I am having a terrible time tonight, the twins are both teething and giving me hell. DS woke up at midnight last night and didn't sleep until after 2, no matter what I did. DD got up at 6 like she normally does.....grr. Now tonight he wont go to bed. I havent left the house in ages because DH (partner) and I just broke up and I cant afford to spend any money, which I will if I go somewhere. I feel like I never get any time to myself.....they havent been napping together for a few days now and I am about to lose the plot. They touch/wreck everything they possibly can and i am chasing them around all day. I feel like a monster telling them no, dont, stop that.....all the time. I have them, all day every day and have no-one to help. I seriously need a break and wonder why no-one told me I wasn't cut out to be a parent. I feel like a failure. I had to let DS cry himself to sleep because I couldn't deal with him for ONE MORE SECOND today. He is quiet now, hope he is ok. Just needed to get that out. Thanks for listening/reading.
MUST be the age cuz, I too, am sinking. My husband is in Italy for 3 weeks and I'm dying. They are cutting 2 yr molars. They have NOT napped in 9 days now. It's been hard! They have been waking up FOR THE DAY between 4 and 5 AM! So... I'm with you and I'm hoping they start napping again sometime soon or I have no idea how I'll survive. Truly.
:hug: You need to get some help. Do you have family around? Do you belong to a local twins club? Even if someone watched one of the kiddos while you took the other, it would be a little break. :hug: :hug: :hug: Your partner needs to help too. Even though you broke up, he is still their father.
My thoughts are the same as pp, can you get your parnter help out, or coworkers, people from church, family, friends you take their kids for a few hours and then they take yours for a few hours, what about any local programs to help single moms, I know some city's have nursery programs that are free and that way you get a couple hours break/wk, I know this might not work but even joining a gym could give you some childcare help (and some gyms like the YMCA/YWCA have discounts and incentives for people who are struggling financially). Potentially give your social services office a call and just check and see if they can give you any ideas as they might know of some other programs that could be of help to you. Hang in there, and yes its ok to let them cry to get to sleep sometimes. I give tylenol, a quick cuddle and then I let them cry, and most nights they go right to sleep, and other nights they don't. You NEED the break, so its better that you lay them down (IMHO) and go and have a shower for awhile or do something where you dont hear the crying for a bit. Hugs to you!
I hit such a wall at 18 months that I went to see my doctor. I was so depressed. I felt like I lost myself and even when they napped together, all I wanted to do was veg on the tv. I didn't even want to do things that used to be my outlet. I really think this phase has been the toughest yet. I agree with the pp's and you need to get someone to help you. I didn't have anyone to help, so I asked my doctor for help. She was great and prescribed me Zoloft. It really helped! It didn't solve my problems, but I am now emotionally equipped to handle them.
I feel the same way at times. For the past month we've had rotavirus (I got it also), then Jake had double ear infection and wheezing so he was put on antibiotics and a nebulizer. Both medicines did not work so they had to prescibe something else. Then yesterday I'm at my Dad's and Josh started acting up and sure enough, he has a double ear infection. Last week Jake would not sleep, he was tired, rubbing his eyes but would not sleep. Then he was waking every 2-3 hours screaming. I tried letting him CIO, but after 2 hours I could not take it anymore. Now when he does it, I need to go in there and lay him back down, otherwise he'll just scream. Jake since he woke this morning is just whining away. Don't know why. It's 5 hours until they nap....I actually count the hours. Since my DH passed away over 8 months ago I have gone out 4 times. I don't feel comfortable spending money on a babysitter. Unfortunatly when your spouse dies, your address book changes. People stop calling and after awhile, you give up calling them. Everyone else goes back their old lives and I'm stuck here trying to figure out what to do with mine. Even when we were all sick, I called my sister and asked if she could go to the store for me and she said she did not want to take of the chance of getting sick herself. I've stopped asking people for help because they will offer but when you take them up on it, suddenly things change. Josh's EI therapist gave me the name of a breavement counselor and she does house calls. They also have a support group and a few woman in the office have offered to watch the boys during that time. It just amazes me that pretty much a complete stranger has offered to help, but family and friends have not. You DH is still their father. If you need a break, let him take care of them for awhile. I hope it gets better soon for you.
:hug: I am so sorry for everything you are going through. It sounds like you are in a really tough situation. If you have anyone to ask for help, please do! I know it is hard sometimes, depending on who you have available to you, but it really is important. Maybe you can get out of the house with a stroller, or just for a brief drive (I know gas costs money, so that may not be an option)? With a stroller, you can even wear headphones and try to give yourself an auditory break, even if nothing else. I haven't been in your shoes, but I have some very unhelpful family members and very few friends here (I got pregnant shortly after I moved here), so I understand what the burnout-induced frustration and helplessness feels like. It is soo important to take care of yourself. Please make efforts to do so, because you are important and you deserve the breaks you need to be healthy and whole! :grouphug:
:hug: I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I know I have had times when I feel like I can't do it for one more second and am in desperate need of a break. I would suggest calling anyone you can think of to come over and help! If no one is available to call then could you take them for a walk in the stroller and put on a headset with loud music? I do that sometimes when I need a break, with the loud music on I'm able to get lost in my thoughts and it really helps me to de-stress.
Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I think you have had some good advice and really you must get some help from somewhere! It's hard enough with twins when you do have a support system and hubby. You are doing a great job and are not a failure in any way. If they cry for a bit then so be it - there's only one of you - it won't hurt them. Hope things improve soon. Hugs.
QUOTE(Leighann @ May 24 2009, 04:10 AM) [snapback]1326238[/snapback] :hug: You need to get some help. Do you have family around? Do you belong to a local twins club? Even if someone watched one of the kiddos while you took the other, it would be a little break. :hug: :hug: :hug: Your partner needs to help too. Even though you broke up, he is still their father. I agree. Even have a friend over to help with the night time routine and then sit down and have a drink together. A little adult time without going out and spending money. I'm so sorry things ar eso hard right now :hug: It does get easier (in that sense).
"They touch/wreck everything they possibly can and i am chasing them around all day. I feel like a monster telling them no, dont, stop that.....all the time." Can you make a safe area for them where you know that when you put them in there everything is ok for them to touch so you can get your much needed break or stuff done?? We have a pen and also their bedroom is empty enough and that works for us when we need to get things done. You will have to get them used to being in there but in our house all the good toys are either in the pen or in their room so they like being in there. They don't need to have full run of your home 24/7. Another solution could be that we have a pack n play and we put our twins in it to drink sippies and have cheerios in their snack cups in there. They don't mind being in there at all since they are having a favorite snack. (we use it outside for when we have to do yard work but it would work inside too for at least 1/2 hr and again you know they are contained and safe.) "I have them, all day every day and have no-one to help. I seriously need a break and wonder why no-one told me I wasn't cut out to be a parent. I feel like a failure." You are no failure like you said you just need a break. Are you religious that you could go to them because I'm sure people would gladly volunteer to entertain your twins for an hour or two for you. We also have a multiples moms group here where I'm sure help could be found. "I had to let DS cry himself to sleep because I couldn't deal with him for ONE MORE SECOND today. He is quiet now, hope he is ok." You know sometimes that is just what you have to do and yes you feel bad while doing it but it is necessary sometimes. We frequently have to CIO here and there because that resets our kids to sleeping on a good schedule that works for them and us. They have to learn how to soothe themselves and sometimes nothing you do will stop them from crying. "Just needed to get that out." Venting always helps. We are all going through the same things as you just keep working away and try to think of ways to make things easier. Oh also as for the napping can you possibly work at getting them to nap at the same time again? That may involve CIO or keeping one baby up longer for a few days but that would give you some relief. I hope things improve just keep saying to yourself I can do this and I'm a good mom. You don't have to be entertaining them every second! Tell DH to get his butt over there also to care for them!
First, you are a great parent! Don't doubt yourself. This is a tough age and mine are not yet 18 months. I have days where I am like, I'm just not the person for this! Like others have said, if you can get a friend or family member to come over and give you some help and even a little break, it would be helpful. :grouphug: Hang in there! :youcandoit:
I think what you are feeling is so normal. I had such a hard time when my two older kids were about 1 and 3. I was actually getting sick, I started with reflux and IBS. I was divorced from my ex-husband when I was 3 months pregnant with my second child. I went through it all virtually alone. My family helped some but I did not really have a lot of friends to help. It was a lonely and busy time. I tried a ton of anti-depressants and counseling. I think the counseling helped the most. With the twins I had some help but dh and I were not getting along in the beginning. It was very stressful. I went to my ob and asked for an anti-depressant which helped a ton. I also went to counseling again. I would definitely let your family know how you are feeling and maybe then they can relieve you for even an hour. You could also try a support group, twins group, even go to church-they have nurseries were you could at least get a break for a while. I find when I am unable to get out of the house it takes as much of a toll on the babies as it does on me. They love to see things. Could you go for a walk, the park, just out in the yard? I know how hard it is to get moving on these days, but once you are out you will feel better. I know easier said than done. I hope that you are able to get help soon. You are not alone. Jen
Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replys. After I posted I rang my Mum and she offered to come and watch them while I did the groceries today. I think the problem is that everyone thinks I am doing just fine. They dont see me crying in the shower. They dont see me run outside to yell. They think I have everything under control, because most of the time I do. The ex is a selfish moron. I asked him for help about a week ago when he had some time off work, he said 'If you didn't want to be a mother you shouldn't have'. He went fishing for 4 days. I told him he wasn't a fathers......er.....behind. Anyway, I gave them some tylenol for their teeth and they both slept for 2 hours and I had a nap too. Woke up energised. I am going to a school reunion in 2 weeks time. Cant wait for that - Mum is having them for 2 days. WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!
QUOTE(belinda07 @ May 25 2009, 06:56 AM) [snapback]1326976[/snapback] Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replys. After I posted I rang my Mum and she offered to come and watch them while I did the groceries today. I think the problem is that everyone thinks I am doing just fine. They dont see me crying in the shower. They dont see me run outside to yell. They think I have everything under control, because most of the time I do. The ex is a selfish moron. I asked him for help about a week ago when he had some time off work, he said 'If you didn't want to be a mother you shouldn't have'. He went fishing for 4 days. I told him he wasn't a fathers......er.....behind. Anyway, I gave them some tylenol for their teeth and they both slept for 2 hours and I had a nap too. Woke up energised. I am going to a school reunion in 2 weeks time. Cant wait for that - Mum is having them for 2 days. WOOOOHOOOOO!!!! Thank goodness for moms! Yes the tylenol totally works. Motrin lasts longer (6-8 hrs) so we use that at night on severe teething days to help them sleep through the night and that totally works too. Always send them to a nap full like from a snack or lunch that works also. ENjoy your 2 days of rest! And keep asking for help! Sometimes we just mention to people how it would be a help to just go eat dinner at their house and that is always relaxing for us too to have a nice homemade meal.
Very happy for you that you will have 2 days off. Many people posted that you should find help--sometimes that's not possible to do. What I found that helped me, was just getting them in the stroller and taking a walk. Now that the weather is nice, it's even better. I just point out things outside to my kids and it's fun for them. Hang in there. I also had days that I thought I wasn't cut out for this, but I am more and more confident (my boys are 20 months now). Best to you, Naomi
aw hugs i feel your pain. dh is rarely home and that leaves me to deal with them 24/7. they still dont sttn and i just quit smoking AGAIN (for the final time!!! wont pick it up after baby is born this time!!) and i feel like im gonna lose my mind. theyre sooo cranky and i swear i cant make them happy. youre not alone!!!
I know this is a forum for second year twins, but I just happened to come up on it after doing a search..my twin girls are 12 weeks old and I have an older daughter who is 2. I can relate to the feeling that you can't cope. My family doesn't offer to help much and when they do offer, they sound like they are just trying to "act" like they want to help, but I can tell they aren't really being sincere. My mom is caught up in her own problems and my sister is so busy trying to pawn her own kid off with others that I don't dare ask her for help. My marriage is terrible, TERRIBLE, my husband is so unsupportive, I feel so alone, this was an unplanned pregnancy "not that I don't feel blessed, because I do" but I was unprepared to begin with. I don't have any close friends that I can confide in. I work part time at a high stress job, I went back to work when the twins were five weeks, only because my husband was bi**ing about money (that he usually spends) and said I should "want to go back to work". He never gets up to help feed them at night, but he wonders why I am so tired and not able to keep the house clean. I am either working or I'm at home with my kids...that's it. They say you should sleep when the babies sleep but instead I scramble to get housework done before they wake up, just so my wonderful husband won't gripe. I never get quality sleep, I feel fat, tired, inadequate, I'm constantly worried about everything. I was getting ready to file for divorce before finding out I was pregnant with the twins, now I feel trapped... I could go on and on and on, I feel your pain and I am sorry because I know how hard it is..
QUOTE(lobolisa @ Jun 8 2009, 12:54 AM) [snapback]1345408[/snapback] I know this is a forum for second year twins, but I just happened to come up on it after doing a search..my twin girls are 12 weeks old and I have an older daughter who is 2. I can relate to the feeling that you can't cope. My family doesn't offer to help much and when they do offer, they sound like they are just trying to "act" like they want to help, but I can tell they aren't really being sincere. My mom is caught up in her own problems and my sister is so busy trying to pawn her own kid off with others that I don't dare ask her for help. My marriage is terrible, TERRIBLE, my husband is so unsupportive, I feel so alone, this was an unplanned pregnancy "not that I don't feel blessed, because I do" but I was unprepared to begin with. I don't have any close friends that I can confide in. I work part time at a high stress job, I went back to work when the twins were five weeks, only because my husband was bi**ing about money (that he usually spends) and said I should "want to go back to work". He never gets up to help feed them at night, but he wonders why I am so tired and not able to keep the house clean. I am either working or I'm at home with my kids...that's it. They say you should sleep when the babies sleep but instead I scramble to get housework done before they wake up, just so my wonderful husband won't gripe. I never get quality sleep, I feel fat, tired, inadequate, I'm constantly worried about everything. I was getting ready to file for divorce before finding out I was pregnant with the twins, now I feel trapped... I could go on and on and on, I feel your pain and I am sorry because I know how hard it is.. You know what? F*ck your husband. File the divorce papers. There is no reason for you to stay in a bad relationship. Now that I'm back to being nice, what about contacting your husband's family for help? A neighborhood teenager? Are you a member of a MoM's club or a church? You need to get some help before you burn out.
QUOTE(becasquared @ Jun 8 2009, 11:08 AM) [snapback]1345876[/snapback] You know what? F*ck your husband. File the divorce papers. There is no reason for you to stay in a bad relationship. Now that I'm back to being nice, what about contacting your husband's family for help? A neighborhood teenager? Are you a member of a MoM's club or a church? You need to get some help before you burn out. yeah i know, you are right, i am just trying to get the courage up to do it. My husband's family does help some, when i work my mother-in-law watches them once in awhile, but it is like i am twisting her arm just to get her to at least watch them once in awhile for me when i work, i can't imagine how hard it would be to get her to watch them just to have some time for myself and take a break or get some rest (i wouldn't dream of asking her to do that anyway). Oh well, they are really good babies it is just hard mainly because there are two of them and they take so much time PLUS my 2 year old is really demanding and never takes naps....ya know, it is sad that i feel like it would be easier without my husband than it is with him since he doesn't help much with them and he just causes me to be more stressed out by complaining when the house gets a little cluttered or any other little thing. I dream of the day that I get out of here or get him out of here and I won't have to worry about walking on eggshells all the time trying to make sure that the he is happy just so i won't have to deal with hearing him bit**.
QUOTE(lobolisa @ Jun 14 2009, 06:51 AM) [snapback]1353141[/snapback] yeah i know, you are right, i am just trying to get the courage up to do it. My husband's family does help some, when i work my mother-in-law watches them once in awhile, but it is like i am twisting her arm just to get her to at least watch them once in awhile for me when i work, i can't imagine how hard it would be to get her to watch them just to have some time for myself and take a break or get some rest (i wouldn't dream of asking her to do that anyway). Oh well, they are really good babies it is just hard mainly because there are two of them and they take so much time PLUS my 2 year old is really demanding and never takes naps....ya know, it is sad that i feel like it would be easier without my husband than it is with him since he doesn't help much with them and he just causes me to be more stressed out by complaining when the house gets a little cluttered or any other little thing. I dream of the day that I get out of here or get him out of here and I won't have to worry about walking on eggshells all the time trying to make sure that the he is happy just so i won't have to deal with hearing him bit**. I am the OP and I am here to tell you that it is MUCH easier with the kids WITHOUT the nagging husband to knock you down all the time. Since we are getting past the teething a bit I am feeling much better. What you are going through sounds exactly like my ex, with the eggshells and you know, my friends and family are more willing to help now that it is just me. Because they dont like him and dont want him to benefit from it. lol Stay strong - these are trying times.
Lobolisa, just ask yourself if you want to be in the same situation in 5 years... I know a lot of people stay for the kids, but really, kids need love, and growing in a family where daddy doesn't pay attention to them and where they never see any love between daddy and mommy isn't good for them either. The good thing with your husband pushing you to work is that you don't depend on him... I can't imagine having to take care of twins and having to deal with a husband griping about cleaning... get out!!!
QUOTE(becasquared @ Jun 8 2009, 05:08 PM) [snapback]1345876[/snapback] You know what? F*ck your husband. File the divorce papers. There is no reason for you to stay in a bad relationship. Now that I'm back to being nice, what about contacting your husband's family for help? A neighborhood teenager? Are you a member of a MoM's club or a church? You need to get some help before you burn out. I agree. There is no reason for you to stay in a bad relationship, you are better than that. Like pp said your better away from the nagging and bit**ing no point letting him stress you out. No man = less stress sometimes. Good luck x
QUOTE(belinda07 @ Jun 13 2009, 10:25 PM) [snapback]1353449[/snapback] I am the OP and I am here to tell you that it is MUCH easier with the kids WITHOUT the nagging husband to knock you down all the time. Since we are getting past the teething a bit I am feeling much better. What you are going through sounds exactly like my ex, with the eggshells and you know, my friends and family are more willing to help now that it is just me. Because they dont like him and dont want him to benefit from it. lol Stay strong - these are trying times. I'm glad to hear that it is working out for you, I admire you and hope I can get out soon too! Thanks for your support, good luck to you.
