And he rips my heart out with 6 weeks to go....

Well, my world has come crashing down in the last 24 hours. My fiance and I have had a rocky relationship and we were broken up when I found out I was pregnant with the twins(for 2 weeks) We got back together and have been trying to make it work ever since. He has a drinking problem and tells lies. (the biggest lie of all being 'I love you')
He kept promising to change - started counselling etc
On the weekend I told him to go because of the way he had been treating me,( we often semi-break up and then get back tgether the next day.) He wouldn't speak to me for a few days and then he wanted to come and see me last night.
He came over and we talked he told me how much he had missed me and that he loved me and couldn't wait for the twins to be born. We discussed a lot of things and then he wanted to stay over. I had missed him so I let him stay.
He was all over me like a rash and we ended up doing the deed. Just then his phone rings and it's a girl.
To cut a long story short - he denied he had done anything wrong. I took the number. He started yelling abuse and left. I rang the number and spoke to a girl who said she had met him last night at the pub/bar and they slept together.

I CANT BELIEVE HE WOULD DO THIS TO ME..........and I only have 6 weeks to go.
He says he loves me and it was stupid and he doesn't know why he did it. I have cried half the night and day and realise that I will have to do this by myself.
There is another thing though, I cant seem to hate him. I have thought about it and thought about it. I want to, and I wish I could just write him off but I feel like if i hate him and the twins are part of him then that will defer partly to them too. Am I crazy?
If this sounds incoherent it's because I have had very little sleep and have had trouble eating over the last few days. So tired.
Any advice would be appreciated.

 

I don't have any advice; I just wanted to give you big BIG :hug99: :hug99:s. That is a lot to deal with so late in your pregnancy. I hope someone has some words that can help you through.

 

I would just advise you to talk to anyone who can give you the support you need during this time, especially have someone lined up, a friend, doula, midwife, who will be there for you during the birth to coach you through it since obviously the ex can't be relied upon. You don't have to hate him, but don't allow him to treat you this way. How you let men treat you will transfer to how your babies allow significant others to treat them. Break the cycle now, for your babies and for yourself. He will always be in your life because he is the father of your children, but you don't deserve to be treated like crap. You have been chosen by God to be a mother, and you are special. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.

 

You don't have to hate him if you don't want to. My ex husband was a very mean man who abused me greatly but I don't hate him. I have forgiven him and love him dearly. Just not as a husband. I love him as a friend and the father of my first born. People may tell you how to feel, but it is up to you. I am so sorry you are going through this right now. it is the last thing you need. He possibly may be freaking out because of the inevitability that he has kids coming soon. Plus he is drinking which can really make someone mean. Find someone to talk to you can trust, that won't try to influence how you feel about him. Just someone to vent to and share your feelings. I held on for 14 years to a messy, messy relationship for the sake of our son. Then it got to a point where I didn't want my son around the fighting. Just get some rest, if possible, eat some good soup and drown your sorrows in a nice bath of warm water. take care of yourself and those babies!!!!!

 

Sorry you are having to go through this. I agree with pp, find a friend, doula or someone you can rely on after the babies are born in case things continue as they are now. Being prepared to do this without him there 24/7 might help you cope. See if you can start getting things in order now and that way when they come you aren't running around like crazy trying to line things up.

He is their father but you are their mother and have to do what is best for you and them. I can't imagine you having to go through it alone but don't let it cloud the fact that he is hurting you. You don't have to hate him, you just have to seperate what you can and cannot change.

You cannot change the fact that he drinks and lies. Those are habits that people have to change on their own.

And to look on the possible brightside, when they arrive he may wise up.

Big hugs to you and make sure to keep us updated.

 

You did tell the other woman that you were pregnant with his twins, right?

Chances are that she had no clue he was involved with someone else, but she at least deserves to know that the guy she hooked up with is a creep. (I'm sorry, but he is if he's jerking you around like this at all...let alone when you are pregnant with his children)

You've got enough on your plate without having to deal with his BS. Good luck!

 

Just sending you HUGS.. :hug99:

 

first off.. be prepaird to be a single parent.. sp/bf is a great forum..

its not a cake walk..i would definetly tell him either your in or out..

no inbetween..

i really hope the best for you..

im a single mom .. pm me any time..

m
I cant seem to hate him. I have thought about it and thought about it. I want to, and I wish I could just write him off but I feel like if i hate him and the twins are part of him then that will defer partly to them too. Am I crazy?

as for this part.. it took so much for me to hate my x husband.. i cant hate him.. i dont trust him, and i dont live him.. but hate him..
i cant because i feel like hes a pawn in the tangled web we wieve..

i hope that makes sence..

m

 

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this so late in your pregnancy. I know you can't bring yourself to hate him but do not let him have this power over you. He can be in your life as a co-parent but no more as a lover. You deserve someone who will treat you like a queen. As other have said in this thread if you have someone else to lean on for support (Mom, friend, midwife, doula) please use them.
Most importantly: Take care of yourself. Rest, watch trash TV, eat comfort foods, do whatever makes you happy.
Please keep us posted!

 

No one can tell you what you should do, I dont know your whole situation, what I do know is alcohol can destroy a family. All hope is not lost though...if he truely loves he will do all he can to prove to you that he made a mistake by cheating (who knows where his mind was when he did that) but he will do what ever it takes to regain your trust. Maybe eventually you will be able to forgive him and you both can move forward with your lives together. It will take alot of hard work on both parts. But you really need to do what is best for you and your babies and if you feel that being with this man will be distructive it may be in your best interest to find a support group of some type and try to move on with out him.
I am so sorry you are going through this, especially at such a fragile time in your life, but things will get better and you will be a stronger person because of it.
My best to you-

 

I just think that's too much stress and drama to be dealing with right now.

Look, only you can decide what is best for your relationship, but I always think it's better to be alone than with someone who doesn't respect you, or someone who will only hurt you and wreak havoc in your world. in these last few weeks of pregnancy, maybe it's time to find your support system elsewhere.

That said, this really sucks. :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this so late in your pregnancy. :hug99:

I don't have any advice, men really suck sometimes!!

 

I have no advice but wanted to give you a big hug :hug99: .

 

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice.
This bit made me cry...

QUOTE(Twinsylvania April @ Sep 27 2007, 01:43 PM) [snapback]425475[/snapback]
You have been chosen by God to be a mother, and you are special. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.




Also, someone asked did I tell the girl I was pg with twins - Yes, I did. She apologised profusely and said she felt so bad. I told her it wasn't her fault because she didn't know ( though I doubt sleeping with someone on a tuesday night that you just met is a good idea - her life. whatever) I warned her that he is very conniving and that she would do well to keep away from him.

I do have support here, plenty of friends and family and any one of them would be there with me during labor etc. My Mum is going to come from interstate to stay with me and help me with expenses as I doubt anyone would hire me this late in the game, she is also great with children so I wont actually be alone. Only in my heart.

I have been trying for so long with this guy and I think he uses his drinking problem as a shield for ANY bad behaviour. I have given him millions of chances........and the funny thing is......if I had not rang this girl I would still never know.
He would have carried on as normal. The disrespect he must have for me just makes my jaw drop. I really didn't know that someone could be so horrible and still say they love you. So disturbing. Anyway, i am not going to allow this moron to turn me into a bitter, twisted person or make me feel bad about myself because obviously the problem lies with him, not me.
I have told him he needs psychiatric treatment for his compulsive lying problem and therapy for drinking as well. I hope that in time he can become a person that I can trust with my children.

thanks again everyone

 

I just wanted to send you some :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

I'm so glad to hear that you have the support of friends and family.

 

Just wanted to say "please take care of yourself and your babies"


amanda