with yourself.

 

Sounds just like Lauren was at that age. She still has a mean temper but its no where as bad as it was then. I know she was testing me to see if I'd react...even babies can manipulate us.
All kids are different and we do different things to stop this . BUt I know we tried about 10 things. One things I did was walk away...if she was hitting her head about to hurt herself I'd say no...and pass her a pillow to slap her hands on. I told her her head will hurt and if shes mad smack a pillow.
TEmpers are a parents worse test I swear. Don't give in...you might have a headache now but you'll be thankful in 3 years when there gone(ok gone most of the time).

 

One of my boys went through his first tantrum period when he was about 15 months old. Our wonderful pediatrician had this advice and it helped me get through those moments. Whenever he threw a screaming fit because he didn't want to sit in a highchair/ didn't want to take a bath/ didn't want to put on his bib, etc, we simply ignored him and continued to put him in highchair/ give him a bath/ put on his bib. The pedi told us that if we give in to his tantrum, he will know that is the way to get what he wants. When we simply ignored him, he must have figured out that it doesn't work because his tantrums went away in a couple of days. He even started to remind me that I forgot to put a bib on him.

Another thing we did when he became more verbal: whenever he screamed for something, we taught him to say it in a normal voice and wouldn't give him what he wanted until he asked for it nicely.

I think it's harder for twins because they have to learn to share and take turns at such a young age when other kids are still being given whatever they want. But my kids became so good at taking turns even when other kids their age were pushing each other out of the way to get on the slide at the playground.

 

My Laney is like that. She's very mean(hits and bites) to Lauren and throws huge tantrums. I just don't put up with her behavior when she does that. I put her back in her crib to calm down. It's usually when she's really tired anyway.