An epiphany - again

I've had this realization a number of times over the last year, but yesterday it hit me really hard. It's always a challenge to get out the door, no matter how prepared I think I am: diaper bag loaded the night before except for last minute essentials (bottles, sippies, etc.), clothes laid out, whatever. And because we work on such a tight timetable between naps (or naps that I HOPE they will have), it feels like huge pressure to get everything DONE.

Now, with two toddlers who are exerting their independence in every way possible (the moments they are not clinging to me, that is), diapering has become like some crazy Lucha Libre: a twisted form of World Wide Wrestling with contestants who weigh 100 lbs LESS than I do, but who somehow seem to wriggle away and get ME pinned against the proverbial ropes!

Yesterday I'd wanted to get them out to do some shopping, but with weird naps, one waking much earlier than the other and being hungry, feeding her lunch then then needing to feed the late-napping baby, it was about 1:30 before we got close to getting out. As i prepared myself mentally/emotionally for the last round of diaper changing before we hit the door, I felt the familiar dread and the tension of just wanting to GET THERE ALREADY and not have it all be such a struggle.

And then I stopped, and realized that this IS there. That is, even though MY goal may have been to be out of the house, the moments I was having with them, even the horrible diaper changes, ARE life with them. And if i simply accepted that, and accepted that getting out of the house is likely to be a challenge for the next few years (yes, wait til they want to choose what they wear, i know!), then I could enjoy my fast-growing babies even more.

Not particularly profound, but like many lessons, I've had to learn this one over and over. I can't say that I look forward to the whole diaper changing, dressing an arching toddler, wiping the dirty, sticky, mucus-y face of a 14 month old who twists as if I were applying torture devices, but - this IS life, and someday they will be too big for me to do ANY of that, and I know that I will miss it. Just as I will miss holding their little bodies close to mine in the middle of the night when their teeth hurt and the only thing that can soothe them is their Mama (and oragel!)

 

Let me first say, it will get easier SOON, like it is MUCH easier now for me to get out of the house!!!! Going to one nap and being able to eat anything (so you don't have to bring any food) were HUGE improvements here!!!!

Secondly, I totally get what you are saying! One of my biggest realizations since having the twins is that I need to imbrace my new life, instead of feeling stressed that it is not what is once was (being able to leave on a whim, going out to lunch, etc) I need to make THIS life great Just thinking that thought has made things so much happier and easier!!

 

I agree w/ your epiphany. . . sometimes you just gotta accept that it is what it is!

 

You are so right, and you articulated it so well! I tend to be a control freak, but these babies have taught me so much about just going with the flow. It is what it is.

 

:hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

One word of wisdom, something that I have started...

I have sort of ditched the diaper bag. I have put together a bag that I keep in the car with diapers, wipes, an extra outfit. So now if I'm running here and there between naps, I stick some snaks and sippies into my purse and off we go. It has made a world of difference for me to not have to lug that big bag to and from the car every single time we want to leave.

 

Great idea! Funny, I have gone back and forth; i keep a stash of diapers in the map holder on the passenger side door, and a thing of wipes. Those are for REAL emergencies. And I fluctuate between taking my duo double every time (the thing weighs more than the girls!), or leaving it in the car (with extra outfits and the rest of the kitchen sink), and carrying a smaller diaper bag. It just always feels like I'm missing SOMEthing; e.g.; I go into a store w/the small bag and somehow I don't have the right snacks, or someone needs an immediate application of oragel or a particular toy because they dropped theirs when i wasn't looking........but it sounds like a good plan to work towards, thanks!