An absolute meltdown

Ok...so I am feeling a little foolish and guilty and I need to vent to those of you who MIGHT understand!

Let me start by saying that I NEVER leave my girls except to work an 8 hr shift one evening a week. When DH gets home from work I feel bad leaving him alone with the LOs b/c I know he is tired from working all day. SO...I take the babies everywhere I go (Wal-mart, beauty shop, dentist...you name it, I bet I have taken my girls there!)

So today I had high hopes of taking my girls to a local retail shop to find something for me to wear for Easter. Everyone else in the family has a new outfit, but I haven't yet been able to take the time to get myself something. I had several things picked out, despite the fighting over toys, wheels of the double stroller getting caught on all the racks, and the well-meaning people who stopped me to talk about the babies. We made it to the dressing room and then the babies began to cry/fuss and I was unable to quiet them and try on my clothes. I had to leave without anything for myself to wear AGAIN and I was so frustrated that I started to cry right there in the parking lot!! It wouldn't have been so bad except it takes us forever to get everything (babies, toys, stroller) in the car so I was standing there sobbing in public for several minutes... :cry:

I called my husband (sobbing still) and begged him to let me have a little time to myself tonight so I can go shopping. He was totally fine with that, but I am feeling terrible that I acted SO crazy over nothing! I LOVE being home with my babies everyday and I consider it a privilage, so I don't want to seem like I am complaining...anyone understand???

 

:hug: I'm sorry you weren't able to get anything!! And you weren't crying over nothing!! You deserve to have a break and get away from the kids!! And working doesn't count. It's nice that your dh is able to care for them after he gets home. Is there a way to hire a babysitter for a couple hours so you can get some shopping done alone, or even for you to just go see a movie?
I've always believed that me taking time for myself makes me a better mom. I always feel so much better after I get some "me" time. I hope you're able to find that! :hug:

 

I hear ya!!!! I've done the same thing, though mostly I never even get out of the house before the fussing to put shoes on etc starts! We have a little joke in our house... that my dh gets to "luxuriate" at work while I stay home w/the twins... we know its in jest, but truly, working at a desk all day isn't that taxing on the mental state... If your dh gets home at a decent hour, I don't think its bad to ask him to take care of the girls for a couple of hours while you go shopping. I had to do that Monday, I was at my wits end!

I try to have their dinner done and its ready for play time then bath time... if I'm quick I can make it back for their night night time... otherwise, he's pretty good at putting them to bed too. I hope you regain your sanity!

 

Well first of all, I have to say that I think you're really brave and resourceful taking your twins everywhere. I NEVER go out alone with my boys! EVER!

Secondly, I work outside the home every day (as does DH), and we both full-time parent when we get home. Yes, work is tiring, but it's very different than parenting, so unless work was incredibly stressful, taking care of the boys is a nice change of pace. So don't feel guilty asking DH to take care of the girls after working all day. YOU deserve some down-time from your (more than) full-time work of child-care! Arrange one or two nights every week or some time every weekend when you can have DH take care of the girls, so you have some time for errands or just goofing off!

I'm sorry things got so bad that you cried. :hug: I hope you feel better after getting this off your chest, and that you make some time for you.

 

:hug: i think we've all been there!

i also agree with everyone that you are well within your rights to ask your DH to watch the girls sometimes so you can have a break. just because you aren't outside of the house does NOT mean that you haven't been working full-time all day too. generally speaking, if DH & i are both home, we're both parenting. if one of us (for whatever reason - tired, grumpy, can't handle one.more.tantrum.) needs a break we just say we're going downstairs for a while - all the big people toys (computer, tv, gaming systems, etc) are down there and we just take an hour or so to unwind away from the kidlets & then join back in the fray. have you ever talked with your DH about this? i'd be willing to bet a million bucks that he'd be happy to give you some you-time once a week & thrilled to have some one-on-one daddy time with the girls. in turn, you could choose a day or time that he's free to head out in the evenings for himself too (if he isn't already).

the other option maybe would be to have you take one of your girls out with you, and leave one of the girls at home with daddy. it's not a full break for either of you, but it's definitely easier to run errands with one toddler rather than two.

 

I used to feel really guilty in the beginning, but after a while the huge guilt subsided to a little one, and then eventually faded away. (ok i still feel quilty leaving my babies) but WE need time to ourselves. We need to reenergize, and to do things that is hard to do while taking the babies with us, like trying on clothes is hard. ( b/c we take our babies EVERYWHERE). Usually i do that myself or take the hubby with me to watch the boys. I know how you feel, but dont be too hard on yourself, you said you take your babies EVERYWHERE, that is a great mom, and to have time to yourself is a reward for being a great mom, and your husband obviously understands that. therefore i wouldnt feel too guilty about it, you need it and deserve it. Hope you had a great time!

 

You don't sound crazy to me at all! Matter of fact, you sound exactly like me! From the taking the babies everywhere to the crying in the parking lot. I've done it!!! I think you just had 'a moment' as most of us do!

I'm glad to hear your Hubby is watching the little ones so you can go out alone. I RARELY ask my Hubby, but when I do... he acts like its no biggie!

Yay for you!

 

So nice of you all to reassure me...I am so glad to hear I am not the only one!!

I talked to DH about it and, just like you said, he was totally understanding and even said it was a nice change of pace to play with the girls when he gets home. I was able to go to the grocery AND get an Easter outfit, all by myself, this afternoon while DH and my FIL watched the girls.

We are so hard on ourselves, aren't we?? I really appreciate your ideas and input! Especially since I have never posted here...just graduated from the FY forum.

Thanks again Ladies! I feel much better now! :thanks:

 

On another note - not sure if it will work for you. DH and I both work FT and I often go out shopping after the kids go down for the night. Not ideal, but sometimes that is all the time I can get away.

 

Please dont feel guilty, us mums all deserve some "us" time away from our LOs and that doesnt mean we love them any less. I´ve been where you are so many times and I have to say I admire you for going out so much with your twins as I don´t do that with mine at all unless someone can come with me!!!

I hope you found an outfit OK and that you feel better! *hugs*