Am I Selfish?

I feel so yucky....here's my thing....

MY in-laws came for 3 days as FIL had doc appointments in the next town to us. I find it soo tough having company around me. I just want to be by myself with DH and DS and I need my routine and naps and doing all of my gestational diabetes stuff. I HATE it when everyone is rubbing my belly and constantly talking about the babies 24/7. I feel so mean in thinking that way...but that's not the worst.....THEN, they leave and my DH's brother and his wife and their 8 year old daughter and big lab puppy all piled in and hve been here for 3 days now and I"m sooooo frikkin upset. The dog is all over the place and chasing my cats and they are hiding and upset all the time....they didn't even ask if they could bring the dog. I cannot lie on the couch and the dog is licking my face and he tries to eat off our plates and even jumps up on us and the kitchen table! He barks during the night. My neice is following me around non-stop and always putting her hands on my belly and rubbing me and even when I go to the bathroom and come out, she's standing by the door and she's staring at me constantly and asking questions after questions non-stop and I'm so frustrated and upset!!!

DH left for work today and tomorrow and left me here to deal with everyone. They are messy and in and out with the dog and smoking and it stinks! OMG I"m so upset I can cry!!!

I can see them coming when babies arrive and bringing the dog. I told DH he has to tell them in the future they are not allowed to bring the dog.

They live 4 hours away and only come 2-3 times a year so DH says just to deal with it until they leave. I feel it's imposing and I'm resentful! They should tell their daughter to lay off and give me space AND they should never have brought the dog.

OMG tell me I'm not being selfish.

I needed to vent. I want to cry.

They JUST left me here with the dog and they took my DS out for a game of bowling. I'm full of anxiety and cannot even take a rest.

Sigh. I don't know when they are leaving. They NEVER say their plans...just show up and do whatever whenever.

 

Tell them all of this...it doesn't bother your husband, those are his people, he knows how they are so it's not bad to him. What's the worse that could happen, they not come back? I see that as a good thing. :lol:
If they want to smoke, go home
wanna have bad kids, go home
wanna rub someones pregnant tummy, go make your own!
want a dog, not going to get it in your house, GO HOME!

Tell them to leave, you need your space...set a date for them to go...today sounds good...
I'm on your side, I know exactly how you feel...:hug:

 

That was very rude to not even ask if they can bring the dog! When the babies come you will be able to be more strict (and even mean). Did you know that smoke on someone's clothes still carries the toxic chemicals and your babies will not be able to filter them? I had a very strict NO SMOKING rule when the boys were born. My sister is the only one I know who smokes, but I made her shower before she could hold the boys. I would start with that when the babies are born. If they can't smoke, they may not want to visit at all.

I hope you can make it through the next few days. Tell DH you want a manicure and pedicure as a reward for putting up with it all!

 

"I'm so sorry to put you out like this, but the doctor said I shouldn't have company for longer than [this many] days. It's too risky with a twin pregnancy. Next time we really have to plan in advance so that you aren't inconvenienced like this."

It's amazing how far you can get with "doctor's orders," if you aren't comfortable just flat-out saying that having people underfoot right now is too stressful for you, and while you love having them visit, you really need for them to stay elsewhere so that you can get your rest while you grow two healthy babies.

 

First I gotta say when i saw your title I thought uh oh, this could be bad. Some of these topics are really debatable and people's feelings get hurt.

Then I read your post, now I am MAD! That is so disrespectful and unacceptable. I would be having DH Tell them the following:

The untrained, poorly behaved dog will spend the rest of the time outside or they can go home. The dog will stay at his home for all future visits.
Smoking can be done down the street, off our property or they can go home. No smoking if they come to see the babies.
No more rubbing the belly! Some personal boundires would be nice.
It's their turn to clean and straighten the house.
It's their turn to make dinner for everyone and clean up!
AND They need to entertain their child and give us some space.
You will leave tomorrow!

Oh, and the most important one, THIS will not happen again!....EVER!

I am so sorry. That is one fo the rudest things I've ever heard. If dh won't do that, I'd go stay in a hotel until they leave.

 

Great big ditto on what everyone else has said. The dog and smoking are so completely rude and unacceptable! I can't believe they left you home alone w/ the stupid dog!!! And an eight year old is old enough to be told and understand, "please don't touch my belly anymore." When I had my babies, I told everyone who was considering coming to stay in my house that they couldn't come right away. My parents waited a week, then stayed in a hotel. We had a tiny house and it just wouldn't have worked well to have them there. And if they showed up and expected to to have the dog inside or smoke, I would just put my foot down and say sorry, not with my newborns!!! Find a hotel or drive the 4 hours home. But letting them know in advance that it will be unacceptable, is a good idea.

 

Thats horrible! You are definitely not selfish! I would've lost it very quickly and kicked em all out. Good luck hun! :hug:

 

You need to stop being a pushover- your too nice!!! Let your hormones go! Tell them you think its rude to have brought a dog, smoke on premises, and even show up unexpected. Next time, leave the dog home, make plans to come visit, no smoking, and expect that I"ll discipline your child if you do not (in my home).

Take a stand. It's not a good time. Your dog is making my life hell. Etc.

You need your rest, Your worth it. It's your home.

I know it's hard because I have been there myself.

BEST BUMPER STICKER EVER: Speak your mind EVEN if your voice SHAKES!!!!!

 

I'd be upset and overwhelmed as well. :hug: :hug: I know that I personally wouldn't say anything but I surely would make my husband tell his family that enough is enough and his wife needs to rest. :hug: I'm sorry hun. :hug:

 

I know that the hormones are over whelming right now for alot of this... but I wouldn't put up with stuff either!!!! I'd let the dog outside and make it stay there. I wouldn't allow the smoking at all and your husband should be supporting you... I think it's time to say something... if he won't you'll have to. Also, tell your niece to please stop with the rubbing & touching even if you have to simplify it by saying that the babies need to sleep or something... and don't want to be disturbed right now... I feel so bad for you... :hug:

 

Tell. Them. To. Leave.
Period.
I rarely say this, but you are 100% right to be this angry. Hell, I'm angry and I'm not even there! If you feel you need an excuse, other than, "You're rude pigs, get OUT!", just tell them the dog and the smoke has set your allergies off, and you're too ill to continue hosting them because you can't take allergy meds what with being pregnant. (Actually your DH should be telling them this, but I don't know...will he?)
Then be very clear that this will not ever, ever, evahhhhhhhh, happen this way again. These are the rudest most inconsiderate people I've heard of in a long time. If you need to soothe your DH, tell them you'll be happy to have them back when they've stopped smoking, or I agree about showering before holding the babies-that's a GREAT one! Additionally, let them know that if it ever does get to the point where they come to stay again, (which I just wouldn't allow, but that's me) that you need to know a month in advance so you can tell them a list of things to bring. The only person who has ever come to stay with us has been my BFF of 20 some odd years and here is a list of things he always brings in for every five day period he stays, and we do basically the same, except just with more stuff, when we go stay with him:

two large packs of TP/2 triple packs of paper towels
2 gallons of milk
cold cuts/chips for a weeks worth of lunches-then if we go out to do things, HE packs a big picnic lunch for us all, so there's no discomfort about splitting the bills for lunches or us saying that lunches out aren't in the budget.
two loaves of bread
his favorite snacks, with enough for *everyone*
two 12 packs of soda
one pack laundry soap and one pack fabric softener and a pack of dishwasher tablets
big ol thing of coffee/creamer
potatoes
meat and fixings for about 1/3 of the meals which HE then cooks
whatever "spoiling" treats he brings for the kids, as I don't make HIM follow the treat rules (which we agreed when we were 13 that we'd always be allowed to feed each others kids fun treats when we had them...lol)

In fact, the first place we generally stop is the grocery store, followed closely by Wal-Mart/ASDA. He also cleans and tidies not only up after himself, but I joke that he's the worlds fastest bathroom cleaner and toy picker upper. He throws in OUR laundry, not just his, and when I cook, he cleans up afterward. He changes diapers, wipes noses and bottoms when the need arises, gives bottles, and takes kids to the bathroom when we're out. He has brought his bird before but he always asked first, and I mean, c'mon. It's a bird. My house is always cleaner when he leaves, just because I have so much help!

H'es been my most intimate friend since I was 13, and he never once touched my belly. Not once.

Tell your DH he needs to re-house train his family or get them the hell out. Now. If need be, make lightly veiled threats like the following "Oh, honey, I know you don't want to make them angry, as they're your family. But, do you really want to anger the person you have to live with and who cooks your food?"

Poor Little June Bug. I'm sorry.

 

So...what happened this evening? :hug:

I agree with the PPs. If you DH isn't going to do it, you should. You need to. They shouldn't be smoking around you or your son either - it isn't just the babies. (Of course, I would have a zero tolerance policies when they come). I would let them know in no uncertain terms no more dog, no more smoking, no more unannounced visits. I would just tell the 8 yr old you need some space and hands off. Better yet - let her entertain you son while you nap tomorrow! Tell them you are not feeling well tomorrow. You are not! Don't be the hostess with the mostest. I know my instinct would be to entertain them and cook for them but have them be responsible for meals. Go ahead - be high maintenance and hormonal

 

Just wow, I think your DH needs a boot in the pants. They may only come 2-3 times per year so then a hotel shouldn't put them out. Bringing the dog, RUDE, smoking, RUDE, not giving their DD some "rules", IRRESPONSIBLE. Every little girl is curious but they need to be taught boundaries. I agree with how unhealthy the smoking is, it doesn't matter if they are going outside to smoke, they still smell like it which is bringing it into your home. Put your pregnant foot down and allow your hormones to take over for a bit!

 

OMG girls, thanks for your encouragement. It's been so very stressful. They JUST left. I lost it last night. I was eating my diabetic snack and the frikkin dog just begs and tries to get food so he came near my food and I yelled at it. They looked at me and said "oh, did she eat your food????" I said "NO, I DON'T APPRECIATE YOUR DOG SNIFFING AROUND MY FOOD!!". So I left the room and ate my snack in peace in my bedroom. This morning they did not even come up from the basement for breakfast. They packed up and left without saying goodbye. They are angry with me for what? Putting up with their CRAP for 4 days? Fine, I told DH, I really don't give a S#$@ if they are mad. They shou8ld be ashamed for what they've done. He said they are probably embarassed but I think not. We both agreed that they will never do this again. DH will tell them next time. Sigh. Finally have my house back. Dirty and stinky but back nontheless. Dog bone fragments all over the rugs. They let the dog sleep in the bed (and a brand new spare room bed we JUST bought) and the rec room stinks! We have to shampoo everything and scrub floors and wash all bedding, comforters included. What a lot of work we have to do behind them. I can guaranted this will NEVER happen again. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

I should have read the rest of the post before responding. FWIW....

You are most definitely not being selfish. I have two big dogs and I always, always check that it's ok to bring them. You're pregnant and they should respect that you have needs. Your needs are very important right now. Also, if they're letting the dog behave so poorly as a puppy, they're going to have bigger problems later. Are you able to confine him somewhere with a baby gate?

It sounds horrible, but I'm hoping my family stays away for a little while after the girls are born. I've never been around babies much and I just want to get into a flow before we have visitors.

I hope your DH comes around. If the dog is that rambunctious, there's a risk that it will knock you or your DS down. It is extremely rude of your ILs to show up without giving you any notice or plans about leaving. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that they catch a clue at some point. Maybe if you put them to work. Since you can't do much and they can? Something along the lines of "I had planned to get X done and it needs done before the babies arrive. Since you're here, I'd really appreciate your help."

 

HELLO! Can't they see you are pregnant with twins? Have any of them been pregnant with twins? I don't think so. I think you should really sit them down and/or your husband, and you should really tell them what to do because all of this stress isn't good for either you or the babies! You need this time to relax and enjoy your days with your hubby and little one!

 

you did very well to finally let them have it !!! It really comes down to RESPECT and when you respect others you also deserve RESPECT in return. This was not happening with them. I'd start asking on TS now about ideas for rules to set down before people arrive after the babies are born. It would be good to write a list, send out a group email, etc. Important to have you and your dh on the same page for that.

Heather