Am I the worst mother???

Ok - I will start by establishing I love my daugthers, all three of them. BUT (isn't there always a "but") having three girls under the age of 6 is HARD!!!! I have found myself lately fantasizing about what my life would be like if I just had my 5 year old daughter. Like, the twins will be fighting and whining and crying, etc.. and there will by my 5 year old, sitting at the table doing a puzzle and I will think to myself "Gosh, how easy would my life be if it were just her???" I am not wishing ill-will upon my twins, nor am I wishing I never had them.....I am just fantasizing about how nice it would be to have just one kid. Does that make me a horrible mother????

I guess I am just having a bad day - the twins wouldn't sleep last night. Ava decided she hated her room and the pictures on the wall made her head hurt and she doesn't like butterflies any more and her legs hurt because it was dark in the room and the EXTRA nightlight I put in there wasn't pink, and it's "morning time" in Russia, so why does she have to go to bed (her cousin was adopted from Russia, so she knows that it's light out there when it's dark out here) and she wants a purple room and Hannah woke her up last night and her hair needs to be cut and the tag on her pajama's is making her tummy hurt, etc., etc. I swear she said all the above, at the top of her lungs, for over an hour. I love em, but twins can be overrated at times.

Again, am I the worst mother or what?????

 

Ok - I will start by establishing I love my daugthers, all three of them. BUT (isn't there always a "but") having three girls under the age of 6 is HARD!!!! I have found myself lately fantasizing about what my life would be like if I just had my 5 year old daughter. Like, the twins will be fighting and whining and crying, etc.. and there will by my 5 year old, sitting at the table doing a puzzle and I will think to myself "Gosh, how easy would my life be if it were just her???" I am not wishing ill-will upon my twins, nor am I wishing I never had them.....I am just fantasizing about how nice it would be to have just one kid. Does that make me a horrible mother????

I guess I am just having a bad day - the twins wouldn't sleep last night. Ava decided she hated her room and the pictures on the wall made her head hurt and she doesn't like butterflies any more and her legs hurt because it was dark in the room and the EXTRA nightlight I put in there wasn't pink, and it's "morning time" in Russia, so why does she have to go to bed (her cousin was adopted from Russia, so she knows that it's light out there when it's dark out here) and she wants a purple room and Hannah woke her up last night and her hair needs to be cut and the tag on her pajama's is making her tummy hurt, etc., etc. I swear she said all the above, at the top of her lungs, for over an hour. I love em, but twins can be overrated at times.

Again, am I the worst mother or what?????

 

On the bright side, your play-by-play of your kids comments from their bedrooms just make me laugh out loud!

I am sure you are a great mom!

 

Nope, definatly not the worst mother. I think all the time how easy it would have been if I just had one baby and not two. But I wouldn't change it for the world. Plus, I am sure if I just had one baby I wouldn't have the knowledge I have now. Plus I am sure I would still think about how easy it was before I had one child!

 

No!! You are not the worst mother! You are having a bad day!

We've all been there. I have had times where I think about the days before A&A were born and remember having fun freedom. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world.

Try to remember "this too shall pass"

 

Nope not the worst momma! There are times I think back to before kids and miss working and getting paid, shopping without rushing because it is naptime, throwing my wallet and credit card in my back pocket and just going, peeing without everyone in the family watching me, sleeping in with my HH on the weekends...but then one of my littles ones curls up on my lap and gives me a big wet kiss and I forget all about what I was thinking!

 

Ditto on everything the pp have said !! But then there are days when I cant imagine life BEFORE the twins came.

 

Nope, not the worst mother for sure!!
WE've all had days like that!
Christine

 

I have certainly had the wouldn't it be nice if there were just 1 fantasy once in awhile. Doesn't mean I don't love both my boys to pieces and when I seem them hug each other or be super sweet I think how horrible it would be to have just one.

It is natural to let your mind wander like that.

 

I think it's totally natural to think "what if." I love both my girls, but DH and I always joke about how easy it would be if we just had one, and sometimes I think it seriously. But then I start wondering which one I'd give up -- and of course I wouldn't give either of them up.

And I bet it will get easier when the twins are older -- I keep hearing that 3 is a really hard age. That probably doesn't help on a day-by-day basis, though.

 

No, you're just honest with yourself. We do it too sometimes, when one twin is up and the other is napping. Just having one to deal with is so much easier! But then I remind myself of the unique experiences we have with twins. DH is even hoping for a second set! (He's nuts!) lol

 

Now that M&T are old enough to amuse themselves for short periods of time, there are certainly days when I seriously think "What on earth were we thingking!!" when we had A.
And yes, my guilt does get me when I think: "Oh, it would be so much easier if we had not added her." She has not learned to share yet, how to not have a temper tantrum because she can't communcate exactly what she wants. She reacts the loudest and crys the most. She certainly has not learned to self mollify like M&T had to by this age. Some days that itself overwhelms me.
But, then you also know: she smiles and hugs and cuddles and for that moment, it is all perfect again.
But, we already know we are not really looking forward to puberty and all of the girls being so close in age then.

 

I have to say that I have thought that everyonce in a while too, not that I don't want my babies cause I love them more then life itself. But financially it would be easier with just my 3 yo. I know that is horrible, but I don't think it makes you a bad mom, I think it makes you human! I am sure you are the best mom your kids could ever have, just keep it up and I think they say it does get better!

 

Nope, not by far are you the worst mom! I am so glad this was posted, because I have that feeling too, at times. I guess I had been thinking that I was the only person that felt that way, but I guess from all the pp, I'm not. But Yes, I too, have thought of what it would be like to have only one child, or back to the times when I had none. But all in all, I wouldn't take it back for the world. They ARE my joy.

 

I agree with the second poster, your blow-by-blow account was hilarious and can't we all relate? I don't think you're a bad mother at all, you sound very sane to me!

I only have twins, but they were a "surprise" (we weren't planning kids just then) and we have certainly had days when we longed to be a childless couple again. Most of my friends have NO children and only one (whom I made through the multiple births association) has twins. One friend in particular calls up to invite me out for a coffee, a surf, a movie - all the things we used to do PT (pre-twins) and I just know she pities me when I say that I can't because a) I had five hours' sleep the night before b) both of my daughters have disgusting colds and c) if I leave my husband with them, alone, during his few hours of weekend time at home he will undoubtedly leave me.

I do have moments of wishing them away, or wishing I could have delayed them for a couple of years. But they are absolutely gorgeous, and I would kill anyone who tried to hurt them with my bare hands, and one day, when I am an old, cranky, incontinent lady I'm hoping they'll come and visit me and bring me chocolates. So on the bad days, I try to remember these things.

 

quote:
peeing without everyone in the family watching me,



I was already smiling about your description of your nights events. Then I read this and I almost fell off my chair. I honestly dont know what I would do if I got to use the bathroom alone!!! Its been one of those "weeks" for me. So nope I dont think your a bad mom, we do get overwhelmed and its normal to think of the what if's both good and bad!! Hope things get easier for you soon.

 

no this does not make u a bad mother at all like pp said "it makes u human" we all have days like this.i say that to my dd all the time"what fi we only had 1 baby instead of 2"? i also have a 3yr old so i know how rough it can be.sometimes i do think like i wonder what id be doing wright now if i only had my 3 yr old. i love all 3 of my boys to death but yes 2babies is alot to handle at 1 time i know this. on top of that a 3 yr old. people really dont know how difficult and draining it is 2 have twins unless theve been in our shoes." i wish they could just walk a mile in mine"than ask why im so grouchy lol. hopefully it gets easier as they get older. my 3 yr old says the same things as urs. he will come out of his room at least 20 times a night with some crazy reason like"i just need 2 give u a hug" or i gotta pee every 2mins lol or im thirsty or somebodys in my room, can u fix my tv or theres a stranger in m,y room. god have we heard it all. somtimes its accually funny to guess what hes gonna say next. hey what fun would bedtime be without these excuses?"!but no ur not a bad mom at all ur human..... hang in there soon ull be out looking back on this time and miss it.

good luck!!

 

No! We all have days like that.. lately I've had a lot. Your kids are hilarious though.. I especially like the russia comment.

 

Oh my God,that is how I feel 4 out of 7 days per week!heheheh!My four year old is so easy,anything and everything makes her happy,and she can play for hours by herself,now the twins!Oh my God!Hang in there girl,you are not alone!

 

Thank you ladies! It is soo nice to hear that I am not alone in having the "what if" thoughts!!

Today, Ava (one of the twins) had a fever so I had to stay home from work with her. The other two girls went to daycare. You know what???? It was FUN and she was GOOD and I ENJOYED her. Mind you, Ava is the SAME child who had the tirade at bedtime that I originally wrote about in this post. She was so good and I even took a nap with her!

So, I guess this proves that the twins CAN be good (so long as they are alone) and that my new fantasy will be "wouldn't life be easier with just one child" not with just my 5 year old!

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts too!