Am I selfish for thinking this way?

I'm so torn over what to do, for numerous reasons.

VBAC - I would get to be with the baby immediately, I could be up and around right away, not having to wait in a recovery room (like with a c/s), and NOT recovering from a major surgery.

It all sounds great!!! After I had the twins, I vowed that I definitely wanted to try VBAC on a 2nd pregnancy with no questions asked. My OB (unlike a lot of them these days) is ALL for VBAC deliveries.

So, what is my problem? Well, we have NO family around (they are all at least 1.5 hours away) and they all work full-time and cant' just come help us at the drop of a hat. The only person close by is our babysitter. She is more than willing to help out once the time comes to have this baby, however, I don't want to rely on her answering the phone at 3 am (she has her own family - 4 kids and a DH) when I surprisingly go into labor. We gotta face the facts that it seems like woman always go into labor in the middle of the night. Heck, all of my PTL scares that landed me in L&D with the twins were after 2 am in the morning. UGH!

The more I think about it, the more I am leaning towards scheduling a c-section for convenience. I'm almost ashamed to say that. if I schedule a c-section, i can let my family know when it is, they can arrange for a day off of work to come for the delivery and I can have pre-arranged child care for my kids. I was thinking that I can drop my girls off and let them spend the night at the sitter's house the night before the scheduled date and she can watch them during the day like she normally would. this would free up our family members to be at the hospital with us that day. Then, we can have a set of grandparents go pick up the girls that afternoon to come and meet their new sibling and then take them home that night so DH can stay with me at the hospital for a night or two. Logistically, this would be SO much easier. Not to mention the fact that if I have a VBAC, I only get $3000 of my short-term disability and if I have a c-section, I would get the full $4000. That is a LOT of money.

I guess my biggest reason for thinking this way now is that we just don't have someone who lives 15 minutes down the road who can watch the girls when I go into labor and I don't want to sit around the house for 2+ hours waiting on my parents or DH's parents to get to our house...especially knowing that they would have to call off of work, etc.

Am I being selfish for thinking this way? I obviously haven't made up my mind and my mom thinks I'm crazy b/c for 2 years all i've talked about is "I'm doing VBAC the next time!"

 

I don't think that you're crazy or selfish at all. You have to do what is best for you. Things have a tendancy to sound good until you're actually in the situation. I like knowing when things are going to happen. I'm sure that you are going through the same thing. You've been through a c/s before so you know what to expect. And, at least with the planned c/s you can make plans and know how everything is going to happen (theoretically).

I have similar circumstances. My mom is 1-1/2 away and my step-MIL is 45 minutes away but has her own kids in school to take care of. My MIL is down in FL and there is no way that she can be here. That leaves few relatives locally.

FWIW - I never even considered a VBAC. I knew from the beginning that I wanted a repeat C-section. I'm fine with it, my OB is fine with it and my DH is fine with it. I still am nerwous about what if I go into labor when K&K are in school. I guess that it will all work out in the end. I told my mom to keep a bag packed in case I need her to come out quickly. And, I have one really good neighbor that I can rely on if I need to.

Don't worry about what other people think. Just do what is right for you.

 

I don't think you are being selfish at all. It is a lot to consider, and you are trying to think about all of the possibilities. Here are a couple of things to think about.

I suggest being selfish...but considerate. Meaning, do what is best for you and the baby as far as your health goes. If VBAC is the best option, the go with it. Your family will jump in and help no matter what. They probably won't mind taking a few days off of work. Plus, you are so right about the recovery from a c/s. Even though your VBAC may be unplanned, you might need more help from your family afterwards if you have a c/s.

Either way, this is such an exciting event that will most likely only happen a few times in your life. I'm sure your family will support you no matter what.

Hope this helps!

 

QUOTE(Amber 8719 @ Aug 29 2007, 03:15 PM) [snapback]384801[/snapback]
I don't think you are being selfish at all. It is a lot to consider, and you are trying to think about all of the possibilities. Here are a couple of things to think about.

I suggest being selfish...but considerate. Meaning, do what is best for you and the baby as far as your health goes. If VBAC is the best option, the go with it. Your family will jump in and help no matter what. They probably won't mind taking a few days off of work. Plus, you are so right about the recovery from a c/s. Even though your VBAC may be unplanned, you might need more help from your family afterwards if you have a c/s.

Either way, this is such an exciting event that will most likely only happen a few times in your life. I'm sure your family will support you no matter what.

Hope this helps!


I'm not worried about family not wanting to help out, I know they will be great about it...I just feel like it's more of a burden on them if things aren't planned...KWIM?

 

QUOTE(twinzmom2b @ Aug 29 2007, 04:31 PM) [snapback]384925[/snapback]
I'm not worried about family not wanting to help out, I know they will be great about it...I just feel like it's more of a burden on them if things aren't planned...KWIM?


I'd be willing to bet they realize you can't 'plan' when to go into labor

I think most employers would be understanding too (meaning if your parents say their daughter is due November 22 (just picking a random date) & they'll need a few days off sometime around then...the employer would understand they need flexibility).

When labor sets in is on of lifes great unknowns, IMHO.

I say do what's right for your family. It sounds like you're really thinking through the logistics...so I'm sure you'll figure out what's best.

 

Wow, Becky. You do have a lot to consider. One one hand, it would be nice for you to have a plan in place for your girls. On the other hand, you were originally planning on VBAC. I don't know what I would do if I were you. Is it possible for your family to plan on coming into town around your due date (assuming you get to carry that long this time)? I guess if you unexpectedly go into labor early, both plans wouldn't matter anyways.

I did not have a c-section with Abby and Kate, so I don't even have the option of a repeat. All of our family is 5.5 hours away. I've already talked to my parents about them coming down close to my due date so that they will be here for the girls during labor. I'm fully aware that this baby could come early, and that I will need to have a back up emergency plan. Both of my parents have pretty flexible work schedules, so I know that the most I would have to have somebody watch Abby and Kate for me is 6 or so hours. I have several tentative plans in mind already. They include asking my neighbors or some friends to help me out.

Best of luck to you with your decision!

 

Personally, I'm relying on family too... I'm going for vbac... and I guess it's not a hard decision for me b/c with my first dd it was clearly assumed I would have a vaginal delivery (and I did) and my family was more than willing to help. They knew it could happen anytime, and they were fine with that. If you could rewind the clock and erase your former c/s what would you be doing for your birthing options?... you would still have twins..you would still have your family situation...would you schedule a c/s b/c you were concerned over waking up your sister at 3am??.... probably not. I'm not putting anyone down over choosing c/s for convenience...that is one of the main benefits of it...and one that should be enjoyed. All I'm saying is that if you have your heart set of vbac don't guilt yourself into scheduling a c/s for the convenience of your family. In all likelihood your family will be just fine doing things the way they have always been done when it comes to childbirth...which usually involves a phone call at 3am!! LOL! As far as the money..guess my answer is sort of the same... if you didn't have your prior c/s you would never consider having a c/s simply b/c of the money involved. Again, I'm not saying women who choose c/s should feel guilty over enjoying this benefit..indeed, it should be enjoyed. All I'm saying is that, again, if you have your heart set on vbac don't make a decision based on $1,000.

Another thought...one of the main things that influenced me to try vbac is that I think we might want another child. I really don't want to have to have 3 major surgeries. So I know I have to go for vbac now in order to avoid that possibility. If you know for sure that you are finished it's not such a tough decision to make. Also, as far as family help afterwards...you might feel much better after a vbac than a c/s...it's not totally guaranteed, but a lot of women do say the recovery is easier. (I had a 3rd degree tear with my first vag delivery....so the recovery was about the same...but I had some things happen in that labor which hopefully will be totally avoided in this one!!)

Maybe you should make a list of the reasons why you want vbac and weigh it out with the "benefits" of c/s. There are medical risks with both..which are about equal (different but equal in terms of mortality!). Hopefully you'll be able to decide... or maybe you could just schedule your c/s for your due date or after, and then see if your body just does it on it's own... might take the decision out of your hands!! LOL!

 

Your not being selfish at all! I don't even get a choice. I have to have a c-section because of new hospital policies stating that once you've had a c-section you can't try a vaginal birth. My cousin even has to have a c-section because she did with her first child, even though she delivered her second vaginally. Some people have died recently due to a VBAC so they changed the policies.

But I think I would have chosen a scheduled anyway, probably. Just because with the twins I tried vaginal and after 16 hours of hard labor and 2 hours of pushing they said my son was too big to pass through and then they did an emergency c-section. I would rather recover from just a c-section this time than both a c-section and vaginal labor.

But it's every person's decision. Make the decision that you feel best about. The one that will stress you out the least. Whatever that decision is.

Also, my doctor said that I could have my baby in recovery, the only reason I couldn't last time was because it was twins...

 

QUOTE(LaRae81 @ Sep 4 2007, 12:39 PM) [snapback]391941[/snapback]
Your not being selfish at all! I don't even get a choice. I have to have a c-section because of new hospital policies stating that once you've had a c-section you can't try a vaginal birth. My cousin even has to have a c-section because she did with her first child, even though she delivered her second vaginally. Some people have died recently due to a VBAC so they changed the policies.

But I think I would have chosen a scheduled anyway, probably. Just because with the twins I tried vaginal and after 16 hours of hard labor and 2 hours of pushing they said my son was too big to pass through and then they did an emergency c-section. I would rather recover from just a c-section this time than both a c-section and vaginal labor.

But it's every person's decision. Make the decision that you feel best about. The one that will stress you out the least. Whatever that decision is.

Also, my doctor said that I could have my baby in recovery, the only reason I couldn't last time was because it was twins...



Just to let you know, no one can force you to have a c/s. I'm sure you wouldn't feel comfortable bucking the system...but no doctor can force a woman to have surgery. Many hospitals are no longer doing vbac...not b/c of maternal death...but b/c they can't meet the ACOG's ideal of having an anesthesiologist present 24-7 while a laboring woman is going for vbac. This is kind of a silly thing considering the number of emergencies that are dealt with in a first labor where an anesthesiologist "on call" has to be brought in quickly for an emergency...these hospitals are obviously comfortable with that risk... when in fact more women have "emergency" c/s with their first labor than what require emergency c/s due to uterine rupture. The vast majority of cases where a woman dies during vbac is due to induction drugs being used. Many hospitals used a drug called Cytotec in the 90s to induce. It's actually a drug made for stomach ulcers, I believe... orginally designed to be digested...somehow docs found that placing it on the cervix works great for induction. It was never approved or tested for this use...the manufacturer even warned against using it this way. VBAC related uterine ruptures increased by like 28% for women who were induced using this drug. Anyway, it caused a major backlash against vbac in the late 90s b/c of the increase in uterine ruptures...but docs who look clearly at the causes and relationship to induction and UR realize that the risk of vbac never really changed...EXCEPT when inductions were done like this. Anyway..just some info to think about. Do your research if you are really interested in VBAC. The risks are really, very, very minimal. And when compared with the risks of surgery they are equivalent. But the key is to look at the actual studies...not just listen to anectdotes here and there. I mean, I could mention lots of stories where women died or had hysterectomies due to c-section...but that wouldn't stop most women from having a c/s...simply b/c we all realize these anectdotes, while very scary, are also very rare. Same thing with vbac...the difference is that people and media hype up these stories without actually discussing what the numbers look like. And in reality they are just as minimal, maybe even less frequent, than c-section-gone-wrong stories. And when no interventions are taken, no drugs to induce, no drugs to augment labor, the risks of vbac are extremely minimal. (assuming your scar is low transverse of course...)

Anyway to anyone really interested in vbac and feeling "forced" to have a c/s they can check out ICAN's website. Again, I'm not sure what I would do...I doubt I would have the guts to buck the system...but there is a simple thing called a "consent" form which you can refuse... no one can cut you open without your consent. And some women are turning the tables and "forcing" these hospitals to allow them to deliver vaginally...simply by refusing to allow a c/s to be done. And if you think about it...if a woman shows up for vbac already at 8cm dilated, what can a doctor do? force her into the OR when she's about to deliver her child? Obviously, a woman who really felt this strongly about vbac would need to really investigate the matter...really evaluate her own personal risks...know exactly what her scar is like, what position her baby is in, etc. Clearly, in any case, it's much easier and more comforting to be trying for vbac with supportive doctors.

 

QUOTE(Susanna+3 @ Sep 4 2007, 02:20 PM) [snapback]392070[/snapback]
Just to let you know, no one can force you to have a c/s. I'm sure you wouldn't feel comfortable bucking the system...but no doctor can force a woman to have surgery. Many hospitals are no longer doing vbac...not b/c of maternal death...but b/c they can't meet the ACOG's ideal of having an anesthesiologist present 24-7 while a laboring woman is going for vbac. This is kind of a silly thing considering the number of emergencies that are dealt with in a first labor where an anesthesiologist "on call" has to be brought in quickly for an emergency...these hospitals are obviously comfortable with that risk... when in fact more women have "emergency" c/s with their first labor than what require emergency c/s due to uterine rupture. The vast majority of cases where a woman dies during vbac is due to induction drugs being used. Many hospitals used a drug called Cytotec in the 90s to induce. It's actually a drug made for stomach ulcers, I believe... orginally designed to be digested...somehow docs found that placing it on the cervix works great for induction. It was never approved or tested for this use...the manufacturer even warned against using it this way. VBAC related uterine ruptures increased by like 28% for women who were induced using this drug. Anyway, it caused a major backlash against vbac in the late 90s b/c of the increase in uterine ruptures...but docs who look clearly at the causes and relationship to induction and UR realize that the risk of vbac never really changed...EXCEPT when inductions were done like this. Anyway..just some info to think about. Do your research if you are really interested in VBAC. The risks are really, very, very minimal. And when compared with the risks of surgery they are equivalent. But the key is to look at the actual studies...not just listen to anectdotes here and there. I mean, I could mention lots of stories where women died or had hysterectomies due to c-section...but that wouldn't stop most women from having a c/s...simply b/c we all realize these anectdotes, while very scary, are also very rare. Same thing with vbac...the difference is that people and media hype up these stories without actually discussing what the numbers look like. And in reality they are just as minimal, maybe even less frequent, than c-section-gone-wrong stories. And when no interventions are taken, no drugs to induce, no drugs to augment labor, the risks of vbac are extremely minimal. (assuming your scar is low transverse of course...)

Anyway to anyone really interested in vbac and feeling "forced" to have a c/s they can check out ICAN's website. Again, I'm not sure what I would do...I doubt I would have the guts to buck the system...but there is a simple thing called a "consent" form which you can refuse... no one can cut you open without your consent. And some women are turning the tables and "forcing" these hospitals to allow them to deliver vaginally...simply by refusing to allow a c/s to be done. And if you think about it...if a woman shows up for vbac already at 8cm dilated, what can a doctor do? force her into the OR when she's about to deliver her child? Obviously, a woman who really felt this strongly about vbac would need to really investigate the matter...really evaluate her own personal risks...know exactly what her scar is like, what position her baby is in, etc. Clearly, in any case, it's much easier and more comforting to be trying for vbac with supportive doctors.


I'll have to look into that. Thanks for the info. I don't know what I wanna do, if given the options. There were 3 women at this hospital who died the last 6 months from attempting a VBAC. I know the chances of that happening to me are minimal. But three wmen are why my doctor said this hospitat changed it's policy.